


Take Comfort

by butterflydreaming (chrysalisdreams)



Series: Take Comfort Omake [1]
Category: Cardcaptor Sakura
Genre: Brotherly Affection, Drama, F/M, It took me 10 years, M/M, Post-Canon, SakuraxSyaoran is in there, not a romance I swear, sexy!Fujitaka
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-12-22
Updated: 2013-07-08
Packaged: 2017-12-18 05:09:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 84,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/875964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chrysalisdreams/pseuds/butterflydreaming
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yue's grief for Clow strains the expression of Touya & Yukito's developing romantic relationship. When Nadeshiko Kinomoto reaches out to the lonely Moon Guardian, they begin an unexpected friendship. </p><p> </p><p>T/Y and T/Y/Y, not resolved with Y-Y integration.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Winter Heart

DISCLAIMER: CCS and all its characters are the property of CLAMP.

Once Touya had fallen into slumber, and Yukito had slipped away too, Yue’s consciousness swam to the fore of the mutual body.  Soundlessly, he transformed.  At this moment, he could not bear Yukito’s skin around him.  His own skin felt too hot under the blanket, and he longed to flee from the dark bedroom, from Yukito’s bliss and his own misery.

He would not cry out.  He would not allow himself.  That part was over. He had wept and raged, and it had not made Clow stay.  But the cold space that was his heart ached with pain that was still too new.  Years had passed since that day of snow and loss, but they were years spent asleep in the Clow Book, or later in a hazy dream that was Yukito Tsukishiro.  To Yue, they were like months, and months compared to the decades with Clow were like days.  So how could anyone expect him to be past his grief ?

Kissing -- it was just _kissing_ : Touya kissing Yukito, Yukito kissing Touya, Yukito with his eyes closed and Yue seeing everything.  Yue being held and not being the one held.  Yue had been only marginally removed from the toothpaste taste of Touya’s mouth.

Touya, sturdy and dependable, was Yukito’s world.  But Clow Reed had been the universe to Yue: companion, creator, father, confidant, and best friend.  Yue brought his knees up to his chest, curling into a fetal position.  He turned his back to Touya.

“Shh,” came a sound like wings whispering.  “If you move you’ll wake him.  Be still.”

Yue’s eyes flew open and were filled with a sight so unexpected that the shock pushed his pain aside.  Hovering above him, leaning over the sleeping Touya, was… an **angel.**   Though she wasn’t _exactly_ an angel, Yue began to see.

“ _Kinomoto Nadeshiko_ ,” he said softly.

This time it was the celestial woman’s turn to look surprised.  “You see me?” she gasped.

“Yes.”

“You hear me too!”  She smiled radiantly and gently brought her hands together over her heart.  “My Sakura has gotten so strong!”  Her smile faded somewhat at she turned back to Touya.  “He can’t see me anymore, but sometimes in dreams… .”  She reached out to touch her son’s face with an incorporeal hand.

“Because of me,” Yue confessed.  He wished that she had not come; he wished that she would go.  Nadeshiko was too glorious, and her corona like summer light warred with the winter in his heart.  She looked at him kindly.  To avoid her beatific gaze, he carefully and quietly sat upright.

 “Touya makes his own choices,” she said.  “Haven’t you learned to take comfort in them?”  Her eyes, the vivid green that she had passed on to her daughter met Yue’s own deep violet and the bleakness behind them.  “Why are you fighting against those who love you?”

“I am not Yukito,” Yue tried to explain.

“Of course you are,” said Nadeshiko with certainty.  “Where else did he come from?”

“He’s a _lie_ ,” Yue hissed, louder than he had intended.  Touya stirred in his sleep.

Nadeshiko’s face was solemn with disapproval.  As she shook her head slowly, Yue, who had never had a mother, was disconcerted with the shame that washed over him.  “Do you even know what you have?” she said.

And then she giggled.

Yue marveled at how she sounded like Sakura, or rather, how Sakura’s laugh sounded like her mother’s giggle. Both had a sweetness, a surety in goodness, that washed the world with beauty. Like their namesakes, they were both bright flowers of spring.

“You’re too serious,” she commented.  “Like my Touya.”

Yue drew back from Nadeshiko’s hand as she reached to touch his face.  His bare back came against the cold wall with a muffled thud.  “Don’t,” he said.

The noise and sharp movement startled Touya awake.  Speculation crossed the boy’s features as he looked at Yue.  “Yue,” he said, more than one question evident in the single word.  “Were you talking to someone?” he asked finally, after a long silence, choosing the simplest query first.

Yue’s reluctance to answer was evident on his face despite his customary solemn expression.  But Yue hated lies, so he answered, uncomfortably, “It was your mother.”  He took advantage of the moment by clambering out of the bed, though less gracefully than he would have liked.  Touya had a quick incongruous image of Yue wearing Yukito’s pajama pants before Yue flared his wings.  He was hidden in a silver glow, and then there was Yukito again.

“To-ya?” he asked, looking disoriented.  “Why was Yue here?”

Touya shook his head.  “Yuki, he said my mother was here.”

“Your mother!”

Touya scowled.  “I wish he wouldn’t leave every time without explaining things.”  The boy’s scowl became an embarrassed smirk.  “Well, I guess my mom knows about us, now.”  He smiled as Yukito snuggled up into his arms again.  “And I had just fallen asleep, too,” he added grumpily.

“I wonder why your mother was here?” mused Yukito sleepily.

Touya played with the long fringe falling into Yukito’s eyes.  “I think sometimes she checks in on us.  She didn’t always say.”

Yukito looked into Touya’s dark eyes.  “Do you wish you could have seen her?”

“Yes,” said Touya.  Then he pressed a sincere kiss onto his friend’s lips.  “But I’m okay with it.”

Touya considered his words as Yukito slipped back into sleep.  He felt the weight of his own sleepiness folding over him, pulling him under as it pulled his eyes closed, but at the edge of it, the thought lingered.  What he had said was true.  He had not lost his mother, only his ability to see her when she was near, which in itself had been a rare occurrence.  It was not the same as losing her again, he told himself, as the deep grip of sleep claimed him.

. . .

 


	2. The Scent of Carnations

“Yu-ki-to-san!” sang Sakura Kinomoto, swaying around her childhood crush in a happy dance.  “How were your classes today?”

 

“Good, thank you, Sakura-chan,” Yukito answered in his usual polite way, “I think.  I was a little distracted today,” he confessed with a laugh.  “I don’t even remember going to Anthropology; I hope that I didn’t miss anything important.”

 

Touya picked up one of his sister’s big cookies and stuffed it into his friend’s mouth.  “Eat this,” he insisted, “before you say another word.”

 

Sakura saw the look of significance that the two boys exchanged and wondered what it meant.  She handed each of them a mug of green tea, then took her own to the chair opposite and curled her feet under her.  It was a mannerism that she had seen on television, and she thought that it made her look taller and more grown up.  “Is everything all right, Yukito-san?” she asked.  “You’re not getting sick or anything?”

 

Yukito shook his head, unable to answer around the enormous mouthful of chocolate chip shortbread.  Touya slouched down on the couch.  As he stretched his long legs, they slid up to Yukito’s, but the other boy didn’t move over.  He was taking sips of his tea and trying to swallow.

 

Touya contemplated his cookie.  “These aren’t bad for monster food,” he said.

 

Sakura clutched her mug with aggravation.  _Just you wait, brother,_ she thought, but then Touya yawned, and her anger melted.  She remembered what her brother had done for Yue and Yukito, and she just couldn’t stay mad at him.  Although he wasn’t sleepwalking through the days anymore, he had lost a certain sharpness that was never going to rejuvenate.

 

She was working on a plan to make that sacrifice even more significant. Well, she had an idea, anyway.  Actually, it more of a wish.. but the point was, she had a goal.  It was something that she needed to discuss with her Card Guardians -- Yue more than Kero-chan since Yue would be the most affected.  She was just waiting until her brother left for work; Yue was always more, well, _fearsome_ when Touya was in the room.  Not that she minded waiting, since the longer her brother stayed, the longer Yukito stayed.  She still really enjoyed Yukito’s company.

 

Touya slugged the dregs from his mug before grabbing his friend’s wrist to look at Yukito’s watch.  Sakura caught the half-hug that her brother gave Yukito, in the guise of pushing up off the sofa.  “Well, time clock’s waiting,” he sighed.  “I’ll be off work at ten,” he told his friend.

 

“I’ll still be up,” Yukito said with a hopeful timbre.

 

“I’ll swing by or something,” said Touya casually.  He glanced quickly at his sister, then ruffled both his friend’s and his sister’s hair before heading out of the room.  “Be a good hostess, _kaiju_ ,” he called from the front entry as he pulled his shoes on.

 

Sakura leaned over the back of the chair.  “I am NOT a monster!” she shouted at the closing front door.  Then she remember Yukito and quickly turned around.  She wondered with embarrassment how short her skirt was. Yukito was sipping his tea and looking at nothing in particular, to her relief.

 

“Yukito-san?” she inquired.  “I hope that you don’t mind, but I need to talk to Yue-san for a little bit.  I don’t think it will take too long,” she apologized.

 

“That’s all right, Sakura-chan,” he reassured her.  “Just a moment.”  Quickly, he drank the last of his green tea and brushed the cookie crumbs from his lips.  A glowing image of wings formed around him, the magic circle opened, and there was Yukito’s other form, looking as severe as ever.

 

He expression was severe enough to hide his surprise at seeing the ghostly form of Sakura’s mother floating beside the girl. Nadeshiko appeared in his sight as soon as he took his Guardian form, though he had the impression that Nadeshiko had been close by for some time.  Nadeshiko saw his eyes light on her. She winked at him, and then disappeared.

 

“Hi, Yue-san,” said Sakura in a somewhat small voice.  She didn’t find Yue scary anymore, usually, just awkwardly unapproachable.  She wasn’t sure when it had happened, but she had also started to notice his – for lack of a better description -- _masculinity_.  It wasn’t like the way she thought about Syaoran, though.  Although it was different from the way she saw her father or Touya, or even Yukito, too.  He was distant, benignly threatening, and, well, _male_ , making her hyper-aware that she was a twelve-year-old girl on the cusp of thirteen.

 

Sakura focused her thoughts and forged forward.  “There is something that I wanted to talk to you about, that I need to know what you think.  Both you and Kero-chan.  He’s in my room; I think we should go upstairs in case Otousan comes home early or something.”  Yue nodded silently in agreement, and Sakura led the way up the stairs.

 

Kero was shooting zombies on Sakura’s little TV screen when they entered her room. They waited until he reached a saving point in the game before starting their discussion.  “Very edifying,” commented Yue as he knelt on the round braided rug.  Kero ignored his comment, but not Yue’s size superiority; in a moment of magic illumination he took on his “big” form.  Even with their wings concealed, the small room seemed crowded.

 

Sakura sat primly in front of the two magical beings, using the chair from her desk set so that her head was higher than both of them.  Tomoyo said that they would take her more seriously if she acted her part as Mistress when she had something important to say.  “Kero-chan, Yue-san,” she started, “I’ve been thinking.  I’ve been getting stronger.  A lot stronger, really.  The Cards are all reincarnated now, so my magic sustains them.  And I’m going to keep getting stronger.  So I’d like to do something for you two.  I’m not sure how to do it, but... I’d like to reincarnate you, too.”

 

“ **WHAT**?” the Guardians asked in unison, Keroberos perplexed, Yue aghast.

 

“Wait, wait, this is what I’m thinking,” explained Sakura.  “Kero-chan, you don’t really need it, but it’s just in case.  It’s not that I don’t trust Eriol, but if something happens, I don’t want to depend on contacting him.  And Yue... I just want to change one thing.  I want you to be independent. I want you to be like Kero, not reflecting my magic, but being able to sustain yourself.”

 

Yue’s look met his young Mistress’s eyes, and Sakura was unsure of what she saw there.  She had never seen such a look on anyone’s face before.  And then his eyes flickered up past her head, as if to the door behind her.  She glanced back briefly, but the door was closed.

 

“Would we have to wear pink?” Kero asked with dread.

…

 


	3. Not Allowed

 

Keroberos' manner became more serious. "But you're a long way away from being able to do that anyway, aren't you?"

 

"Mm," Sakura agreed. "I'm not even sure where to start. I thought this was something we would need to do together."

 

"Well," said Kero with a relaxed manner, "since it's not something you're planning to do this afternoon," he rose to stretch his long feline body, "then I don't have a problem with it. What do you say, Yue?"

 

Sakura turned expectantly to her other Guardian.  His eyes were down-turned, and he seemed even more still than usual.  Sakura was not sure what reaction she had expected from him, but not to say anything at all... that didn't seem like a good reaction.

 

At last, Yue spoke.  "Please excuse me," said Yue quietly. "I would like to think on this a while."  He began to stand up.

 

"Oh, wait," said Sakura. "It might be better if you stayed in my room." She felt bad to stop him, but she couldn't just let him go for a walk. She could, however, give him a few minutes by himself. "Come on, Kero-chan, we can raid the kitchen. I made shortbread."

 

"And you're just telling me now?!" complained Kero, already transformed into plush-size.  He zipped out of the room ahead of the little sorceress.

 

"Take your time, Yue-san," she said kindly, and closed the door behind her.

 

Yue released his breath, slowly. "Kinomoto-san," he said.

 

"Yue-san," said Nadeshiko. She mimicked his stern stance for a moment longer before bubbling with her melodic laughter. "You're not happy."

 

"Have you always been near, but I am just now able to perceive you?"

 

"Yes and no," she said, gliding closer to the magical being so that she wouldn't feel like she was calling across the room.  "I think it's fun that you can see me – our secret. I'm not really allowed to talk to Fujitaka just because I want to. There are 'rules'," she sighed. "But _you_ are not a relative," she amended, coyly. "You're not happy," she repeated. "This thing that my daughter wants to do – you don't like the idea?"

 

"It is unexpected," Yue answered. Nadeshiko's look of waiting expectation pulled more words out of him. He disliked looking at her, with her bright, expressive eyes and that glow that even _felt_ like sunshine; she really was beautiful. "I am not certain… of what it would mean for me."

 

"You could talk to her about it," Nadeshiko suggested. "She hasn't said a word about this to anyone before you. I think that it is very important to her. I think that you are very important to her," she said pointedly.

 

"Kinomoto-san…" started Yue.

 

"Please, call me Nadeshiko."

 

Yue wondered if it was her talent to make him feel uncomfortable. Just having a conversation of this length felt awkward.  For the second time, Nadeshiko had him trapped.  He could change into Yukito, but somehow he did not want to.

 

"Is this something Sakura can really do?" Nadeshiko prompted.

 

"In time," answered Yue, "perhaps. Yes. Your daughter will have great power someday.  Clow knew," he whispered to himself.

 

Nadeshiko caught his soft words. "Then maybe, this is what he meant to happen."

 

That was a possibility that Yue did not want to admit. It bothered him to remember his role in the Final Judgement, being defeated by the Bell of the Moon and learning that the outcome was already predetermined. Then later, he had discovered how his former Master had changed his memories. It would not be unlike Clow to have intended Yue's reincarnation too, for Yue to lose all vestiges of his former creator, to have nothing left of the one he had loved, not even his own body.  Bitterness welled in his mouth at the thought.

 

Yue was engulfed in Nadeshiko's glowing aura as she embraced him.  The perfume of wild carnations covered them both, and in that moment Yue was no longer in Sakura's small room with its dim filtered light, but in a place of beauty and peace. "You looked like you were going to cry," said Nadeshiko, in explanation for her embrace. "You looked so sad." She touched his hair as a mother would touch her child's.

 

Yue closed his eyes, receiving the touch.  "I am afraid," Yue breathed, needing to confess it to someone.

 

"It's okay to be afraid," shushed Nadeshiko.  "Living is scary. But don't be afraid to live.  I'll be here with you, at least a little longer." She laughed softly at the puzzled expression that her words elicited, but it was the wrong thing to do. Yue backed away, crossing his arms over his chest again, closing himself off. In a second, his austere mask returned. He eyed her warily.

 

The door to the bedroom opened slightly. "Yue?" Sakura called in.

 

Nadeshiko pressed a finger to her lips. "Don't tell Sakura that I'm here," she whispered. Wickedness sparkled in her eyes.

 

Yue scowled in annoyance, and that was the expression that his Mistress saw when she stepped into the room. She tried not to cringe, but still Kero slammed into her back while she stood in the doorway.

 

"Kero-chan!" she scolded in embarrassment.

 

Kero fluttered erratically into the room past her. "What?" he complained. "You're the one that wasn't moving," he accused.

 

Sakura blew out an exasperated breath.  "It's my turn to cook dinner," she began, "and Otousan will be home soon."

 

"That snow-rabbit is pretty handy in the kitchen," interrupted Kero.

 

"Kero-chan!" Sakura scolded him again. Really, all those sweets were not making him any sweeter. She wondered if she was going to have to lay down some rules with her live-in Guardian.

 

Yue gave a slight, dismissive toss of his head. "I will change back," he said. "I believe that it would be best to discuss your plans for us at a later time." He gave Sakura no time to answer before he put action to words, leaving a patiently bewildered Yukito in his place.

 

"Konbanwa, Kero-chan," greeted Yukito.

 

"Hey," answered Kero.  He just knew that Yue was still aware behind the human guise, digging at him with that "-chan" business. Kero casually floated over to the game console and restarted his session.

 

. . .

 

 

Yukito did help Sakura prepare dinner, though he did not stay to eat it with Sakura and her father. They both invited him, but he expected that Touya would be hungry after his shift. He could wait on tables all night and never eat anything himself, but once home, Touya always picked through the kitchen. Since Yukito was expecting -- hoping -- that Touya would stop at Yukito's house first, he wanted to have something nice waiting.

 

The food wouldn't be the only thing waiting, Yukito thought with a wistful sigh. He had been more than distracted today; he hadn't been able to keep his mind off of Touya. It had been torture to sit next to him in front of his sister, unable to wrap his arms around him and sink into those wonderful kisses that had been on his mind all day. Tomorrow was Sunday – no classes – so neither one of them had to be up early in the morning. He could keep Touya up as late as either of them wanted...

 

Yukito could hardly bear it. He leaned against his kitchen counter and looked at the clock on the wall, willing time to move faster. Touya was usually accurate about how much time it would take to finish his side work, restaurant chores like filling sugar caddies and salt shakers, and if it was a slow night, sometimes he was even done with work early. Yukito tried not to think about it, but the image was too hard to resist: Touya, sweaty from running heavy plates from a hot kitchen for the last five hours, still wearing his uniform but with the collar open. Touya, looking at him with the same desire that he felt for his longtime friend. The thought of popping the tiny buttons of the uniform shirt out of their tight holes, and pulling the shirt off to bare the hot, sweaty skin of Touya's chest made Yukito dizzy.

 

Yukito felt the hot flush come to his face, but it was the last thing that he felt. His fantasy would not come true tonight. The magic circle opened beneath him, and Yue took over.

 

 _No_ , thought Yue coldly. _No, I will not allow it._ He felt no remorse for his assertion. _If I have to stay awake all night, even if I never sleep again._

 

. . .

 


	4. Genki Sakura

 

Touya Kinomoto counted his tips. _Not bad at all_ , he thought to himself. Serving tourists definitely had its benefits, even if he had to listen to his native language tortured all night. He might even keep this job for a while, at least while he was still in college.

 

The upscale bistro in Tokyo had been full to capacity before Touya even arrived for his shift, so he had gone from zero-to-sixty in the time it took to put on an apron. He was tired enough from the busy evening to briefly consider going directly home and having a shower, skipping his "date" with Yukito, but that thought lasted all of about a second. Yuki had a shower in his house, and who knows, maybe he would even join him.

 

Touya waved goodbye to his co-workers and dashed out to catch his bus. He was in luck; the bus was nearly empty, nobody getting on or off, so Touya's stop was the first pause that the bus made. He was back in Tomoeda a few minutes early. As he walked the two blocks to Yukito's house, he freed himself of his tie and the top collar buttons of his shirt. While he was at it, he undid his cuffs and rolled the sleeves up. The night air felt good on his skin.

 

Touya's good luck and good mood lasted right up to Yukito's door. Instead of Yukito's smile, he was met with Yue's porcelain mask. Touya was taken aback by the look of cold indifference that Yue gave him.

 

"Is something wrong?" Touya asked, making the logical assumption to Yue's manifestation.

 

Yue stood in the doorway, arms across his chest, completely unwelcoming. "Nothing of which I am aware," he answered unhelpfully.

 

"I was hoping to talk to Yuki," said Touya. His temper was starting to be provoked.

 

"Go home, Touya," Yue said, in a manner almost threatening. "There is nothing to discuss."  Yue turned and walked down the hall away from the young man. As if an afterthought, he tossed back a bit of magic, and the door slammed shut.

 

Touya angrily lifted his hand toward the doorknob, then caught himself. What was he going to do, throttle Yuki out of Yue? He dragged his hands through his still sweat-damp hair and turned to go home.

 

Instead of lessening, his anger grew on the walk home. It burned him that Yue had slammed the door on him with _Touya’s own magic,_ the magic that Touya had given to him. Touya was in a dangerous mood by the time he stepped through his own door.

 

"I'm home," Touya muttered angrily as he kicked off his shoes.

 

Light and his father's voice spilled out from the open door of Fujitaka's study. "Welcome home!" his father called.  He had heard the opening front door, even if he could not have heard his son's words.

 

Touya did not want to talk to his father at the moment, so he just called back his "Goodnight!" before dashing up the stairs. He needed a shower, not just to wash off the smell of other people's dinners, but to calm down. Yue's cold manner had made his own blood boil with aggravation.

 

" _There is nothing to discuss_ ," Yue had said as he stood in the doorway of Yukito's – his – house.  He had offered no explanation and had only looked at Touya challengingly.

 

It wasn't that Touya was so hard up that he couldn't spare Yue the use of his own body, but, damn it, he had been looking forward to finally having some time alone with Yuki. And what was Yue's problem, all of a sudden, that he couldn't at least be courteous? He could count on one hand the number of times that they had even seen each other since he had given his powers over to his sister's "Moon Guardian".

 

Touya glanced at his sister's door as he headed toward the bathroom. He could go wake her up, see if she knew what this was about. Weird as it was, Yue answered to Sakura. But Touya wasn't going to turn Yue in. He'd go over and talk to Yuki in the morning, and see if there was anything that his friend knew about it.

 

It was funny; he was completely in love with Yukito, and had been for a while, but he still thought of him as his "best friend". Even if looking into Yuki's eyes made him feel ridiculously light-headed, the friendship aspect hadn't changed. Yuki was a good influence. Just thinking about him calmed Touya down. He'd see Yuki tomorrow anyway.

 

. . .

 

As it turned out, Touya was wrong. Sunday morning was almost a replay of the previous night, only instead of becoming angry, Touya found himself unexpectedly concerned. Yue usually stayed out of sight and out of contact. Most of the time, he left the room or changed back to Yukito if Touya was there, almost as if he avoided Touya. What could he be doing, sitting around his house? What if he was – who knows – stuck? Once Touya returned home, he went to find his sister.

 

She was on the phone in her room, giggling. "Okay, Syaoran," he heard her saying. She giggled again. "I love you, too." She sighed in a dreamy way while putting the receiver down.

 

"Keeping the phone company in business?" asked Touya, with a sharper edge than he had intended.  He was just glad that that Gaki was back in Hong Kong for now, even if his sister was on the phone with him every week.

 

"He called me," Sakura answered back. "Oniichan, I thought you were going to be with Yukito-san. Is he here?" she added hopefully.

 

Touya sat down on his sister's bed. "Where's the plush?"

 

"I gave him a Time Out," said Sakura. "So where is Yukito-san?"

 

"I haven't seen him," sighed the older brother. "Sakura, I'm wondering if there is a problem."

 

His sister's concern was immediate. "What's the matter?"

 

"Yue is. I went over to see Yukito, and I found Yue. Same thing last night. And he looked like he had been Yue all night – kind of like someone who hasn't had any sleep," he finished with a smirk.

 

Sakura thought in serious silence. "We'd better go see him," she said finally.

 

"So let's go," said Touya.

 

"I mean, me and Kero-chan," Sakura clarified. "Sorry, Oniichan, but you might be part of the problem." She shrank against her brother's mystified look. "It's just that… Yue acts differently when you're around. If there's a problem, he might not tell me, if you're there."

 

"Yeah, I've noticed," Touya agreed. There wasn't much he could do but accept the situation. "Okay. But call me from Yuki's when you get it sorted out."

 

"Mm-hm," his sister agreed. She picked up her book bag and walked over to her dresser, opening Kero's drawer. "All right," said Sakura, "we're going to talk to Yue." Kero floated out of the open drawer, his expression sulky. Before he could open his mouth, Sakura added, "But you're still in Time Out for," she looked at her watch, "fifteen more minutes, so I don't want to hear a peep from you."

 

The plush-sized Guardian, head bowed, crawled silently into his Mistress's bag. Touya managed not to laugh at the stern expression on his sister's face. He had never seen her so unyielding. His baby sister definitely wasn't a baby anymore.

 

Sakura walked briskly the few blocks to Yukito's house, with a heavy feeling in her heart but with a strong face out to the world.  It was always so hard for her to say goodbye to Syaoran, knowing that it might be a whole week before she would be able to hear from him again. Not only that, but it had been difficult for her to reprimand Kero-chan for interrupting her on the phone. He was always loud, rude, and a pest, but either he had become more manic lately, or she had just reached her tolerance. And now, on top of all that, something was going on with Yue.

 

"I'm just a child!" she wanted to yell at everyone, though she knew that she was leaving childhood. Ever since she first became the Cardcaptor, responsibility had begun to pile up on her.  When things were crazy, with Eriol making her reincarnate all the Cards, she had not had time to think about it, but now, with life being more or less normal, she was looking around and wondering, "When did all this happen?" Suddenly she had a boyfriend – a long-distance one, yet – as well as a deck of magical creations (and their two Guardians)  that each had their own personalities and who depended on her. Next month, she'd be starting middle school, too.

 

But she put on a cheerful face, because that's what everyone expected: "genki Sakura".  Most of the time, it was easy. She really was a naturally upbeat person. But every now and then, she just wanted to be a blissfully ignorant, responsibility-free grade-schooler again.

 

Yue answered the door for her, barely concealing his consternation at her arrival. To Sakura, he looked a little ashamed and uncertain of himself. He welcomed her in, but seemed at a loss for what to do once she was inside the house. Luckily for him, his magical sibling chose that moment to pop his small head out of Sakura's book bag.

 

"Are my minutes up, now?" he asked hopefully.

 

"Yes," said Sakura.  "Are you going to be calm now?"

 

"I am calm," Kero muttered resentfully.

 

Sakura raised an eyebrow, doing her best teacher-imitation.  "Kero?"

 

"Yes, I'll be calm," said Kero more audibly. He turned to Yue. "Hey, Yue – you got anything to eat?"

 

Yue remembered that "making tea" was the kind of thing to do as a host, so he invited his guests into the dining area and proceeded to the kitchen to put something together. He had done these things many times, through Yukito, in this kitchen, but preparing a snack with his own hands was strange. It was even nostalgic, in a dully painful way. Still, he felt a certain pride in the attractive plate of peeled and sliced apples, white pears, and mandarin wedges. Plum wine, he thought, would be a better compliment than green tea, but Yukito didn't have any.

 

Carefully, he carried the tray out to Sakura and Kero. He joined them kneeling at the table and began pouring tea into two mugs and a sauce dish (for Kero). It was a small difference, pouring tea for his Mistress instead of his Master, but it was all the difference in the universe.

 

"Yue-san, is something wrong?" asked Sakura, getting right to the point.

 

Yue didn't meet her eyes.  "How do you mean?" he asked with false innocence.

 

"You're here instead of Yukito-san."

 

Yue slowly raised his eyes to meet hers; they glinted from violet to an electrified blue.  "This is my natural form," he said calmly.

 

"So nothing has happened to Yukito-san?"

 

"No," the Guardian answered with that same weighty calm. "Do you require his presence?"

 

"We were just worried," said Sakura. She was surprised to hear the sharpness in her own voice.  Was she becoming annoyed… with Yue? "Well," she continued, "maybe now would be a good time to talk about reincarnations.  Have you thought about it?"

 

Yue was clearly uncomfortable at the turn in subject. "Some," he admitted. "Our making was a spell of great complexity and power. You are aware that your ability is not yet on that level."

 

"Sakura changed the Cards without knowing how they were made," Kero pointed out.  "You've been doing it all by instinct, Sakura," he explained to his Mistress.

 

"We are more complex than the Cards," Yue argued. "Manipulating magic by instinct is dangerous."

 

"As long as we're conscious of what's being changed, I don't think that there is any real danger," the Sun-Guardian retorted.

 

Sakura looked from one Guardian to another. Were they starting to sound alike? "Wait," she said. "Yue-san," she asked carefully, "is it really dangerous?"

 

Yue was reluctant to admit, "No. Keroberos is correct. If we control the changes, there is no true danger."

 

Kero looked smug. "You were just making an argument out of nothing, like always," he accused. "So what's the real reason?"

 

"Why is it so easy for you to support this idea?" asked Yue of his brother harshly.

 

"Because I trust Sakura," Kero shot back. His answer was met with silence. Kero smiled smugly at having the last word, and he quaffed his sauce-dish of tea like a victory toast. Yue had his head turned slightly, so that his face was hidden by his hair. Sakura gripped her mug and waited for him to say something.

 

"Yue-san," Sakura asked in a small voice, as the silence wore on, "don't you trust me?"

 

Yue's answer was quieter still.  "Mistress," was all he said.

 

On top of everything else, this was too much for the little girl. Tears welled up before she could stop them, pouring fast down her cheeks. Embarrassed, she stumbled from the table and fled out into the garden.

 

"Sakura!  Don't cry!" called out a dismayed Kero. He flew quickly after her.

 

Yue followed more slowly.  These were the perils of holding his form, he thought, of interacting. Once, he had been good with words. Clow had shown him off at parties: an elegant companion, captivating as the moon with his perfect compliments and easy wit. He thought of how easy it had been to smile. All of that had fallen to dust, now.

 

His sibling was buzzing around Sakura, cooing words of comfort to her. Yue stepped to her side and, uncertain of what to do, dropped to his knees and bowed his head.

 

"I am sorry," he said.

 

Sakura's gasp at seeing the formidable Judge of the Clow Cards bow before her squelched her sobs. "No, no, Yue-san," she protested, "get up." She scrubbed the tears out of her eyes. "It's alright, I was already upset about something else." She touched his head tentatively to make him look up at her. "See?" she said, mustering a smile. "Now, please get up."

 

Neither Sakura nor Yue noticed how Kero was watching them in silence. He looked back and forth from his brother, whose serious and sad face was turned up to Sakura, to Sakura herself, who had her fingertips almost touching Yue's cheek. While Yue stood, as he was asked to do, the young girl continued to look at her Guardian's face, though her hand dropped to join the other, hugging her middle.

 

"Grass really does stain," the Sun Guardian commented, breaking the moment.

 

"Ah!" yelped Sakura, looking at the green smudges and dirt on Yue's robes.

 

Yue gifted his sibling with a sour look. A pale light formed like a haze over Yue's hands, and as he passed them over his clothing, the pristine nature of his robes returned.

 

"I didn't know you could do that," said Sakura.

 

"Yue doesn't do laundry," said Kero.

 

"Neither do you," Yue countered, before Sakura could say it.

 

As  they all returned indoors, Sakura said, "I guess I'll call Oniichan and tell him there's nothing to worry about." She dug around in her back for her cellular phone.

 

"Are you still going shopping with Tomoyo?" Kero asked.

 

Sakura nodded while listening to the phone ring. "Sorry Yue-san, but we'll be going soon."

 

"I think I'll stay," Kero stated. Sakura was about to question him, but her brother picked up; she gave him a sketchy reassurance that there was nothing amiss and told him she was heading over to Tomoyo's house.

 

"You're not coming with me?" she asked after ending the call.

 

"Yeah.  I'll think I'll hang out with my bro' for a while," Kero insisted. Yue looked at him with curiosity, and Kero returned the look enigmatically.

 

"Okay," agreed Sakura. Mystified but guilty of relief, she grabbed her bag and headed for the door. "Be good, I guess."

 

When their Mistress had left, Kero transformed to his true size. Turning to Yue, he asked, "So – what's really going on?"

 

. . .

 


	5. Unyielding

 

The words fell between the brothers like a letter of challenge. They looked at each other across the room, each glowing in their own magical light, compliments to each other the way nothing else would ever be. Yue played the moment with nonchalance.

 

"There is nothing going on, Keroberos," he answered cooly. "If you were planning to deny yourself crepes to get a confession out of me… there is still time to catch up to Sakura."

 

Kero caught the blue flash in Yue's eyes and knew that his opposite was being less than truthful. "C'mon," he coaxed, a note away from growling. "We don't keep secrets from each other."

 

"Don't we? Where have you been for the last four years? Yukito, my failing power… it wasn't just that you were too busy eating and playing video games."

 

"So you _are_ keeping something from me."

 

Yue exhaled slowly in vexation. "I never gave you reason to believe that."

 

The lion paced, eyeing the winged man. "So what's with staying in your 'true' form, then?  The Big Brother was right – you look like you haven't had any sleep.” A little more kindly, he asked,“Are you ready to rejoin the world?"

 

"No," said Yue, crumpling. "No." Once on the floor, he hugged his arms around his knees.  "How can you stand it, Keroberos? It feels like I've been run through with a saber. It's worse than coming home to an empty house," he cried, gesturing widely at their surroundings. He sank his head down onto his knees. "Every… minute… hurts."

 

Keroberos padded over to his sibling. The Sun Guardian pushed his heavy head against the Moon Guardian's shoulder, hard enough to rock him. "It gets easier," Kero said. "I cared for him as much as you did," he said.

 

Yue laughed with a bitterness that made Keroberos flinch back. "Not nearly the same," he said cruelly.

 

This time the growl rolled out of Kero unchecked. He showed Yue his teeth. "That was funny when we both knew it wasn't true. Do you think that I loved him any less because I wasn't warming his bed? You're being selfish. I think you're hanging on to your misery as a crutch. You let that snow rabbit do all the smiling and living just so you can say that you loved him best!"

 

Yue bristled with power.  "Do not tell me to 'Get over it'," he warned.

 

"Son of a – you're IMPOSSIBLE, Yue!" Keroberos shouted.

 

"So I'm impossible! It's better than the alternative!" Yue answered without thinking.

 

Keroberos stopped. "What?"

 

Yue rocked to his feet. He bit his lip. "I don't want to talk about this anymore," he said.

 

"Huh," said Kero. "You used to leave the room when you wanted to finish an argument," he observed aloud. "And now you escape into Tsukishiro. Except now."

 

"I can't be Yukito," said Yue. "I can, but I don't want to be," he clarified.

 

"But… " calculated Keroberos, "you aren't going to tell me why."

 

"No," sighed Yue in exhaustion.

 

"Get some sleep," Keroberos suggested. It was an odd thing to say to Yue, who admitted to sleeping most of the time when Yukito was apparent. Looking at his sibling, though, he could see that emotional exhaustion was catching up to his brother. "In the normal way," he added, when Yue started to protest. "You don't have to change to sleep."

 

"But then I dream," said Yue in a haunted voice.

 

. . .

 

Keroberos had not wanted to leave, but when Yue's manner became cold and overly formal, he had surrendered. Yue felt the house empty of his brother's life force, going back to the cold glamour that it was in truth. A fitting prison for himself, he thought, a chill twilight place that he had made out of necessity.

 

Certainly he couldn't leave, except as Yukito, even had he somewhere that he wished to go.  Time had made all places unfamiliar, changed in ways that only reminded him intensely of what was lost. Even Keroberos was different from before; the lion-like creature seemed so puerile to Yue, so obsessed with trivialities, as if spending so much time diminished in power in the company of children had magnified Keroberos childish characteristics.  He accepted his new Mistress so easily.

 

Yue made himself small in one of the hard angled chairs and felt the emptiness of the space around him. Clow had always preferred Western comforts, even in their home here in Japan; he had liked soft, four-poster beds and deep chairs beside large fireplaces. Yue, in contrast, had taken an immediate liking to the minimalism of native decorating; the carefully chosen lines resonated with his love of order. So without thinking about it, he had made Yukito's house in the traditional native style, all fine lines and empty spaces.

 

There was nothing of Clow here, and so little left unchanged. The Cards were all under Sakura's power, and the Beast of the Seal was happy to be a plush toy for her. Yue had had no choice but to declare her "Mistress" and be duty-bound to her, but he had done so because Clow had willed it. Yue's own will had not mattered at all in his Judgement, and only he had not changed. This was all he could do to preserve the last traces of Clow Reed. This body, Yue's body, was the last thing true to Clow.

 

He ran his hands over his arms, feeling his own muscles flex beneath the robes that Clow had designed for him, and thought of how it used to feel to be held. He held himself, arms crossed over his slim waist, and tried to pretend that he was only waiting for Clow, that this was one of those times when his Maker would find him pining alone and scold him for it. It was easy to remember any one of those times in their long history together. The sorcerer had seemed so unaware of the depth of his creation's love, and Yue had held onto the jewel of his devotion until the day when his Master noticed and made it shine. If Yue's heart was like ice, it was like crystal, too.

 

 _Being run through with a saber was not as bad as this_ , said Yue to himself, thinking of his words to Keroberos. The tears escaped despite his attempts to stop them, and he listened helplessly to the echoes of his own sobbing. His Maker had always allowed him to cry, had encouraged him to be emotional and to be moved by emotion. Clow had not been a stoic man, himself. On the few occasions when Yue had felt hurt or sad enough to weep, Clow had let him hide in the deep clouds of Clow's bed until the storm had passed. Those pillows had been a place of comfort, in times of sadness and in sleep.

 

He moved himself to the futon and lay stretched out, his head cradled in his arms. He tried to do as Keroberos suggested, but sleep would only come in short slips of time, and as he edged toward dreaming, he would wake. Dreams, like hungry jackals, waited for Yue's unguarded moment; without Yukito, he was vulnerable to the teeth of his own subconscious. Yukito was sleeping without dreams; for him, time was stopped.

 

So instead Yue paced through the echoing house, unable to keep his body or his mind still.  Yue's mind continued to turn up memories even while he took in his surroundings. Yukito had added things throughout in an attempt to make the environment more lived in, mostly things that Touya had given him or that he and Touya had gotten together. There were many pictures, photographs mostly, but also some art prints. Yue stopped at a familiar woodblock print, studying it while fingering the laminated bamboo frame. It was an enlarged copy of one that had been in his own bedroom.

 

How much of Yukito was himself, he wondered. How much of he himself, of Yue, was Clow? His first memories of anything were memories of Clow, a sort of wordless understanding that the man before him was his maker and his Master. He couldn't remember what Clow's first words to him had been, something like "welcome", something like pleasant surprise that the spell had worked. Or maybe it had been surprise at the _way_ his spell had worked. Yue's memories were still buried under a thick blanket, like a winter's full season of snow, due to his former Master's spell. Remembering was like digging through ice and accumulated dirt, and the memories came up like broken stones.

 

Yue found himself taking the stairs to the upper floor where the bedroom and bath were located. The manor house in which Yue had been "born" -- one of many houses in which he, Clow, and Keroberos had lived -- had had a long staircase for each of the three floors as well as stairs for the servants' passageways. Yue could hover, and fly, but he liked walking stairs; Clow had once admitted that it was one of the two ways that he ever took any exercise, so it was a good thing that their private rooms were at the top while the kitchen was at the bottom. In Yukito's house, the stairs were only a short flight, with only the two room choices at the end of it. The bedroom was spare of furniture, typical for the traditional design of the house, though two bedrolls lay side-by-side where Yukito had laid them out the night before. The sight bothered Yue enough to make him roll them and return them to their places in the storage closet.

 

He wandered through the house throughout the night. In truth, his body did not need to sleep any more than it needed food, but it was mentally taxing to be awake. As the sun came up, and morning grew, Yue found himself wishing that he had let Keroberos stay. Keroberos would have found the sunniest, warmest spot in the house and would have made it into a napping spot.  Sleeping, he would have been pleasant company.

 

When Touya came to the house, Yue ignored the knocking until Touya went away. On the following day, Yue was not even aware of the knocking until it had stopped. He sat unmoving, lost in memories, through the day's entirety. When the night returned, he wandered again; he studied each of the pictures of Yukito, and he looked carefully at the familiar stranger in the various photographs. Yukito was smiling or laughing in every one of them.

 

Very little else in the house bore evidence of Yukito Tsukishiro's existence. Yukito had few clothes in his room, no less than needed and no more than necessary. Yukito's books were all school related, Yue saw. There were dictionaries and textbooks, and a handful of novels that had been required reading. He opened a paperback edition of _Great Expectations_ just to see the remembered English text.

 

So many of Yue's favorite stories had been in English, though _Great Expectations_ had not been one of them. As each installment arrived in the paper, he had read the unfolding story aloud to his Master. Yue had found the plot unbelievable and the characters unsympathetic, but Clow had laughed at his companion's vehement criticism, declaring that he had known far too many women exactly like the heartless Estelle. The observation had done nothing to improve Yue's opinion of the novel.

 

Yue placed the book back on the shelf. His wandering took him into the kitchen, which he discovered was the fullest room of the house. The refrigerator and cabinets were stocked with an expected abundance of food but an unexpected range of choices. Opening jars revealed a variety of dried fruits and dried mushrooms as well as a dozen different herbs. In a drawer, Yue found two different sizes of chocolate chips nested along with other cookie and dessert enhancements. Yukito seemed to like to cook as much as he liked to eat. Experimentally, Yue brought a fingertip, dusted with sugar crystals, close to his lips. The sugar twinkled like snow. Nothing had passed Yue's lips since the day that Clow had sealed Yue into the Book; eating had been something he had done to please his beloved. With sharp motion, Yue brushed his hand clean on the cloth of his robes.

 

He wandered to the glass door that led to the garden. It was as dark outside as it was indoor, where Yue had found no reason to bother with lights. He slid the door open, and smelled air chilled by the early spring cold. A hesitant step led to more, until he was standing out under the star-filled sky. The dewy, cold grass under his bare feet did not bother him. He stood outside until the moisture of the night dampened his wings, and light began to touch the eastern sky.

 

Somehow, for a few minutes that morning, he slept. When he woke, he felt stiff from the hard, bare, bedroom floor. The floorboards were clean and without dust, but he felt a desire to bathe; his dreams had been of a curved stone pool that had been slowly filled with water until the tension of its surface could not hold another drop. If Yue had had a human body, he would have laughed at the symbolism of an over-full bladder, but he was a creation of magic with no such encumbrances. The dream had left him far less uneasy than others, but still with the insistent desire for a bath.

 

He stripped and washed while the tub filled with water, and unbound the weight of his hair.  It was impossibly heavy when wet, which is why he rarely cleaned himself by conventional means.  He kneeled on the tile to lessen the burden while the spray worked through his tresses, and then wound as much of his hair as he could over one arm, shut off both taps, and stepped into the luxury of deep, warm water.

 

Being naked and submerged brought to mind different thoughts from being clothed and pacing. Yue was not immune to the relaxing pleasure of a long, quiet bath, especially one that came after a taste of sleep. His mind quieted. He listened to the high chiming of the glass _furin_ outside the window. The water began to cool.

 

Gravity reasserted itself when he rose from the bath, and everything became heavy again.  It took three towels to dry his hair, and he sat without dressing in the bedroom with it spooled out across the floor. It felt decadent to repose in the window-filtered sunshine. His wings had become damp again from steam and wet skin, so he stretched them out to their maximum span. The room was filled with the faint, warmed scent of Yukito's oatmeal soap. Like his hair, his memories unspooled further, laid out against a sadness that made them heavy, but detailed with a clarity that made the memories beautiful. He remembered a carriage ride, with The Sleep keeping Keroberos unaware of what the other two occupants were doing. Yue could recall almost completely the quiet words exchanged in a dimly-lit but comfortable cabin room, when the sorcerer was feeling weak from the vastness water rolling in the ocean below them. Other, simpler memories surfaced too, moments of time that he had spent with his lover, and arguments, both friendly and otherwise, and with them, forgotten feelings. They were broken stones that, fitted together, made a mosaic of a shared lifetime.

 

He dressed carefully once his hair had dried. Already the sun was sinking under the horizon again, another day gone, as he fitted over-layer upon under-layer. He tied his sash, and fit the jeweled covers over his otherwise bare feet with care. But when the time came to tie his hair, he paused with the ribbon in hand, and opted to leave it loose. It draped over his shoulders and down to the floor like a mantle of moonlight; he let it liquidly pool around him as he walked outside.

 

In the indigo twilight he could have been seen, magnificently inhuman with pearly wings and pale hair, if anyone had chanced to peek through the bamboo-bordered fence, but no one did.  Yue watched the sky darken and the stars come out in private contemplation. When darkness covered the neighborhood fully, he tested the boundaries of his self-made imprisonment with a short quick flight to the rooftop, and settled onto the clinking clay tiles to gaze into the stars.

 

. . .

 


	6. Rules

 

"Yuki's missed three days of classes!" insisted Touya angrily, unintentionally holding the next soapy dish out of reach. "I don't care if Yue wants to be 'out'. He's keeping Yuki captive. You're the only one who can do anything about it, and you're not doing anything!"

 

"Oniichan... !" Sakura argued back, the endearment coming between clenched teeth. "What am I supposed to do, order him?"

 

"If that's what it takes," stated Touya. He shoved the plate into his sister's hands so roughly that she almost dropped it.

 

Sakura pushed the plate through the rinse water and dried it hastily. The girl seethed. _Order_ _Yue!_ Sakura didn't like the situation either: Yukito suddenly gone without notice or anyone knowing when he would be back. How could she _order_ Yue? What her brother was telling her to do was not like putting Kero in Time Out; they may both be her Guardians, but she had been trying to create a relationship of mutual respect, even friendship. She would never want to force either of them to submit to her. That would have been true even if she wasn't just a skinny little girl and Yue wasn't.. wasn't... all " _wingy_..." and everything.

 

"We've already had this argument," she said to her brother.

 

Fujitaka stepped into the kitchen. "Argument?" he asked, looking from daughter to son.

 

"Don't interfere," Nadeshiko cautioned him.

 

"It's nothing, 'Tousan," Touya said guiltily. He looked into the sink and started scrubbing another plate.

 

"No. Nothing," said Sakura, looking at her brother.

 

Nadeshiko looked at her husband pointedly. "They think you still don't know," she reminded him. "About the Magic Stuff."

 

Fujitaka surreptitiously looked at his late wife. Seeing her when he had walked through the doorway, he had wanted to smile, even though he ached to embrace her again. This was only the second time that he had seen her since her death, except in the pictures all around the house, yet here she was, looking after their children.

 

"Settle it between yourselves," he told them with uncharacteristic straightforwardness. He took the plate of cake that he had come for out of the refrigerator, stuck a fork in it, and walked back out of the kitchen. Nadeshiko followed him into the dining area.

 

"Still have a sweet tooth," Nadeshiko commented, smiling. Fujitaka covered up his affirmative noise with a mouthful of cake. "That's your second piece, isn't it?" Nadeshiko guessed accurately.

 

"Mm," Fujitaka said again, with a sly smile.

 

As Fujitaka began to stroll out of the range of his progeny's hearing, Nadeshiko's smile dimmed. "I have to stay with the children," she explained sadly. She placed her hand on his when Fujitaka sat at the table instead.

 

He put his fork down, and glanced at the closed shutters that separated this room from the kitchen. "I miss you," he mouthed silently, looking into the green eyes that had always sparkled for him.

 

"I'm always with you," said Nadeshiko, folding her hands over his heart. Fujitaka nodded his understanding.

 

Sakura walked out of the kitchen, followed immediately by her brother. Looking determined and annoyed, but not upset, she dashed up the stairs to her room. Touya followed her all the way, but they were both back downstairs in moments, carrying schoolbags.

 

“’Tousan,” Touya said. "We're heading over to Yuki's. He's been sick, and I need to bring him some notes."

 

"And Sakura?" Fujitaka inquired.

 

"She wants to make him soup," Touya lied quickly.

 

Since Nadeshiko was looking at him with an expression that said " _Let them go_ ," Fujitaka didn't make an issue out of the lie. He walked them to the door, told them not to be too late, and said that he hoped Tsukishiro-kun would be feeling better soon. Sakura wouldn't look at him, and kept fussing with a lump in her bag, a lump that exuded a sun-like aura.

 

Nadeshiko kissed her husband lingeringly on the cheek. "I have to stay with the children," she said again. As Touya and Sakura left the house, Nadeshiko, too, disappeared.

 

Sakura and Touya walked silently from one house to another. Over the dishes, in hissing whispers, they had come to a compromise: she would talk to Yue again, and this time Touya would be there to make sure that she got an answer. Bringing Kero along gave the affair the feeling of a "family meeting", especially since she suspected that Kero knew more than he was willing to share. He had been quiet, though not sulky or pouting, on Sunday night after spending the afternoon with Yue. When she pressed him about it, she had been answered with silliness and pudding demands.

 

No one answered the door at Yukito's house. With misgiving, Sakura led the group in through the unlocked door. The house was silent and dark, lit only by whatever thin light from the streetlamps could leak past the fence. Brother and sister exchanged looks of concern.

 

"Do you think Yue-san went somewhere?" Sakura asked with worry.

 

The flap of her bag lifted and flipped open. "Nah," said Kero, emerging and looking around.  He found the aura of his sibling's life force. "He's just on the roof."

 

. . .

 

Nadeshiko flew ahead of her children. _As long as they're in sight_ , she thought to herself, _that's still within the Rules_. From her viewpoint she saw the figure sitting on the rooftop, the paleness of his robes spilling around him. He had his hair impossibly long hair loose, and the breeze was picking it up in waves like a banner. As she lighted onto the tiles next to him, she noticed the hair-wrapping ribbon in his hand.

 

"Konbanwa, Yue," said Nadeshiko, noticing that his face held a softer expression than usual, with even a slight upward turning to his lips.

 

"Konbanwa...  Nadeshiko-san." Yue showed more curiosity than surprise at seeing her.  As he turned his head toward her, he held back his hair with one hand against the night gusts passing over the roof. Nadeshiko, when she was modeling, had seen that gesture many times before; it was a gesture of someone sharply aware of his own beauty, someone who was accustomed to being looked at.

 

"Were you just smiling?" she asked.

 

"I was remembering things…  not all bad," he murmured. His eyes, narrowed and shy, cast her a confiding look. "About Clow."

 

"Tell me," coaxed Nadeshiko sweetly.

 

Yue turned back away from her, looking out past the trees and rooftops before them. The night was moonless. If anyone were to look up at the tops of the houses, even from a viewpoint like Yue's, that person would be unlikely to discern his silhouette from the other shadows. Yue himself could see very well. It was an imbalance that pleased him. He supposed that Nadeshiko, also looking with a sight that was not human, could see just as clearly.

 

His words formed more easily than he would have expected. "He left me once," he said.  "After that, he swore never to leave me alone again. But he did."

 

"But he didn't leave you alone," said Nadeshiko, understanding something now, that she had not before, about what this “Clow” meant to the winged young man before her. She realized now that he was grieving for a lover. Because Sakura had only talked about the magician as a creator, Nadeshiko had thought that Yue was mourning a father-figure. She stared down Yue's defiant expression at her words. "You're not alone," she insisted.

 

Yue lifted an eyebrow at her with a look that was insultingly patronizing. Nadeshiko countered with a look that used to send designer's assistants into cowering states of apology. It changed Yue's expression to one of grudging agreeability.

 

Nadeshiko's pride flared. "What about Touya?"

 

"He cares for Yukito," Yue answered as if stating an obvious mistake.

 

"You are Yukito," Nadeshiko answered back in the same tone.

 

Yue sighed wistfully. "No. I am not." He challenged Nadeshiko's disbelieving stare.  "He was just meant to be a tool, a disguise for me to do what needed to be done."

 

"You're saying it yourself: a disguise. We all have to play roles sometime, put on masks. You've just made yourself believe that your mask is a separate person," argued Nadeshiko.

 

"He is.  He has no awareness of me, nor any of my memories," explained Yue. "To judge Sakura objectively, I needed to be near her without knowing her, otherwise I could have been like Keroberos was, emotionally attached. So I created Yukito. I made him amiable, likeable; it was important that he be liked."

 

Nadeshiko wondered if Yue knew what his words had implied. "So... he really has no awareness of you?" she asked.

 

"No, though he knows now that I exist."

 

"But you know everything that he thinks, and feels?" queried Nadeshiko.

 

"Yes."

 

"Did your Maker make him?" inquired Nadeshiko, knowing the answer but wanting to lead Yue to her point.

 

"No," answered Yue warily, "I made him. Clow gave me the ability to do so."

 

"If my Sakura has the potential to change you," Nadeshiko proposed, "then doesn't that mean that you can change Yukito? You could make him aware of you."

 

Yue stood quickly, making the tiles of the roof clatter. "Why would I want to do that?" His voice sounded frightened. "Yukito… and I… we don't want the same things."

 

"How do you know?" Nadeshiko asked, looking up at Yue with her chin in her hand.

 

"No one wants to feel the way I do!" Yue pleaded.

 

"No," agreed Nadeshiko. Her voice had turned soothing, like a lullaby. "Not even you."

 

Yue put his hands to his head and ran his fingers through his hair in a frustrated gesture. It was so like a gesture of Touya's that Nadeshiko felt a surge of maternal love jolt through her. _I want to find a way_ , she thought, _to make both of you happy_.

 

. . .

 


	7. Broken Trust

 

"Should we wait for him?" Sakura wondered aloud.

 

Touya started turning on lights. As far as he was concerned, this was Yuki's  house, and should not be left dark with people standing around in it just because someone with an overblown sense of drama didn't turn on lights. "Yuki's going to catch a cold," he grumbled under his breath, thinking about the cold roof tiles.

 

"We don't get sick," Kero countered.

 

"I wasn't talking about Yue," sniped Touya.

 

"It's the same body," answered Kero, dryly.

 

Sakura watched Beast and Brother shoot looks like daggers at each other. Touya was pacing like a lion, but Kero was peculiarly relaxed. Sakura's older brother slid open the door to the garden area and stepped out, looking around him while waiting for his eyes to readjust to the darkness. All three of them heard the roof tiles clatter, and Yue's voice, though his words were too low to discern.

 

"Yue-san?" Sakura called up. At first, she was answered with silence. Then Yue's angelic figure appeared before them at the edge of the roof where light spilled from the house's interior. With his hair loose and wild, and a glowing power that Sakura and Kero could perceive emanating from him, his distant manner bordered on terrifying. Sakura took an unconscious step back before reminding herself that this was just Yue, her Guardian. Kero still floated beside her calmly; there was no reason to be afraid.

 

Yue surveyed the gathering below and drifted down to the ground. Focusing only on Sakura, although Nadeshiko had followed him to the roof's edge, he answered, "Mistress?"

 

The little girl inhaled, exhaled, and tried to find her voice.  "Anno… Yue-san… ," she started.  She could feel her brother staring at her. "We haven't seen Yukito-san and… we'd like to make sure everything is alright," she finished weakly.

 

"There is nothing wrong with Yukito," Yue evaded.

 

"Sakura--" Touya hissed at his sister, his meaning clear to her. His tone brought Yue's attention to the older brother. Touya didn't have to be able to see the glowing to feel the intensity of Yue's gaze; it crackled with animosity. Touya did not back down.

 

"Yue-san!" Sakura tried again, her voice coming out in more of a yelp than she liked.  "Please, transform to Yukito-san."

 

Still intent on Touya, Yue answered carefully, "Is his presence required at this moment?"

 

"Well," said Sakura uncertainly, "he's been missing school. He can't miss school, Yue-san. It will hurt his grades."

 

Touya answered Yue himself, over his sister's words.  "Yes," Touya said forcefully.  "His 'presence' is 'required' now. I don't know what your problem is, but get over it."

 

Touya was about to say more, but Yue cut off his words. "You cannot tell me what to do," he hissed at Touya. The Moon Guardian's eyes sparkled with threat.

 

"Yue-sa…" started Sakura.

 

"Yue!" cried Nadeshiko, worriedly.

 

"Dammit," growled Touya, "Give Yuki back to me!" He took a step forward toward Yue. Light crackled at Yue's fingertips and Touya was thrown back.

 

Everything happened at once. Keroberos transformed as fast as lightning and grabbed onto Yue's arm with his teeth. Nadeshiko interposed herself between the two men. Sakura reached into her shirt and pulled forth her key.

 

"Do not lay a hand on my child!" screamed Nadeshiko at Yue.

 

"Yue!" said Sakura.  In her hand, the key had become her staff.  Her words had a hardness that she had never used before.  "I command you... to transform, now!"

 

Keroberos pulled his brother to the ground. Although he had released Yue's arm from his jaws, he menacingly stood over the Moon Guardian. So he alone saw the look that Yue cast toward their Mistress, a look of total despair, before the transformation took place. Strangely, Keroberos was caught up in the magic circle as well, and as Yukito appeared, Kero was again in his small form.

 

Yukito looked at the bizarre scene around him. Touya was across the yard, wobbily, sitting up and holding his head. Sakura had her hands covering her face and was crying loudly. Kero-chan, looking befuddled, was floating next to Yukito's head.

 

"What happened?" the boy asked.

 

. . .

 

 


	8. Whisper

 

Had Nadeshiko a physical body, she would have been crying as much as her daughter. She could only watch helplessly as her son, cursing, pushed himself into a somewhat upright position. Yukito rushed to the injured one's aide, gently helping and supporting Touya onto traitorous legs. Nadeshiko hovered over the pair; Yukito did not look strong enough for tall and muscular Touya to lean on as they hobbled over to Sakura.

 

Touya almost overbalanced both of them by giving his sister a hard, wordless hug. She turned and cried into his chest, creating a three-person embrace with Yukito that would have been comical in another situation. After a few minutes, the young girl's tears diminished to sniffles. Her brother looked more solidly upright, though he still kept his weight and his arms on Yukito.

 

"We'd better get you two home," suggested Yukito.

 

"Yuki… " started Touya.

 

"It's all right," Yukito interrupted him. "I'll get the story after we get to your house."

 

The trio left Yukito's house out through the side gate in silence and started on the trek to the Kinomoto home  An equally subdued Kero followed listlessly behind them. What would have normally taken only a few minutes took an exponentially long time; Sakura plodded like a condemned soul, and Touya stumbled frequently. At the corner of each block, Yukito had to stop and re-adjust his friend's weight so that Touya wouldn't slip while stepping off or onto the curb.  Nadeshiko stayed with them, unseen and unable to help.

 

Sakura used her key – the ordinary _house_ key – to let them in and get Touya onto the living room couch.  Reluctantly, Nadeshiko tore herself away from them to seek out her husband.

 

Touya kept Yukito in his arms despite Sakura's presence, not that it mattered, since Sakura seemed unaware of anything beyond the height of her shoes. "I'm going to bed," she told the floor shakily. With Kero following her in matching spirits, she made her dejected way up the stairs.

 

"Good night, Sakura-chan," Yukito said uncertainly, and was answered with only a small, spiritless wave. The bewildered young man shifted in Touya's arms to look at him. "To-ya?" he asked.

 

Touya pulled him in closely.  "Yuki, it's Wednesday night," he said.

 

"Wednesday!" exclaimed Yukito.  "The last I remember, it was Saturday, and… what was Yue doing all this time?"

 

 Touya shrugged, and winced.  "Nursing a grudge I don't know anything about, apparently," he quipped.

 

"What happened?"

 

Touya laughed.  "Your other self tried to knock me into next week."

 

"I don't understand – he hit you?"

 

"With something," answered Touya.  "One minute I was standing, and a second later, I was across the yard.  I think I hit my head on the fence.  For a second or two, I couldn't get a breath."

 

Yukito stroked the other young man's head with a look of worry on his face. "You had better not go to sleep tonight. You might be concussed."

 

Touya looked deeply into Yukito's concerned eyes. "It was worth it to get you back," he said. He took Yukito's chin in his two hands and kissed Yukito's mouth, and then kissed him again.

 

"To-ya," asked Yukito, distracted by the kissing but not completely, "is that why Sakura-chan was crying?  Because Yue hit you?"

 

Touya's sigh showed his reluctance to answer.  "She had to order him to do it. To change back," he admitted.

 

"Oh," said Yukito.  He understood the implication. Sakura would only have done such a thing as a last resort. His own sigh spilled out of him. "I wish that I could understand my other self," he said. "He must have had some reason," he wondered.

 

Touya squinted at his friend. "Are you taking his side?" he asked, incredulous.

 

"I am his side, To-ya," Yukito answered him.

 

. . .

 

Nadeshiko reached her husband just as he realized that the children had returned home.  When he saw her distraught face, he almost bolted out to see them, but Nadeshiko stayed him with an outstretched hand.

 

"I think you need to know what happened, first," she said, in a breaking voice.

 

Fujitaka was torn between the need to see to his children himself and the trust that he had in his wife. Though agitated, he stayed to listen to her explain. Still, he paced between the study door and his wife's hovering form while she spoke.

 

"Touya isn't hurt badly," she said, doing nothing with her words to reassure him.  "He's in the living room and Tsukishiro-san is taking care of him. Sakura has gone upstairs with the first Guardian. She's the one that needs you."

 

"Is Sakura hurt?!"  Fujitaka exclaimed with horror that stopped his pacing.

 

Nadeshiko quickly shook her head. "She had to do something that she didn't want to.  My poor Sakura," Nadeshiko moaned softly. "It's getting close. She's so full of magic now. I felt how powerful she was. But she's not ready for it."

 

Fujitaka did not delay any longer. As he passed the living room in haste, he heard Yukito say, " _I am his side_ ," and paused briefly to look in on Touya. He hardly registered the way the boys were intertwined. "Tsukishiro-kun, you are welcome to stay for the night," he quickly offered, then bounded up the stairs to his daughter, who needed him.

 

Sakura's magical companion hid under the pillow a moment before Fujitaka entered the room and crossed to Sakura's side. The little girl, still dressed, lay stretched face down on her bed, her head nested in the crook of her arms. Her father sat on the floor beside her and lay his hand across her short auburn hair.

 

"Sakura-san," he whispered.  "I'm here."  Nadeshiko could only watch with him.

 

. . .

 

"I guess you're spending the night," said Touya.

 

"I guess I am," Yukito agreed softly. For him, it had only been an hour since he had been contemplating undressing Touya. Touya was warm and enticing and in his arms, now.

 

"So what are you going to do to keep me awake?" Touya whispered in his ear. He started to kiss Yukito's neck, starting low and moving up to a spot just behind Yukito's ear.

 

"To-ya," Yukito protested without much conviction.  "Your Dad –"

 

"Is upstairs,"  murmured Touya.

 

The next few minutes passed in near silence.

 

"We can't do this in the living room," Yukito said, breathing heavily. "And we can't go upstairs."

 

Touya ran both hands through his hair. "The garage?" he offered. "The laundry room?"

 

"TO-YA," Yukito protested, blushing a bright pink.

 

Touya leaned his elbows onto his knees and hung his head. "Then we may as well go to the kitchen," he said, defeated.

 

"To-ya!"

 

"To feed you," the young man clarified, with a shocked laugh at his friend's assumption.  "You haven't eaten in half a week."

 

. . .

 

Yukito had done his best to stay awake with Touya, watching late-night television, but at around three-thirty in the morning, his nodding off was becoming more of a hindrance than a help.  He crawled off alone to sleep in Touya's bed. Touya's closet provided him with some old clothes to sleep in. After putting them on, he snuggled into the sheets and pillow that bore the scent of the friend that he had loved for such a long time. He had no awareness of Nadeshiko when she sat on the bed beside him and leaned to whisper in his ear.

 

"Yue," she said gently, "I think that you can hear me." She considered what she wanted to say and watched Yukito drift into sleep. "We all made mistakes. Don't forget that my Sakura needs you. She will need to talk to you herself, and you will need to talk to her." As Yukito shifted in his sleep, she shifted so that she could continue murmuring to his hidden self.

 

She laid down with her upper body across the bed. One arm rested above both their heads and the other bent at the elbow in the space between their forms. "I won't have much more time to talk with you," she confessed.  _If Sakura hadn't been so upset, I believe she would have seen me tonight_ , she thought to herself.  "I would like to tell you… good-bye…  properly. It would be nice to see you. We didn't get to finish our conversation."

 

The figure beside her continued to sleep, Yukito nearly motionless except for his breathing. Nadeshiko frowned. "Yue," she said again, gentleness tinged with a mother's conviction.  "I would like to see you."

 

Yue felt the pull and answered it, despite the unfamiliar note of command. He lay as Yukito had lain, his back to Nadeshiko, and stared unseeing at the bedroom wall. Nadeshiko did what she had not done to Yukito: she touched Yue's hair, still wild and loose.

 

"Are you leaving me, too?" asked Yue in a broken voice.

 

"I am leaving, soon," Nadeshiko corrected. "It's all that I am allowed, to see my Sakura and tell her myself that I love her. Then I have to go." She continued stroking Yue's hair with her fingertips. She moved the arm that lay between them to wrap around his waist. Yue hid his face in the blankets. Had Nadeshiko not been carefully listening, she would have missed his muffled words.

 

"Who allows or doesn't allow these things?"

 

"It's just the way it is," she answered.

 

Yue laughed sadly.  "Rules?"

 

Nadeshiko sighed; she had no wish to make him more unhappy. "Yes."

 

"I don't want you to leave!" cried Yue in a whisper. With his words he rolled over to face her and pressed his head against her shoulder.

 

Nadeshiko kept her arm around his waist, and moved the rest of herself up onto the bed. The blankets between them maintained a propriety that neither of them cared about. "Shhh," she whispered into his hair.

 

"Nadeshiko-san," said Yue.

 

"Just Nadeshiko, Yue," the woman corrected.

 

"And then what happens?" Yue asked. "After you go?"

 

Nadeshiko shook her head. "I don't know." She wiped softly at the cascade of tears flowing from Yue's eyes. "I'm still in the middle."

 

Yue's question came out in a shaky breath. "How can you leave?"

 

"I have to keep my word," said Nadeshiko. The answer did not seem satisfactory. "Because I know everything will be all right," she ammended. "My children are looked after. You will guard my Sakura for me, won't you?"

 

A stern frown crossed Yue's countenance. "I have already made that promise," he said.

 

"Then I can take comfort in that." She shifted, taking his hands into her own and placing them over his heart, the same gesture that she had made with her husband. "I will always be with you, here," she assured Yue.

 

Yue drew away from her and sat up on one arm. "I do not accept that," he said angrily.

 

Nadeshiko drew herself up as well.  She fixed an intense gaze on him. "I think I understand something of what it means to be a guardian," she said, a note of challenge entering her voice. "You don't get to act like a child, because you are guarding _my_ child," she said. Frustration and guilt flared into anger.  "Enough is enough," she snapped.  "You are under no obligation to suffer. Start living, Yue, because I CAN'T!"

 

Yue looked as though he had been slapped. " _Live_ ," he echoed. He sank his head into his hands. Slowly, he lifted it again, smoothing back his hair. His chin came up bravely. "How much longer can you stay?" he asked, in a much sturdier voice than he had used this night.

 

"Until my Sakura can see me and hear me," Nadeshiko answered firmly. "It will be soon.  Her level of power is just about to jump. I felt the difference…  earlier tonight." She placed her hand on his arm. "Make amends with Sakura, and with Touya," she emphasized. "And let Yukito get some sleep, too," she added.  For a moment longer, they looked at each other in silence.

 

"Sayonara, Nadeshiko," Yue said, drawing her hand up to his chest, over his heart.

 

"Sayonara, my Yue," she answered.

 

. . .

 

After Nadeshiko disappeared, Yue decided that he had one thing more to do before returning Yukito to bed. He felt strange wearing the pajama pants and T-shirt, but instead of shifting the material over to his usual attire, he accepted them as penance and left them as they were.

 

Touya Kinomoto's lids were drooping closed when he caught sight of Yue. At first, he thought that he was certainly dreaming, so when Yue spoke, Touya jumped off – and nearly behind – the couch.

 

"I have apologies to make to you," said Yue formally.  The young mortal man was staring at him, whether because of his words or the unexpected clothing, Yue could not tell. "Yet I don't know where to begin," he confessed.

 

"How about with the reason for giving me this lump on my head," offered Touya.

 

"There is no lump," Yue replied with a moment's confusion. "Oh." He looked abashed.  "Please, forgive my weakness. It was wrong of me to lose my temper."

 

Touya was now awake enough to smirk at Yue's garb. Yue looked better in Touya's clothes than Touya would ever have imagined. "So, what is your problem with me, anyway?" he asked mildly. "I don't know what I did to make you want to flatten me."

 

Yue approached Touya tentatively. "I am ashamed to say," he reluctantly admitted.  With a wary glance he sat beside Touya, who had slouched back into the sofa. Yue made himself say the words. "I have only ever loved one person," he said almost inaudibly.

 

Touya's comprehension was slow, but when it came, he looked as embarrassed as Yue. " _Shimatta_ ," he cursed under his breath. "Oh, crap, don't I feel like a heel." He leaned over his knees, resting his forehead in one hand. "I'm sorry." They were both uncomfortable now, so he changed the subject. "You look comfortable in those clothes."

 

"They are comfortable," Yue replied.

 

"You should wear regular clothes more often."

 

Yue was thankful for the change in subject. Touya had forgiven him more easily than he deserved, he thought. "I can stay awake with you, if you like," Yue offered.

 

"Nah –" said Touya. "I think Yuki needs his sleep." He rubbed at his own eyes, clearly wanting sleep himself.

 

Yue stood to go.  "I will take him to bed, then."

 

 _And I won't, for a while anyway_ , thought Touya, still feeling like an insensitive jerk.

 

. . .

 


	9. Reincarnations

 

Touya, muzzy-headed, shuffled around the kitchen. It was still far too early in the morning, but close enough to the ringing of alarm clocks to start on breakfast. Today would have been Sakura's cooking day, but Touya was already (still) up, so he thought he may as well spare her the chore.  He started the rice cooker – in last night's excitement, no one had remembered to set the timer – and took miso soup out of the refrigerator to heat up for a traditional style breakfast. There was ridiculously little to do.

 

To pass time, he made himself some coffee: actual coffee from coffee beans, not the instant crystals that his father usually drank. They had a French press that had been given to the family as a gift by somebody, Aunt Sonomi maybe, and Touya had picked up the skill from one of his many jobs. Grinding the beans took time. Heating the water took time. Brewing the coffee took, well, not enough time. He slumped at the table with his mug and waited for the sun to rise.

 

Fujitaka stumbled into the kitchen first. "You're awake early," he commented. Fujitaka himself looked unrested, his face pale and a hint of circles under his eyes.

 

Touya grunted a reply; it seemed unnecessary to explain. His father gratefully accepted the cup of coffee that Touya poured for him. Though he commented on its strength and then added milk and several spoons of sugar, he drank the hot liquid with gusto. 

 

Fujitaka sat at the table with his son and mirrored his quiet contemplation.

 

"It's probably time for all of us to be honest," the older man said. Touya looked up at him with a startled stare. Fujitaka continued speaking in a mild tone. "I'm aware of Sakura's abilities.  I have known about the little Yellow One and the magic cards for some time. And I know that Tsukishiro-kun is not all he seems."

 

"Yuki and I are involved," Touya confessed, all in one breath.  He was afraid that if he didn't say it first, he would not say it at all.

 

Fujitaka wore a small smile.  "I have a fleeting image of the two of you on the couch last night."

 

Embarrassed, Touya stood up from the table and moved to the sink, where he slowly washed out his mug. "Yuki  is also Yue," he explained to his father, "a Guardian of the Cards like the other one. Have you seen Kero in his true form?" he asked, curious.

 

Fujitaka answered with a negative. "He always hides or pretends to be a toy."

 

"He's actually pretty impressive," Touya admitted. "A big lion-like thing, with wings. But don't ever tell him I said so," he added. "He's already enough of a pest."

 

"Touya, your mother explained to me why you had to give up your own abilities," Fujitaka said softly.

 

Touya set the cup down carefully in the bottom of the sink. His hands stilled. "Mom's visited you?" he asked. "I'm glad that you can see her now. Having half of Clow Reed's magic is good for something, then." He again picked up the cup and gently rinsed it, then set it on the drainboard.

 

"I'm sorry that you can't see her," said his father sadly.

 

"Me too," said Touya. "But I did it for a good reason, and I knew what I was doing. I wouldn't take it back." The young man turned and leaned against the counter, looking at his father.  "But he caused a lot of trouble these last few days," he sighed. "Yue," he clarified. "Is the monster okay?"

 

"She cried a lot, but didn't say a word. She went to sleep, though. Do you think that I should keep her from school today?" Fujitaka asked.

 

"She'll probably wake up like nothing ever happened. There's nothing to distract her if she stays home. She would be better off at school. Besides, we don't want her to think that it just takes a few tears to get out of classes," he added with a weak laugh.

 

     "Get who out of classes?" asked Sakura, walking into the kitchen followed by Yukito. She wasn't exactly sparkling, but she seemed to be more herself, except for the fact that she was awake and dressed an hour earlier than she would usually be. "Ohayo, Otousan," she said, kissing her father on the cheek with a little hug. "Ohayo, Oniichan."

 

They all exchanged "good-morning"s, and Touya was bold enough to chastely embrace Yukito in front of the family audience. Yukito beamed at Touya because of the acknowledgement; he smiled shyly at his friend's father and an unsurprised Sakura.

 

Sakura had not consciously known about their feelings, but still she realized that she _had_ known; it explained the looks, the touching. She didn't mind at all. She couldn't wait to tell Tomoyo, though! "Oniichan," she said in wonderment, looking around the kitchen, "you did my chores... "

 

"You'll be doing mine tomorrow," came her brother's gruff answer.

 

Sakura answered back without argument. "Okay." She turned to their houseguest, asking, "You're having breakfast with us, aren't you Yukito-san?"

 

Even if Touya seemed to accept this quieter Sakura as passably normal, Fujitaka still worried for his daughter. After her small sobs had turned into uneasy little snores, Nadeshiko had explained her promise to him. "Won't that be harder for her, to see you and have to say good-bye so soon after?" he had asked her.

 

"If all we have is that one small moment, at least we can have that much," Nadeshiko had replied.  "Fujitaka . . .  it means that I must say good-bye to you as well," she stated, though this was something that he had already realized.

 

"We said our good-byes a long time ago," he answered her. "I knew that this time was borrowed."

 

"I'll wait for you, _I'll wait for you_ ," Nadeshiko whispered the pledge. "I will be the first to greet you, when that time comes, in whatever waits for us." Fujitaka had watched her disappear, wondering how Sakura could be strong enough for this when, for him, the ache was terrible.

 

His son's voice drew him back to the present.  "Kaiju," Touya was saying, "why don't you go get the Plush. Dad wants to meet him."

 

Instead of the giggly shock that Touya thought his words would elicit, Sakura looked at her father in a blinking daze. "You know?" she asked.

 

"And I think he should meet Yue, too," Touya said, with a serious look at Yukito.

 

"I'll get Kero," said Sakura quickly, and spun out of the room.

 

Yukito's expression became far away and dreamy, as if listening to something distant. "Yue says that he doesn't wish to be rude… " the young man conveyed to Fujitaka and Touya, "but maybe another time… ". Yukito smiled suddenly.  "He's afraid to see Sakura," he translated, lightly laughing. "I don't think he's going to come out easily."

 

"It can wait," Fujitaka said.  "I have to get to the University early." He rubbed a hand across his eyes. "It's going to be a long day." When he saw Sakura return with an enormous winged feline, he reassessed his prediction. _It's going to be a long, **strange** day_ , he thought.

 

     . . .

 

Kero was delighted to officially reveal his existence to Sakura's father. After all, Fujitaka was a wonderful cook, and Kero had happily feasted on many of his sweet creations. This breakfast would be the first of many meals with the family, something that filled the Sun Guardian with happy anticipation.

 

"Ah… wonderful," Kero sighed. Back in his small form (to better enjoy his portion), he picked his teeth with a fishbone and roamed a contented gaze around the table. He eyed Sakura's plate beside him with speculation; Sakura was just picking at her broiled fish and had only really eaten the miso soup. She noticed his hopeful look and slid her plate toward him.

 

"Have whatever you like, Kero-chan," she said.

 

Fujitaka, Yukito, and Touya had long since finished their own breakfasts, and Fujitaka had already left to his teaching obligations. Touya had finally gone to bed, and Yukito, not wanting to disturb him, had brought downstairs the textbooks from the classes that they shared. Keeping company to Sakura, he caught up on his studies while sitting at the dining room table.

 

Yukito looked up from his notes when Sakura surrendered her food.  "Sakura-chan," he said gently, "Are you all right?"

 

The young girl tried to smile and failed. Her lip quivered. "I… I don't know how to fix it," she said. She rubbed at her eyes to try to keep the tears from falling anew. "I don't know how to make things right again."

 

"It's not your fault!" Kero exclaimed, his mouth full of rice.

 

Yukito put his hand over Sakura's. "Sakura-chan… I think Yue feels the same way. He's been trying to justify not wanting to come out, but I think he wants to apologize." Yukito became distant again, listening.  "Hm. You know, he's never talked to me so much before," he laughed, bemused. "He just said, 'There is no possible way for me to make amends to her'."

 

"That's not true!" Sakura cried.  "I don't want Yue-san to be unhappy!"

 

Yukito shook his head.  "This is getting confusing.  Sakura-chan, I can't make the change.  Couldn't you just ask him to come out?" Sakura shook her head violently and hid her face in her folded arms.

 

Kero licked his paws and wiped his mouth. He crossed the table top and sat down in front of Yukito, his tail swishing angrily behind him. "Yue," he said, looking into Yukito's co-operative face, "Get out here. You're only making things worse." Yukito and Kero waited expectantly, but nothing happened. " _Now_ , Yue," Kero growled, menacingly despite his small size, "or the next time you do, I promise to beat the stuffing out of you."

 

Reluctance was apparent even in the transformation. Yukito, enfolded in the wings of light, hovered for several seconds before the light diminished, the wings opened, and Yue appeared. He threw an angry look at Kero before turning his back and pacing to the farthest side of the room.

 

Sakura sniffled, wiping away her tears, and looked at her sullen Guardian. At last he turned around, and with words full of remorse, said, "You have every right to command me. You are my Mistress, and I was willful. None of the fault is yours."

 

"No," Sakura denied vehemently, "that's not how I want us to be!"

 

"Nevertheless," said Yue, "it is your right. I submit to you."

 

"I don't want you to _submit_ ," said the girl, anger tinting her voice now, "ever!" She crossed the space between them. Yue had nowhere to retreat; panic flashed across his face as he stood unmoving. "That's not what I want.  That's never what I wanted! Not at all!" shouted Sakura.  Yue could not turn away from her passionate intensity. "I only want you to be happy! But I don't know how to do that! I don't know how to _do_ that, Yue-san! I don't know how to reach you!"

 

Yue swallowed hard.  He looked away at the ceiling, blinking away the stinging in his eyes. "I want… to be happy, too," he said falteringly. "But I don't know how. I keep doing everything wrong." He looked to Kero, but the little lion had no answer for him. "You are my Mistress. Tell me what to do," he begged.

 

Sakura put her arms around Yue and hugged herself to him. After a shocked moment, he slid down to his knees, not in obeisance this time, but to draw closer into the embrace. "What do I know?" Sakura answered, crying again. "I'm just a child," she said.

 

"Come on, you two," said Kero, not unkindly, as he floated over to land on Sakura's shoulder. "Sakura, you need to get going, unless you want to try setting a new speed record for getting to school. Everything's okay between you two now, right?"

 

Sakura looked into Yue's eyes, and her Guardian looked into hers. "I think so," she said as Yue made a short nod of  agreement. Sakura made herself smile. "Promise me," she said to Yue, "that you will let me help you."

 

"Yes," Yue murmured.

 

Sakura held on to him a breath longer, enjoying the comfort of his heartbeat, before releasing him. "Now I have to go to school, but I want to talk to you more later, okay?  When Yukito is done at school?" Yue nodded silently, which seemed to be enough for his little Mistress. In a moment, he returned Yukito.

 

"Did it work?" Yukito asked Kero.

 

"We're going to work on it," said Sakura with a brave smile.

 

"That's good, then," said Yukito.

 

Yukito saw Sakura off to school. After she had left, her Sun Guardian went off to his own amusements up in Sakura's room, so Yukito found himself alone. He felt a little awkward; it wasn't his house, after all. He decided to head to the college early and study in the library there. Touya wasn't likely to be out of bed for a few more hours, anyway.

 

He wrote a note for his friend and left it on top of the borrowed textbooks, and then quietly headed out. At his own house, he picked up his bicycle and turned off all of the lights that had been left on overnight. He showered, changed his clothes, and went to school.

 

It was strange to be alone. Even when Touya had to work, Yukito would sometimes accompany him or pick up some work himself if he could. A lot of Touya's jobs were odds-and-ends jobs for someone that they knew, and could usually use the extra hands. When Yukito couldn't help, he was either studying or just waiting for Touya to be free again.

 

Yue was aware of Yukito's thoughts. The Guardian was restless, agitated. The incidents over the last few days had forced him to feel something other than cold weariness, and he felt as though he had been flayed with his own emotions. Yukito's thoughts were calm and reasonable; they were light and pleasant. He watched the neat, sensible way that Yukito took notes while studying. Yukito took care of the books, too, never marking them -- not even in pencil -- or using a pen or another book as a bookmark. Yue had never noticed before how many of Yukito's traits were things that Yue himself admired. The small things were coincidental; Yue had created the persona, but Yukito had developed his personality on his own.

 

Staying aware of Yukito had an enjoyable side-effect. Yue found the class lectures interesting. He didn't realize how often he had been making comments in Yukito's mind until midday, when while eating his lunch, Yukito pointed it out.

 

 _You've been a 'Chatty Cathy' today, you know_ , Yukito thought to his hidden self.

 

 _Have I been bothering you?_ Yue asked.

 

Yukito smiled around his sandwich. _No, not really. It's distracting sometimes, but… I've always kind of *wanted* to talk with you._

 

 _I am not usually paying so much attention to things_ , Yue confessed.

 

Yukito lay back on the grassy hillside and stared up at the sky. It was easier to talk to Yue while looking at nothing more demanding than clouds. _Do you eavesdrop on my thoughts?_ asked Yukito without accusation.

 

It was a moment before Yue answered. _Some thoughts are more like shouting,_ he said.

 

Yukito was puzzled, but he didn't have to actually form a question for Yue to answer his thoughts.  Yue's mental voice tumbled into his mind with a chaotic wake of mixed emotions.

 

 _When you're thinking about… Touya_ , he said.

 

 _Like right now?_ asked Yukito.

 

 _Please stop it._ Yue's voice would have been terse, had he been speaking aloud.

 

 _I can't help it,_ apologized Yukito. _I want to be with him. Now that I know that he feels the same way that I do…   I don't feel like I'm violating him by thinking about him that way. Is it the sex that bothers you?_

 

Yue sounded annoyed.  _I'm not a prude._

 

_Then what's the problem?_

 

In his mind, there was only silence. Yukito tried again. _I just want to understand you,_ he said. _You get to know everything that I do, but for me, it's just another blackout. Losing time like that is unnerving. And then the only way I can know what you've been doing is by asking other people. It's kind of stupid, but I feel left out._

 

 _You would not like being aware of me_ , Yue declared.

 

 _How do you know? At least then I might know when something was bothering you. You and I are too close of 'neighbors' not to understand each other._ He paused, carefully forming his next thought as clearly as possible. _And if I had been aware of you at the time, you NEVER would have hurt To-ya, I guarantee it._

 

_You could not have done anything._

 

 _We'll never know, will we?_ answered Yukito seriously.

 

 _You don't really want an awareness of me… do you?_ Yue thought of his rooftop talk with Nadeshiko; thinking of her, he felt a pang of loss. _It would mean all of my memories… everything that I feel… you would be happier not knowing all that I know._

 

Yukito took time to consider thoughtfully. He watched the cottony white clouds above him move by on a high wind. Their shapes morphed rapidly; the pattern of his thoughts made him see rabbits becoming angels, that in turn became shapeless puffs that evanesced away. _We share a body,_ thought Yukito finally. _Why not share everything?_

 

Yukito felt Yue retreating further back into his mind.  _It will be something to ask the Mistress,_ his last thought murmured.

 

Yukito looked at his watch. He had missed his next class, and if Touya had come to school at all today, he was probably wondering where Yukito had gone. The young man stretched and sat up. He felt lethargic, as if just coming out of a nap. Yue's thoughts were like heavy syrup; they flowed into the spaces of Yukito's mind and filled everything. His other self was a mystery.

 

. . .

 

"This evening would be an ideal time," said Yue quietly. "It is sooner than I would like, but the moon is just past its rebirth. The situation would be similar to the conditions that you would want, Mistress, should you… should you want to… ." Yue found himself painfully unable to return to the subject of his reincarnation under Sakura. Just changing Yukito – although it meant that he would be baring his very soul to his other self – was a reality that he could grasp. Anything more, in his current state of emotions, was beyond his strength.

 

Sakura patted his arm reassuringly. She had embraced the idea with enthusiasm once she understood it: Yukito would be able to be "awake" in Yue the way that Yue was in him. Instead of blacking out, he would only be stepping off-stage when they changed forms. Additionally, Yukito would be able to instigate the transformations himself. It would be an equal partnership.

 

"So what time do we start?" asked Touya. He had been skeptical and wary at first, but Yukito had assured Touya that this was something beneficial to everyone. Beyond that, it was something that Yukito very much wanted. "I fully intend to witness this, you know."

 

"That is understandable," said Yue. "As this differs only slightly from my initial spell, I will not need much time for preparation. We will have an hour or so after twilight before the moon sets."

 

"Dad won't be home until eight or nine tonight," said Touya. "Yuki can have dinner with us and stay here afterward."

 

"Then I will change," said Yue, matching actions to words.

 

"Well, I'm ready," said Yukito brightly.  "What is the plan?"

 

"We eat first!" said Kero enthusiastically.

 

. . .

The yard was dark, but Touya had the forethought to bring a camping lantern. In the sky, the moon was truly only a thin crescent hanging just above the horizon, hardly visible at all, and it provided no light. The group assembled expectantly around Yue: Sakura sat with Keroberos, in "big" form, on the ground, but Touya remained standing.

 

"The house may falter," warned Yue, "when the magic starts. Do not be afraid."

 

"Just be careful with Yuki," Touya said in reply.

 

Sakura nodded encouragingly. "Do your best, Yue-san."

 

Yue made himself relax. He tried to clear his mind, but fear was lurking around the corners, breaking his concentration. He wished for Nadeshiko, thinking about the warmth of her aura, and tried to remember her scent of carnations. When he looked up at Sakura, Nadeshiko was there. She smiled and placed a finger to her lips. Yue closed his eyes.

 

The circle, Clow's magic circle, sun and crescent moon, glowed under his feet. Runes like fire raced around its edge as the spell was written once again. He let the magic wait in him, pooling. When it was enough, he began: the sincere desire, the focus of will. He opened all the doors of his soul. And then to release the spell, a word: " _wake_ ".

 

The magic that made the reality of Yukito's house did not just falter; it skipped like a pebble on a pond. The house disappeared entirely, though only for a moment. To Sakura, it felt like a cold hand running up her spine.

 

Yue hovered in the enclosure of wings. Sakura could feel the magic, like a soft rain, falling, falling, running in rivulets along the lines in the magic circle, and feeding into the glowing cocoon.  Like a key turning in a lock, the spell's release sounded through her. Kero could feel it too; he sighed and relaxed visibly. The wings unfurled, Yukito was spilled softly to the ground, and the glow of magic faded.

Yukito said nothing for several minutes. He sat on the ground with his arms around himself, and when Touya moved toward him with concern, he dreamily held up his hand, a gesture not to approach. Finally, his eyes focused. He looked around at everyone.

 

"I'm fine," he said.  His smile came, though not as quickly as usual.

 

"How do you feel," asked Keroberos. He padded close to Yukito and looked into the young man's eyes.

 

"Light-headed, some.  And… like I've just watched an incredibly sad movie," he said with a laugh. He added softly, "I had no idea." _But they aren't all sad memories_ , he said in his mind to Yue. _There were lots of good ones, too_. He let Touya help him to his feet.

 

"Is Yue-san okay?" asked Sakura.

 

Yukito nodded thoughtfully. "Yes. I think he is," he said. He spontaneously leaned down and kissed Sakura on the forehead. "Sakura-chan, why don't you and Kero-chan go home? I'm going to be fine staying here tonight."

 

Sakura looked a little giddy from the unexpected kiss. Her brother put his hand on her head and rubbed her hair vigorously. "What about me?" asked Touya.

 

Yukito smiled broadly enough to shame the Cheshire Cat. "You," he said to Touya, "can stay."

 

. . .

 

A thought nagged Sakura on the way walking home. "Kero," she said to her Guardian, who was riding in her pocket, "did you feel anything strange tonight?'

 

"Outside of the spell?" Kero looked thoughtful. "Why, did you?"

 

Sakura frowned, trying to put words to the feeling. "It was like… like someone else was there besides just us. I looked around, in case it was a nosey neighbor or something, but I didn't see anyone peeking through the fence or anything."

 

"It could have been Eriol, scrying… but I know what you mean. Now that I think about it, I felt something, too."

 

"I don't think it was Eriol," said Sakura. "But it didn't feel like anything bad, either." She looked back the way they had come.

 

"It can't hurt to call him," suggested Kero. He was already pulling her cellular phone out of her pocket. Sakura pushed it back into her pocket again.

 

"No, I don't want to bother him. I'll just send him an email when we get home." They were already on the street leading to the house. She could see her father's car in their driveway. "Otousan is home!" she said. She pushed her uneasy musing to the back of her mind. "Let’s go tell him about our day."

 

. . .

 


	10. Juxtaposed Lives

 

When Touya came out of Yukito's kitchen with the canned sodas, he found Yukito sitting on the floor and giggling with some private joke. Touya sat beside his best friend and studied him. Yukito stopped giggling, but his smile was still excessively bright.

 

"Are you sure you're okay, Yuki?" asked Touya, handing a can over. While he opened his own drink and drank, he kept his eyes on Yukito's face.

 

Yukito returned the look innocently.  "Why? Am I acting weird?"

 

"You're acting high," Touya stated plainly.

 

Yukito's reply was thoughtful. "I guess I am, a little." He looked at the can in his hand, and then looked at their surroundings. "So why didn't you bring me any munchies?" he kidded, then laughed at his own joke.

 

"Let me talk to Yue," Touya said, suddenly angry.

 

The transformation came quickly, though Yue shifted to a more dignified kneeling and put the soda can down between them. "You are unnecessarily concerned," Yue said with confidence, although his expression toward Touya was guarded.

 

"I told you to be careful with him," Touya said harshly. "What's going on?"

 

Yue felt a glimmer of resentment, but he hid it. There was nothing wrong with Yukito; Yue's other self was merely euphoric – quite truthfully, "high" – as an after effect of the spell. Yue had just given Yukito an awareness of the power that flowed through both of them; Yukito had touched Yue's own power, and been given the ability to invoke that power by invoking Yue. _I am the one who has given himself up to another's care_ , thought Yue. _You should be asking me how I  am faring._ To Touya, he said, "Yukito is not harmed in any way. His giddiness will wear off in a short time." Because Touya seemed unconvinced, Yue added, "I assure you – the changes that I made were more to myself than to him."

 

Touya seemed to accept his statement, though grudgingly. "Why did you do it?" Touya asked. "Why now, after everything?"

 

Yue was taken aback by the question. Briefly he considered telling the young man about Nadeshiko, but part of him wished to spare Touya such a revelation. Yue was plentifully conscious of the debt that he owed to Touya. Still, that wasn't entirely the reason.

 

Why had he made a gesture that required so much trust? The truth was, he had merely given in; he had given up. Fighting Yukito had only created havoc. He didn't have to watch, he told himself. He could go back to the hazy dream, not caring, and Yukito could call him if he was needed for his Mistress. Giving up so completely left Yue with a sense of peace.

 

No good had come from caring. Nadeshiko's presence in his life had been ridiculously brief, only a reminder that his life was over-full of partings. She had made him feel a certain resolve to continue living with her last words to him, but as he realized that she really would be gone, that resolve had been overwhelmed. To say that she was in his heart, true as it was, lacked consolation. To see her so fleetingly, at a distance, as she had been earlier in the evening, only served to remind him that she had never been there for his existence. Her promise had been for her daughter; he was incidental.

 

"Yue?" questioned Touya. The Guardian had been deeply silent after Touya's previous question. "Are you okay?"

 

Yue stood up sharply and walked away from Touya, keeping his back to the young man. "Yukito wishes to return," Yue lied to Touya, a lie that came out bitterly. Yukito was currently basking in too much magic to be noticing anything. At least, if he was paying any attention to Yue's thoughts and actions, he had not yet commented.

 

"Why do you always run away?" Touya asked. His answer was a pair of glowing wings as Yue transformed back into Yukito.

 

Yukito turned around; his eyes looked clearer, to Touya, and he wasn't grinning like before.  He walked back over and picked up his drink again, but waited to drain the soda before saying anything. "Don't be too hard on him, To-ya," he said finally. He sat down again next to Touya, encircling his friend in his arms. "There's a lot he doesn't say." Yukito nestled his head into the crook between shoulder and neck. Touya leaned into him.

 

"I don't understand him at all," Touya complained softly.

 

"I'm starting to," said Yukito.

 

Touya turned his head to look at Yukito, but only succeeded in burying his face in Yukito's hair. His thoughts started to blur. "You smell good," he murmured. Playfully, he took a lock in this lips and tugged.

 

"To-ya," Yukito said with a low giggle. He slipped his hand under Touya's shirt and ran his palms up Touya's back. "You know what, To-ya?" he asked.

 

"Hm," Touya murmured.

 

"You smell good, too," said Yukito. He kissed the underside of Touya's chin, tentatively tasting the young man's skin with a tiny lick, making Touya shiver. "You know what else?" Yukito continued, as Touya's hands ran over his bare skin under his clothes. "We're all alone right now."  He pulled Touya down to the floor; Touya fell over him willingly. "Completely alone," Yukito murmured, tickling his partner with the breath of his words.

 

But they weren't, completely, and Touya remembered. He lifted himself from Yukito. "Hey, Yuki," he said thickly, hating having to say it. "We need to cool down."

 

Yukito's hazel eyes expressively showed his lack of understanding. "Don't you want to… ?" he asked in a voice tinged with disappointment.

 

"I just think we need to take it slower," Touya said.

 

Yukito laughed without humor. "Four years isn't slow enough for you?"

 

"C'mon, Yuki," sighed Touya. "Don't make this any more difficult."

 

Yukito's face gained a rare expression: aggravation. "This has something to do with Yue," he said. It was not a question. "He's not involved. He can just go to sleep in the background. He won't care, To-ya."

 

Touya remained firm.  "Ask him," he said.

 

If Yukito had been anyone else, he would have rolled his eyes. As it was, he just looked away and thought at Yue, _Are you going to get in the way, again?_ In his mind, Yue was silent.  "No answer," said Yukito challengingly. "He's gone to bed." Aggressively, he rolled Touya under him and pinned him. "Let's do the same."

 

Touya lay quietly unresponsive while Yukito nuzzled him; after a moment or two, his tactic paid off. Yukito let him go and moved away from him.

 

"Okay. I give up then," said Yukito, in a voice that sounded for a moment more like Yue's. "Maybe you should go home, To-ya."

 

"Yuki – " Touya started.

 

"No, really," said the young man in anticipation of debate. "I'll see you tomorrow, I promise."  He walked the reluctant Touya to the door, leaning on the frame as Touya stepped out onto the walkway.

 

"Do you want to have breakfast together?" Touya asked, hopeful for reconciliation.

 

"You know I do," said Yukito. "See you in the morning."  He waved a little goodbye as Touya, walking away, turned to look back at him. Touya returned the wave with a rueful smile and stepped out past the fence, heading home.

 

Yukito watched him until he was out of visibility, and then softly closed the front door. He returned to the living room, but this time sat himself not on the floor but on the futon couch. He picked up Touya's soda and drank the rest of it.

 

 _So are you planning to keep me a virgin for the rest of our joint lives?_ he asked Yue.

 

Yue answered back indifferently.  _You can do whatever you like._

 

 _Not with To-ya,_ Yukito countered, _unless you tell him that you will allow it. Think about my side of it. You had a chance to be with the one you loved. I  love To-ya. And I've been waiting for so long just to touch him that I think I'll go crazy if I don't._

 

Yue's answer had a quality of desperation.  _It makes me feel… uncomfortable._

 

 _Uncomfortable?_ asked Yukito.  The choice of word had sounded less than truthful.

 

 _Unclean_ , Yue stated more specifically.

 

Yukito was shocked and surprised. _Why?! We're not doing that you haven't already done. Can't you just go with it? Or just stay out of it._ Yukito hissed an audible sigh of impatience. After having his plans derailed again, he was feeling less than generous toward his other self.

 

 _I don't want to be with anyone else. I can't feel that way with To-ya,_ said Yue with a protest that sounded both sorrowful and terrified.

 

 _You don't have to,_ Yukito bargained. _We can know each other's feelings without sharing them. And there is nothing 'unclean' about To-ya_. Yukito's kind nature re-asserted itself, making him inclined to consider Yue's feelings. _If it gets really bad for you, tell me and I'll back off._

 

_Would you really stop?_

 

 _Would you believe me if I promised you?_ asked Yukito. _You have already trusted me this far._

 

Besides knowing the honesty in Yukito's nature, Yue could feel the truth in Yukito's offer. At this point, Yue could not be less than fully trusting of Yukito; if he was to give himself up, it would have to be in all things. It was hard to say, but he formed the words. _I will accept your promise,_ he told his other self, _and I will… stay out of it_. Yue knew that Yukito would keep his word.  As for Yue, he just did not know if he could keep his.

 

. . .

 

Touya knocked on his best friend's door in the morning, before classes and with enough time for breakfast, with a dull misgiving. Pessimistically, he couldn't help but remember that the last several times that he had shown up at this doorway, what had followed had been anything but pleasant. So at first he exhaled with relief when Yukito answered the door, still wearing his pajamas; then he noticed his friend's blurry expression and tired eyes.

 

"Ohayo, To-ya," Yukito said, effort in his cheerful greeting. "Sorry I'm still in my pajamas, but I really overslept." He rubbed his eyes with one hand while pulling Touya through the doorway with the other. "I had bad dreams all night."

 

"You never have bad dreams," Touya pointed out with concern.

 

"I think Yue lent me some," the other young man laughed humorlessly. He rested his hands on Touya's waist. "We talked some last night. And you're right," he explained with regret, "we'll need to go slow, but –" he paused, and slid his arms the rest of the way around Touya's body.  "Yue's not going to flip out again." Even as he said the words, he could feel Yue's tension at the intimate closeness with Touya. Wearily, Yukito rested his forehead against Touya's shoulder for a moment longer, and then stepped out of the embrace. "What do you want for breakfast?" he asked as brightly as he could. "Everything has been in the refrigerator for half-a-week longer than it was meant to, so I hope you're hungry, because I'm cooking it all."

 

Touya laughed, but he chucked Yukito under the chin, and sneaked a kiss in before Yukito moved out of range. "Unless you've picked up Yue's eating habits," he said, "you won't need me to help eat it all, and you know it."

 

"Why don't you start some water for tea while I get changed," Yukito suggested. He lingered a little longer before heading up the stairs. "To-ya," he said wistfully. "I really wanted to wake up with you."

 

Dark brown eyes met hazel, and the two young men shared a deep look.  "I know, Yuki," Touya said.

 

. . .

 

Yukito's small comment, coupled with his unselfish behavior, bothered Yue for the rest of the day. His mind turned it over and over, keeping him from sleep as effectively as his bad dreams had kept Yukito tossing and turning through the night. Yue had not expected that the unpleasant products of his subconscious would leak into Yukito's dreaming mind as they had, and the Guardian felt guilt over that, too.

 

Of the dreams that he could remember, one had been notably horrible. Yue had dreamed of eating: something with a delicious taste that he could not resist licking from his hands. And then he had realized that his fingers and palms were coated in warm blood. He was hovering, vulture-like, over the prone body of his Maker, and picking at flesh that had been torn apart. "There is no shame in this," the corpse had told him, in Clow's loving voice. "This is what I wanted."

 

What had Clow wanted for him, Yue wondered. Maybe Yukito was never meant to have been such a separate personality from Yue, but instead more like Keroberos' false form. In the beginning, Yue had thought of the alternate persona as disposable. Yet Yukito had become more important to those around him, including the Mistress, than Yue had intended. If Yukito had favored Sakura, rather than her brother, all of this would have been easier for Yue; Sakura was young still, and years, Yue thought, from love beyond the gentlest of feelings.

 

But Yue himself could never love his Mistress as he had loved Clow. Never again could he feel the complex bliss that they had shared, because neither Clow Reed nor the Yue that he had loved existed anymore.

 

 _Yue_ , Yukito interrupted his thoughts, _think of something happier. I have to concentrate on this quiz._

 

Clearly, Yue's emotions were leaking over again.  He tried to calm his mind and clear his thoughts. Looking at the questions before Yukito, Yue realized that he had knowledge in this subject. _You have skipped a step on exercise two_ , he pointed out.

 

 _Thank you, Yue. Now stop helping me_ , Yukito answered.

 

Yue turned his attention away, causing Yukito to take a quick glance around. He surveyed the lecture hall, and his notice fell on Touya beside him. Touya was biting on his mechanical pencil between furious scribbles on his answer sheet. His teeth were even and white, making a pleasing contrast with his tan skin; a lock of his hair was poised on his cheek, ready to fall forward and brush his short, dark lashes. With a feeling of panic, Yue quickly re-directed his attention. He looked at the string of equations on the quiz sheet, and thought of nothing else.

 

. . .

 

"Yue wants to spend some time with Sakura-chan," Yukito explained to Touya as he hung his helmet on the back of the motorcycle alongside Touya's. "I'm going to leave them the rest of the afternoon while you're at work, and do the homework later. It's just reading; I can do that while I'm having dinner." He lifted his bag to his shoulder. "Will you mind?" he asked.

 

"It's always busy on Fridays, so I'll be late tonight anyway," Touya answered.   "Should I come by after?"

 

"I'd like you to," Yukito said earnestly. "Maybe we can make a slumber party out of it." He smiled, making Touya smile in answer.

 

"I'll bring a change of clothes," Touya said without implication. A slumber party was really the best that he could hope for from tonight. Yue couldn't object to late-night popcorn and a movie. "Let's go in?" he suggested, waiting for Yukito to precede him into the Kinomoto house.

 

They held hands as they walked together up the staircase, fingertips keeping the contact. Touya kept looking back, and Yukito kept smiling. "Sounds like the _kaiju_ is in her room," Touya said as they reached the landing. "I'm going to get my uniform and head out." He wavered, and then reached his hand around Yukito's neck and kissed him with intensity. "I love you," he said quickly. "I'll see you later."

 

"Okay To-ya," said Yukito, breathing shallowly. They hadn't exchanged those words since they had first revealed their mutual feelings. Dazed with happiness, Yukito watched Touya step into the bedroom, and then slowly turned away to knock at Sakura's room door. _Wait_ , the thought occurred to him, _wasn't I supposed to say it back?!_ He wanted to hit his head on the door frame for his mistake.

 

"Yukito-san?" asked Sakura, holding her door open. Behind her, Kero was impatiently holding his controller pad; the two-player video game was paused onscreen.

 

"Yue said he wanted to talk to you," said the young man, "but that it wasn't anything to worry about," he added with a smile. "Can I come in?"

 

Sakura's eyes grew wide. "Of course!" she said with a broad smile. She waved him in.

 

"Yo," said Kero, by way of greeting, to Yukito.  "Sakura – aren't we going to keep playing? I'm winning," he complained.

 

"We can take a break for a snack, can't we?" Sakura bribed.  "Just get it to a saving point.  I'm going to go downstairs but I'll be right back!  You can play for me, Yukito-san," she said, handing the second controller to him.

 

Kero seemed content with the progress of events, and let Sakura dash out of the room without another word. "Okay, Yukito-kun," he said in a deep, theatrically threatening voice, "just follow me quietly and don't get killed."

 

Before Sakura returned with drinks and confections, Yukito, though he didn't play video games often, had done fairly well at the RPG. Their characters reached the designated "Save Point" with a few extra, useful items, and Sakura's character had completed an experience level. He modestly waved off Sakura's bubbling praise and won points with Kero by letting him accept the glory instead.

 

Settling down on the floor with her unexpected guest, Sakura couldn't help smiling. Though she was beyond her crush now, it still gave her a jittery excitement to have Yukito sitting in her room. She happily played hostess to him and Kero, serving out thick slices of the strawberry cake made by her father. Both her little Guardian and her brother's boyfriend took their first bites; simultaneous cries of "Yum!" delighted the little girl as much as if she had baked the cake herself.  Entranced as ever by Yukito, she never lifted her own fork.

 

For a few minutes, Yukito was lost in the vanilla bliss of angel food and strawberries, and he forgot about Yue completely. Yue let himself be forgotten; Yukito's gustatory pleasure was as close as Yue was willing to taste anything himself. Strangely, he didn't mind sharing in the feeling.

 

"How have you been today, Yukito-san?" asked Sakura finally.  "I everything fine?"

 

 _Assure her that all is well_ , said Yue needlessly to Yukito's mind, since Yukito was doing precisely that. "Except for some trouble sleeping," Yukito said, "everything seems normal. Yue says so, too," he added. "But he has been waiting patiently all day, so I'm going to let him take over now."

 

 _Please finish your cake_ , delayed Yue. _There is no need to hurry._

 

 _I can save it for later_ , Yukito told him. _Maybe I can catch up on some sleep while you talk_. He put his fork down while more than half the slice was still on the plate, showing uncharacteristic restraint toward the dessert.  He waited expectantly for Yue to make the transformation.

 

Yue wondered whether Yukito was being polite or if he had forgotten that he could initiate the switch. Since Yukito continued to wait, Yue brought himself forth. Keroberos was looking at him intently and not hiding his inspection. This was the first time that the Sun Guardian had seen his counterpart since the alteration spell, and he seemed to be checking Yue for damage. Sakura was gracing Yue with one of her confidence-building smiles, and behind her, Nadeshiko sat on her daughter's bed. She was smiling at Yue, too, and her smile broadened when she caught his eye.

 

"Everything looks normal," said Kero to Sakura.

 

Sakura released her breath.  "I'm so glad," she said.

 

Yue pulled his gaze away from Nadeshiko.  "There was no need to worry," he said softly.  He was touched by the concern.

 

"But I'm still glad," said Sakura sweetly.

 

"However," Yue continued, debating whether he should give his Mistress any cause for concern, "some things are not as I expected." He decided to be straightforward. "I have always experienced Yukito's existence as if through a glass window. Now, there is no glass. I meant to allow Yukito to see through the window as well, and instead it seems that I have opened it between us instead."

 

"Is that bad?" asked Sakura.

 

"How much is getting through?" Kero asked seriously.

 

Yue answered his brother carefully, hoping to appear unbothered by the situation.  "Dreams, and an occasional stray thought," he said. "I also feel his sensations more strongly."

 

"And now?" queried Kero.  Sakura listened with full attention.

 

"Currently, Yukito is sleeping," said Yue.  "I believe he is dreaming of his calculus exam."

 

" _Hoee_ ," said Sakura, "that doesn't sound like a good dream."

 

Yue's expression softened; he almost felt inclined to laugh. "It's fine," he assured the little girl. "He is only musing over his answers. He did well," he added as extra assurance.

 

Keroberos made a show of licking his lips and setting his fork down on an empty plate.  "Sakura… " he said in a wheedling voice. "Could I have another piece of cake?" He batted his eyes pleadingly.

 

Sakura was about to protest, but then stopped.  "Well, Otousan did make enough to include you this time…" she realized. "I guess you can have another piece." With a shrug, she retrieved Kero's plate and went to the door.  "I'll be right back," she said.

 

Yue looked at his brother. "Your ability to manipulate her is disturbing," he said after their Mistress had left.

 

"You get to know a person," Kero shrugged. "So is it going to be a problem?" he asked, returning to the earlier subject. "I thought that you might be more frank if it was just me you were talking to about this."

 

"There is nothing that our Mistress can do. I wanted her to know, but not to worry."

 

"What is there to worry about?" asked Kero.

 

"Perhaps it will ease, but he was affected by even my dreaming last night. Our feelings seem to be overlapping most of the time. I don't think I can keep anything from him, or he from me."

 

Kero contemplated.  "What if it doesn't ease up?"

 

"I don't know," Yue said honestly. Nadeshiko was listening with a little frown turning her shapely lips. Yue wondered how he could get Keroberos to also leave the room. "I can only live, and see what comes of it," he said, more to her than to the Sun Guardian. "Keroberos, does Sakura talk about her mother?"

 

Nadeshiko looked at Yue with wide eyes.  Kero answered with curiosity at the change in subject. "She says good morning and good night to her picture, but she doesn't usually talk about her."

 

"Does she remember her mother?" Yue asked, just as Sakura returned.

 

Sakura blinked.  It embarrassed her to think that they had been talking about her while she had been gone. "I don't remember very much," she said in a quiet voice. "I was only three. Why are you asking?"

 

Yue looked at his Mistress apologetically. "I wondered if you knew what she was like," he answered.  Sakura was standing right next to her mother, and Nadeshiko was looking nervous. Nadeshiko looked at Yue and shook her head in warning.

 

"I know what Otousan and Oniichan tell me," said Sakura, sitting down and handing the cake plate to Kero. "I sort of remember some of the things they tell me about. But I'm never really sure if I'm really remembering, or just remembering the stories." She thought and paused speaking for a moment. "Like, I sort of remember going to the park together. I remember the grass being really green and soft, and spinning around and around until I would get dizzy and fall down on it.  Okasan would clap, and I would laugh because she was laughing, and the world was still spinning even though I was lying down. But that's it, really," she said without sadness. "Oniichan remembers everything better.

 

"She was really pretty," she continued, "and really nice. Everyone loved her. Especially Tomoyo's mother, and Otousan, of course."

 

"I imagine that everyone did," Yue said in a soft voice. He was surreptitiously looking at Nadeshiko; she was looking at her daughter sadly, but smiling.

 

"Then you're just like her," said Kero, which made Sakura giggle.

 

"No, I think she was perfect," said the girl.

 

. . .


	11. Promise

 

Yue insisted on changing back when Yukito woke up. Yukito found himself with much more time than he had expected to have, so after catching up on his homework and studies, he went out grocery shopping. It was less convenient to pedal than to walk with bags, and he wasn't in a hurry, so left his bicycle at home and enjoyed the late afternoon at a walking pace.

 

He made it to the bakery before they closed and bought a cake to share with Touya. Since he had enjoyed angel food cake earlier with Sakura, he opted for a dark chocolate ganache torte for later. As he collected more edibles for their "slumber party", he started to feel festively excited.  Popcorn was a must, and Pocky, of course, and array of salty chips and treats that filled three bags.  The middle-aged clerk at the grocery store had shaken her head and actually lectured him about healthy eating; Yukito had repeatedly bowed and apologized respectfully while he retreated out of the store.

 

Bountifully laden, he walked home again. Thanks to Touya, he had always felt strong and healthy in the last few years. When Yue had been recharged with Touya's magic, Yukito had benefited the most. Being so weak that he had had to lean on Touya all the time would have been a great excuse for intimacy had it only been an excuse, but when Yukito had been "fading out", he had been too confused and worried to enjoy it. He definitely preferred to feel healthy.

 

Touya had given up an important part of himself to save him, he knew, but Yukito would be happy to give Touya the rest of his life in return, if Touya would accept it.  Yukito couldn't imagine ever loving someone else.  Touya would be the first and last person he ever loved this way, and that felt right.

 

Yukito was in a state of happiness – not euphoria, but real, rooted happiness – when he returned home.  The sun had set. Walking home through the twilight had been wonderfully peaceful, lightly filled with the sounds of people arriving home and loved ones reunited at the day's end.  He still had hours before Touya would be free from work and they, too, could be together again, but he could wait. Except, what was he going to do with the time? Yukito didn't read much for pleasure, nor did he care about watching television, and his schoolwork was already done.

 

He took a shower, which barely used up a quarter of an hour, and then did some laundry, of which there was barely enough for two loads, even after separating lights and darks. He wasted an hour watching the news and the repeat of the news. He scrubbed the bathroom until the tiles gleamed, and then cleaned the kitchen. Since the refrigerator was nearly empty, he took out the drawers and the shelves and gave it a thorough cleaning too. He caught himself sitting in the kitchen and staring at the clock, and thought _I really need a hobby_.

 

 _Or more friends?_ he thought, with a feeling of realization. Had he been spending too much time with only Touya? Yukito knew that he was well-liked, and he had many friendly acquaintances, but since their first meeting, his world had been Touya. Yukito had never felt a lack, socially; he had never been interested in spending any time with anyone else except Touya, not even in a group. Even right now, it wouldn't be fair to call someone up, just to fill the time until Yukito could be with Touya again, but maybe it would have been good to have the option.

 

Yukito smiled to himself when the second revelation hit him. He had a constant companion that he knew everything and nothing about: Yue.

 

Yukito projected a thought to his alternate self. _Are you awake?_ he asked.

 

 _Yes,_ came the answer after a slight delay.  _Am I needed?_

 

Though always good at starting conversations with strangers, Yukito found this situation a little different. Looking at someone in person made conversation easier; people responded to Yukito's easy smile and attentive manner. This was like calling someone on the phone with no agenda, someone who was reluctant to talk to begin with. _I was wondering if we could talk_ , Yukito attempted.

 

 _Do you have a concern?_ asked Yue, in the distant way of he had.

 

 _No, no_ , Yukito laughed in his mind.  _I just wanted to talk. We should get to know each other._

 

 _You already know everything about me,_ Yue started.

 

 _I know your memories, from your perspective, but not your feelings about them.  You keep those pretty close,_ Yukito said.

 

Yue released one of those peculiar mental sighs. _I reflect too much on my memories, I think,_ he said. _I don't know how they would be of interest to you_.

 

 _Of course you're interesting,_ Yukito said encouragingly. _You've traveled all over the world, for one thing. And you've lived a really long life. I'm sure you didn't spend all your time sleeping!_

 

 _Do not underestimate the appeal of sleep_ , said Yue with something that sounded like a laugh, or at least a broad smile. _We did travel many places_ , he offered, _though we mostly kept to ourselves. I could not tell you about the cultures of the world, beyond what I have read in books, and I am not certain that you would be entertained by descriptions of architecture. I lack the poetry to tell you of the beauties of nature, as well._

 

 _Well_ , asked Yukito,  _what do you like to do?_

 

 _I like to read_ , Yue admitted with longing.

 

_Really?_

 

 _No_ , said Yue. _I love to read. I would greatly appreciate if you had books other than school texts in your home. I miss my books_. He paused, and Yukito could feel the sadness that followed with his next statement. _My former Master had beautiful collections._

 

 _It's your home too_ , Yukito said.  _You said it was my home, but it's your home, too_. He paused, then continued. _Tell me what kind of books you like. Or we could go to the library, and you could pick them yourself_.

 

 _We could do this soon?_ asked Yue. He sounded like he was trying to be indifferent, but Yukito sensed the real interest hidden.

 

 _Of course!_ Yukito said. He was happy to be able to do something for Yue, for once.

 

The conversation continued and meandered, until Yukito absently glanced at the clock and realized that it was nearly midnight.  _To-ya will be here soon,_ he told Yue happily. _He's in charge of picking the movies.  I wonder what he's bringing?_   There was a perfectly timed knocking at the front door, and Yukito jumped up to let Touya in.

 

 _Oh_ , said Yue, for the moment forgotten. _I will make myself… unobtrusive, then._

 

Yukito felt Yue slip further back into his mind, but Yukito was busy greeting his best friend. "You went home first?" he asked. Touya had clearly showered and was now dressed in a dark blue pullover and blue jeans, rather than his work uniform.

 

"I had a few extra minutes.  And I couldn't inflict my odor on you," he said, with a dry laugh.  "Here," he said and handed Yukito a pair of slim DVD cases. "I figured two was all we could take before the Sandman hit us." Yukito was looking at him expectantly. "What?" Touya asked.

 

Yukito pushed himself up on his toes and gave Touya a light kiss. Touya kissed him back with a smile.

 

"You want me to make popcorn?" asked Yukito.

 

Touya was still smiling; he looked at his friend contemplatively. "I can make it," he said.  "Go put a movie in."

 

Yukito listened to the sounds of the popcorn popping away in his kitchen. He had the kind that popped on the stovetop and used hot oil; it made the best kind of popcorn, the kind that stayed hot. The heavenly smell floated out to the room, and was soon followed by Touya, carrying a large metal bowl.

 

Touya handed the bowl of popcorn to Yukito and slid down onto the sofa. He casually put his arm around his friend's shoulder, and Yukito snuggled into the space and rested his head against Touya's chest briefly. Touya smelled like soap and water, clean like the smell of sunshine-dried laundry. Yukito thought he smelled better than the popcorn.

 

"This is what I always wanted," said Yukito, "to be close to you like this." He nibbled on a few puffy kernels of corn. The movie played on the screen in front of him, but he wasn't really watching.

 

"I wonder how many movies we watched while thinking the same thing," Touya mused aloud.

 

"Too many," Yukito answered, and Touya just laughed. "To-ya… I think we've rented this one before."

 

Touya pulled his attention away from Yukito for a moment to look at the screen.  An action scene that included an exploding car was playing out. "I don't remember it," Touya said.  He leaned forward and picked up the DVD case, but it was a rental company blank with no more information than the movie's title. He tossed it back onto the coffee table. He looked at the screen again, watching the scene continue. "Are you interested in this?" he asked Yukito.

 

"Not really," Yukito answered flirtatiously.

 

Touya shifted so that he was turned in toward Yukito with his weight pressing against Yukito's leg. Smiling slightly, he took hold of the frames of Yukito's glasses and lifted the lenses off and set them gently down behind himself. Since the bowl of popcorn was still between them, he picked up a kernel and offered it to Yukito.

 

Yukito crunched on the popcorn with a giggle and continued to take the next one and the next one that were placed in front of his lips until he was starting to pay more attention to the fingers than to the food.  He lipped the salt off of Touya thumb, and then he licked at the rest of Touya's fingertips until Touya's eyes closed with pleasure. Yukito moved the bowl to the floor just as Touya leaned into him. Lips replaced fingertips. It was a lingering and sweet kiss despite the popcorn salt.

 

Yukito savored the brush of Touya's kiss, and thought that it wasn't so bad to have to go slow like this. It was a heady feeling to concentrate on just this much without thinking of where it could lead. He rested his hands on Touya's thighs; the denim was warm under his hands. Outside their little bubble of togetherness, actors' angry voices taunted each other. Gunshots were fired. Yukito leaned in further, until Touya rolled to the inside, pulling Yukito over so that Yukito lay on top of Touya across the sofa. Yukito's hands slid up to rest on Touya's ribs, the knit of the cloth soft under his palms.

 

Yukito started to wonder what was going to happen next; this was as far as they had ever progressed, a chaste sort of touching and kisses that traveled no further than the other's neck. He had hoped that Touya would take the lead, but Touya seemed as unsure of the terrain as he. For the time being, when they paused in their kisses they simply lay together quietly. It felt nice to be this way... he just wondered what the next step was supposed to be. He'd had thoughts, but he wasn't sure if Touya would be receptive. He would be so embarrassed if he tried something and Touya thought it was weird.

 

 _Yukito_. Yue's soft mental voice startled him. He jumped slightly.

 

"Yuki?" Touya questioned while stroking Yukito's back.

 

"It's nothing," Yukito said. He lay his head back down onto Touya's shoulder.

 

 _You are both men_ , continued Yue simply.  _You will like the same things_.

 

 _I don't know..._ Yukito hesitated.

 

Yue explained more explicitly, trying to sound neither too clinical nor too blunt. Still, Yukito felt himself starting to blush; he bit his lip. His heartbeat quickened when he started to lower his hand to the edge of Touya's shirt and back up again beneath it. Touya exhaled unevenly and he pulled Yukito in closer as Yukito touched the sensitive area. Yukito wasn't sure whose heart he was hearing thunder in his ears. _Well, that worked_ , he thought, more to himself than to Yue.

 

Touya wriggled lower so that he could catch Yukito's mouth again, and his kiss was a little more intense than before. Yukito mirrored his caress with his other hand, and Touya's answer was a sound like a low moan. Their position made an awkward angle of Yukito's arms; Yue made another unexpected suggestion of somewhere else to put his hands. The riveted buttons of Touya's jeans slipped smoothly as Yukito released them, but the space under the denim was tight as he slid in his fingers. Touya released Yukito's lips and moved to breath against his neck. Then he reached his own hand down between their bodies to echo Yukito's touch.

 

Yue's _No!_ was like a panicked gasp in Yukito's mind; Yukito felt himself involuntarily pulled away. His perspective changed suddenly, and he realized with shock that he was seeing through Yue's eyes.

 

Yue made the change suddenly, but came out of it with dignity. He alighted, standing, more than arm's reach away from Touya and appeared with his usual robes flowing around him. He held his wings out slightly, but beyond that showed no indication of his flustered state. "That is enough," he stated. He looked beyond Touya, unseeingly, at the TV screen.

 

Touya tried to understand what had just happened, and failed. "I thought you and Yuki had an agreement," he said with disbelief.

 

"We did, and I am invoking it now," said Yue with false calm.

 

Touya shook his head with a warning smile. "No," he said quietly. "I don't think this is how it works."

 

Yue met Touya's eyes and his calm failed him. He had done what he needed to do; he had escaped Touya's touch. Now he could escape Touya's growing anger. He brought Yukito back just as suddenly as he had switched places with him.

 

"No – not this time," said Touya angrily, jumping to his feet. "Yuki, bring him back here. He's going to listen to what I have to say this time."

 

"To-ya," Yukito admonished. He was still befuddled by the sudden change twice.  "Calm down!" The two young men stared at each other. Touya broke eye contact first, sitting back down with a huff and angrily doing up his buttons. Yukito counted down from ten slowly; it worked, but only marginally. He picked his glasses up from the floor where they had fallen, and put them back on his face.

 

"What the hell just happened?" Touya demanded.

 

Yukito was at a loss for an explanation. He shook his head. "I don't know," he answered.  "He didn't give me any warning." _Yue, I don't understand_ , he thought. _You were supposed to let me know. And anyway, it was your suggestion!_ He stayed standing at a distance from Touya with his own arms wrapped around himself. Touya picked up the remote control and stopped the movie, leaving them in silence. Then he picked up the popcorn bowl, walked across the room to the sliding door, and after opening it, angrily hurled the bowl across the dark yard. It clanged in the darkness against a cement paver.

 

Touya hung onto the top of the door frame and looked out into the night. "I'm sorry, Yuki," he said quietly. "I just had to throw something."

 

"It's okay To-ya. I understand."  _Now would be a good time to apologize, Yue_ , he thought.

 

After a few more minutes of silence, Touya asked, "So what now? Do I go home?"

 

"We were going to have dinner," said Yukito softly. "You were going to spend the night."  Touya made no answer. Tears tickling the back of Yukito's throat, he walked over to Touya and put his arms around him. "Don't go home," Yukito said. "Stay and wake up with me tomorrow. Like we used to," he said.

 

"Okay, Yuki," said Touya. "But can we skip dinner," he sighed. "I'm tired. It's been a long night."

 

 _I'm not hungry anyway_ , thought Yukito.  "Sure," he said.

 

They left the bowl in the yard; Touya closed the sliding door, and they went about getting ready to sleep. Their preparations were uneventful, though Yukito kept waiting for a word of explanation from Yue. Touya and Yukito dressed in sleeping clothes and unrolled their beds, and the only difference from times past was that they pushed the beds together and lay close. Yukito wanted to give Touya a goodnight kiss but felt that it would not be received well.

 

"G'night," said Touya as they lay in the dark.

 

"Goodnight," said Yukito.  "I love you, To-ya," he added, thinking about the opportunity he had missed earlier.

 

Silence lasted the space of two heartbeats before Touya answered in return.

 

. . .

 

Waking up with Touya's body heat warming him was a sensation of such comfort to Yukito that he didn't want to move at all. Moving meant that this pocket of bliss would end, and the rest of the day would start. He could only resist for so long, however, and his stumbling off to the bathroom woke Touya.

 

"My turn," said Touya as Yukito opened the bathroom door and stepped out. He covered his mouth with his hand. "Ugh, my breath is foul."

 

Yukito sleepily waved away the protest. "I have to brush, too," he said with his head turned away. Touya didn't seem angry anymore, but Yukito wasn't ready to let it go, himself. He was still angry at his other self, even with the snuggly feeling of sleeping with Touya making him mellow.

 

They brushed their teeth together, leaning over the sink at the same time and sharing the running tap. Their elbows bumped, and there wasn't enough space, but neither one of them seemed to mind overmuch. This morning, things were different from when Touya had slept over in the past. Sleeping in Touya's arms resolved the ever-present tension of wanting to be close enough to touch him. Yukito felt as if he had finally let go of a breath that he had been holding for too long.

 

They bathed separately, not wanting to move things into an area of dangerous intimacy, but returned to Yukito's bedroom to lounge around after dressing, rather than going down to breakfast right away. They cuddled back into the messy joined beds that were still vaguely warm.

 

Touya ran his fingers thoughtfully through Yukito's soft hair. "You slept better last night," he said.

 

"I slept really, really well," Yukito assured him.  "Better than ever.  How did you sleep?"

 

"Deeply,"  said Touya.  "Are you sure you didn't drug my toothpaste?"

 

"What," Yukito joked, "so I could have my way with you?" The joke fell flat, for both of them. Yukito gave a small hug of apology.

 

"Should we go get some breakfast?" Touya offered.

 

As the two young men walked downstairs, Yue's voice spoke in Yukito's mind. _I am sorry,_ he said simply, with no explanation. For the moment, Yukito chose to ignore it. His stomach was growling from skipping dinner yesterday. He quietly went about putting together their breakfast, with Touya helping by chopping the bell peppers and onions. Yukito had just poured a circle of oil into a pan to heat when Yue spoke up again.

 

 _Yukito._ he said softly.

 

Yukito continued to ignore him. Instead, he turned to Touya, and asked, "Do you want toast or muffins? I have both," he said, and smiled as sweetly as he could.

 

Touya slid the chopped vegetables into the skillet. Over the sizzling, he said, "Toast is fine."  He gave his friend a long look and a little smile back to soften the indifference of his words.

 

 _I thought that you understood_ , said Yue, sounding hurt.

 

 _I thought that you did!_ Yukito lashed back. The flash of anger caused him to drop the egg in hand; in bounced off the counter's edge and landed messily on the floor. "Oops," he said aloud.  Touya went to wet a towel in the sink.

 

Yue sounded apologetic and angry at the same time. _You made a promise--_ he started.

 

 _You led both of us on_ , Yukito accused. _Why would you start giving suggestions and then make me stop?_ He wiped at the floor. Touya had given him a speculative look when he had handed Yukito the towel, but now he was only paying attention to the breakfast preparations.

 

 _I was caught up in your feelings_ , Yue admitted unwillingly.

 

 _I thought you were going to stay out of it,_ answered Yukito.

 

 _I tried_. There was a pause of silence. _Yukito, I did try_. The next pause was longer yet, but Yukito could feel Yue wanting to say more. _I will try harder next time_. The words came quickly, on a mental voice that trembled.

 

 _Next time?_ asked Yukito. He turned to Touya and found that Touya had been surreptitiously watching him.

 

"You were frowning," said Touya.

 

"Yue had something to say to me," Yukito said.

 

Touya raised his eyebrows. "I thought that you might have been 'talking'.  So…?"

 

Yukito leaned across the stove and turned off the flame. "Forget about breakfast." He moved the pan off the burner. "We're going upstairs." His usually soft hazel eyes held a hard look of determination.

 

Touya didn't argue, but even while Yukito was pushing him down on the unmade bed and aggressively kissing him, he wondered how far they would be "allowed" to progress this time.  Apprehension kept him distant at first. Desire eventually overcame apprehension; he helped Yukito undress him while he distractedly tried to return the favor.

 

Everything Yukito did to Touya was a challenge to Yue; Yukito was not going to hold back this time. Testing Yue made Yukito feel euphorically brave, and he found himself doing things to Touya that he would have blushed to think about. Touya was receptive and willing when he started to undress him.

 

Yue did try to avert his attention. There would be peace between them if he could just let Yukito have this. His conscious mind focused away, but his subconscious picked up on the sensations of pleasure and desire; images came unbidden to his mind and crept into Yukito's.

 

Yukito was a little surprised at the imagery. This was different from before, when Yue had been trying to explain things to him. He tested out a suggestion and was rewarded with a yelp from Touya.

 

"Is Yue okay with this?" asked Touya, still maintaining some rational thought.

 

Yukito rolled his eyes up, thinking and listening. "He's okay with it," he said.

 

Touya reluctantly pushed them apart. "Don't translate, Yuki. What did he actually say?"

 

A wicked smile spread across Yukito's face. "He's been giving me suggestions," he said.  "I can't actually say what he's been telling me to do," he laughed in embarrassment.

 

Touya stared.  "Seriously?"

 

The smile got bigger. "Ask him yourself," he said. To Yue, in his mind, he added _and you can show him, yourself, you pervert!_

 

The short glow of transformation was not enough warning for either Touya or Yue. They suddenly found themselves in an embrace and mostly disrobed; Touya pulled back his hands and Yue scrambled backward. Yue turned his face aside.

 

"I guess Yuki just wanted to try it out," Touya tried to explain, "initiating the change, I mean."

 

Yue straightened the clothes so that he was again covered. Touya did the same, but since he was wearing less, he used the blankets for modesty. "Yes," agreed Yue. "I was caught unaware."  He couldn't look at Touya at all.

 

"So," said Touya with a heavy exhalation. "Do you need me… us… to stop?"

 

Yue answered with a very short shake of his head.  "I have been enough of an obstacle.  It's selfish of me." He darted a glance at Touya. "I don't have to watch," he added almost to himself.

 

Sensing that Yue was about to change back, Touya grabbed him by the elbow. "Do you want to?" he asked boldly.

 

Yue's answer was a wide-eyed stare, and transformation. Yukito was laughing. He covered his mouth with his hand to try to diminish his chuckling because Touya was looking at him with disbelief.  "Did you get your answer?" Yukito asked innocently.

 

"You were listening," said Touya.

 

"I was," said Yukito.  "It was cool, To-ya."  He pulled off Touya's blankets and wriggled closely into his arms again. "It was kind of like watching a movie, but more real. I knew what he was feeling, and I knew what he was thinking." His voice dropped into a thick, low murmur as he reached for Touya's lips with his own. "He likes you too," he told his friend before kissing him deeply.

 

Sometime later Yukito did it again -- pulled Yue into the transformation. This time there was only a moment's hesitation before Yue and Touya continued kissing, sharing their first true kiss together. Yue released it reluctantly, and Touya thought _this… could get…  interesting._

 

. . .

 

Once Touya had fallen into slumber, and Yukito had slipped away too, Yue's consciousness rose with transformation to take over. It was late morning now, or maybe already past noon. The lovers had opted to skip school with unspoken agreement. Yue lay alongside Touya, bare skin against bare skin, and felt the warmed by the lazy sunlight that filtered through the bedroom windows. He had made love, along with Yukito, to Touya, but he didn't feel sullied, or unfaithful to Clow. Clow Reed, as a matter of fact, would have liked this odd kind of _ménage_. Touya was in a light sleep, now; Yue could look at him openly, and he realized that Touya was pleasingly handsome. It was not that he hadn't noticed before, but that he had never allowed himself to think that way.

 

Yukito was sleeping like a happy kitten in the back of Yue's mind. He had proved himself to be something of a voyeur, pulling Yue to the fore frequently. Yue was the experienced one, and there were moments when Yukito had needed that. Beyond a certain point, some things just were not instinctive. Yue had not intended to be so involved, but beyond a certain point, intentions had not mattered anymore.

 

Yue realized that he was smiling. It wasn't a big smile, but just an light upward turn that he could not help. For the moment, his spirit was quieted, and he let himself enjoy the petal-light peace that rested on his heart. He gently slid into the background, bringing Yukito forth without waking him. When Touya woke, he thought, it would be best if Yukito was the one he was holding.

 

. . .


	12. Blossoming

 

Sakura sat cross-legged on her bed, biting on the cap of the pen. Kero was on the floor, playing a silly game with the Cards that was like a cross between "Memory" and "Hide and Seek"; the Cards all lay face down, and without making a special effort to sense them, he had to guess which one was which. He had the most trouble with the moon-oriented Cards, but so far, his errors were zero.  He was strutting and preening, showing off for the upright Cards that he had identified correctly.

 

Sakura slowly wrote another sentence on the stationary in front of her: _Will I see you again soon?_ She contemplatively clicked the pen to another color, sky blue. _I miss you every day, Syaoran._ She colored in one of the bears decorating the paper. Somehow, she still found the words running away from her. On the telephone last night, she had only been able to tell Syaoran about the events of the past week, culminating with the change spell. She had forgotten to say things like "I miss you," and "I love you," but after Touya had come to glare at her again for still being on the phone at the late hour, she had had to say her goodnight. So she was writing him a letter, or at least trying to.

 

She unfolded her legs and began to shift herself into another sitting position and felt an uncomfortable protest deep in her abdominal muscles. She put her hand over her belly with surprise; there was no reason for cramping; she had not done any strange exertion recently. The muscles twisted again, so she stood up. Maybe she just needed a stretch. She had been sitting in bed all morning, after all.

 

There was a spot, like ink, marking her sheets where she had been sitting.  Wait, no, there was more than one!

 

"Oh, no," squeaked Sakura. She had been waiting for this to happen. Tomoyo had been having her periods for more than a year already. "Ahhaah?  Kero-chan," she said quickly, "go downstairs for a while… or something, okay?"

 

Kero turned around to look at her, curiosity on his face tinged with concern at her tone.  "Is something wrong?" he asked.

 

"N-no, just go downstairs for a minute, okay?" the girl laughed nervously. She made shooing motions to her Guardian's mystified face as he floated out the door. When she thought that Kero must be at least at the stairs, she wrapped herself in a robe and scampered to the bathroom, grabbing the stained sheets but forgetting a fresh change of garments.

 

Kero grew increasingly worried as he buzzed downstairs. Maybe this wasn't just Sakura being Sakura; what if there was something wrong? He had better tell Yue. As he descended to the hallway, he narrowly missed running into Fujitaka, who with a look of intense concern was walking quickly into his study. He was still wearing a cooking apron and holding a spatula.

 

Touya, in the kitchen, had taken over preparing breakfast. He hardly seemed aware of the frying eggs, but when Kero burst through the doorway and insisted that he talk to Yue, Touya moved the pan off of the burner and turned off the stove.

 

"What's going on?" he demanded as Yue's light of transformation lit the kitchen. In half of a second he made the connection and dashed upstairs, taking the stairs three at a time. Fujitaka stepped out of his study and made a straight line for the front door; he exchanged the spatula and apron for car keys and shoes. Before Touya started pounding on the bathroom door, Fujitaka sped out of the driveway.

 

Kero saw a second figure appear a moment after Yue. She was a vision of unearthly beauty, angel-winged and glowing like a sunrise. He recognized Sakura's mother immediately from the pictures, but what surprised him more was Yue's complete lack of surprise.

 

Yue turned to Nadeshiko.  "Sakura… "

 

"Is fine," she assured him, both of them when she realized that Kero was gaping at her.  "Oh, you too, now?"  She smiled.  "Well, that makes sense. I am Kinomoto Nadeshiko. Please call me Nadeshiko." Like a ballerina, she dropped into a graceful curtsey, then turned back to Yue.  "Today is a special day for Sakura. I sent my husband for some… necessities." She blushed prettily. "She has started menstruating."

 

"Eehhh," said Kero.

 

"We had better tell Touya," said Yue stoically, "to stop pounding." His eyes drifted upwards. The sounds of the Kinomoto sibling's voices echoed down from the upper floor, punctuated by Touya's incessant, loud knocking on the door to the bathroom.

 

"Oniichan!" yelled a frustrated Sakura through the barrier. "Stop pounding on the door!"

 

"I'll stop when you tell me what's wrong!" shouted Touya.

 

The muffled thud of something soft, a slipper or a bath sponge, sounded from Sakura's side. "Can't I have some privacy?!" squealed Sakura.

 

Touya growled. "You can have some privacy when I know you're not bleeding to death or something!"

 

"Not to DEATH!" Sakura yelled back.

 

"What?"

 

"I'm not bleeding to death," Sakura answered angrily, "just bleeding!"

 

"WHAT?!"

 

Yue glided to the upper floor, followed by Nadeshiko and Keroberos. They crowded in the hallway around the distraught brother. "Touya," said Yue commandingly. He put a hand on the young man's arm. "Sakura has started."

 

"Started what?" asked Touya, bewildered and belligerent.

 

Yue sighed.  "She has started her…" he made a vague circling gesture, " …cycle."

 

"Cycle?  What cy – oh.  Shit!" He turned back to the bathroom door. "Kaiju, are you okay?"

 

Sakura had heard Yue through the door. She didn't know how he knew what was going on, but she was glad that he was there to control her brother. "I told you," she called through the door, "I'm fine! Now give me some PRIVACY!" When the hall grew quiet, she sat down on the lidded toilet, wrapping her towel tightly around her. Now the towel was going to get stained too, she thought with frustration. Why couldn't she have had a sister? If she had thought to grab her cell phone, she could have called Tomoyo. Before she realized what was happening, Sakura felt the heat of tears spill from her eyes.

 

She felt a soft hand brushing them away. She looked up, with wonder, into eyes as green as her own, into her mother's face, alight with a tender expression of love and comfort. Sakura felt her mouth working, her voice delayed. "O-okasan…".

 

"My beautiful angel," said Nadeshiko, her own voice trembling. "My beautiful, beautiful Sakura blossom." She framed her daughter's face with her hands.

 

Sakura began to realize what she was seeing: a haze of pink light shimmering across her own skin… the ferns over the bathtub emanating a green glow… her mother, in a graceful crouch in front of her. She could sense Kero and Yue, even her father, as if they were in arm's reach. But her eyes grew fixed to the emerald bright ones before her. She reached up and touched her mother's face; it was smooth and soft and warm.

 

"I've been watching you grow up," said Nadeshiko, her voice airy. "You grow more perfect every day. My little girl… all grown up," she whispered. The tears that formed on her lashes glittered like stars.

 

A lightness was filling Sakura. There was a hollow place inside her that she had not known existed, and it was filling, overflowing, with a sound, a singing sweeter than any she had ever heard. Words drowned in its currents.  "Okasan," she could only repeat. "Mother…".

 

. . .

 

Fujitaka completed his mission in under ten minutes: speed to the convenience store, grab and pay for the needed package without embarrassment, and zip home. He had had to buy these things for Nadeshiko many times during their marriage, and had long gotten over any discomfort about it. It was concern for his daughter that made him park haphazardly in the driveway and sprint through the door and upstairs without stopping to remove his shoes. Only the sight of an exquisitely striking man with floor-length platinum hair and wings could have brought him to an abrupt halt. Fujitaka blinked.

 

"I don't think we've met," he said, deadpan.

 

"It is a pleasure to meet you," said Yue with a bow. "I am Yue."

 

"Kinomoto Fujitaka," said the father. "Pleasure." He tore his eyes away from the unexpected vision and tapped at the bathroom door. "Sakura-san," he said to the space between door and frame, "Here is what you need. I'm just going to hang it on the door." He addressed his words outward to the gathered males. "And then we're all going to go back downstairs." Fujitaka patted his son on the back, and then led the strange procession down the stairs, pushing his shoes off as he stepped. He picked them up and carelessly tossed them toward the entryway.

 

"What do we do?" Touya, somewhat dazed, asked his father. He sat briefly in a chair, but then rose back up again, pacing.

 

"I think that we should finish making breakfast," Fujitaka answered patiently.

 

"She will be fine," Yue assured Touya in a soft voice.  "Her mother is with her."

 

. . .

 

When Sakura at last found her question, it came out of her like a dream. "Why are you here, 'Kasan?" she asked.

 

"To see you, my Sakura," murmured Nadeshiko. "To tell you how much I love you."  She took her daughter's hand; their fingers tangled together.

 

"How?" She blinked, slowly. Why did she feel… so dizzy… the way she would feel after spinning around and around, on the grass in the park, watching the frilled edge of her skirt rolling and flowing up in waves… her mother, laughing… her mother… .

 

Nadeshiko tipped her head.  She looked into Sakura's eyes, and they were strange, glazed.  "A promise," she said, looking closely at Sakura.  "A wish… ".  Nadeshiko felt something like the moments before an approaching typhoon. She gasped.

 

Magic had found its Mistress. Sakura felt it drawing from deep in the earth, from the particles in the air, flowing to her the way rain finds the stream bed. Everything was singing, being called to her and through her. She was becoming intoxicated with power. A fluttering of paper filled the small room's space – the Cards. They shot in through the cracks in the door and spun a circle around Sakura and Nadeshiko; the girl reached up and caressed them as they circled by.

 

Nadeshiko's smile of delight and wonder was mirrored by Sakura's own dreamy smile.  "Amazing," Nadeshiko whispered. Sakura glittered. Like a sparkler, she was scintillating. Nadeshiko stood, still holding her daughters fingers in her own; Sakura's gaze followed her. "I know you will be all right," she said by way of parting, beginning to step away. Sakura's grip tightened, catching and keeping her mother from breaking their grasped hands apart. Nadeshiko bent to place a kiss on Sakura's cheek.

 

"Don't leave me," Sakura's dreamy voice murmured. Her empty hand reached out and took Nadeshiko's other hand, holding fast. "Okasan… _Mother_ –" she breathed…

 

…and creation answered.

 

. . .

 

Keroberos and Yue locked eyes before it hit.  "What—" Kero began to say.

 

The force of it knocked Yue and Fujitaka to their knees. The hair on every centimeter of Keroberos' body bristled, and he dropped flat to the floor. Touya alone felt nothing, though he stopped pacing when the others reacted. He moved toward Fujitaka and Yue with concern, but they were already helping each other back to standing again.

 

"What just happened?" asked Touya.

 

Yue could only shake his head; Fujitaka answered. "It felt like an earthquake," he said, shaken.

 

The phone began to ring. They turned to look at it, but no one made a move to pick it up.

 

Footsteps sounded on the stairs. In a moment she came into view: Nadeshiko, not floating, but running. She was carrying a limp form in her arms, swaddled in patterned bed sheets, but she was laughing. Before any of them could comprehend what they were all seeing, she rushed into the living room and handed Sakura to Touya, who took his sister into his arms with horror.

 

"She's just exhausted," his mother told him, alive with excitement. She turned to her husband and flew into his arms, kissing him rapturously. And then she turned to Yue; she took his two hands into her own and pulled him into a spinning dance. "Look at me! Look at me!" she cried in a voice effervescent with delight. "I'm like you!" she laughed. She let him go, and laughed more at their shocked faces.

 

The ringing phone stopped as the answering machine picked up, but whoever had been calling broke the connection. In the time it takes to hit "redial", the ringing began again.

 

Yue forced himself to tear his eyes away from the corporeal Nadeshiko; he walked toward Touya and attended his Mistress. Nadeshiko was correct: Sakura was unhurt, only unconscious from exertion. Her aura shone sharply. To his magic sight, sparks were falling away from her like shooting stars. He realized that everyone – Touya, Keroberos, and Fujitaka – was looking at him, looking from him to Nadeshiko.

 

Nadeshiko spread her arms wide, pirouetting slowly in place.  She was dressed entirely in pink, a deep pink like her namesake, though on her breast she wore a pendant that was a single jewel of pale rose resembling a star.  Posing gracefully, she unfurled her wings.  "See?" she said, smiling.  "Just like you."

 

. . .

 


	13. Mother

 

When the answering machine clicked on for the third time, a distraught voice spoke on the recording cassette. "I'm trying to reach Sakura," said Syaoran's voice, full of tension. "She isn't picking up her cell phone. Will somebody please pick up?"

 

Seeing that no one was moving, Yue walked quietly into the hall and picked up the receiver. "Hello," he said simply.

 

"Who is this?" asked Syaoran. "Yue?" he questioned with surprise. "Yue – what just happened?! Everyone here felt something big. What's happening with Sakura? Why isn't she answering? What's going on?" It was clear that the boy was beginning to panic.

 

Yue spoke carefully. He watched Sakura's father walk toward Touya, and take his daughter into his own arms. Then he and Touya walked past, heading upstairs again with the unconscious girl. "Be calm," said Yue. "It will take time for me to explain."

 

Nadeshiko watched her family walk away from her with bewilderment. She turned to Keroberos, giggled at his wide-eyed stare, and then skipped after the silent group. Her wings brought her to the top of the stairs beside them; Touya took a long look at her and walked quickly into his room. She smiled at Fujitaka and balked at his fierce look.

 

"Sakura-san needs to be dressed," he said. Nadeshiko trailed behind him as he walked into Sakura's room and rested her gently on her bed. "Will you dress her, please," he said to his wife.  He selected some pajamas and undergarments from a drawer and handed them to her. Nadeshiko went out to the hallway again to retrieve the pads, and when she returned, her husband stood looking out the window silently. She clothed her daughter as one would dress a doll, carefully sliding on each piece, buttoning the shirt buttons with attention, and arranging Sakura's hair prettily. She smoothed the heart-and-star patterned flannel and rubbed Sakura's hands and feet, which were cold. She kissed her daughter's cheek, and could feel the tingling power like carbonation against her lips.

 

When she looked up at her husband, he was looking at her as if he had been doing so for several minutes. He looked away when their eyes met. "I would like to be alone with her," he said.

 

Nadeshiko smiled without understanding. She walked lightly toward her husband; she set her hand affectionately against his shoulder. He closed his eyes.

 

"Nadeshiko…" he said. "It's too much for me now. Please give me time." When he opened his eyes, he looked at her, and her hand fell away. She walked out of the room, still not understanding, and walked down the stairs deep in thought.

 

Yue was talking quietly with Keroberos while sitting on the couch. The lion stood against the coffee table and was skewering his sibling with a direct, sharp look. Nadeshiko walked up to them and perched in one of the armchairs, arranging her wings awkwardly out behind her. It was uncomfortable to sit that way, so she stood up and moved to sit on the table, instead. Keroberos looked at her, and she put a delicate hand out to caress his head. "I guess I'm too much of a shock," she said lightly, with a small laugh.

 

"I'd say that was an understatement," said Keroberos.

 

Yue stood. "Yukito wants to talk to Touya," he said. He made a short bow to both of them and walked off.

 

"Am I offensive?" Nadeshiko joked to the lion, after Yue had gone. She laughed as she spoke, and her laughter was full and silver. "So what do we do, just you and me?"

 

"Can you cook?" asked Keroberos hopefully.

 

"No, but I can open things," the lady said brightly.

 

"So can I," protested Keroberos.  He began trotting toward the kitchen.

 

Nadeshiko launched herself after him.  "But I can do it faster!" she said.

 

. . .

 

Yukito brought himself out at Touya's bedroom door and knocked lightly before turning the handle. Touya was sitting on his bed, leaning against the wall, with his headphones on and his eyes closed. He had the volume on high enough that Yukito could hear the music. Yukito turned it down slightly, which made Touya open his eyes. Yukito climbed onto the bed next to his best friend and started to put his arm around him.

 

"Not now, Yuki," Touya said without removing the headphones. He closed his eyes again.

 

Yukito waited, sitting beside Touya in his silence. Touya had shut him out completely, and it hurt. After a while, he slid off the bed and left Touya alone again, and stood in the hallway and leaned his head against Touya's closed door. Standing like that, he noticed the Sakura Cards. Some lay scattered beyond the bathroom door, and the others lay as unresponsive as ordinary cards across the bathroom's tiled floor. They, too, had been knocked flat, and like their Mistress, were temporarily quiescent. Yukito knew from Yue's memories what they were. He carefully began to pick them up and to form a deck in his hand; he lay The Flower on top as the last. _Well, these are your charges, Yue_ , he said to his alternate self. When he made the transformation back to Yue, the Cards stirred a little.

 

Yue slipped the deck into a hidden pocket with care. Realization filled him then, and he made his way swiftly downstairs.

 

Keroberos and Nadeshiko had laid out a feast of sugar on the kitchen counter. Kero was digging spoons out of a drawer, and Nadeshiko was nibbling on a cookie. Yue stopped, and stared, and let her fill his vision. She smiled at him, and pulled him over to the table to sit with them.

 

Yue's sibling had demanded to know how long Yue had known Nadeshiko, and what was between them. Yue had found it difficult to answer. Had it only been just longer than a week? But she had appeared when he needed… a friend, and she had been kind, and for the time, only his. He had expected to lose her, yet here she was. She did not leave him.

 

Nadeshiko and Kero shared the Caramel Fudge Swirl directly out of the carton. "Are you sure you don't want any?" Nadeshiko asked Yue, offering a gooey spoonful to him. He, smiling slightly, waved it away. "This is so wonderful. I always loved ice cream."

 

"It's even better on a cone," Kero offered.

 

"You're right. I remember," she replied.

 

Yue reached across the table to her and tentatively took her pendant in his hand.  The chain it hung from was like a thin snake of rosy gold, with the jewel's bezel of the same unusual gold color.  "It looks like morganite," Yue commented of the gem. "A kind of beryl, like emerald," he explained.

 

Kero focused on his brother. "Sakura was copying," he said sagely to Yue, his statement partially a question.

 

Yue nodded.  "I don't think it was conscious, but instinctive, like the reincarnation of the Cards. Keroberos, she made something without even knowing what it was." He looked at Nadeshiko, and could not help the smile that crept onto his lips when she smiled at him. "How do you feel?" he asked her.

 

"I feel just the same as when I was human," said the woman brightly.  "Except for these," she gave her wings and experimental flutter.

 

"Try putting them away," suggested Kero.  "Visualize yourself without them."

 

Nadeshiko put down her spoon, closed her eyes, and concentrated. Her wings faded.  When she opened her eyes, they sparkled with pride at her accomplishment.

 

"What about a false form?" Kero asked.

 

Again Nadeshiko shut her eyes, but nothing at all happened, even after several minutes.  She shook her head. "I can only think of the way I already look," she said with disappointment.  "Oh no! How are we going to explain me? What if Sonomi sees me? Or Tomoyo-chan! She comes here all the time!" With wide-eyed worry, Nadeshiko looked from Yue to Kero.

 

"I will teach you," offered Yue. The prospect pleased him.

 

"Do you think Clow foresaw any of this?" Keroberos asked Yue speculatively. "I mean, he knew about Sakura, but –" he looked at Nadeshiko with implication.

 

It was Nadeshiko who answered him, resting her chin picturesquely between her two palms with her elbows on the table. "Nobody," she said flirtatiously, "knows everything." She picked up her pendant and toyed with it, holding it to the light and watching the facets reflect. "So if you're the Moon Guardian," she said to Yue, "and you're the Sun Guardian," she nodded to Keroberos, "then does that make me… a Star Guardian?" Her smile grew wider. "Does that make us a team?"

 

Keroberos sat upright.  "We can teach you how to fight!" he said with excitement. He nearly toppled the chair he was sitting in.  "Oh, I wonder what your magic is like!"

 

~*~

 


	14. Star Flower

 

 

Keroberos speculated, Yue made an occasional comment in response, and Nadeshiko enjoyed the visceral pleasure of "cold" and "sweet" on her tongue.  Even the curve of the metal spoon against her lips felt… felt… sensually wonderful. Her mind drifted between the conversation and the return of her senses. Sight and hearing were hardly different from spirit to flesh, but _taste_ , and _smell_ , and _touch!_ She was becoming overwhelmed by their return. When the ice cream was gone, she couldn't stop herself from picking up a cookie and just smelling the blended aromas of vanilla, sugar, and butter. She took a handful of her own hair and put it to her nose; it smelled like flowers.

 

Yue tried to keep his attention on his sibling's theorizing and to not look at Nadeshiko smelling her own hair  Keroberos, however, had no such delicacy. He studied the blissful woman for a moment before looking at Yue with raised brows. Nadeshiko giggled at the obvious exchange, and then leaned into the lion and smelled his head, too. To Yue's bemusement, she picked up the Moon Guardian's hand and caressed it with a sniff. "You both smell good, too," she said dreamily. She kept his hand a moment longer, inhaling again deeply with her eyes closed. Then, with a suddenly self-conscious laugh, she set his hand back down on the tabletop. A soft blush pinked her cheeks. "You were saying?" she asked Keroberos attentively.

 

"I think we should start training you right away," the Sun Guardian answered with gleeful anticipation. "You'll have to learn to fight. You're Sakura's protector now, too. We can stage some mock battles to learn how to work together."

 

"Oh," said Nadeshiko with concern, "who am I going to need to fight?"

 

"Anyone who comes after Sakura," Keroberos stated with authority.

 

Nadeshiko's eyes widened with worry.  "Who is going to come after my Sakura?" she whispered, horrified.

 

Yue sighed.  "Magic calls to magic," he explained. "It has always been our duty to protect our Master. However," he said with reassurance, "I think that Keroberos is merely being enthusiastic." He turned an admonishing look on his brother.

 

Nadeshiko was not easily comforted. "I won't let anyone hurt my Sakura, but I don't think that I could be a very good fighter."

 

"You'll need battle-armor, to begin with," harumphed Keroberos. He looked disapprovingly at the delicate dress that clothed Nadeshiko. "Pink," he said with a shake of his head.

 

That comment made the woman laugh again, but she cut her laugh short suddenly. She jumped up from her chair. "She's awake," she said, and without another word or look, ran from the kitchen.

 

She thought of flying, and so her wings unfolded behind her, but it felt good to run instead.  The bamboo floorboards were smooth under her bare feet, solid, the way her feet were solid, with the earth pulling her downward again after each fleet step. Nimble as a deer, she took to the stairs.  The increase of her heartbeat and breath made her pause at the landing to savor them; she had a real body again, something that she had been without for over ten years.

 

It wasn't the same body. She felt leaner and stronger, and the wings on her back were nothing like the costume accessories that she had sometimes worn for photo shoots. She had always had the same "sixth sense" that her son had once had, but now she could sense magic in a slightly altered way, like the way she had known the moment that her daughter's eyes had once again opened. She had a bond to Sakura now that was similar in some ways to the bond that they had shared when baby Sakura was growing inside her.

 

No, it was more like the bond that she had had with Touya when she was pregnant with him. When Touya had started to show that he had a perception like his mother's, Nadeshiko had not been surprised. There were moments, before Touya's first breath, that she felt that she had heard his thoughts.

 

She could still feel Touya now, but distantly. He held his feelings closely, barricaded the way he had barricaded himself in his room now. She stepped to his door and placed her hand lightly on the knob. The door to Sakura's bedroom opened. "Nadeshiko," Fujitaka called softly to her, making her turn.

 

Fujitaka looked at the winged beauty that was standing in the hallway with her hand on Touya's door. Her long hair cascaded over one shoulder like a turbulent river while her brilliant green eyes alighted on him. She was his Nadeshiko, as beautiful as ever, but somehow… wrong.  His Nadeshiko had never been so graceful. She had been, well, not exactly clumsy (she had outgrown the puppy-with-feet-too-big manner by the time that she had been pregnant with Sakura) but not like this. This new creature had the slow, perfect movements of a ballerina. She moved like a little girl's dream of a mother that she had hardly known.

 

"She is awake," Nadeshiko said melodiously, not a question. She was already stepping toward him.

 

"Sakura-san is asking for you," Fujitaka told her. She stepped through the door and passed him, brushing a light touch against his chest. He caught her scent, sweet and light, on the shifting air.

 

"Okasan—" said Sakura in whispery voice. She stretched out one arm to her mother while sitting up on the bed. Nadeshiko crawled onto the bed with her daughter and wrapped her in an embrace. Nadeshiko kissed her forehead, and Sakura sighed. "My head hurts so much," Sakura said with a soft laugh that made her wince. "My whole body hurts, but I don't feel tired at all." Fujitaka sat down beside Sakura, on the opposite side from Nadeshiko. Sakura reached her hand back to catch her father's. "Is this real?" she asked. "Are you real?" she asked Nadeshiko.

 

"Do you know what happened?" asked her mother.

 

"I made you," said Sakura. "But I don't know how I did it."

 

Nadeshiko leaned close to her daughter's face, and Sakura could see laughter dancing in her mother's eyes. "Magic," said Nadeshiko, as if reminding her of a secret. They giggled together, their foreheads touching and Nadeshiko's hands clasped around Sakura's small hand.

 

. . .

 

There was no way to make the music loud enough to keep Touya's thoughts silent in his head. But keeping them at bay began to give him the ability to listen to them one by one. He finally pulled the headphones off and let them lie at his side. He stared unseeingly at the opposite wall, because when he shut his eyes, her image was before him, impossibly smiling while holding his sister, spinning around in place like there wasn't a dark thought in the world. She looked like his mother, but too young – the age of an older sister at best. His mother died at twenty-seven, but most of the magazine pictures were from her earlier twenties, and that is the age this… woman… appeared to be.

 

And yet she looked like his mother, and seeing her again tore a hole in Touya's chest. He could guess at what had happened, why she existed. It was something that his sister had done. Touya had accepted her playing with those magic Cards, even accepted the forms of their Guardians, was beginning to accept that Yue was the flipside of his best friend, but this... he wasn't ready to accept this. He should be happy, but happiness was somewhere far, far down the road.

 

He was going to ask Yuki if he could stay over with him for a while. Touya thought that he might be able to cope with this if he could just stay out of the way for a few days… or a few weeks. The thought that they were sleeping together now got past the noise in his head, making Touya smile in spite of everything. Yesterday had been an interesting day.

 

He turned off the stereo on his way out of his room. If Yuki hadn't gone home, then he – or Yue – was probably downstairs. Touya could hear voices from Sakura's room: his sister's and another, dulcet as the tap on a crystal wineglass. He went back into his room and packed a bag before going back to the stairs.

 

He hadn't eaten any breakfast or lunch, Touya realized as he headed toward the kitchen. Though he lacked an appetite, hunger made its demands. His stomach growled, but thoughts of food disappeared when he entered the kitchen and saw Yue. He couldn't help thinking of yesterday morning again. Touya's thoughts must have showed, or Yue was remembering the same, because Yue stopped paying attention to Keroberos and looked silently at Touya instead.

 

Touya smiled more shyly than he expected to as he headed to the refrigerator. "Who raided the sugar?" he asked when he noticed the remnants of Kero and Nadeshiko's feast. He poured himself a glass of orange juice and started looking through the cabinets for something that would give him an excuse not to talk.

 

The unspoken thoughts in the air around him made Keroberos want to find someplace out of the way and take a nap. He liked that his brother was interacting with people again, but once upon a time, he had decided to stay out of Yue's liaisons. That had always been his policy with Yue and Clow. He didn't want to see it, and he didn't want to think about it; Kero made a point of making it none of his business. And it was clear to him now that Yue had some business with the Oniichan, so it was time for Kero to get his beastie self clear of it.

 

Competently, despite his paws, he collected the Sakura deck from the table. With a push into the air, he began to fly out the door. "I'll take the Cards to Sakura and see how she's doing," he said transparently as he removed himself.

 

Yue stood after his brother left, to make himself feel more sure around Touya. "Your mother seems to have a fondness for sweets," Yue said.

 

Touya choked on the juice; he leaned over the sink until he could breathe again. "Yeah, she did," he answered in a raspy voice.

 

Yue noticed the use of past-tense. "Nadeshiko is your mother," he said searchingly. "She is in a different form, but it is she."

 

"I'd feel better if we didn't talk about it," said Touya.

 

Yue wanted to say something to comfort him, but nothing came to mind. This wasn't his role. Yukito was certainly aware of their conversation, but he hadn't come forth. The two men stood in the room not looking at each other, and each other's effort not to look was obvious to both of them. It was an uncomfortable silence.

 

Touya finally broke it with a sigh. "What do you think about me living over at the house for a while?" he asked. "I was going to ask Yuki, but I guess I should ask you, too."

 

"The difference would not be noticeable," said Yue with a slight smile. "I am sure that Yukito would be happy to make your constant presence more official."

 

"It wouldn't be permanent," Touya said defensively.

 

"Touya," said Yue. "I do not mind."

 

Touya walked away from the counter and closer to Yue. He leaned against the table beside where Yue was standing. "You don't mind?" Touya asked, with a look that held a possibility of flirtation. He watched Yue's eyes grow a little wider.

 

Yue exhaled carefully. "I am not in love with you," he started, and he said the words kindly.  "I admit that I took pleasure in being with you," he said quietly. "It is not something that I regret.  But I am not in love with you, and we will not be lovers."

 

Touya accepted the statement easier than he would have expected. "Yuki is the one I love," he answered Yue, making his own clarification.

 

"I know. I will not stand in the way," Yue replied. "Again," he added, in an apologetic manner that was almost joking. Smile's shadow crossed his face.

 

Touya tossed his head back and then pushed his hair further off his face with one hand. "We aren't strangers anymore," he said. Yue seemed to find the understatement amusing. Touya had never seen him not-frown so much.

 

Yue said, "I do not mind knowing you."

 

Touya gave him an appraising look.  "Maybe we can even be friends," he offered.

 

"That may be a mutually beneficial possibility," Yue said, making Touya laugh. The soft chime of the front door bell rang through the house. Curious about who else would be joining them on this already strange day, Touya moved to answer it.

 

Tomoyo Daidouji stood at the top step with a polite look of expectation. As usual, she had her camera bag over her shoulder; additionally, she carried a neat little valise – her overnight bag.  "Konnichiwa, Touya-san, Tsukishiro-san," she said, extending her hello to Yukito, who had made the change before following Touya to the door.

 

"Konnichiwa, Daidouji-san," answered Yukito when Touya said nothing. He pushed Touya gently to open the door and welcome the girl inside. Behind Touya's stunned expression, he was sorting through ways to get the girl to turn around and go home. It was too late now, thanks to Yukito's politeness. Yukito calmly played host and invited Tomoyo to sit down in the living room.  He offered her tea. Touya closed the door, turned around, and braced himself.

 

. . .

 

Nadeshiko, Fujitaka, and Sakura heard the door chime as well, but only Sakura moved.  She jumped up and with worry, exclaimed, "Tomoyo-chan! We were going to go shopping! _Hoee_ … how could I forget?" She looked at her mother. "We have to hide you!"

 

"My room," said Fujitaka. He stood up to escort Nadeshiko. "Sakura-san… if you could check the hallway?"

 

Still shaky on her legs, Sakura crossed the room and peeked out. "Tomoyo-chan is downstairs. It sounds like Oniichan and Yukito-san are keeping her in the living room. I'm going to go down and make sure," she said.

 

"Am I going to hide all day?" Nadeshiko asked, looking from daughter to husband.

 

"We'll think of something," said Fujitaka. "Sakura-san…" he said with an indication that she should go.

 

"Hai," said Sakura.  " _Hoee_!" she added as she left. She headed to the stairs; Fujitaka and Nadeshiko left the room behind her, and headed in the opposite direction.

 

Nadeshiko did not need a guide to find the bedroom that she used to share with Fujitaka, but Fujitaka seemed to have forgotten that. He kept a tentative arm over her shoulders from one room to the other, and said "Here," when he opened his door. Or perhaps he was just trying to hide her further, she thought as he guided her secretively through the doorway. The door had been slightly ajar, and opened quietly. A surprise to both of them, the small form of the Sun Guardian lay resting in one of the windows. His yellowy-golden body was sprawled in sleep, with his round head leaning against the stack of over-sized, pink Sakura cards.

 

Fujitaka closed the door quietly without shutting it completely. Nadeshiko sat down on the bed; she looked at Kero and shrugged. "I don't think it matters if he wakes up," she said. "He doesn't have to hide like I do." She fussed with her wings, and then made them vanish. "At least I can do that much," she sighed. She patted the space next to her; Fujitaka hesitated before sitting beside her.

 

"Nadeshiko," he said with a tense smile.

 

She took her husband's hand in her own. "You've been looking at me like I'm a stranger," she complained in a hushed voice. "Am I so different now?"

 

"We said our goodbyes," Fujitaka answered. His voice was a strained whisper. He kept his eyes on their joined hands, resting against his thigh. Without looking at her face, he pulled her closely to him in a loose embrace and touched his cheek to her cheek. "I never dreamed of this."

 

Her body was warm and living, and her lips were angelically soft against his cleanly-shaved face. He brought her in more closely, and Nadeshiko freed her hand in order to lace her arms around his neck. Fujitaka turned his head to kiss his wife for the first time in a decade's time.

 

A grumbling sound interrupted their interlude. Keroberos continued to pretend-snore for a little longer before making a big show of rubbing his eyes and stretching. "Wha…?" he questioned dreamily. "I was just having a nap," he explained. "What are you doing?"

 

"I'm hiding," Nadeshiko answered, believing his act.

 

Fujitaka separated himself from Nadeshiko. "I think I will go say hello to Tomoyo-san," he said. He cast Kero a look that spoke volumes on his way out.

 

"Ah, Tomoyo, chronicler of my great exploits," beamed Kero. "I wonder if she brought any cake for me?" He began to head to the door himself, following Fujitaka, but paused and looked at Nadeshiko guiltily. "You don't mind hiding by yourself, do you?" he asked.

 

"No," sighed Nadeshiko ruefully. "Go have fun without me." She watched the Sun Guardian fly out of the room. She stood up and entered the master bathroom and looked into the small mirror over the sink. "Come on, Nade," she said to herself, thinking about the Guardians' false forms, "just think of another look."

 

. . .

 

A chattering of voices filled the lower level of the house; Nadeshiko listened to the girls happily planning their day, with Fujitaka as their chauffeur, as she nervously stepped into the room. All eyes turned her way.  "Hi," she said to everyone, her arms linked behind her in a coquettish pose.

 

It was not a false form, but Nadeshiko had transformed herself with methods that she knew.  She was wearing an assortment from Fujitaka's closet, closely belted kakis and an unbuttoned blue chamois shirt, with one of Touya's smaller T-shirts beneath it. She had braided her hair into two thick braids, and as a finishing touch, had Fujitaka's spare glasses on her face. Despite his mild prescription, the lenses were giving her a slight headache. She looked, she hoped, like one of her husband's graduate students. "I hope I'm not interrupting, Kinomoto-sensei," she said sweetly.  Nadeshiko had tried to make it seem that she had approached the room from the direction of Fujitaka's study rather than the upstairs.

 

Fujitaka tried to hide the rising blush that started when Nadeshiko used the old form of address. What was she thinking, he wondered. With her youthful looks, and the clothing that she had chosen, she could indeed have been one of his students – but in his house, on a Sunday? Even to Tomoyo, or perhaps especially to the observant little girl, the implication was a scandal. He looked at his young houseguest. Tomoyo was smiling a wan smile, but at Sakura, not at Nadeshiko.

 

"How could you?" she asked Sakura in a calmly curious voice. And then, to everyone's astonishment, Tomoyo Daidouji  burst into tears.

. . .

 


	15. Appearances

 

  _Ah, no! What was this?_ thought Nadeshiko in a panic. Horrified that she had made Sonomi's daughter cry, she rushed into the room and knelt by Tomoyo and Sakura.

 

"Li-kun told me everything," Tomoyo keened. "The most amazing thing that my Sakura-chan has ever done, and I missed it!" She hurried to wiped her tears, composing herself again. "Oh, I'm sorry Sakura-chan… it's not your fault of course… but… but…" she turned and looked at the Star Guardian, a picture come to life. "I missed it," the girl said.

 

Sakura didn't know what to say as she looked at her distraught friend. Kero took care of the problem for her. "We can re-enact it, just like we've been doing for the Cards you missed," he offered. Fujitaka coughed, and Touya grabbed Yukito by the sleeve and dragged him out of the room. "What?" Kero asked.

 

"My Sakura wasn't in a state for cameras," Nadeshiko explained to Tomoyo, while Sakura managed to look embarrassed, horrified, and ready to throttle Kero all at the same time. Nadeshiko leaned in and whispered explanation into Tomoyo's ear.

 

Tomoyo tittered, shyly laughing behind her fingertips. "A dramatization, then," she said, "in this case." She gave her best friend a deep hug. "I'm so happy for you, Sakura-chan," she sighed sweetly. "Ah," she added ecstatically, "I know just the costume!"

 

Kero flew over to study Nadeshiko. "So you did it? You figured out your false form?"

 

Nadeshiko shook her head and slipped the glasses off of her face. "I couldn't do it. So I thought maybe if I changed my clothes… I thought it would work," she admitted guiltily.

 

"Kinomoto-san, I think it would have worked, if I had not already known," Tomoyo said.  "You still look like your pictures, but only a little."

 

"You don't have to be so formal, Tomoyo-chan. Would you like to see how I really look?" asked Nadeshiko. "I'd have to change clothes again, and fix my hair, that's all."

 

"Okasan, you should come shopping with us," said Sakura with a smile. "We can pick clothes together."

 

Fujitaka cleared his throat, reminding them that he was still in the room. "I don't think that's a good idea," he said. "What if someone does recognize you?"

 

"My mother is in New York for two weeks," said Tomoyo quietly. "No one else would be looking that hard."

 

"And you look really young," said Sakura to Nadeshiko.  "Otousan, please say yes!"

 

Fujitaka looked at the three hopeful faces and against caution nodded affirmatively, making the three females cheer. He had never been able to refuse Nadeshiko's wishes. And he had already promised to go with the girls; this way, he could stay close to Nadeshiko as well.  "Well," he said, "should we get on the way?"

 

When he was putting on his shoes, he noticed a full duffel bag at the base of the stairs. "Is this yours, Tomoyo-san?" he asked, knowing before she answered that the answer would be a negative. It looked like Touya's bag, but packed for more than an overnight stay. Fujitaka slipped the loafers back off and apologized to the two girls and his wife. "Excuse me, everyone. If you want to wait in the car, I shouldn't be long."

 

. . .

 

Touya had chosen his room to escape to with Yukito. The Plush had created a convenient moment to get away from Nadeshiko, and Touya had taken advantage of it. Yukito had followed him quietly, and stayed quiet until Touya broke the silence by commenting on it.

 

The fair-haired young man sat on the floor, and Touya sat in the chair by his desk. There was a lot more physical distance between them than there had been in a long time. Yukito had taken off his glasses and idly played with the frames.

 

"It's nothing," he answered Touya, but his tone revealed the false statement.

 

"No, it's definitely something," said Touya. "What's up?"

 

Yukito looked up bravely. "I don't want to be left out," Yukito said. "I don't ever want to be shut out."

 

"Oh." said Touya. He moved himself from the chair to the floor beside Yukito. "I know that you're willing to listen," he said, "but I'm just not ready to talk about it." He sighed. "I'm sorry that I hurt you. If it will make you feel better, you can plant one right here," he added, pointing at his jaw. And Yukito did: a gentle kiss instead of a punching fist.

 

"Ah, Yuki," Touya said.  "Don't you ever get mad at anyone?"

 

"I don't think you should try to find out," laughed Yukito.

 

Touya took the warning seriously even though he answered with a soft laugh of his own.  "So I was hoping you'd let me shack up with you for a couple of weeks," he said teasingly.  "Would that be okay with you?"

 

"I heard when you asked Yue. How do you intend to pay for your room and board?" Yukito asked, teasing back.

 

Touya grinned. "I'll think of something."

 

"The lawn will need mowing, and the windows on the upper floor could use a wash –" Yukito mused. Touya tickled him in the ribs, cutting off the list. "Yue was right, though, To-ya," Yukito said after escaping out of tickling range. "I would like it if you wanted to make it more permanent."

 

A soft knocking sounded on the door. Touya got up to open it and found his father standing there. "Can I speak to you a moment?" Fujitaka asked, indicating that he meant privately. "Excuse us, Tsukishiro-kun."

 

"Give me a moment, Yuki," Touya said to his friend. He closed the door behind himself after he stepped into the hallway. Father and son walked further down the hall to keep their voices from carrying.

 

"Are you going somewhere?" Fujitaka asked. "Your bag is packed."

 

Touya looked at the floor. "I'm going to stay at Yuki's for a while." He looked up, but not at his father. "I can't deal with this now, 'Tousan," he said. "Her," he added, almost too quietly to be heard.

 

Fujitaka put a hand on his son's shoulder. "I understand, Touya-kun." He sighed. "I'll explain for you, if she asks."

 

"Don't tell her that I don't want to see her," Touya said suddenly.

 

Fujitaka shook his head. "Sakura-san and I can take over your household duties for the rest of the week, but remember that I have a conference to attend over the weekend." Fujitaka sighed, again. "Your sister will still need you," he said. "Now," he said more loudly, "it's off to the city for  a tour of shoe stores. If your mother shops like she used to, we might not fit in the car on the way back, and we'll be eating vegetable ramen for a month. You will probably be happier taking your meals with Tsukishiro-kun." His cheer was not entirely feigned.            

 

"'Tousan," said Touya. "Thanks for understanding."

 

"Take care of yourself, Touya-kun." Fujitaka smiled, and headed out to the car.

 

Three figures were in the back seat of his Honda, giggling and smiling his way as he walked up the driveway. Sakura sat in the middle, and her head was just a little lower than her mother's. She was growing fast, Fujitaka observed. Mother and daughter had the appearance of sisters, no further in age than Sakura was to Touya.

 

Sakura was excited. She had changed in record speed, from the pajamas that Nadeshiko had dressed her in while Sakura was unconscious, to street clothes and had been ready to leave even before her father. Her hair was still a little messy, but in the car, Nadeshiko was running a brush through it and accessorizing it with bobby pins and tiny braids.

 

Nadeshiko had insisted on squeezing into the back seat of the compact car with Sakura and Tomoyo, leaving the front passenger seat empty, but all three of them were small enough not to be squished. Tomoyo was quiet, but not uninvolved in the giggling conversation while Nadeshiko fixed Sakura's hair.

 

Fujitaka slid into the driver's seat and looked back to his passengers. "Sitting alone up here, I really feel like your chauffer," he said with a smile.

 

Nadeshiko waved at him dismissively. "I could make you wear the hat, too, you know," she mockingly threatened.

 

Fujitaka smiled to himself as he started the car. "Well, let's get it over with," he said aloud with joking melodrama. The car was filled again with the sound of giggling female voices as it headed out into the street.

 

. . .

 

Tomoyo selected a notebook off the shelf.  "Like this one?" she asked.

 

Sakura took the proffered selection and scrutinized the pink and peach colored cover that was patterned with bubbles and cheerful words in English. "I like it," she said, "but maybe I should be looking for something more grown-up." She hesitated a moment or two longer by the girlishly decorated notebook before moving down the row toward the plain, refillable binders. She looked at one that was a solid aqua blue, turning it over in her hands with a small frown.

 

"You should get the one you want, Sakura-chan," urged Tomoyo sweetly. "Pink will always suit you," she said, removing the aqua binder from her friend's hands and replacing it with one that was a soft pink. She picked up a package of matching A4 paper. "And you can still choose different colors of paper," she added encouragingly.

 

Sakura brightened. "Do we need anything else?" she asked, looking around the bookstore. Her father sat on a bench outside the store's doorway, patiently guarding her mother's shopping acquisitions while Nadeshiko was in another store. Sakura did not want to leave him without company for too long.

 

"We should look at the stationary," said Tomoyo.

 

"Oh, so cute!" exclaimed Sakura, enraptured in the display.

 

. . .

 

Fujitaka could see the girls most of the time, but he couldn't see Nadeshiko. The door to Princess Adventure had a lace curtain behind the frosted glass, and the backdrops for the window displays were solid. He looked at the lingerie-clad mannequins, not really seeing them. This was the first time since this morning that Nadeshiko had been out of his range of sight; he was agitated.

 

She had been in that store for a long time, he thought.  He looked away politely whenever the store's door opened and someone other than his wife exited, though he peered discretely behind the shopper before the door closed, hoping for a glimpse of Nadeshiko. _What if she never comes out?_ he wondered irrationally. He looked at the bags of clothing around him, left in his care. The sight awakened a stomach-twisting memory for him: packing up the contents of his wife's dresser after her death, wondering if he should throw the clothing away or donate it somewhere. In the end, he'd pushed the bags into her side of the closet, hiding them with all her pretty dresses that looked new and unworn. It had taken him months to work up the courage to remove everything.

 

He glanced back into the bookstore, where the girls were convening over the shelves of cellophane-wrapped letter paper. Sakura bounced on her toes, showing a pattern excitedly to her dark-haired friend. It was impossible for him to imagine his daughter as a sorceress at all, let alone one with the kind of power to bring back Nadeshiko. His irrational fear stirred again. He considered leaving the purchases unattended and going into the lingerie shop to ascertain his wife's existence.

 

The frosted glass door opened; a pair of haughty young women exited, and behind them, Nadeshiko. She gifted Fujitaka with a bright-eyed smile and went over to the bench to sit beside him.

 

"You look worried," she said. She opened one of the larger, handled bags and slipped the purple Princess Adventure bag inside.

 

"It's nothing," said Fujitaka. Hidden by the shopping bags, he touched her hand.

 

"Just one more store, and I think I'm done," Nadeshiko assured her husband.

 

. . .

 

By dinnertime, they were all exhausted. Fujitaka hadn't had to energy to make anything complex, especially since Nadeshiko had wanted to help. She was distracting, and just as likely to chop her fingers as to chop vegetables, so Fujitaka had declared frozen ravioli for their evening meal.  In the five minutes that the pasta took to cook in boiling water, he had his wife set the dinner table.

 

After dinner the girls went up to Sakura's room. Kero, who had made sure that there were no leftovers, followed them. Nadeshiko set herself to washing the few dishes, and Fujitaka dried for her. She took her time pushing them through the soapy water, washing each one carefully, then individually rinsing each plate in the second sink before handing it over to be dried. She had her eyes closed most of the time, and was humming softly. Her wedding ring gleamed on her wet hands.

 

Her hair was still in braids, and she had rolled up the shirt sleeves to keep them from getting wet.  She was so small in the borrowed clothes, and she looked so young. She caught Fujitaka staring, and stared right back with a happy curve to her full lips. When the last dish was rinsed and dried, and then the saucepan, she wiped her hands on a dish towel. Humming still, she danced in a place, a slow circle in front of the sink, her petite bare feet light on the flooring.

 

. . .

 

The white noise of whispered "girl talk" lulled Kero to sleep faster than he could fly himself into his little bed. He slumped like the bean-bag toy that he resembled and managed a "g'night S'kura…  T'moyo," before he succumbed to the Sandman completely.

 

"Goodnight, Kero-chan," each of the girls called back. They were themselves already snuggled under the comfy blankets, side-by-side. The lamp in the room was off, but there was enough light creeping under the window curtains to see by, in case one of them needed to get up in the night.

 

"So what did Li-kun say?" ask Tomoyo, quietly, since her head lay within a few inches of Sakura's ear.

 

"I'm glad that I called him. It was weird at first, but after we talked for a little while, I guess he realized that I'm still the same Sakura, even if I have more magical power than anyone else alive. He said he was happy for me," Sakura continued in the same hushed murmur as Tomoyo, "to have my mother again."

 

"You really are amazing, Sakura-chan."

 

The shaking of Sakura's head made whisking noises against her pillow. "I didn't know I was doing it. I couldn't have planned something like that – I would have been too afraid," she said earnestly.

 

"But that's what makes you so amazing," insisted the dark-haired girl. "You are more powerful than Clow Reed, now; do you realize that?" Sakura's answer was a worried hum. Under the shared blankets, Tomoyo took her friend's hand in her own. "And you have your mother back."

 

"I'm the only one of us three… you, Syaoran, and me..." Sakura said slowly, "who has both parents now."  Her voice was starting to sound heavy with sleepiness. She gave Tomoyo's hand a squeeze, and her grip was languid.

 

Tomoyo thought about her own mother, and wondered what Sonomi would do if she knew.  Even if she didn't believe in magic, she would drop everything and fly back from New York immediately, just on the chance of it being true. Tomoyo didn't know how she was going to be able to keep a secret like this from her mother, but the girl knew that she would have to, until the time was right for her mother to know. For Sakura, Tomoyo would do it. Tomoyo knew that she could do anything, if it was for Sakura.

 

She listened to Sakura's breathing change, slowing and deepening, a sign that the little sorceress had fallen into sleep. Their hands were still interlocked. Tomoyo risked leaning her head in closer across the pillows, so that the side of her face just touched the side of Sakura's face. She closed her eyes, and listened to the lullaby of the other girl's breathing until the rhythm of her own breath matched, and she slept too.

. . .

 

"I noticed that Touya isn't home," said Nadeshiko after Fujitaka closed the bedroom door. She sat onto the bed with her legs folded up under herself.

 

Fujitaka answered gently.  "He asked to stay with Tsukishiro-kun this week."

 

Nadeshiko thought about what to say. The answer was not a surprise to her. She had been thinking about her son all afternoon and had come to the realization that he was taking her reappearance harder than anyone else. "I won't push him," she said finally. "Touya always has to come to things at his own pace." She lay down, still fully dressed, on top of the bedcovers. Fujitaka sat beside her at her feet. She stretched her arms out in front of herself, looking at her hands, and then brushing Fujitaka as she brought them back down. "It's like stepping back through time," she said with almost a purr, "with you and me." She started to take the braids out of her hair. "Like all the rest… was just a bad dream."

 

"A very long bad dream," said Fujitaka, removing his glasses and rubbing the bridge of his nose wearily. He looked at his young wife. "And I've only gotten older."

 

"Come down here with me," Nadeshiko coaxed, reaching out to him with her arms. He reclined face-to-face beside her, nestling into her embrace. "To me, you've just gotten sexier," she whispered, wuffling the loose strands of his hair with her breath. "You know how I like older men."

 

"Are you trying to seduce me?" he whispered back.

 

Nadeshiko caressed her husband's back softly.  "Is it working?" she asked.

 

He answered her with a long and deep kiss that came more easily than he would have expected. Her mouth was cool and sweet, and she tasted the way that he remembered her. The kiss led to another, and another, until the end of one and the beginning of the next one blurred.

 

Fujitaka pulled away from Nadeshiko for a moment, unable to hold back the yawn that he had been fighting. "You have school tomorrow?" she asked him softly.

 

"Unfortunately, yes."

 

They shared another soft joining of lips. "We'd better get ready to sleep," she sighed. Fujitaka wanted to protest, but another tired yawn stole the moment. "I'll go use my new toothbrush," said Nadeshiko with a wink. She slid off the bed and picked one of the shopping bags before walking into the master bathroom.

 

When she had closed the door behind her, Fujitaka got up off the bed himself. He walked over to his dresser and pulled out a set of nearly-new pajamas. He made a mental note to get rid of all his unflatteringly worn, old sleepwear, and then wondered if he was going to need to buy new ones at all. He smiled at the direction his thoughts were taking, and started to undress.

 

He was bare-chested, about to pull on the button-up shirt, when the bathroom door opened, and Nadeshiko stepped through. He held the waiting shirt in his hands… and stared.

 

"Do you like it?" she asked flirtatiously.

 

She was wearing… barely wearing… a nightgown that was made of a very small quantity of lace and sheer fabric. Her hair spilled loosely over her shoulders, except for one thin tendril that she had artistically pulled forward. It made a silky track against the white lace that barely concealed her breasts, and it drew his eyes down to the stretch of porcelain leg that the hem did not cover.

 

His legs failed him. He eased himself down to sit on the still-made bed, still clutching the shirt, unable to speak.

 

Nadeshiko added a broad, closed-lip smile to what she was wearing. She walked toward her husband with slow, swinging steps, enjoying his flabbergasted expression. She twisted the loose tendril around one finger as she walked closer. The way Fujitaka was looking at her filled her with a wicked pleasure, and so did the vision of him sitting, shirtless, on the bed; when she stood in front of him, she bumped his knees with her own, and pulled the unneeded shirt from his hands.  "I thought this might wake you up," she murmured alluringly.

 

Fujitaka could hardly breathe; he certainly wasn't going to yawn. While Nadeshiko stood in front of him, sensually bumping his knees, he carefully placed his hands on her small waist, making the silky, white fabric whisper.  The sound of her breath catching broke his paralysis. He brought the heel of one foot up, pushed himself back on the mattress, and pulled Nadeshiko down after him. They met the distance between their bodies halfway with their kiss, and then that distance diminished to nothing more than a few layers of thin cloth.

 

. . .


	16. Lessons

 

"Can you hold these for a second, To-ya?" Yukito asked.

 

Touya took the stack from his lover while Yukito re-tied his shoelace. There were six hardcover novels; Touya skimmed the titles. "Are you taking Foreign Lit next quarter, Yuki?"  Yukito stood back up, and took the books back.

 

"These are for Yue," Yukito explained.

 

"He has you checking out six books at a time? Couldn't he get them in installments?"

 

Yukito answered with wide eyes and a soft laugh. "These are the ones going back. I had to take the bus home after he picked out the ones he wanted."

 

Touya peered at the spines again.  "What does he do, read all night?  Dostoyevsky… Dumas… T.S. Elliot… Don't tell me you're going through the library alphabetically!"

 

Yukito shrugged. "It's something that I can do for him. He reads while we're sleeping. Then sleeps while I'm awake, so that we stay out of each other's way."

 

Touya's only comment was a wordless grumble. _Whatever keeps him quiet_ , Touya thought ungenerously. He liked Yue, or was starting to, but hated the time-sharing with Yuki. Yuki gave the body over essentially any time that Touya was not around and Yukito didn't have schoolwork or a class. Supposedly, Yue was spending time with the Plush and…  the Star Guardian, teaching her how to use her magic.

 

"Don't you have to watch Sakura this weekend?" Yukito asked, uncomfortably in tandem with the flow of Touya's thoughts.

 

"Yeah, 'Tousan has a conference." He sighed pensively.

 

"I know that you don't want to see her, To-ya. Yue said that he could take Nadeshiko-san out," offered Yukito.

 

Touya had the disturbing and hilarious image of Yue holding flowers and a box of candy, standing expectantly at the Kinomotos' front door. "Like on a date?" he laughed unevenly.

 

Yukito bit down on a giggle. "To continue their lessons, he said," he choked out.  He tried harder to be serious, failed, and joined Touya in snorts of laughter.

 

"When he wakes up," Touya said sincerely, "tell him thank you."

 

. . .

 

They pulled a kind of slight-of-hand on Friday night after Fujitaka left for his weekend conference. While Touya was still at work, Yukito spent the early part of the evening in the house with Sakura and Tomoyo, who was going to be continuing to stay over until Sonomi returned.  Just before Touya was due to arrive home, Yue took over. The girls were only alone for a short while after he and Keroberos left the house with Nadeshiko.

 

Nadeshiko was aware of the shell game, but she went along without comment. The three guardians would have been conspicuous even without their wings, so Yue and Keroberos agreed that the best solution would be to move quickly to a remote area outside of the town. There wasn't a lot of undeveloped land so close to Tokyo, but the male Guardians were fast enough and strong enough to carry Nadeshiko the needed distance.

 

Nadeshiko couldn't fly, herself, despite having had wings as a spirit. Her corporeal wings were magic but as solid as the rest of her; they were awkward for her to carry, and she was still learning to control their movement. She enjoyed the ride on Keroberos' back, with Yue flying beside, keeping a steadying hand between her shoulders. She had hidden her wings to avoid their drag and imbalance. The wind, which should have been burningly cold on her bare arms and face, felt wonderfully soft, like a melting snowflake. She was wearing the thin dress that she had been "born" in because it seemed right, like a uniform for her guardianship lessons.

 

They landed in a place without any light but moonlight. Yue touched the ground first, flying ahead for the last distance to survey the chosen venue. On this downward-sloping hillside, the ring of with trees protected a more open, meadow-like space. The trees, tall camphors whose tips waved in a wind that did not move their lower branches, would provide privacy for the Guardians even when they were in the air. There were no roads near, and no reason for hikers to be out in the wilderness at night.

 

He was about to ask Keroberos to second his approval when the lion landed lightly in the uneven grass with a graceful flourish of his powerful wings. Nadeshiko was clinging to the golden beast with her arms around his neck, braced for a rougher impact with the ground; before she could slide off the lion's back, he launched into a sprint through the wild growth, weaving playfully so that Nadeshiko had to hold tightly to his neck. Yue watched them speed away from him into the meadow. Nadeshiko seemed to be enjoying the play, because she squealed and laughed gleefully at the mad ride. When Keroberos finally stopped, and bucked her off gently onto the soft ground, they both continued laughing breathlessly.

 

Nadeshiko she sat with her legs stretched out in front of her, her dress swirled around her so that she was like a personified flower in the wild lawn. She had her face tipped up at the sky, and her long, curling hair tumbled behind her, the ends lost in the blades of meadow grass. A few barbed seeds clung to the strands.

 

Yue caught up to them with a reserve equal to their exuberance. "Having some fun?" he asked of his sibling.

 

"Wonderful fun!" Nadeshiko replied for both of them. "Oh, let's do that again!"

 

The lion collapse to the ground. "You don't weigh much," he said, twitching from shoulder to haunch, "but you're still heavy!"

 

"You're not supposed to say things like that to a woman," said Nadeshiko with a twinkle,  "unless you want to hurt her feelings."

 

Keroberos shrugged. "But you don't care, do you?"

 

"Oh… I didn't say that," Nadeshiko teased.

 

The winged lion blew out a breath like an abbreviated guffaw. He didn't know if it was the melodious resonance of Nadeshiko's voice, or the warmth in the twinkling of her eyes, but her teasing was more charming than aggravating. He rolled onto his back and looked at Yue. "Does she remind you of someone?" he asked almost rhetorically.

 

Yue didn't understand the lion's meaning at first. He looked at the Star Guardian sitting carelessly in the dirt and weeds, smiling as if nothing mattered but the joy of play. Her bright eyes twinkled and regarded him affectionately, even while she was reaching out to scratch the Sun Guardian's neck. A wave of recognition passed over him, and grief pressed against his heart.

 

Just for that moment, messy from frolicking with Keroberos, she looked like his former Master. Not in features, not a feminized Clow – it was in her expression, her carefree mannerism. Physically, she was nothing like the sorcerer, except for the darkness of her hair. She had a fine-boned face that was classically Japanese, and she was small and delicate. But the teasing tones of her voice, and the mischievous sparkling in her expressive eyes, were like him just enough to incite Keroberos' comment.

 

The woman looked between the two other Guardians with interest piqued.  "Remind you of who?" she asked brightly. For an awkward moment, no one said anything, but Nadeshiko noticed the haunted look that passed over Yue's face. To break the silence, she hopped up to her feet and brought out her wings. "All right, recess is over." She straightened her clothing and smoothed her long hair. "Kero-sensei, Yue-sensei," she said to each of her companions with a bow, "your student eagerly awaits your teaching."

 

Yue turned his head away, observing the way the dark shadows of the tree line reached up into the starry night. Darkness always seemed to be around the edges, he thought. It was the kind of thought that he used to debate with Clow; anything could be turned into a philosophical discussion, and they had had many over thoughts like this. Keroberos was speaking, but Yue was only half-listening.

 

"Where should we start?" Keroberos asked generally. "You've met the Cards, and you don't seem to have any weapons. What's next?"

 

Nadeshiko wiggled her wings. Large enough to brush in the roots of the grass, they made a whisking sound and urged the still air into a soft gust.

 

Turning back, Yue nodded. "Tonight I will teach you to fly," the Moon Guardian said.

 

. . .

 

Teaching her from the ground failed to produce any worthwhile results. Nadeshiko felt her cheerfulness flagging after a several of hours amounted to nothing more than a shaky ability to hover.

 

"Floating isn't flying," said Keroberos with a shake of his leonine head. "Are you sure that you can't get any higher than this?" He walked under the Star Guardian and nudged at the ticklish undersides of her delicate feet; she could suspend herself no higher than the Sun Guardian's height.

 

Nadeshiko let out a short laugh that was colored with disappointment in herself.  She lowered herself to the grass again. "Maybe I just can't do this either," she said with a slight tremble. Before her teachers, she hung her head.

 

Yue touched her chin softly, making her lift her head. "You can," he said encouragingly. "Keroberos is a terrible teacher." A narrow, sideways look at his sibling accompanied his words.

 

"Hey!" protested the golden beast. He was disappointed and frustrated too. And tired – he had been awake all day, unlike Yue, and he could feel his soft bed calling. He yawned, and his long, sharp teeth glinted in the moonlight. "Yue, I'm wearing out. How much longer are we going to be at this?"

 

The long-haired man made a gesture for patience. "Bide, Keroberos," he said wryly, using the antiquated word in English. "Nadeshiko," he said to the woman in front of him.  She looked at him with expectation. "Make yourself light. I am going to take you up to that branch." He gestured with his look at a lower limb of the nearest camphor. It was about thirty feet above the ground. Then Yue picked Nadeshiko up, arms around her back and under her knees, Western-style.

 

Nadeshiko was startled into a whooping laugh. She continued giggling when Yue lifted off of the ground. She remembered to imagine herself weightless, as she had just learned to do, and she managed to get an arm around Yue's neck. When Yue delivered her gently onto the tree branch, he graced her with a gentle smile.

 

"It will be easier like this," he said. He stood lightly next to her on the limb and looked at the distance below them. For flight, it was relatively short. Keroberos had stretched himself out flat, and had his head down on one paw. "You know that you cannot fall," he assured his pupil. "Our magic," he continued, "is a matter of picturing clearly what you want." He stepped off of the branch into the empty air, and hovered at arm's distance from the woman. "It should be easy for you to image, or remember, yourself flying. Don't think about your wings," he insisted.  He moved further away, and reached out his hands, beckoning.

 

Nadeshiko hovered up from the branch, just a few inches, and then set herself back down again. She looked at Yue, who seemed just to be waiting for her to join him, certain of her ability to do so. She glanced down to the ground; it wasn't so far, not much higher than being on a rooftop.

 

"Nadeshiko," Yue insisted.

 

She stepped off, pushing herself out with a small leap. It was like diving into a pool, she thought. No, she had to remember, it was just being a spirit. She didn't think about flying, she just thought about taking Yue's hands. Her fingertips rested in his palms for a moment. Her eyes met his; she smiled widely with accomplishment. She looked past him to Keroberos on the ground, and flapped her wings so he would notice. It was a mistake; she felt her balance shift and air push her forward. Her hands slid off Yue's palms and collided with his chest, and the rest of her followed.

 

Nadeshiko was suddenly in his arms, her hands impacting against his chest before being pushed further upward to his shoulders. Inertia carried her against him. In shock, Yue didn't think about compensating for the impact to stay aloft.

 

It had been centuries since Yue had fallen, but he hadn't expected to catch Nadeshiko. The distance to the ground was so short that by the time he thought to fly both of them gently to the ground, they were already falling. He was able to slow the impact, but he still landed on his back with the green-eyed woman on top of him. Nadeshiko jumped off quickly, and Yue picked himself up gingerly.

 

"Did I hurt you?" Nadeshiko cried in distress. "Are you all right?" She crouched by his sitting form. "Yue, I'm so sorry!"

 

Keroberos had hurried over when Yue impacted. He carefully inspected his sibling's wings.

 

"They're fine," Yue assured him shortly.  He gathered his dignity around him.  Standing up, he offered Nadeshiko a hand, which she took timidly.  He looked at her with a serious expression until she stopped fussing and waited attentively.  "Let's go higher," he said, with a small sigh.

 

. . .

 

Tomoeda was dark when they flew in, but still, they were careful about not being seen. At Yukito's house, they landed briefly in the back yard.

 

"I'm heading on home," Keroberos said with a large yawn. A thought occurred to him suddenly. "Hey – did anyone tell Sakura to leave us a window open or anything?" He looked at Nadeshiko; Nadeshiko shook her head.

 

"I don't have a key," she said.

 

Yue contemplated quietly, and Keroberos wondered if he was "talking" to the snow rabbit. "Just sleep here," said Yue finally.

 

"We probably should," said Nadeshiko. She tried to think of a way to convey her thoughts without stating anything directly, but Yue voiced what she could not.

 

"While Touya is home, it would be best if Nadeshiko stayed here," he said plainly, though as gently as he could. The Moon Guardian led the way into the house. "I'll get a bed ready for you upstairs," he said to his sibling, over his shoulder.

 

Nadeshiko lingered in the living room while the other two went up the stairs. She looked around curiously while she sat on the futon sofa. When Yue came back downstairs again, he was alone and carrying a stack of bedding, which he set down next to her.

 

"Thank you," she said. "You have a very nice house. I hadn't seen the inside… I've only been on the roof," she added with a merry laugh.

 

"I am sorry that it lacks a guest bedroom," Yue apologized.

 

Nadeshiko shook her head, making the dark waves of her hair sway. "That's all right. I'm really not at all sleepy yet." She looked at the way Yue was standing, a little far from her and behind the furniture. As a spirit she had been unable to do anything but observe, and it had made her more observant than she had ever been in her mortal life. "Where we were today was really beautiful," she said to make conversation. "I never really liked the outdoors. Fujitaka took me camping once, just after we were married, and it was awful." She saw the way Yue was paying attention, listening with interest, and continued. "It rained. I begged him to take me home."  Nadeshiko stood up and walked over to the garden door. Sliding it quietly open, she looked over her shoulder and asked, "Can we go back outside? I want to look at the stars again."

 

Yue relaxed, almost undetectably. "Of course," he said. He followed the Star Guardian out through the door, watching as she turned a slow circle, taking in the diamond night.  She flew the short distance to the rooftop, and he followed after.

 

"Do you think anyone could sleep if they knew how pretty the sky was while they were sleeping?" Nadeshiko asked in a murmur. She folded herself down to sit with her wings draped like a cloak around her. Her eyes scanned across the night sky. She sighed, a pretty sound of appreciation. "Do you know which constellations are which?" she asked, after a while of trying to make pictures out of the patterns of stars.

 

Yue crossed his arms and looked at Nadeshiko speculatively. "I could teach you the stars," he said. "I have spent a great deal of time looking at the night sky." He let his eyes wander over the well-known heavens. "Most of the constellations have stories… …not always nice stories, but…" he let his words trail off into thought.

 

 "No more lessons tonight. Please, Sensei," the woman laughed.

 

"You did well," said Yue, after a pause.

 

"No, I'm a terrible student," Nadeshiko replied.

 

Yue sat down at last, and settled his own wings behind and around himself. They sat quietly together, taking in the beauty of the celestial glitter. Occasionally, Yue would glance over at his companion in stargazing but refrain from comment. Finally, Nadeshiko turned and met his look.

 

"Can I take my good-bye back?" she asked, her eyes tearing despite her contented state. The drops tumbled over and spilled past her cheeks, their tracks turning with the curve of her smile.

 

Yue looked at her with wide eyes, unable to speak. He stayed motionless when she moved herself over to embrace him, awkwardly because of their wings, and lay her head on his shoulder.

 

"I'm so grateful," she said with a laughing sob, "for everything. For my life." She sniffled and lifted her face to look into Yue's. He frowned slightly, captivated by the way her smile trembled. "For you, too," she said before resting her wet cheek on his shoulder again.

 

Yue reached up to softly touch her hair, pondering the ambiguity of the last words. He wanted something clever to say, or something comforting. But Nadeshiko seemed comfortable with just the closeness, her wings brushing against his wings.

 

. . .


	17. Companion

 

Dawn bloomed, and the stars hid behind the pink glow of morning. Yue rose and dropped down from the roof into the yard below. He looked back to see Nadeshiko stretching; with small steps, soundless even on the curved tiles, she followed him down and further into the yard.

 

Yukito was an early riser, and he stirred awake in Yue's mind. _Good morning, Yue_ , came the cheerful voice, mellow with sleepiness still.

 

 _Good morning, Yukito_ , answered Yue.

 

_No book this morning?_

 

Yue, some mornings, had to ask for "just a few more minutes" until he could finish a chapter or at least get to a reasonable stopping point. It was a small selfishness that Yukito patiently allowed his other self to indulge in. In exchange, on other mornings Yue would slip into bed with Touya so that Yukito could wake up beside his beloved, and Yue had gotten proficient enough to do this without waking Touya. It had only taken a few days for the two sides to work out this dynamic, since each of them was trying earnestly to be considerate of his counterpart.

 

 _I had Nadeshiko's company_ , said Yue to Yukito. Yue touched Nadeshiko on her elbow to bring her attention to him; she was still watching the changing sky with a dreamy look. "Nadeshiko," he said to her, "Yukito and I are going to change places."

 

"Are you going to sleep, now?" she asked.

 

"Not immediately," said Yue. "But soon."

 

"Then sleep well," Nadeshiko said with a pretty smile. "I'll see you again tonight."

 

Yue smiled then, a real smile, one that gave his eyes a luminous glow. Without another word, he surrounded himself in the cocoon of his wings and made the exchange with Yukito.  Yukito opened his eyes slowly. His smile at Nadeshiko, more light-hearted than Yue's smile, was accompanied with a greeting of, "Good morning."

 

"Good morning, Yukito-kun," Nadeshiko returned. She had hesitated just briefly, wondering how to address him. This was their first meeting outside the company of others; there was no way to avoid speaking to him directly. Considering her closeness to Yue, though, she thought it would be ridiculous to be too formal. Still, she no longer had the freedom of invisibility, and it would be important for her to remember to behave less casually now.

 

"Would you like to have something to drink?" asked Yukito. "I think I'm going to start making breakfast."

 

"I want to stay outside a little longer," the beautiful woman answered. Her eyes roved over the splendor of the early morning"Look at the light coming through the petals, and the buds of leaves," she said, admiring the cherry tree in the center of the yard.  "You have a wonderful garden, Yukito-kun."

 

"Touya helped me with everything that needed building. I just clean up leaves and make sure the flowers get enough water," Yukito replied with sincere modesty. "But I'm glad you enjoy it."

 

"I don't want to keep you," said Nadeshiko. "Go ahead inside. I'll be out here until you need me."

 

After Yukito went into the house, the Star Guardian curled up against the slim trunk of the cherry tree and leaned against the satiny bark. When a breeze gusted, a rain of light petals shook loose from the branches and filled the air like snowflakes. Nadeshiko let the confetti of petals stay on her hair and dress where it fell; the spots of pink stuck to her skin without any weight at all. _This world is a beautiful place_ , she thought, and closed her eyes when she smiled.

 

Yukito glanced back briefly at Nadeshiko as he passed the doorway. _She looks happy_ , he said mentally to Yue.

 

 _She finds happiness in the simplest things_ , answered Yue. His comment had a quality of admiration.

 

 _You seem happier, too_ , Yukito added. _If you don't want me to, I won't tell anyone that I noticed you were smiling. But I did notice, Yue._

 

 _It's impossible not to reassess one's outlook when with her_ , said Yue, sounding embarrassed nevertheless. _She appreciates everything for what it is. Perhaps because everything is new to her again, but… she makes everything feel new, to me, also._

 

Yukito, now in the kitchen, began to look through the cabinets, pondering breakfast options even while he continued communicating with Yue. To Yue, it was like having a conversation with someone who was muttering under his breath. _That's a good attitude to have,_ said Yukito. _I'm glad… now if I have some baking soda… and it's good to have someone to talk to… milk… how did your teaching go?_

 

 _It went well_ , answered Yue. Yukito continued the mental muttering. _Yukito, I think I will sleep now and let you find your ingredients. Will you see Nadeshiko and Keroberos back to the house after breakfast?_

 

 _Of course_ , replied Yukito. _Pleasant dreams._

 

 _They have been better, of late_ ,Yue assured Yukito, his last words before sliding into a state of mental sleep. 

 

Yukito felt the shift into silence in his mind, although he could still sense the presence of Yue. He pulled out a mixing bowl and a griddle pan, eggs and sugar and other ingredients and traded the cold griddle for the hot kettle of water. Before he made tea for himself, he peeked out into the yard to see if Nadeshiko had changed her mind and wanted a cup after all. To his bemusement, she was deeply asleep, a smile curving her lips still. He left her to her rest and returned to the kitchen.

 

Keroberos woke up alone, which was not a surprise to him, although for a minute he was disoriented by the unfamiliar room. He blinked himself enough awake to stretch. He had changed into his false form while falling asleep, out of habit, he guessed. The thick bedding made a wonderful warm nest for his small body, and he considered going back to sleep for a while longer, before deciding that he could get some breakfast first, and then go back to sleep. He fluttered downstairs.

 

Noises from the kitchen confirmed that breakfast would be forthcoming; he flew in to find Yukito standing by the stove, whisking up pancake batter. "Good morning, Kero-kun," Yukito said cheerfully.

 

"Eh, good morning," Kero answered back. He watched the young man fold several heaping spoonsful of cocoa into the mixture, followed by a cupful of chocolate chips. His mouth began to water. "Where's Nadeshiko?"

 

"Sleeping," Yukito replied. "Outside," he added after ladling the first spoonful of batter onto the hot griddle pan.

 

"How long are those pancakes going to take?" asked Kero, hovering by the stove.  The first milk-chocolaty circle had begun to rise, large bubbles forming in the cooking batter.

 

"Not long, five or ten minutes," answered Yukito. "But I think that we should wait to eat until Nadeshiko-san can join us."

 

"You said she was outside?" asked Kero. At Yukito's nod, he zipped across the room and headed outside to find the missing Guardian that threatened to delay his breakfast.

 

She was sleeping in the oddest of places. The branches of the cherry tree in Yukito's yard made a pink umbrella of shade, and Nadeshiko was curled up like a cat with her wings curved behind her, at the base of the tree. She seemed absolutely peaceful on the root-lumpy ground. Her breathing was smooth and even while she slept, and an angelic peacefulness enhanced her features. Kero landed by her face. When he cleared his throat and she remained sleeping, he tapped her nose with his forefoot. She wrinkled her nose and sneezed awake.

 

"Oh… good morning, Keroberos," she said sleepily.

 

"Why are you sleeping under a tree?" asked the little lion.

 

Her sleepy laugh accompanied her rising. "I can sleep just about anywhere," she said, smiling. "And it was so pretty this morning, when the sun was coming up. I didn't want to go back inside."

 

"You didn't get to sleep until dawn?" Kero asked suspiciously. "What were you doing?"

 

Nadeshiko straightened her dress while she hid her wings. "We stayed up watching the stars, it was so pretty. I think I was too excited to sleep."

 

"And you napped yesterday when Sakura was at school," Kero supplied.

 

"I did," agreed Nadeshiko. "Yue said that he sleeps in the day, too, so he was going to stay awake anyway. It was nice to have company."

 

"So, you were just talking?"

 

Nadeshiko shook her head and looked at him curiously. "No, not much talking. We just looked at the sky."

 

"You hungry?" Kero asked, abruptly changing the subject. "The snow-rabbit is making breakfast."

 

"It smells like chocolate," Nadeshiko cooed.  She started walking toward the house. When they entered, Yukito was already setting the table. "Oo-ooh, whipped cream!" exclaimed Nadeshiko with delight. "Chocolate pancakes! It looks delicious!  She slid down to kneel at the table and waited with patient delight for Yukito to finish and join his guests. He placed a small stack of pancakes on a plate in front of her first, then a much larger stack in front of Kero and another of equal size at his own place setting, and an addition extra tower of fragrant pancakes in the middle of the table.

 

"Please help yourself to as much as you like," Yukito said to Nadeshiko. "I wasn't sure how many you would want." He saw that Kero looked longingly at the extra pancakes and added, "I have more batter. I can make more if we eat all of these."

 

"I knew I liked you for a reason," quipped the little yellow animal, digging in to his stack with gusto.

 

They made short work of breakfast, and Nadeshiko insisted on helping Yukito clean up the remaining dishes. Yukito's kitchen was clean and in order, griddle and mixing implements already washed and put away, counters clean and floor swept, so all that was left to do was to wash the plates that the three had used for their meal. Nadeshiko dried them and lay them out on the tidy counter.

 

"Thank you for breakfast," she told Yukito.  "It was delicious."

 

"You're welcome. I'm glad you like pancakes," he answered. "It was nice to have your company," he added with a friendly smile.

 

Nadeshiko studied him with a smile of her own. "You still seem so much alike to me," she said. "You, and Yue. I know you're different. But there is something."

 

"Sakura-chan says the same thing to me," Yukito laughed lightly.

 

"Like brothers?" Nadeshiko speculated.

 

Behind his glasses, Yukito looked at her with wide and merry eyes. "Twin brothers?" he suggested.

 

"I've known twins," said the woman. "I have cousins who are twins. They look as alike as bookends and act as different from each other as they can." She met eyes with Yukito, and both of them laughed.

 

The thought of her cousins sobered Nadeshiko quickly, because the remembrance of her closer cousin followed immediately behind.  Sonomi… she had been thinking about Sonomi on-and-off for the past week, wondering what to do. Nadeshiko hated the idea of hiding from her dearest cousin, but showing herself was out of the question. But Nadeshiko was not one to dwell on problems without answers, so she pushed the thought to the back of her mind again.

 

The phone rang, and Yukito went to answer it. He was back after a few minutes. "Sakura-chan wants to see you before she heads out to school. I don't have to be at the college until ten, but if you're ready to leave…" he left the end of his question open.

 

"It's no trouble; we can go now," agreed Nadeshiko. "I'll wake up Keroberos." She started to leave the kitchen, but paused next to Yukito and asked her next question hesitantly. "That was my Touya on the phone, wasn't it?"

 

"It was To-ya," said Yukito, serious despite his smile.

 

"I suppose he won't be home when I get there?" she inquired hopefully.

 

"He's meeting me at school," Yukito answered gently. Nadeshiko nodded, her bright eyes distant. "Nadeshiko-san --" Yukito started.

 

A smile returned to Nadeshiko's face, although it was subdued. "I understand." She surprised Yukito with a soft embrace. "I'm glad he has you right now, Yukito-kun," she said.

 

Yukito was nonplussed by the affectionate gesture, and couldn't think of anything to say when she released him. She sighed quietly to herself and left the room. Yukito sighed to himself as well. He was glad he was with Touya, too, but wondered if there was anything that he could do beyond being supportive.

 

. . .


	18. Confidante, Best Friend, Lover

 

Although Keroberos was unwilling to stay up most of the night again and went home before midnight, Saturday night was essentially a repetition of the night previous. Nadeshiko practiced her flying in the wilderness preserve, and stayed awake with Yue when they returned to Tomoeda. But she was in a talkative and playful mood, and goaded the taciturn Moon Guardian into conversation. A futile attempt at a game of shogi ended with Yue picking up the board and sliding the remaining pieces into their wooden box, closing the hasp with a definitive snap.

 

Nadeshiko giggled and received a rueful smile in answer. "There are some things," she said lightly, "that I don't even _want_ to be good at." She rose with liquid grace, stretching her wings out like a sail. "But I'm getting used to these."

 

Yue couldn't resist unfurling his own wings in answer. "They have their uses," he said. He paused, as if in thought, and a slight coloring to his cheeks accompanied a diverted look.

 

Nadeshiko smiled speculatively but refrained from asking. "Should we have a snack?" she queried instead. When Yue got up and began walking toward the kitchen, she followed.

 

"What would you like?" he asked.

 

Taking steps on tip-toe like a ballet chorus girl, Nadeshiko sashayed next to her companion. "Coffee with milk?" she asked, the phrase pronounced coquettishly. She danced a slow circle in the kitchen.

 

"You are in high spirits," Yue observed. He set up the coffee machine to brew a pot, drawing on Yukito's memories to execute the process. Yukito was sound asleep, and wouldn't have noticed. Yue found a bowl for sugar in the cabinets. He poured cream into a single cup.

 

"My husband comes home tomorrow," Nadeshiko said happily. "Some time in the afternoon, I hope." She exhaled a dreamy sigh, and her gaze drifted while she lost herself in thought. Neither of them spoke for a while, but it was a comfortable silence.

 

When the coffee pot bubbled and switched to "warm", Yue filled the cup with hot coffee and handed it to Nadeshiko. She spooned sugar into it and gave it a lazy stir. "Won't you have some?" she asked. "To keep me company?"

 

"I no longer eat," Yue said with a measured tone.

 

Nadeshiko noted the "no longer" and hesitated. She took a sip, twitched at the coffee's heat, and hesitated again. She put the cup down onto the counter, speaking with caution. "But you used to?"

 

"Before," Yue admitted.

 

"Do you want to talk about it?" Nadeshiko asked sweetly.

 

Yue was going to answer in the negative, but the bright green of Nadeshiko's eyes stopped the word on his lips. Instead he walked out of the room slowly; his guest followed with her cup in hand. He sat down on the couch and Nadeshiko sat beside him.

 

"Can I confide something in you?" he asked, so quietly that the words carried only far enough for her to hear. Looking up to find her listening, he continued. "I feel out of place. My world is gone. I don't belong here." His pale lashes veiled his eyes while he seemed to study a distant groove in the floor. "I will do my duty—" he began, but did not finish.

 

Nadeshiko turned the coffee cup in her hands. "You do have a place here," she said.  When he didn't answer, she searched for more to say. "Do you want to talk about him?" she asked finally. They had almost had this conversation once before, on the roof of this very house. "It sometimes helps to talk."

 

A kaleidescope of emotions crossed Yue's expression. "I am afraid to start," he said tightly.

 

Nadeshiko sipped at her sweet coffee and resisted the desire to wrap her arms around her companion in a heartfelt embrace. "What was he like?" she asked. "He seems to have been very wise."

 

Yue cast her a look of disbelief, the corner of his mouth pulling upward. "Clow made some of the most foolish mistakes I have ever known," he answered, almost with humor. _Starting with me,_ he added to himself, and felt composure slip at the thought. "He had a skewed sense of comedy," Yue forged on, "and he was a merciless teaser."

 

"But," said Nadeshiko, filling in the unspoken contradiction.

 

Yue breathed quietly, several breaths in and out. "I knew him from the moment I opened my eyes," he said with words more air than sound.

 

Sympathy formed a damp weight on Nadeshiko's lashes. Yue saw her wipe her eyes; he sat up straighter and his vulnerability disappeared. "It would be wise for us to make sensible use of our time," he said, his emotions controlled. "I have an idea to help you find your false form."

 

"Yue…" Nadeshiko started with a frown. Her questioning look was met with Yue's even, blue-eyed gaze.

 

Yue walked around the room, turning on several more lights and even adjusting the position of a table lamp. He took an oversized sketchpad from the shelf and sat down across from Nadeshiko, pencil in hand.

 

"You're going to draw me?" she asked.

 

"We can start with what the way that you look now," explained Yue. "Afterward, we can suggest changes. A visualization should help you and my Mistress," he smiled then, noticing again the incongruity of addressing her daughter in that manner, "to create an alternate form for you."

 

"It's a good idea," Nadeshiko agreed.  "All right, I'll model for you," she added merrily.  "Is where I'm sitting fine?"

 

Yue gave her a short nod.  "Bring your chin down slightly," he suggested.

 

Nadeshiko settled herself into position, relaxing for a long period of immobility, and felt a familiar pleasure in posing. Some of what she had done in the past had been very active, and some had been as passive as this, sitting for long periods until the lighting and the pose were perfect. She felt Yue studying the lines of her face, his observation like a caress over her features. She heard the whisper of graphite on paper; all else was silence.

 

Yue started with a few quick lines. His skill was limited, and badly out of practice, but it would be adequate for the task at hand. He had more technique than talent, but he had also had several centuries to practice the technical aspects of drawing. After the preliminary sketch, he began with a new sheet and observed his model more closely than he ever had. He shaded the shadow beneath her chin line, and the hollow behind her ear, and the fine curve of her brow.  Details that he had never noticed transferred to the page. When he had her basic features captured, he changed his position and began a new sketch from another angle.

 

"You may move now," he said, when that one was done. "I would like to do another pose."

 

Nadeshiko reclined into the couch and tucked her legs up under herself. "How is this?" she asked, tipping her head so that her hair flowed over one shoulder and across her bare arm.  Yue gave her another serious nod.

 

It seemed, when Yue spoke again after another session long in silence, as if a strange spell had been broken. Nadeshiko inhaled and exhaled deeply and slowly, and felt a strong desire to recline on the couch. "Do you mind if I lie down?" she asked.

 

"That would be fine," said Yue, unbothered. He had a stack of sketches; it would be reasonable to stop. Still, he carried the sketchpad with him when he moved over closer to Nadeshiko and sat beside her bent legs. Nadeshiko had her hands folded at her waist, and there was a sleepy quality to her slow blinking. "It's late," said Yue. "Do you need to sleep?"

 

"No," Nadeshiko denied. "I'm just comfortable," she said. An unexpected yawn followed her words, and she smiled in embarrassment. "Really, I'm not sleepy," she protested.

 

Yue raised an eyebrow.

 

"I'm not," Nadeshiko complained petulantly. Hearing herself, she laughed.

 

"I can prepare Touya's bed for you," Yue said, standing.

 

Nadeshiko swung her legs off of the couch and sat up. "I don't want to leave you alone," she insisted.

 

"I am used to being alone," Yue said with a trace of dryness. Nadeshiko frowned at him, and he looked away, still extending his hand to help her up.

 

She waited while he went upstairs to prepare her sleeping place and looked at the sketches. The last ones were quite good; he had captured expression as well as features, and she looked at her likeness curiously. Despite all the photographs she had done, and all the times she had seen herself in magazine ads, she had little more awareness of her looks than most women did of their own. She couldn't imagine herself much differently – thinner in the cheeks, perhaps, and her hair less dramatically full – since she had been young at her death, too.

 

She looked up with a smile when Yue came down the stairs.

 

He saw her smiling when he came into the room, and the smile broadened when she looked up from his drawings of her. He hadn't been quite able to catch that smile on paper, the naturalness of it and the sparkle in her eyes. It wasn't necessary, but he would have liked to have been up to the task.

 

"It's off to bed for me, then, I guess," she said. She gifted him with the ghost of a bow. "Good night," she said sweetly.

 

"Sleep well," he answered. She touched her fingertips to his arm for just a moment and then glided lightly upstairs.

 

He had enjoyed drawing her. She had been a good model, naturally, but he had also enjoyed the act of drawing. It had never been a favorite pastime, but he felt productive doing it.

 

Nadeshiko had been a good model. Clow had been a terrible model, unable to sit still, and Yue had inevitably had trouble concentrating on the paper. It had never helped that the sorcerer had insisted that models for sketching should always be nude.

 

He spent the next hours until dawn drawing Nadeshiko again, altering features in the new sketches, the first sketches laid out on the table in front of him. When Yukito woke, and it was Yue's turn for sleep, he left the possibilities neatly stacked together beneath the sketchpad.

 

. . .

 

Yukito wasn't home when Touya returned to the house after his shift. Yukito, or Yue, was mostly likely with Sakura. He felt the absence. It felt strange to be in the house without him; the house felt strange without Yukito in it. It wasn't that Touya took the other young man's presence for granted so much as that Yuki was an integral part of his life, Touya mused while heading up the stairs to shower. When Yukito was nearby, Touya felt whole.

 

Touya laughed at the sentimentality of his thoughts while he stripped to wash. He wouldn't admit it easily to anyone else, he thought, but it wouldn't hurt to tell Yuki more often. He scrubbed and rinsed quickly, and afterward dressed while looking through the refrigerator for a quick lunch. It was almost dinner time, but his stomach had been intermittently growling for the last several hours, and if he didn't eat something now he was probably going to be growling soon, too. Eating cold noodles out of a bowl with his fingers, he wandered into the living room to do some homework.

 

Yukito had probably gotten the weekend assignments out of the way this morning, but Touya still had reading to do, so he grabbed his books and tossed himself onto the couch for a study session in the quiet living room. As he stacked texts onto the table, his eye was caught by the sketchpad and the loose pages beneath it. Curious, he lifted the pad and moved the loose papers closer. The drawings chased all thought of schoolwork from his mind.

 

Slowly, he laid each of them out, staring at the images of his mother with a heavy feeling. He had managed not to think about her, and had been successful at not seeing her, since her… reincarnation. A tightness was starting in his throat when he came to the other drawings at the bottom of the stack; looking at the conceptual drawings, he understood. It took him a few minutes to find a pencil, and then he started drawing.

 

. . .

 

The house was empty when Fujitaka stepped through the door and called out, with satisfaction, "I'm home."  He tossed his keys onto the table in the hallway and began kicking off his shoes. Traffic hadn't been bad, and since he had cut out of the conference as soon as the important seminars were over, he was home a few hours early.

 

The house wasn't entirely empty.

 

"Welcome home," Nadeshiko called back, gliding to the living room doorway. She stood against the frame, unintentionally blocking the whole doorway with one wing. The pin-striped halter top dress that she was wearing was backless; Fujitaka could see the point where her wings joined the fair plain of her shoulder blade.  Her smile glistened.  "I'm glad you're back," she said.

 

"Where is everyone?" her husband asked.

 

"Touya's at work, or at Yukito-kun's house," she answered uncertainly with a downcast turn of her eyes, "and I asked Yukito-kun to go to the park with the girls and Keroberos." Her eyes came back up with a mischievous gleam. "A few hours to ourselves might be nice," she said, almost purring the words, and flicking the curve of her wing around Fujitaka's calf, "since I haven't seen you since Friday." Two steps later, her other wing bordered his other side, so that he stood in a loose embrace of feathers.

 

He touched fingertips to the base of each wing, moving from soft skin to what felt tinglingly like feathers over bone. "What do these feel like?" he asked curiously. He moved a thumb in a contemplative circle.

 

"Tickles!" squeaked Nadeshiko with eyes tightly shut. She shivered. Fujitaka laughed softly and brought his hands slowly down over her bare back until they rested at her waist, then leaned close to her ear while closing his own eyes.

 

"I know other places that tickle, too," he whispered. He let a caress drift along the inside of her arm while his lips barely touched the downy skin just behind her ear.

 

"Eeya!" Nadeshiko squealed while wriggling away. She stood, light on her toes, just out of his reach. "Don't forget that I know your tickle places, too," she laughed impishly. She hid her wings and shook her hair. "No unfair advantages for you," she said.

 

Fujitaka loosened his tie, and unbuttoned the cuffs of his business shirt. His eyes smoldered with humor. "I'm going to catch you," he said.

 

"No…"  Nadeshiko taunted.

 

"Yes," Fujitaka replied.

 

"No!" the dark-haired woman laughed. She dashed toward the stairs and ran up them with fleet feet.

 

Fujitaka reached for her as she passed, missed, and sprinted after her on the stairs. She was faster than she had been, and he wasn't really competing, so he didn't catch her until he could toss her up onto their bed and follow her down.

 

She kissed her husband breathlessly while fighting with his shirt buttons.  Before they were all completely undone, she couldn't resist darting a hand in and brushing lightly along his side from ribs to waist.

 

"Ah!" he exclaimed, jumping back. He caught both her hands in one of his, grinning while he said, "You've asked for trouble, now, you know." With his free hand, he removed his glasses and lobbed them onto the nightstand. Nadeshiko took advantage of his distraction to sit up and push Fujitaka down while bringing a leg over to straddle him. She hovered above him, straight-armed, her hair tumbling forward and spilling onto his chest.

 

"Now I've caught you," she giggled.

 

His hands moved under her skirt, sliding up her bare legs, making her wriggle. She eased herself down until their chins just touched. Pushing her hands between their pressed-together bodies, she got the last buttons of his shirt undone, and then moved her nimble hands further down.

 

Somewhere in their lovemaking, when Fujitaka's hands gripped her shoulders, she had a sudden moment where she realized what Yue might have meant by wings "having their uses".  She brought them out with an exhalation, and the breeze her wings caused sent a wonderful coolness over the lovers' sweat-beaded skin. Their appearance gave Fujitaka pause.

 

"Nadeshiko," he chided softly. "Put them away."

 

"You don't like them?" she asked with curiosity.

 

Fujitaka caressed her chin and ran his fingers over her neck. "They're a little… strange," he said.

 

Eliciting little giggling noises while she nuzzled against his hair, she made her feathery appendages disappear again. "Okay," she agreed without disappointment. Fujitaka, visibly relieved, gave her something else to think about anyway.

 

They had a shower and a long bath together, and lay around lazily in robes, enjoying the quiet house and each other's company. For a while, they talked about the things that they loved, and for a while they didn't talk at all. Fujitaka was tempted to lock the door again, but a glance at the clock reminded him that the house wouldn't be quiet for very much longer. "It's nearly dinner time," he murmured to Nadeshiko. "What would you like me to make?"

 

"Do you have to start now?" she asked, reaching into his robe to touch the smooth skin of her husband's chest.

 

"No, but I do think that we should get some clothes on," he suggested.  Reluctantly, he pulled out of her embrace and took his own advice.

 

Nadeshiko watched him dress with her elbows on the mattress and her chin in her hands.  She waited until he zipped his kakis, gave her a quick parting kiss, and started down the stairs before she picked herself off the bed. She couldn't keep herself from humming while picking out a clean dress from the closet.

 

. . .

 

Touya was at the door of his own house after hours of careful thinking. He had his keys in one hand and a portfolio case over one shoulder, and was about to open the door when the knob turned; the door swung open and his father stood looking at him with a pleased smile.  "You’re in time for dinner," Fujitaka said easily.

 

Touya stepped into the house, reaching down to slip off his shoes. "I want to see my mother," the young man said.

 

"I'm right here," Nadeshiko answered. She stood at the top of the stairs, one hand on the banister rail, her eyes bright and her smile trembling.

. . .


	19. True

 

Nadeshiko was afraid to say another word. Her hand gripped the banister while the other reached of its own volition toward her first-born. Touya was looking up at her from the doorway, and when she looked into his face, she saw in his eyes the son that she had had to leave when he was still only a child, pushing him too soon into solemn maturity. Her lip trembled. She blinked at the remorse that was just beginning to cascade over her lashes.

 

Touya inhaled and exhaled deeply, the exhalation less than completely even. "Okasan," he said, with almost a smile, then bent down quickly to untie his shoes. Fujitaka was an unspeaking observer as his wife ran quickly down the staircase and threw herself onto her son, catching him with a tight embrace and pulling him close to her. Touya squeezed her in return, easing the hug only long enough to rescue the portfolio case and hand it to his father. "Take these, 'Tousan," Touya mumbled over his mother's shoulder. Fujitaka carefully placed the case on the hallway table, and then he put his own arms lightly around his son and wife.

 

            "Come into the kitchen," he suggested when they separated, still feeling emotional. Nadeshiko sniffled; with her hand gripping Touya's hand, she followed after her husband. Touya tightened the handhold briefly before extricating his fingers. He walked a step behind his mother, and when they got to the kitchen, he leaned against the sink counter. Fujitaka went back to the cooking food on the stove. Nadeshiko hopped up to sit on the counter between her men.

 

            "There were some drawings at the house," started Touya.

 

            "Yue did some sketches of me," agreed Nadeshiko with a look of explanation toward Fujitaka. "He thought it might help, for me to find an everyday form."

 

            "That's what I thought," Touya confirmed.

 

            "Because if I want to go out, or have anyone see me," Nadeshiko continued, "it would be easier if I didn't look like this." She indicated herself with a sweep of one hand. Touya was looking at her, and she was caught in a long look, and thought that she understood. "And it would be easier for you, too," she questioned softly. Her son looked away with a soft nod.

 

            "How?" asked Fujitaka without judgment.

 

            Touya exhaled another heavy breath. He looked at his mother again and wordlessly shook his head.

 

            Nadeshiko carefully answered for him. "I shouldn't look like this," she explained, "now." She looked to Touya for confirmation and was given a reluctant nod. Directing her words to her husband, she continued, "Touya saw me for a long time, when I was a spirit. But if I had lived, I would be older… greyer…" she laughed lightly, "different. I've thought so, too – I want to look like a mother to my children. There's something unreal about this form," she said, smoothing her skirt over her knees. "As if I could just disappear at any moment."

 

            Touya hissed between his teeth and fixed his gaze onto the floor. Fujitaka stared, frowning. He rested the stirring spoon. "You aren't going to disappear," he said in reassurance to all of them. "You're real. You're here."

 

            "I am," she answered. Her smile came back, and her mood rose again. "Finish the sauce," she said to Fujitaka, "so we can look at the pictures!"

 

. . .

 

            Sakura and Tomoyo walked through the doorway, giggling, with Yukito following behind them into the house. "I'm home," Sakura called. She let Kero out of her purse, and then sat down next to Tomoyo to undo her shoes. Yukito kept his shoes on, because he was just going to say a brief hello to Sakura's parents before heading back to his house, where he would be having dinner with Touya.

 

            A trio of voices, carrying from the kitchen, answered her back. "Welcome home!"

 

            Sakura exchanged a look with Yukito, who appeared just as surprised as she felt. It had been her mother's voice, and the two male voices were her father and Touya. Yukito stooped down to untie his laces. Sakura stood up quickly and moved into the other room, Tomoyo trailing her with interest. When they entered the kitchen, they saw Fujitaka taking dishware down from the cabinet and Touya leaning against the counter. Nadeshiko was sitting on the countertop, between them, swinging her feet.

 

            "How was your outing?" she asked. Her eyes were brightly sparkling, and she smiled so broadly that she showed teeth. There was a hum of excited energy in the air.

 

            "Dinner is ready," offered Fujitaka. "Shall we eat? Afterward, we have some things to talk about together."

 

            As the table was being laid out to hold a crowd of six people and one diminutive-form lion, Yukito caught Touya's attention. "I didn't expect you to be here," Yukito said quietly when they had stepped away from the bustle of dinner being served.

 

            "Neither did I," answered Touya softly. "We can talk about it later."

 

            "It's okay. I'm glad."

 

            Being the focus of Yukito's ever-sincere look made Touya grin; they rejoined the family around the table, squeezed in between Nadeshiko and Kero. A few bites into the meal, it was apparent to everyone that the after-dinner topic would not wait. "So what's going on?" asked the straightforward Kero with the slurp of a vanishing noodle.

 

            "Yue should be included in this," advised Nadeshiko. "Could you wake him, Yukito-kun?"

 

            Yukito looked mildly sheepish. "He's been aware for a while," he confessed. "Since we arrived." He looked to Sakura. "Should I change places?"

 

            Fujitaka and Tomoyo were the only ones to notice the expression that darkened Touya's countenance, and when Sakura considered uncertainly, Fujitaka spoke. "Unless Yue-san feels that is needed, I think you can remain yourself, for now," he said lightly. It was the right response, earning his daughter's relief.

 

            "What do we need to talk about?" asked the little sorceress curiously.

 

            Nadeshiko answered her daughter. "Yue speculated a way for me to have a more-ordinary form. Your brother has done some drawings of what I could look like, and we think that it could work."

 

            Kero nodded. "We've talked about this," he confirmed.

 

            "But… I don't know how to do the spell," worried Sakura.

 

            Her Sun Guardian assured her, his tail swishing, "You'll do fine. The Cards will help you, and so will me and Yue."

 

            "And me," added Nadeshiko. "Whatever I can do."

 

            Touya added his contribution in a low voice. "When?" he asked.

 

            "Well… um—" started Sakura.

 

            Since she seemed overwhelmed and put on the spot, Tomoyo came to her rescue. "What about when the break from school begins?" the girl suggested. "Everyone will have enough time to prepare."

 

"That's soon…" Sakura wavered.

 

            "You'll be all right, Sakura-chan. You'll do fine," soothed Tomoyo.

 

            "Sakura-chan?" said Yukito. "Yue says that it won't be difficult."

 

            Sakura felt the expectations of everyone directed her way, and drooped under the weight. "Okay," she said. Her spirits lifted a little when she saw her mother's joyful anticipation. She could do this, she thought, if it would make her mother happy. "Okay."

 

            "That's good," stated Touya with satisfaction. Since he, like everyone else, had finished his dinner, he stood up from the table and began to clear dishes. "I guess we'll head out," said Touya. Yukito also stood up from the table.

 

            "I thought you were coming home, Oniichan," Sakura said in a voice colored with hope.

 

            Touya glanced briefly at his father, and then met Yukito's look. "Well, my stuff is still at Yuki's," Touya started. "So I'm sleeping there, tonight, too."

 

            "But when are you coming back?" Sakura asked.

 

            "I, uh," hesitated Touya awkwardly. "I have to think about it," he said under the noise of the dishes he placed in the sink.

 

            Fujitaka came to stand next to him. "I'll take care of those," he said to his son, indicating the plates.

 

            A slightly uncomfortable round of "Good Night"s followed as Touya and Yukito prepared to leave. Sakura looked disappointed, and Touya put his hand on her head to muss her hair before he stepped out the door. Neither of the young men said a word until they were on the next block away from the house.

 

            "What do you want to do, To-ya?" Yukito asked finally.

 

            Touya took a deep breath and looked up at the sky. "About going home?" he asked. Yukito nodded. Touya reached out and rubbed a caress across Yukito's shoulders, and then brought his arm back down by his side. "I want to stay with you," he answered.

 

            After a long moment, and a mental debate with only himself, Yukito ventured a possibility. "Permanently?" asked Yukito.

 

            Touya stopped walking. He faced Yukito, who had stopped also, and looked at him. To Yukito, Touya looked a little bit scared. "Yeah," he answered, in the quietest voice that Yukito had ever heard him use. "I think… yeah."

 

            The night air was chilly, but Yukito felt warmed by the flush running up his cheeks. "When are you going to tell your father?" he asked.

 

            Touya looked at the ground. "I know I should've said something tonight. But I'll talk to him tomorrow, when the _kaiju_ 's not around." He looked up again. He reached out to caress Yukito's face. "I'll talk to him and Okasan," he said.

 

            Yukito caught Touya's hand before it moved away from the caress. "Let's go home, To-ya," he murmured. "I want to kiss you right now, and we can't do that standing on the street." His words made Touya smile. As a compromise, they held hands on the rest of the walk home. Touya's hands were hot over Yukito's cooler skin.

 

. . .

 

            Yue waited with restraint for Yukito to drift to sleep, but as soon as he felt Yukito still, he brought himself out. He was still lightly tangled with Touya, who, though drowsing, had not yet completely fallen asleep. Touya made a sound of protest as Yue eased out of the bedcovers. "Goodnight, Touya," Yue whispered. "Go to sleep." Touya blinked at him with heavy lids, then rolled to his side, pulling the covers over his bare shoulder.

 

            A robe from the floor, shrugged on, covered Yue's nakedness. It smelled vaguely like Touya -- was, in fact, Touya's bathrobe – but Yue paid little attention to the scent that was already familiar. He stalked out of the room, not thinking about dressing. He picked up a book, but instead of sitting down to read, walked slowly to a window and stared out into the darkness. He rested a cheek against the glass.

 

            Though he had been aware of it, he hadn't paid any attention to Yukito and Touya's intensely focused lovemaking this evening. He wasn't surprised, or even bothered, that Touya wanted to move in with Yukito on a more permanent basis. It was a conclusion that he accepted, even though he hadn't been involved in the decision. Yue would have been glad for his other self's happiness, and for Touya's happiness, if it weren't for the feeling of being left out that had been growing.

 

            It was still his body, he thought resentfully, realizing even as the thought formed that the resentment was misplaced. He had an odd taste in his mouth, an unpleasant bitterness. He could sense Touya sleeping upstairs; the house, and the night, were silently empty. Again, he attempted to read his book, after having moved to sit on the sofa, but for many minutes, he simply stared distantly, wondering whether he had ever felt so overwhelmingly lonely.

 

            The quiet hours of night seem to breed thoughts that bite their own tails. Yue replayed the dinner scene in his mind, the feeling of his distance from everyone else intensifying each time through. He had noticed the different sparkle in Nadeshiko, the connection that she had with Fujitaka without ever touching him in public view. She was beyond happiness to be close to Touya. How brightly she shined, in the company of her loved ones, when he himself had not even been present.

 

. . .


	20. Interlude

 

            Less than an hour passed before Yue grew too restless to stay indoors. The book remained unread. He attempted a few more sketches, even one of his former Master, but the pencil rested after a few brief lines; Yue's thoughts had the agitated surge of incoming tide waters against a pebbled shore. The thought that was continually pushed upward glistened with the coldness of dark and deep places: _I am unnecessary._

 

 _Unnecessary, and anachronistic_ , he thought to himself, softly so that the thought would not wake Yukito.

 

            There was a hamper in the living room of clean laundry waiting to be folded and taken upstairs to put away. Yue began to look through it. Hiding his wings, he traded his Clow-made clothing for a worn T-shirt and a pullover sweatshirt -- both Touya's -- and pants. The change sent a bolt of exhilaration through him. It felt strange to be wearing modern clothes yet again, but he couldn't walk down the streets of Tomoeda in his usual habiliments.

 

            There was nothing that he could do about his long hair, but it was near midnight, and while he was wearing the mix of Yukito's and Touya's clothes, Yue didn't look too unusual in spite of his hair's length and color. He closed the front door quietly and carefully as he went out. He walked briskly toward the Kinomoto house.

 

            He needed to see her. He needed to talk to Nadeshiko, if only for a few minutes, and then his thoughts would calm. She had asked about him earlier, at dinner, had she not? He stopped on the sidewalk in front of the yellow house and looked up at the entrance, and he wondered if she would be awake or if he would have to knock. His uncertainty was answered by a thin strip of light cascading out of the door as it was narrowly opened.

 

            "Yue?" Nadeshiko's voice called out.

 

            He walked quickly up the steps. She opened the door fully and ushered him in. She smiled at him, and the way that he was dressed, in bewilderment. She, herself, was wrapped tightly in a brown terry cloth bathrobe; her hair was damp, with thin wet tendrils sticking to her cheeks and neck. She smelled like steam, and her own wildflower scent, and faintly of something else.

 

            "Yue?" she repeated. "I'm surprised to see you."

 

            "Did I interrupt your bath?" Yue asked. Tones of courtesy covered an ill-fitting nervousness.

 

            Nadeshiko smiled in her full, warming way. "I was done. Is anything wrong? Would you like some tea?" she asked while she led her unexpected guest out of the hallway, and out of earshot of the upstairs bedrooms. "Everyone has gone to sleep. Let's keep our voices down."

 

            Yue followed. "No, no -- nothing," he murmured as an answer to both of her questions.

 

            "Well," she said, sitting down in the armchair.

 

            For an uncomfortable minute, Yue simply stood, at a loss for conversation, until Nadeshiko rescued him. "It looks like it will work," she said.

 

            Confused, at first, by the non sequitur, Yue almost smiled. Instead, he sat on the couch. "Ah. Your other form."

 

            "It was the best idea," cooed the woman happily. "Thank you." Tipping her head to one side, she looked across at Yue. "Did I forget lessons tonight?"

 

            "No… no," the Moon Guardian reassured her. "Nothing had been planned. And Keroberos," he added, glancing in the direction of Sakura's room, "is certainly sleeping at the moment." Memory slipped into the pause between thoughts. "Waking him from deep sleep has always been a bad idea." He stood up again, and he started walking around the room in an aimless kind of slow pacing.

 

            "Sonomi is the same," laughed Nadeshiko, forgetting that Yue would not know her cousin. "She even kicked me once. Then she spent the whole week apologizing for it. Fujitaka wakes up --" she laughed again, and didn't continue her comment. Changing the subject, she inquired, "How are the stars tonight?"

 

            "Bright," Yue answered immediately. In truth, he had been too caught up in restlessness to notice if the sky had been cloudy or clear.

 

            "Let me put on something warmer," Nadeshiko said. It was out of habit; she didn't think about how weather hardly affected her anymore. "And we can go out to the yard and look at them." She turned around in her chair to address Yue, who was, at the moment, at the point in his circuit of the room that put him just behind her.

 

            He paused. "Of course. Take the time that you need," he answered. A lock of her hair had fallen across her face, and he reached down and pushed it back without considering what he was doing. The touch of her hair against his fingertips startled him more than her; Nadeshiko seemed only amused. She smiled her easy smile, and her lively green eyes sparkled.

 

            For Yue, it was as if the rules of physics were, for a moment, suspended. It was as if a Card had been released, but without the surge of sorcerous power that would have accompanied that. It was as if the universe… _shifted_.

 

            "I'll just be a minute," Nadeshiko said brightly. She hopped to her feet and hurried on light feet out of the room to find something else to wear.

 

            Yue's grip on the armchair back almost punctured holes in the padded cloth. _How can this be happening?_ he thought to himself in a confusion of horror, despair, and elation. _Oh, Clow. There was only you. I can't be falling in love with this woman._ He braced himself against the armchair. Then he sank slowly down to sit. The upholstery carried her scent: faint carnations, summer sunlight, warm skin.

 

 _But I am._ Yue put his cheek against the fabric and breathed in the smell of her. Then his eyes sprang open, and he sat up straightly.

 

 _I can't be_ , he thought.

 

 _I will not_ , he told himself.

 

By the time that Nadeshiko came back from her room, wearing a cardigan, a long skirt, and her extended wings, Yue had convinced himself that his thoughts had been a passing moment of madness.

. . .

 


	21. Favor

"My Sakura liked my dress in the photograph so much," Nadeshiko pierced the floral cloth with another crooked stitch, "that I was inspired. I wish I could go out shopping for her. I never was very good at crafts," she laughed, a soft pink blush tinting her fresh cheeks.

"So Yue," she continued. She kept her eyes on the almost straight seam that she was sewing, but the small frown line creasing her forehead revealed her emotion plainly. "It's hard for a mother when her children grow up… but my Touya – he's very happy living here, isn't he?"

"He is," answered the Moon Guardian honestly. "You have nothing to worry about." Touya had relaxed considerably since breaking the news to his parents. His little sister, too, had accepted the announcement with little protest. Yue had the impression that telling Sakura that he was not moving back into the family's house had been awkward for Touya. While Yue had not witnessed the discussion, his Mistress had seemed as cheerful as always afterward; he imagined that she had taken the turn of events with her usual positive, enthusiastic outlook. "Nadeshiko, your seam allowance is becoming narrow."

The Star Guardian stopped with the sewing needle in the air. The dangling thread immediately twisted into a knot. "Oh, no," she murmured. Her green eyes flashed a look of worry and a request for assistance at her companion.

Dexterously, Yue's fine fingertips picked out the knot in the thread. At least she had not pricked her fingers more than once tonight, he mused. Every time the sewing needle had drawn blood, on past evenings, and Nadeshiko had whimpered, Yue had felt a sympathetic twinge of pain, himself. He had never had the balance of attention and remove to be a teacher. Watching the reincarnated woman's attempts at sewing, he had to control his strong urge to take the dress pieces from her and finish the birthday present himself. Yet her pride in what she had accomplished so far, the shine of her happiness and hope, were as unmanning as the play of a kitten with a ball of yarn.

When her charm smote him, as it too often did, he pushed the feeling as far down inside him as he could.

The dress, at least, was a simple sundress in the style of Nadeshiko's girlhood, not one of the confections of lace and flounce. Tomoyo Daidouji re-created the pattern for it just by looking at the old photograph, and she had also selected the cloth and notions according to Nadeshiko's request. But Tomoyo was rarely not at Sakura's side, so Nadeshiko could not ask for her help in the dress's construction. Yukito, Yue, and (now) Touya's house was a perfect secret location to work on it. She was delighted when Yue revealed that he knew something about making clothes.

Nadeshiko rubbed her eyes – almost forgetting to put the needle into the pincushion, first. "I'd better take a break." She neatly folded the dress pieces and tools into her basket. "I hope I can get it finished in time."

"Would you like a cup of tea?" asked Yue.

Nadeshiko replied her thanks while she stretched her arms ceiling-ward. She bent her knees and perched her heals on the edge of the chair. After a short wait, her host returned with a steaming tea cup, paired with a sugar-rimed cookie.

He appeared content not to talk while she drank her red tea. She was pleased. Yue's countenance was soft: if not smiling, then at least not frowning. He had changed. Was he, like his other self, in love with her son, too? She wondered. There had been something different in his manner since the night that Touya had come home to see her.

That would certainly simplify things.

Nadeshiko didn't understand how a man could love and desire another man, or a woman another woman, but she believed in the power of love. Love was a force stronger than anything else in the universe, she felt. Love  _was_  the force of the universe. Love brought her back into a body; love had given her two marvelous children; love made anything possible. She thought wistfully of her cousin. Somehow, love would make that right, too. Nadeshiko had been given another chance, and she was going to find a way to use it.

She looked at her friend sitting placidly nearby, who watched her enjoying the snack he had brought for her. She loved this one, too. She felt something like she did toward Touya and Sakura, including the need to protect him against anything, but also something different, because he was her teacher and protector, in some ways, too.  _Please, be as happy as I am, someday,_ she wished. "You're pretty when something makes you happy," she said aloud, without thinking first.

Yue's eyes widened with shock. If it were possible, his cheeks became paler.

Nadeshiko smiled but didn't laugh – quite. "It's true," she teased. The last bite of cookie popped into her mouth.

"Remind me," blustered Yue, "that you must never, ever meet Nakuru-san." Not clearing the Star Guardian's confusion in the least, he added, "Eriol Hiragizawa's Guardian, Ruby Moon, in her other form."

"Never mind," he said finally. He had a hidden smile. Nadeshiko inferred that in his own way, Yue was teasing her, too.

...

 


	22. Favorite

"It's starting to rain. I really should go inside." Nadeshiko felt uncomfortably sorry to send Yue away. It had been an enjoyable evening until the walk home. The walk itself had been pleasant, but Yue's mood had clouded as surely as the sky. "Good night, Yue."

Yue clasped his arms across his chest and raised his face to the starry firmament. In the ordinary clothes that he had begun wearing at least as often as his customary robes, Yue still failed to look ordinary. Yet at that hour, when all of Tomoeda slept, it mattered little.

The Star Guardian sashayed a small circle while her eyes searched for the moon. Above, few dark patches, clouds, obscured the celestial lights as irregular spots of dark grey. "It will be nice," she said, "when I can walk through Tomoeda like this on an afternoon."

"Hiding your true form."

Nadeshiko smiled. "This shouldn't be my true form, either." She rubbed her hands over her sleeves as if cold. "I'll look more like the way I should look, I think. And I'll be able to see my Sakura cheerleading or acting in a play. I'll be able to walk around and visit the new shops. I could play on the swings at Penguin Park… maybe. Aren't I selfish, wanting more already?"

Yue murmured, "You deserve to have everything that you want."

Nadeshiko stopped looking for the moon. Instead she turned her face to Yue. "So do you."

"One who has had everything and lost it all has nothing left to want."

"That's a cynical thing to say. You haven't lost everything."

Neither she nor Yue said anything more for a time. It seemed to her that several times Yue had been about to restart a conversation, so she herself did not.

"Good night, then," he said, finally. "Sleep well."

Nadeshiko watched him start down the street, then she closed the door. Before she journeyed to the upper floor, she made certain that all the downstairs windows and doors were properly closed. She could hear light spattering of spring rainfall being blown by wind against the window glass.

Surprise made her pause when she slipped into the master bedroom; unexpectedly, Fujitaka was sitting up in bed, awake. She put her basket of sewing into the bottom of the bedroom closet . When she climbed into bed beside him, her smiled dimmed at his troubled expression. Her touch on his shoulder did not provoke a smile.

"Could you have stayed home tonight?" he asked, half sighing. His tone was neither angry nor sad, but a mixture of both, with the tiredness he surely felt by being awake in the middle of the night. He didn't return her caress with one of his own.

Nadeshiko wasn't sure how to respond. "I'm sorry." He was so rarely upset with her. She didn't know what to say.

"Nadeshiko-san, I would like you to be home more often. I want you to be here. If you can't sleep, stay up if you like, but at least I will know that you are in the house." He slid his fingers between hers as he took her hand. "I'll stay up later if you want someone to talk to."

"But…" she started to say, then changed her mind. He was looking at her in a measuring way.

"Did you have a nice evening?"

"Yes." She smiled. "Yue has been so helpful. He is a good teacher. There are so many things that I've never been any good at doing, but he helps me so patiently and explains everything until I understand. I'd be hopeless without him. I hope he doesn't step on any pins that I dropped."

"Or Touya," added her husband. When she looked puzzled, he clarified, "You don't want Touya stepping on any pins, either."

"No…" agreed a confused Nadeshiko. Of course, she didn't want that. "Fujitaka… what's wrong?"

He answered in a way that showed he had thought his words through carefully. "Nadeshiko-san, you haven't asked me to help with your projects. We used to do these things together. You've been away nearly every night. Spending time with Yue-san."

"He's my friend. I want to see him."

"And I am your husband," Fujitaka stated.

"I don't know what you are angry about, my husband," pleaded Nadeshiko. "But I don't want you to be angry with me."

"I'm requesting that you spend less time with your friend and more time with your family. Please stay home the rest of this week." It was a command, not a request.

Nadeshiko let him take her lack of reply as agreement, and when he turned out the light and lay down, she laid down beside him, pressed against him under the blankets. Unhappy questions drifted across her mind. "Fujitaka, are you jealous?"

His immediate answer made it clear that he was still very much awake. "Is there a reason for me to be jealous?"

"Of course not!" She felt her breath catch. "No… of course not. I…." His body felt tense. It was uncomfortable to be next to, but she was afraid to move away, afraid of what he might think if she moved from him.

...

It was a light spring rain that sprinkled on Yue as he walked back to the old style house that he and Yukito now shared with Touya Kinomoto. The drops themselves, though icy cold, were very small and light. His clothes grew wet, but he hardly felt the rain falling. Swatches of spangled sky still showed through the fast moving clouds that shed the rain in their passing. Tomoeda was silent, and all the houses were dark. Yue glanced behind him before the Kinomoto house passed out of sight. It, too, was dark. Somewhere in one of the rooms, Nadeshiko had gone to lay down beside her husband.

In the occasional splashes of streetlight, the sidewalks took on a dark sheen as the concrete dampened with the misting drizzle. Yue stayed toward the edges of the circles of light when he walked past them. His route meandered a circuitous path toward his house. The slow pace of his stroll took him through the young trees of Penguin park, then past the man-made pond. Sometimes he paid attention to his surroundings. If he looked for the manor house, he saw the collection of dark shapes against the horizon that was the new amusement park. The estate where he had once lived remained in the past. The progression of time had left it behind and filled the space with neighborhoods and boutiques and bakeries.

No one at all took notice of his return through the front gate, or the front door. He could see without difficulty; there was no need to turn on any lights. Only a few of Touya's things had collected since Touya had sought asylum, yet perhaps for their presence Yue had the impression of being in someone else's home. It had become a place where real people lived. Fictions didn't produce laundry or create kitchen smells.

Yue reclined on the futon couch with his legs folded up. He lay his head down, his cheek against his bare arm. It would not have taken much will to shift Yukito's slacks and T-shirt into the folding silk of the Guardian's suit. Yue left them as they were. Sleep was good, so Yue slept.

. . .

Yukito woke to Touya's touch, not on his arm but on Yue's. Yue was still sleeping, so Yukito made the transformation. Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, he looked up at Touya. He offered him a befuddled, "Ohayo," and sat up the rest of the way on the couch.

"Ohayo, Yuki." Touya caressed Yukito's hair out of his face without saying anything more.

Touya's state of dress and the smell of cooked breakfast indicated the lateness of the morning. He noticed that he himself, or Yue actually, had slept in street clothes. His clothes. Yukito listened to his boyfriend serving food onto dishes and watched him carry them out to the table. Swatches of a dream that wasn't his still clung to his mind. Yue was still dreaming. Yukito smiled off the rest of his lethargy and rose to have breakfast with his partner.

. . .


	23. Reflection

 

Touya had thought to go out, catch an afternoon movie by himself or waste some time one of the big computer stores in the city. Yukito had asked him to stay, instead, and be around when the _kaiju_ and her Guardians gathered at Touya and Yuki’s house for spell planning. Yukito seemed quiet, not in his usual way, but distracted and pensive.  The soft-spoken young man stayed around long enough to answer the door and greet everyone, but shortly after that, he inevitably had to “leave” so that Yue could be present. It was odd to be in this house with nearly everyone but Yuki.

 

For Touya, being around his mother was weird but no longer painful, and not much weirder than thinking of his kid sister as a sorceress. With the events of the last few years added to a childhood of seeing ghosts and spirits, he was desensitized to weird. His _ichiban_ had a time-sharing agreement with an alternate self. Even without the magic power that he had given up to Yue to keep him, and therefore Yuki, from fading away, Touya would always have the side effects of magic in his life.

 

Whenever company came over, Yukito fixed snacks. Not sure of what else to do -- other than study or sit at his computer, both of which seemed like bad manners -- Touya did the same. There were chips and some vegetables that he cut up and arranged on a platter, and for a sweet, some baking that Yukito had prepared earlier in the afternoon. All Touya needed to do was put the sweets in the oven. He expected to see the cut-outs of stars and moons, or at least cute animals. Atypically, tonight Yuki’s cookies were plain circles. They looked wrong.

 

Touya was in the kitchen, and out in the main room with the others, Sakura argued with Kero about room-sharing conflicts. Nadeshiko sat next to Yue. The Star Guardian leaned in closely so that her words would not carry beyond his ear. “How have you been?” She glanced over at her daughter, saw that Sakura was still distracted, and returned her attention to Yue.  “Is everything going well with Touya living here?”

 

Yue stared at his hands.  “I don’t know what you mean,” he replied, just above a murmur. “I am pleased to see you,” he said, changing the subject.

 

“I’m sorry that I haven’t come to see you in so many days.”  Nadeshiko’s soft breath moved a few of the loose strands of Yue’s hair.

 

Yue lifted his head slightly and was about to answer when he was interrupted by Kero, who was suddenly shifting into his big form.  Sakura was standing now, and holding the Cards earnestly in her hands.

 

“I think we can start, Yue-san,” she said.

 

“What are we doing first?” asked Nadeshiko.

 

“It’s an experiment,” said Keroberos with relish.

 

Yue stood and stepped across to his Mistress.  Earlier, Sakura had laid out the cards and had done a reading, asking which Cards would be most useful in crafting a spell to create a false form for her mother.  “The reading indicated several possibilities,” said Yue, “but I believe that the Cards dealing with appearance will be integral.”

 

Sakura gently slid two cards out from the Deck.  “Illusion, Erase, Maze,” she called out,  “and Mirror.”  The Cards pulsed an low, pink light as she spoke their names.

 

“Some Cards are like each other in a basic way,” stated Keroberos, with the rare seriousness that hinted at his true age.

 

“Mistress, you should be able to feel a fundamental similarity. It should feel much the same as the Card’s orientation to Dark or Light, and to Sun or Moon magic.”  Yue spoke with confidence and without condescension.  Truthfully, he was guessing from some of the things that Clow had spoken about, more often to guests than to Yue directly.  The Sun Guardian seemed to agree, however, so Yue thought that his speculations must hold up to Keroberos’ scrutiny.  The winged lion had never been slow to point out when his counterpart was wrong.

 

Sakura made an affirmative noise.  “But I don’t think Maze or Erase fit,” she suggested.  She reached out a hand, and one at a time, the Cards dropped into her palm and lost their glow.  “They feel the most different.”  She put the two down with the other dormant Cards. Their glow softened until it faded, as if Erase and Maze were snuggling in with their brethren.

 

Nadeshiko looked with interest at the hovering Cards. 

 

“Mirror and Illusion. But how will I use them?” Sakura wondered, aloud. “Illusion pretended to be you, Okasan, before. Mirror pretended to be me.” The little sorceress contemplated the Cards. Sakura looked at her three Guardians for suggestions.

 

“Let’s wake them up and find out.” Gleeful anticipation lit Nadeshiko’s face.

 

. . .

             

 

Touya caught a peripheral glimpse of chestnut hair at the doorway to the kitchen. He stopped his portable music  player and took the ear buds out of his ears.  “Are you sure that you want to leave that group unattended, Kaiju?” he asked wryly.  Turning, he handed a plate of fresh-from-the-oven cookies down to the girl.

 

“Um,” she said quietly.  “I’m not...”

 

Touya stopped and looked at the girl more closely.  “You’re not Sakura,” he sighed.  He smiled gently at Mirror.  “You really are just like her.”  It was true, and he tried not to be unnerved by it.  Without the senses that he used to have, he couldn’t tell the copy from the original anymore.  Touya didn’t often think about the piece of him that was missing, but being caught off-guard by this Sakura-that-wasn’t-Sakura brought his loss into sharp focus.

 

“S-sorry,” whispered the double delicately, “Oniich… _Kinomoto-san_.”  She looked like she was torn between wanting to run out of the kitchen and being afraid to move. 

 

Touya forced a smile.  “I guess it’s your job,” he said. It suddenly irritated him more than he would have thought. It was something like being the only one left out of a joke, missing what was funny while everyone else was having a hearty laugh.  He ignored Yue as Yue came into the kitchen, too. So that he would not tower over Mirror, Touya leaned casually against the edge of a counter. “So what should I call you,” he asked gently.

 

Mirror shyly shook her head. She pressed her lips together in a gesture so slight that Touya barely could see it, getting no further than that shadow of an answer.

 

Touya glanced at Yue, then decided not to say anything. He grabbed a plate of chips and crackers and walked out of the kitchen as if unbothered, expecting Mirror to follow but distracted enough not notice when she did not move.

 

Mirror held the edge of the plate close to her chest. She looked heartbroken. Taking Yue’s appearance in the kitchen as an admonishment, she started moving to return to the others, but Yue stopped her with a word.

 

“Mirror-san,” he tentatively asked. “You have a different form, now.”

 

“Yes, Yue-sama.”

 

“Could you take your former appearance, still?”

 

“I don’t know if I could, Yue-sama… even if Sakura-sama willed it.” Her green eyes revealed a much older soul than the one her form mirrored. “I miss him,” she offered.

 

“I, too.”

 

“We know,” Mirror spoke for the other Cards.  Her pause was long and quiet. “Maybe… I could,” she said softly. She looked up at her sibling-in-creation. A smile with a slight curve of wickedness appeared on her lips. “I had abundant practice being Master Clow when it suited him.” With a sly wink that erased her sadness of a moment before, her appearance transformed. Clow picked up a cookie and bit it before setting the plate down. A tiny crumb rose on the slope of his enigmatic smile.

 

 _I wondered what it would be like to see him,_ said Yukito’s voice to Yue. _Other than as a memory._

 

“This _is_ a memory,” murmured Yue. He stepped forward anyway, and put his arms around Mirror, holding her softly and resting his head on her chest. She returned his gentle embrace.

 

Mirror had been a perfect reflection of their Master when he wanted her to be. To duplicate his mannerisms and even his scent, in addition to his appearance, was the nature of her creation. She had chosen the version of him that she had needed to be most often: dressed for the formal gatherings that he had found so dull. The thickly embroidered cloth chafed against Yue’s cheek. He could feel body heat radiating through the layers of cloth.  

 

Mirror didn’t have a heartbeat. She was a moving portrait in all dimensions, but still only a reflection. As hungry as he was to hear Clow’s voice again, Yue was thankful that Mirror never spoke more than necessary. As he started to shiver, her guise began to waiver.

 

She returned to copying  Sakura’s appearance before Yue lost his restraint. He did not want to let go, but she slipped out of his embrace as her height and size changed.

 

Yukito spoke in Yue’s mind. _He was tall. Like To-ya._

_To be in Clow’s arms was to be in the center of the universe,_ Yue replied to Yukito.

 

_In that way that makes you feel more real?_

 

Yue gathered his composure. _Yes._

 

 _I know how that feels._ Yukito’s voice rang with untainted fondness.

 

Yue made no reply to his other self. “Thank you,” he said to Mirror. She beamed with a radiant smile just like Sakura’s. Cookie plate in hand, she waited to walk out of the kitchen at the same time as the Moon Guardian.

 

They walked into the living room... and entered an Arabian fantasy of sword dancers, flame swallowers, and exotic pipe music. Colorful draperies and golden ropes embellished the interior of what seemed to be an enormous desert tent.  Illusion had created a space that appeared much larger than the real size of the room. All the real furniture was still visible, but changed to match the setting. The futon couch had become an enormous pile of sumptuous rugs, upon which Sakura and her mother, dressed in vibrantly colored costumes, lounged while they watched the created entertainers. Jewels and gold dripped from otherwise bare necks, arms, and even waists. Keroberos nosed around the tent walls, testing the boundaries and the locations of the real walls. Even his armor had Persian flourishes. Yue watched him approach where a real wall existed but a continuation of space seemed; at that point, Kero stopped and poked at the illusion. It looked like pantomime when his paw pressed the wall that could not be seen.

 

Touya leaned against a supporting beam, also in setting-appropriate clothing, including a _smagh_ cloth covering his head. Loose pants began low on his hips and draped down to his sandaled feet. His bare arms crossed over an open, embroidered vest.  Yue looked at the exposed abdomen of Touya’s lean, tanned body for longer than he intended. He noticed that Touya was smirking at him.

 

“’Tousan will be sorry he missed a party,” Touya commented.

 

Yue made a noise of disapproval at the frivolity of the scene. Mirror, whose outfit had already changed to match her Mistress’s sheer pink ensemble, delivered the cookie plate she had been holding onto a stuffed cushion before clambering up to join Sakura and Nadeshiko.

 

The hiss of a flame being spit from an entertainer’s mouth drowned out another of Touya’s comments. He was looking at Yue with distinct amusement. “Pardon?” asked Yue.

 

“I asked,” repeated Touya challengingly, “Where is your dress up costume?”

 

Yue raised his eyebrows.

 

“Yuki would do it.”

 

 _I would,_ agreed Yukito. _Touya looks hot. You think so too, don’t you?”_ Yue refrained from answering, but Yukito laughed anyway.

 

Yue spoke over the noise to Sakura. “Mistress… .”

 

Touya interrupted. “Let her have fun,” he said in a low voice, meant to carry only to Yue. His comment could have meant his little sister, or his mother, or Mirror. Nadeshiko had pulled the girls down off the carpet mound into a dance. All three were laughing.

 

They were dressed like entertainment women from a harem. It bothered Yue that the skimpy costumes were not upsetting Touya. Sakura and Mirror were a matched pair of Lolitas, the lines of the clothing accenting womanly features not yet developed in reality. Nadeshiko was dressed like a harlot, in a dark pink that was almost red, most of the cloth used in the see-through harem pants that bared more than they covered. While she danced, she wriggled to make her bells chime. Her small breasts were bound in top that was little more than a narrow strip of heavily embroidered cloth. It left her pale skin bare from the top of her ribcage to below her belly button, in which a jewel sparkled. The muscles of her lithe body were not strongly defined, and her femininity made her athletic twisting appear that much more obscene. He wondered if she would sweat, and how it would feel to touch her narrow waist as she danced. Her cheeks were flushed, and her eyes glowed with pleasure.

           

  _Nadeshiko-san is To-ya’s mother,_ said Yukito suddenly. _Yue._

 

Yue immediately moved his head so that Nadeshiko was not even at the edge of his vision. Instead, he stared hard at a pattern on the floor rug. _Yes,_ answered Yue, admitting nothing.

 

 _Anyone else…_ Yukito let a long pause trail the beginning of the thought.  _Nadeshiko-san and Kinomoto-sensei are happy to be together again. I hope to be as happy, with To-ya. You could be happy too, with… To-ya, too._

 

 _I don’t wish to be with anyone,_ snapped Yue to his other self. _I am merely friends with Nadeshiko. You have nothing to_ worry _about._

 

_But you were thinking--_

 

Yue’s interruption was brusque. _Curiosity._ He silently dared Yukito to challenge his curt excuse. Yukito did not reply. He kept his thoughts too close for Yue to hear.

 

“Nothing practical will be accomplished tonight,” Yue muttered to Touya. “I will retire and leave the rest of the evening to Yukito.” He went into the transformation but came out unchanged, his confusion apparent. _Yukito?_

 

_Spend some time with To-ya. I think you should._

 

 _Do not –_ Yue began to retort.

 

Yukito interrupted with deceptive lightness. _Take some responsibility. I’m not at your beck and call._

 

Yue fumed, shocked speechless. Where had Yukito acquired such arrogance? He crossed his arms over his chest and pretended to be unmoved. Though Touya appeared to be watching the others, Yue conjectured that the other man was aware of his internal conflict.

 

Once upon a time, he had said, _I will sleep in the Book forever._   How much simpler that would have been! He had not asked for any of this, Yue mulled angrily. This was not his purpose. This was not his place, or his time. Why didn’t they let him fade away?  Nadeshiko, Touya… Yukito… . Yue started to walk away. He looked for the kitchen, but it had disappeared, covered by Illusion. He attempted to leave the room, only to find himself again near Touya.  He sat down on a pillowed cushion, staring at the floor crossly, but his anger was quickly turning into a familiar, bleak frustration.

 

The edge of the cushion dipped when Touya sat down next to him. It was a large, round ottoman; Touya left him space and was not overly close. “You okay?” asked the young man. The kindness of Touya’s question seemed to Yue more than he deserved.

 

Yue did not know how to answer. Not to answer was impolite. He owed something to Touya’s concern. “Yukito…” he answered quietly, “will not let me change.”

 

“Oh.”

 

With suspicion, Yue looked at Touya. “Apologies. I am certain you would prefer his company.”

 

Touya smiled, though maybe it was more of a smirk. “Sure,” he conceded jokingly. “But as long as you’re here –” he finished with a shrug.

 

Yue looked away. His lips were tightly pressed together.

 

“Yue,” offered Touya, “try to take it a little easier on yourself.”

 

“Why.”

 

“Because we like having you around, too.” His statement caused a long silence that he finally broke with a low laugh.

 

“Touya, could you ask Yukito to allow the exchange of place?” Yue wanted to leave. It was hard making the request, but it was harder still to feel small, cold, and unprotected.

 

From the ladies direction, there came the sound of laughter, followed by Sakura calling the Card back to hand. In a moment, the living room returned to its normal appearance. The colorful entertainers vanished. Clothing returned to normal. The ottoman turned into a large cardboard box of stuff that Touya had moved but not unpacked.

 

Keroberos padded over. He was making a growling sort of chuckle. “Ooh! Cookies!”

 

Yue looked over at the huddle across the room. Mirror whispered something into Sakura’s ear, to which Sakura nodded. She raised The Illusion again.

 

When the room changed, it was as a backdrop for The Illusion’s primary intent. The low, heavy feeling in Yue’s chest flipped over and resettled colder,  heavier, and more painfully. Nothing of his habiliments changed, nor did Keroberos’ adornments. The surroundings became an elegant blend of Medieval England and ancient China, scented with a light incense smoke. Amber, sandalwood, and citrus. The clothing of the humans, and Mirror, folded around each of them in bountiful drapes of embellished silk satin. Standing next to Sakura was the image of Clow Reed.

 

 _Please, Yukito._ Yue sent his other self a raw plea to change places, as sincere as a prayer. It was one thing to be alone with Mirror, and even that had been, perhaps, not a good idea. Yue could not stand in front of everyone and pretend to be unmoved by the visage of his dead love.

 

Yukito’s answer came quickly. He soon appeared in place of the Moon Guardian, though now wearing an appearance of clothing much like Yue’s suit. He and Touya strode over to join the others. “Clow Reed, I presume?” inquired Yukito cheerfully. Illusion bowed.

 

Nadeshiko peered at the imposter, noticing with surprise the similarity of facial features that he shared with Fujitaka. Clow was not, she decided, quite as handsome as her husband. The illusion smiled at all of them but did not speak or make any sound. It was like looking at a photograph. One that was three dimensional, and moved.  “He’s a little creepy,” she commented.

 

Mirror looked at Yukito with a small frown. It was the only way she looked different from Sakura.

 

“Hello,” greeted Yukito. “You look just like Sakura-chan.” He made a small bow and introduced himself.

 

“This is Mirror, Oniichan, Yukito-san,” Sakura supplied to the boys when shy Mirror didn’t say anything.

 

“We’ve met,” smirked Touya.

 

“Oh…!” Sakura wasn’t sure exactly what her brother meant. Or when. “Yukito-san.” Sakura could never keep the little bit of sigh out of his name. “Did Yue-san leave?” She unknowingly mirrored her duplicate’s concern.

 

“Yes. Just for a while.”

 

“Sakura,” interjected Touya, “was there a point to this?” He waved at the appearance of the surroundings.

 

The girl twiddled her star staff. “I don’t know how to make it work,” she admitted. “How to make the spell for Okasan.”

 

Nadeshiko crouched down near her daughter. “You’ll find it, my Sakura. I can wait.”

 

. . .

 

 

 

 

 


	24. Mistakes

 

Sakura came down the stairs, smartly dressed in her new middle school uniform. “Good morning, Okasan!” she sang out, this time not to a framed image but to the woman sitting at the table. “Good morning, Otousan!” Fujitaka walked out of the kitchen to serve a plate of breakfast to his daughter. Sakura did not sit down immediately. She wiped the old notes off the whiteboard for herself, leaving only her father’s current “Working Late”. There was still a spot on the whiteboard for Touya, though with duties blank. Neither sister nor father wanted to erase it. Quickly, Sakura added her schedule – school and club until evening – before hopping into a chair.

 

Nadeshiko sighed with excitement, staring at her adorable daughter. “You look so sweet!” She squished her fists up against her cheeks while tears of glee shimmered in her eyes.

 

Sakura gobbled her breakfast to cover her embarrassment.

 

Fujitaka served Nadeshiko before seating himself at the table, his spotless apron still on. Nadeshiko beamed at what he had made, little French toast squares made with a cinnamon loaf that he baked himself. It was shortly after they moved in together as newlyweds that they had bought the mini loaf pans at a discount store, and Fujitaka used to make this breakfast for her on special occasions. She caught his glance and they shared a nostalgic smile.

 

Sakura laced up her roller blades and dashed out the door before her parents even began to eat.

 

The little sorceress had returned to school days, moving on to middle school like an ordinary teenaged girl. Fujitaka was also on the wheel of routine, gone all day from early in the morning until evening during the week days. That left Nadeshiko and Keroberos alone in the house. Kero was a master of keeping himself entertained. He would sleep, play video games – or the same one over and over to beat the last score – eat, and admire himself in mirror when he didn’t realize Nadeshiko could see him doing it. Sometimes they would sit together in the living room and watch daytime television programs.

 

Nadeshiko had started to dread the mornings after her family left. By afternoon, she would become bored enough to take a nap. Later in the afternoon, she could start anticipating Sakura’s return home. But those late mornings felt longer and less interesting every day. She had a few housekeeping duties, things she could do inside. They never took long; no one made much mess, except for Keroberos. Fujitaka and Sakura split the hanging of laundry, shopping, and anything that meant leaving the house.

 

One long morning, as she sat on the bedroom floor of Sakura’s room, she watched Kero-chan as he intensely pounded on the controller buttons to make a spaceman leap and roll and jump through a dungeon of vertical tunnels and lakes of lava. “It’s sunny and beautiful outside,” she complained as the next level loaded on the game system. Kero shrugged, which was equivalent to no comment. “Do you want to go put together something from the kitchen and have a backyard picnic?”

 

Kero’s puff-ended tail swished. His eyes were on the screen, watching the progress bar. “No time for a break. This next level is fierce, and I’m ready for it!” He flicked a quick glance at the Star Guardian. “Bring me the green tea mochi bun that I was saving.”

 

“You hid the last one?”

 

Kero shrugged.

 

As she rose, Nadeshiko sighed. She didn’t get hungry anymore and she wasn’t even very interested in food at the moment, but it was something to do. Using her wings to glide down the stairs instead of walking was a moment’s fun.

 

From outside came a loud whirring noise when she reached the landing. A peek out the window revealed city maintenance vehicles. The whirring had come from a cherry picker being extended up to the power lines.

 

Once in the living room, she pulled the window drapes open just enough to see the trucks better. The workers, in their neon vests, went unhurriedly through their work. Nadeshiko sighed again. The sky was blue and nearly cloudless. It would be such fun to fly through a clear day, yet she knew it would never happen. She hadn’t been out at night, either, lately. By night time, her family would be home and that gave her ample reason to stay home. It was too bad that Yukito attended classes during the daytime, too; otherwise, Yue could have kept her company and alleviated, or shared, her boredom. She had not seen the Moon Guardian in a while.

 

She stopped watching the municipal workers after a while and, pushing herself up from the couch, she continued her way into the kitchen. She studied the whiteboard calendar that showed a scheduled virtually unchanged for days. Nadeshiko took the dry erase marker to add something new after her name but couldn’t think of anything. She wrote “waiting for everyone to come home”, then erased it.

 

She stood at the stove and stared at the water kettle while it heated, at first not thinking of anything, then wondering why she was so bored. When Touya and Sakura had been little, there had always been plenty to do. She still worked then, modeling for advertisements, because they needed the money. Money that Fujitaka would not take from her; he said it was hers to spend on herself. It meant that she could always have the red tea that she liked, nice clothes, cute things for the children, and the piano.

 

This house was much nicer, and in a quieter neighborhood, than the apartment in which the Kinomotos had first lived. After Nadeshiko died, Fujitaka managed the family all by himself. There were no grandparents to make it easier. Her family disowned her, and Fujitaka was an orphan, without any family. He worked hard, and now he worked much longer hours than when Nadeshiko had been a young mother at home. It was so different now, Nadeshiko thought. Even though she had been observing as a spirit, she had missed so much that she had seen without understanding.

 

Her thoughts only served to make her more restless. Was there really nothing to do when the family was not home? On a perfect day like this, in the past she would have taken the children out window shopping, walking alongside her helpful son while Touya pushed baby Sakura in the stroller. Nadeshiko had already been sick when Touya was in full-time school, but she still would go out with her toddler daughter. She would sit on a bench in the park while her adventurous daughter played on the slide.

 

The Star Guardian frowned and wished for something, anything, to happen. Maybe the phone would ring with a call from a telemarketer, which would at least be different. If only there was something to do!

 

The kitchen suddenly went silent, noticeable by the cessation of the refrigerator hum and by the wail of shock and grief from the other floor of the house that followed a half-moment afterward. Kero came speeding into the room at the tail end of the sound wave.

 

“WHY?! How did you BREAK IT?!”

 

Nadeshiko could only meet Kero’s horrified anguish with blank surprise.

 

“The game just STOPPED. Blank screen! Nothing’s working! Why?!?  I had just gone up a level!”

 

“I think the power went out.”

 

“AAaAgahgh!” Keroberos slumped onto the counter top, whimpering.

 

“There is a work crew on the street outside…” Nadeshiko started.

 

Kero’s eyes blazed. “I’ll crush them!”

 

The woman giggled. She couldn’t help herself.

 

“It’s not funny,” mumbled the stricken beast. “There goes _hours_ of hard work.” He dejectedly flew to the window to look outside. The work crew could not easily be seen from that side, so Kero flew on to the other room. “Aw, what are they _doing_?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“Now what?” The little lion sighed grumpily.

 

Nadeshiko did not have an answer. The two Guardians pondered. Every few minutes, Kero moaned “What will we do…?”

 

After a quarter hour or so, Kero flew back to the window. “Why isn’t it fixed yet?”

 

“Maybe we can ask them?” suggested Nadeshiko. “Or…,” she shrugged to indicate her wings. “Or maybe we should call.”

 

“Good idea! We can call the complaint line!” Kero was reenergized by the plan.

 

Nadeshiko started toward Fujitaka’s office in the basement. “There will be a phone number on the electricity bill,” she explained. She was sure he would still keep the utility bills in the same drawer of his desk, sorted in hanging folders. “Here they are,” she said as she opened the large, lower drawer. She rifled through the file folders until she found the right one. “Oh.”

 

“Isn’t the phone number there?” complained the small, winged lion.

 

“Yes, but –” Nadeshiko removed a notice and held it up for Kero to see. “Those are the house numbers for this block. ‘Power will be off to residences,’” she read, “and it has today’s date.”

 

“What?” Kero flew up to peer at the letter.

 

“‘We apologize for the inconvenience.’ It says it will be off all day.” She sat down onto Fujitaka’s chair.

 

Kero wilted. “It can’t be.” He dropped into Nadeshiko’s lap, his chin propped on the edge of the desk.

 

“I wonder why he didn’t tell us,” Nadeshiko asked in a low voice. “I guess he forgot.” It was unlike Fujitaka to forget something like that. But then, he wasn’t used to thinking that anyone would be home while he, Sakura, and Touya were out for the day.

 

With an agonized moan, Kero flopped onto his back. “Sakura  _always_ forgets about me… what do I do… what do I do… so bored… !”

 

Kero’s melodrama was contagious. Nadeshiko wanted something active to do. She left the little lion supine and groaning on the desk blotter, hiding her wings as she ran upstairs to change clothes. She came back down in a plain outfit, conservative shirt and simple slacks, sneakers, and a large purse. She was still pulling her full hair into a ponytail as she said, “There. I think this makes me look ordinary enough.” She opened the purse for her fellow Guardian. “Let’s go out and ask the workmen if they will really be all day.”

 

“We can’t go outside,” the little Sun Guardian admonished sternly.

 

“You’ll stay in my bag. They won’t see you. And it doesn’t matter if they see me. They’re strangers and will be gone by the end of the day. Right?”

 

Kero perked up enough to flutter into the handbag. A bigger plan spontaneously spinning in her head, Nadeshiko picked up Fujitaka’s checkbook and put it in the purse with her companion.

 

They went out the front door onto the noisy, sunny street. When one of the municipal workers moved away from the main area of activity to get a roll of cable from one of the trucks, Nadeshiko trotted over and got his attention.

 

“Miss, please use the other side. This sidewalk is closed,” the man began with an apologetic concern.

 

“I just wanted to ask a question,” offered Nadeshiko boldly. “Will the power be out for long?”

 

The man smiled in a friendly way. “Oh no, not long. We are ahead of schedule.” He looked back and up at the others who were working on the power lines.

 

“Oh,” said Nadeshiko brightly.

 

“We may even be done by four-thirty,” smiled the man.

 

Kero, who had been peeking out from a slight opening of the zipper, fell over in the nearly empty interior of the handbag. It had not yet been noon when the power went out.

 

“Oh…” replied Nadeshiko. “Thank you,” she said and began to walk away. She headed down the sidewalk, not back toward the house.

 

Keroberos popped his head out of the purse as soon as she walked around a corner of the street. “Where are we going?” he asked with suspicion.

 

Smiling, Nadeshiko answered, “Well, you heard what the man said. The power will be out for hours still.”

 

“And…?”

 

“It’s a beautiful day. There is nothing to do at home… so… I thought… maybe we would go for a walk.”

 

“And that’s why you took this checkbook?”

 

“You need a direction when you go for a walk, right? We might end up downtown. By the shops.”

 

“Nadeshiko, Sakura is not going to be happy,” he warned. “What if someone sees you?”

 

“No one knows me except a few people. We didn’t live around here before… when I was alive,” Nadeshiko argued. “Even if someone did know me from then, they wouldn’t recognize me now, still looking the same.”

 

“What about your family?” scolded the Sun Guardian. “This is really irresponsible.”

 

“I just want to look in some of the shops.”

 

“I don’t know,” Kero grumbled warningly.

 

“Like the tea shop and the bakeries,” mused Nadeshiko coyly. “Just think of all the luscious cakes we won’t see if we go home now.”

 

“Cake!” Kero sighed longingly. “You have a convincing argument. Okay,” he allowed, crossing his arms, “but you’ll take the heat on this if Sakura finds out. I was brought along against my will.”

 

“We’ll be home before sunset!” the Star Guardian sing-songed. She could help adding a small twirl to her walk. If she used any of the checks, she would have to tell Fujitaka, but knowing him there would be a few yen in cash tucked into the back of the checkbook. She wouldn’t have to tell him right away.

 

It felt wonderful to be outdoors. It had been weeks since she had gone out at night to fly with Keroberos and Yue or sat on the roof under the stars with the Moon Guardian. Few people were out on the street. Those that were paid no special attention to a woman strolling with purpose through the neighborhood. Nadeshiko felt confidence in her impromptu outing, confirmed more and more as the streets neared the business center and still the people around treated her as just another person going about her errands. Several strangers even nodded or exchanged a hello as she passed them.

 

Downtown Tomoeda had activity without being crowded. Kero, who could not stand to hide inside the purse with no idea of what was going on, darted his head out every few minutes to peep around. Unlike Sakura, Nadeshiko did not push him back with a scolding into hiding. She didn’t pay much attention to Kero at all, caught up as she was in the adventure.

 

She was looking into the windows of Twin Bells when the pocket-sized Sun Guardian started to complain. “Nadeshiko, you promised cake! The bakery is right over there!” Flying with force while still half inside the shoulder bag, he managed to pull her a few steps toward the cake shop.

 

“Just a few minutes,” she coaxed, pulling back with gentle but firm strength, size to her advantage. “I want to go in here,” she said, already pulling the door of the store open. “It has cute things.” Kero huffed, but had no real choice but to be carried along into the store.  

 

A woman with a sweet countenance greeted Nadeshiko as she entered. She was tidying up a shelf of soft-sculpture marionettes, posing a glittery rainbow unicorn and securing the strings of a plush purple duck in their respective displays. “Can I help you find anything?”

 

“What a wonderful store,” said Nadeshiko, returning a friendly, welcoming smile.

 

“Thank you,” Maki replied. “I’m happy that so many enjoy these things that I like.”

 

“So many cute things. Is this your shop?”

 

“Yes. Please,” urged Maki shyly, “take your time looking. I didn’t mean to rush you.”

 

“Oh, I don’t want to interrupt your work,” apologized Nadeshiko.

 

Maki Matsumoto waved her hand. “This is a quiet time of the day. A little company is welcome.” She straightened her apron. “Would you like a cup of green tea?”

 

“Thank you!” Nadeshiko exclaimed softly. The shop owner disappeared into the back room, and Nadeshiko walked slowly around the store, musing to herself on what a kind woman the store owner seemed to be. She was young, somewhere in her middle twenties maybe, with a clean-washed face that was pretty, if a little on the plain side. In contrast, everything in the store was colorful and either shiny, sparkly, bubbly, or glittery.

 

“Sakura comes here a lot,” mumbled Kero from the interior of the purse. “There’s something funny about the place. Two of the Clow Cards were attracted to it, when they were still running around wild.”

 

“I like it,” answered Nadeshiko. “It feels like a happy place.” She picked up a book with a drawing of a wolf cub chasing a swirling fall of cherry petals. Flipping it open, she saw that the pages were lined for writing, but otherwise blank. “Oh, a diary. How cute!” There were other cover designs in the rest of the display. She was studying one with a stylized plum and cherry blossom pattern when Maki Matsumoto returned. “Thank you,” she said, taking the china cup that the shop owner handed to her. The soft scent of roses steamed upward from the tea.

 

“I kept a diary when I was a girl. I still like to write about my day,” said Maki, smiling at the journals for sale. “Do you enjoy writing?”

 

“I thought my daughter might like one. I wouldn’t know what to write, in a diary.” Nadeshiko smiled apologetically.

 

“Oh, I don’t write anything special. Just my thoughts. How old is your daughter?”

 

“She’s thirteen.”

 

“Ah! How wonderful,” exclaimed Maki musically. “You look so youthful. I would not have guessed.” She took a long look at Nadeshiko, then blushed at her own rudeness. “Ah – forgive me.” Maki had at first assumed that the other young woman had meant a daughter by birth, but of course, she must have meant step-daughter.

 

“Oh! Don’t apologize. You are already so kind,” replied Nadeshiko, flustered.

 

Both women retreated into the steam of their tea cups.

 

Kero bounced impatiently inside of his hiding place.

 

“Did your bag…?” started Maki.

 

Nadeshiko laughed nervously. “I love your store!” she declared, a little too loudly.

 

Maki gave her a bemused smile. “Thank you.” Both women smiled at each other, awkwardly. “I’m sorry,” said Maki. “My name is Matsumoto Maki.” She gave her last name first, as was customary. “It’s a pleasure to meet you?”

 

“Yes,” beamed Nadeshiko, happy to make a friend. “My name is Kinomoto Na--” her bag thumped her soundly in the ribs. “Na… um… Na… tasha?”

 

“Natasha?” repeated Maki. “Kinomoto? That sounds familiar… .” As she tried to think why, her finger came up to her lips, out of habit.

 

Nadeshiko giggled helplessly. It was the name of a spy from an old anime, the first thing that popped into her head starting with “Na”. “Ah – um --,” she stuttered, “I should be going. Thank you, again!” Woodenly, she handed over her empty tea cup. She backed up toward the door, made a small bow, then waved goodbye, then dashed out into the busy street and walked quickly until she could dart around the corner.

 

Maki, holding a teacup in each hand, stood blinking while her strange customer departed. When she remembered, at last, that Kinomoto was the last name of the nice but odd girl with the attractive, unmarried -- she thought -- father, she clumsily dropped both teacups in her dismay.

 

~*~

 

Nadeshiko hurried down the street. Kero-chan was throwing a tantrum inside the zipped-shut bag. “I’m sure there is a bakery down this way,” Nadeshiko protested in a loud whisper. She opened the zipper an inch so he could hear.

 

Kero pushed the zipper open and popped out his head. “I! Can’t! Breath!” he shot back.

 

“I’m sorry!”

 

“Cake!”

 

“Okay!” She ducked into an alcove. “Okay! I can see a pastry shop just down the street. Okay?”

 

“Don’t yell at me,” Kero huffed, “when you’re the one who blew it back there.”

 

Nadeshiko whimpered. “I really messed it up, didn’t I?”

 

“Nah,” said Kero.

 

“Really?”

 

Kero popped the upper half of his body out of the bag, his paws on his hips in a posture of disapproval. “How should I know? But you did tell somebody your real last name, and Sakura goes to that store all the time.”

 

Nadeshiko drooped.

 

“ _Cake_ ,” insisted Keroberos.

 

“Okay, okay.” She dutifully headed to the doors of a French style cake shop.

The inside of the shop smelled like butter, sugar, and more butter. Bells jingled as the door swept closed. Their cheer sounded cruel to Nadeshiko, now under her own private rain cloud of gloom. She played the scene over in her head, anxiously biting her lip when she thought about her gaffe. But what could she have said? No one _else_ had thought about what she should call herself now; no one had ever suggested that she couldn’t still be Nadeshiko Kinomoto. Of course, she couldn’t be, could she? Was there anyone in Tomoeda who would remember her from before well enough to recognize her name?

 

Duty turned to delight at the powdery soft scent that washed over her as they entered. The inside of the shop smelled like butter, sugar, and more butter.

 

 

Of course, there was her cousin. She would figure out how to tell Sonomi soon. Anyway, the real problem was that the shopkeeper might mention to Sakura that her mother had been in the shop today.

 

“Can I help you, Ma’am?” The quizzical look on the bakery clerk’s face made Nadeshiko aware that she had been staring into space, instead of at the delicious looking desserts in the pastry case. “Are you all right?”

 

“Yes, ah—” Nadeshiko started to say. She was interrupted by a keening coming out of her purse.

 

“ _Puuuddiiiiiingg!”_

 

Nadeshiko stuffed her hand into the bag to shut Keroberos up.

 

The bakery girl stared.

 

Nadeshiko smiled as if nothing was amiss. “Two crème caramels, please. To eat here.”

 

“Two… for here?” The second clerk behind the bakery counter stopped hiding her interest behind her whipped cream bag and sneaked a glance at the odd customer.

 

“Oh. Maybe three instead. And a cup of red tea.”

 

“Yes, Ma’am.”

 

Nadeshiko paid for the sweets. She took a table in the corner of the shop, away from a window and just out of the line of sight of the employees. The puddings had hardly arrived at the table, and the bakery girl had just turned her back to walk away, when Keroberos’ fuzzy yellow body popped out of his hiding place and snatched two of the puddings back into the recesses of Nadeshiko’s handbag. His joyous sounds of consumption were only marginally muffled as he devoured the desserts.

 

Contemplatively, Nadeshiko ate the sliced strawberry off the top of her crème caramel. She took a sip from the tea cup. The dessert, almost too pretty to eat, jiggled gently as the spoon cut through the custard. “You know, Kero-kun,” the woman whispered, “you are almost exactly the color of crème caramel.”

 

The little lion delivered empty plates back out onto the table. “That’s why they always look as wonderful as they taste,” he answered. “But my fur is more golden, you should notice.”

 

On another occasion, his serious tone would have caused Nadeshiko to laugh, or at least to smile. She still fretted over her mistake at Twin Bells. Going out had seemed like a little harmless fun up until that point. She wondered if she could go back to the store and ask Maki not to say anything about her visit – but no, that would be an odd request. The last of her dessert disappeared. She sighed.

 

“Next!” piped Kero.

 

“What? No… Kero-kun… I don’t think we have enough money for anything else.”

 

Keroberos’ eyes grew large.

 

“I mean it. We spent it all.”

 

“Then let’s go. If I can’t have any more sweets then there is no point in sticking around.” He fluttered back into his hiding place. Then he popped his head back out. “Are you sure?” He was holding Fujitaka’s checkbook. “There are still a lot of checks left.”

 

Nadeshiko just shook her head. She gathered up the bag and left the bakery. “We should head home now, I suppose.”

 

“The power won’t be back on yet,” Kero complained.

 

“No,” the woman replied, “I don’t think it will be.” She started to walk down the street. The displays in the shop windows caught her interest, but none of them strongly enough to entice her into the shops. At the booksellers, she commented to Kero that it had been some time since they had trained or done anything else together with Yue. “Maybe we should practice with my Sakura, too. I’ll ask her tonight.”

 

Kero grunted assent. “You have to be ready for battle at all times.”

 

“Did you have a lot of battles, when you were with Clow-san?” They were leaving the populated part of the street. As the shops thinned out and were replaced again by apartment complexes and houses, there were fewer people to notice a woman who seemed to be talking to herself. “What was it like back then?”

 

“No. It was pretty easy going,” replied the Sun Guardian. “Sure, once in a while an angry sorceress would get into some kind of fight with Clow, but after the first few explosions they usually worked it out with talking or something. Clow wasn’t an easy guy to get along with. He played a lot of pranks.” Kero scratched the side of his head. “But there wasn’t anyone else like him. I mean, he did know a witch who had a personality as bad as his, but she didn’t have the same kind of magic. And then in China that one time…” he drifted off with the reminiscence, frowning. “But that wasn’t really his fault.

 

“Most of the time with Clow was like now with Sakura. He cared a lot for me and Yue and didn’t want us to have to fight.” Kero blinked in the warm sunlight, his eyes droopy with post-meal sleepiness.

 

Nadeshiko felt the lull of the afternoon sunshine, too. “Do you think Yukito-kun and Touya are home from school yet?”

 

Kero’s answer was to shrug. “You want to go visit the Snow Rabbit and Big Brother?”

 

“I thought maybe Yue… since we haven’t seen him in a while.” It was Nadeshiko’s turn to shrug. “It’s not far.”

 

“Sure. Why not?” yawned the little winged lion.

 

She turned down a different street from the one leading home, on her way to the house that her son and his lover now shared. It was a quiet neighborhood. The other houses on his street were like Yukito’s house: classically styled, with large, fenced lots. His neighbors kept to themselves most of the time. Today was no exception.

 

The students didn’t appear to be home. Nadeshiko let herself (and Kero) in through the front gate, and when no one answered the door, she ambled around to the back of the house.

 

“Not home yet,” commented Kero needlessly. He was only half awake.

 

Nadeshiko brought out her wings and flew up to the slope of the back roof. “Being in the sun is so nice. Why don’t we stay here for a little while, in case they come home soon?”

 

“Sounds fine with me,” murmured sleepy Keroberos. Nadeshiko leaned back onto the warm tiles, her hair fanning around her head and her wings tucking around her body like a feathery blanket. Kero fluttered over to a spot at her shoulder, and made himself comfortable. The afternoon sun, still mostly overhead, spilled over them like warm syrup. The light was so bright that Nadeshiko closed her eyes. She folded her hands over her stomach. In a few minutes, both Guardians had fallen soundly into napping.

 

Nadeshiko was awakened by something soft gently touching her hands. Yue was leaning over her, and it was his braid touching her skin. “Oh. Hello Yue,” she said, sitting up. “Where did Kero go?”

 

“He is inside the house.” He offered his hand to her to help her rise.

 

She looked around as she took his help and they both moved to the edge of the roof. She had slept the rest of the day away. It was dusk, with the last of the sun slipping away at the edge of the sky. She and Yue glided down from the roof at the same time. “And Touya?” she asked happily.

 

“He went to work directly after classes.” Yue was about to say something more, but Keroberos, now in his full size, came trotting out.

 

“Are you ready to go?” he asked. “The power must be back on by now.”

 

Nadeshiko looked at Yue apologetically. “And my Sakura should be home soon… . I’m sorry, but I think Kero and I need to go.” She felt a twist of guilt at Yue’s expression, which was as flat as a mask. “I’m sorry,” she repeated even more softly. “I know we haven’t spent much time together lately.”

 

“I understand,” Yue responded.

 

After Keroberos retrieved Nadeshiko’s handbag, he transformed back to the size that would fit into it. As he went into his cocoon of wings, Yue did as well, trading places with Yukito.

 

“Hello, Nadeshiko-san,” the young man greeted.

 

“Hello, Yukito-kun,” she replied with a warm smile. She collected her handbag, Kero within, and followed Yukito into his house as he led her through to the front door. “I hope you have been doing well.”

 

“I’m very happy,” he said bashfully. “Did you come by to see Touya?”

 

Kero answered, sounding both bored and impatient. “We came to see Yue hours ago.”

 

“We thought you might be home early,” amended Nadeshiko.

 

“It wasn’t important or anything,” Keroberos threw in. “So we’re going home now.”

 

Yukito opened the door for his fleeting guests. He wished them a good night as they headed out. Nadeshiko waived as she left the front yard. Yukito’s own waive and cheerful smile followed until Nadeshiko and Keroberos were out of his sight.

 

It was a short, brisk walk from one house to the other. Twilight made it dark enough for lights. None were on in the yellow house when it came into view. The municipal trucks were, as expected, gone, but neither Sakura nor Fujitaka had yet arrived home.

 

Kero immediately flew upstairs. In a moment, his shouts of joy echoed as the video game console powered up.

 

Nadeshiko went into Fujitaka’s study to return his checkbook to his desk. She was sitting in his chair, quietly thinking, when Sakura arrived home.

 

It was Sakura’s turn to cook dinner. She let her mother help in ways that wouldn’t render it inedible. Nadeshiko washed vegetables and set the table with dishes while conversing with Sakura.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	25. Love Stories

 

Dinner, made by Sakura to be delicious cold, waited for Fujitaka when he arrived home. Sakura interrupted her phone conversation to welcome her father home but quickly darted back to Syaoran’s long distance call.

 

“I hope you don’t need your office for another hour,” teased Nadeshiko.

 

Fujitaka exhaled  relief to be home. “I’m done with work for today. I’m running out of ‘today’ to do any more work in.” His smile was tired but genuine. He finished his meal with deliberate slowness and cleaned up the dishes still radiating satisfaction. “Would you like to listen to some music?” he asked after the last evidence of the meal vanished.

 

“I would like to listen to some music with you.” She let him lead her to the living room and select a recording. The soft, orchestral notes of a classical composition filled the dimly lit room while she curled up with her husband to listen.

 

“A day that ends with you,” he said, “is a perfect day.”

 

“Fujitaka?” She almost didn’t want to ask, “did you forget that the power was going to be turned off for today?”

 

He went still with realization. “I’m sorry, Nadeshiko.” He rested his head against her hair. “I did forget to tell you. I think about you all day, and then I forget something like that,” he sighed.

 

“You think about me all day?”

 

“I do.” He gave her a squeeze. “You are a constant distraction.”

 

“Oh.” She smiled, pleased.

 

“Were you okay, today? What did you do?”

 

Nadeshiko hesitated. She couldn’t lie to Fujitaka, but she didn’t want to tell him about going out shopping, either. She changed the subject, instead. “Sakura asked me over dinner about how you and I knew that we would get married.”

 

“That’s easy,” said Fujitaka. “I knew from the minute you fell on me. Even while I was seeing stars.” He laughed softly. “It took me a while to think it could actually happen, everything considered, but I knew it was meant to be.” He smiled sagely. “It was later for you, wasn’t it?”

 

“I admired you right away,” she answered. “You know.”

 

“But you didn’t know that you would marry me…” he started.

 

“…until you asked me,” she finished, “yes.” Warmth filled her with the memory. “I was in love with you all that time, before I realized what it was. Sonomi always made marriage sound like something you did when you were so much older. She didn’t like talking about who either of us would marry someday. It would be someone dull and wealthy, and probably old, that the family would choose.”

 

Fujitaka just laughed at that. “I hope I’m not dull.”

 

“No,” she replied, “you could never be.”

 

“Are you sure?” sighed Fujitaka. “I work. I cook. I read the newspaper on the train. A book now and then. The same as I was when I came to teach at your school, only older, now. You were the one who climbed tall trees to rescue baby birds,” he chuckled. With a wistful look, he added, “Even now, you are the one who is never boring.” His hands rubbed her bare arms, his way of indicating Nadeshiko’s body. “This isn’t exactly average.”

 

She shivered with pleasure at his touch. “Adventures find me. I don’t go looking for them.” All the uncomfortable feelings she had built up throughout the day were melting away at her husband’s warm touch and the sound of his merriment. “All I ever wanted was this.” She moved closer to him and brought her kiss up to his lips. “To be loved like this. To have the kind of things that make a life full. I loved my family, but you gave me all I could ever want. Including a family of my own.”

 

“I enjoyed the giving.” A sparkle of wickedness gleamed in Fujitaka’s expression. “If I were less tired tonight… .” His sigh became a yawn that he tried to hold back.

 

“I think I’m going to be up tonight,” Nadeshiko said. “I want to visit Yue.”

 

Fujitaka nodded. “Yes, that’s okay. I can hardly keep my eyes open and I’ll be asleep as soon as my head touches the pillow.” He stood up to stretch his back, then bent back down to give his wife a deep good-night kiss.

 

Nadeshiko watched him leave the room and heard him walk up the stairs. _I wasn’t asking permission,_ she thought to herself. It perplexed her that his permission bothered her.

 

A few moments later, Sakura popped around the corner, checking the living room since the lights were still on. She looked as if she were walking on clouds. “Goodnight, ‘Kasan.”

 

“Goodnight,” murmured her mother in return. “Did you have a good conversation with your _koibito_?”

 

Sakura made small noise of protest, embarrassment, and happiness. She nodded, her cheeks flushed as pink as her namesake, smiling.

 

“Sleep well,” Nadeshiko wished her. “Sweet dreams.”

 

“I will,” Sakura agreed. She almost danced as she headed off to bed. It made her mother smile.

 

. . .

 

Yukito popped a  large bowl of popcorn and put a movie in after Nadeshiko and Kero left. It was one he had seen before with Touya, and watching it again helped him feel as if Touya was on the couch with him. When they spent time apart, Yukito did not mind doing things on his own, but he still felt the lack of his most important person.

 

A chilly gloom bothered him. It wasn’t himself, so it had to be coming from Yue. _You might enjoy watching this movie,_ he told his other self, _to get your mind off of thoughts that are making you sad._

 

 _Is it humorous?_ Yue asked without interest.

 

 _Just watch it. It’s more fun to experience things without expectations of what they are supposed to be._ He crunched a handful of  puffy popcorn kernels. Happy thoughts distracted him as he remembered a fun evening that involved eating salted popcorn off of Touya’s bare chest. Yukito deeply loved snacks.

 

A testy mental sigh erupted from the personality within. _I never have enjoyed surprises,_ Yue lied.

 

 _Watch the movie, Yue,_ Yukito said kindly. _It’s_ Yojimbo _. It has one of the greatest actors of all time, who also happens to be very attractive._

 

Yue made no reply. The credits on the opening of the old movie rolled past, leading into the first scene. Yukito stretched out, making himself comfortable.

 

Neither he nor Yue had another comment until after the movie ended. Yukito didn’t have to ask if Yue liked the movie or not. He had felt Yue’s interest as they both focused on the same thing. It was a good feeling, a solid feeling of harmony. Yukito put the movie back into its case; when he returned it to the haphazard stack on the shelf, he pulled out another one and put it into the player.

 

Yukito took his glasses off for a moment to rub the bridge of his nose and shut his tired eyes for a moment. He listened to as the western began. _This one is in English_. _There is a foreign remake of_  Yojimbo _, but I don’t like it much._ He opened his, looked at the blurry screen, looked at his glasses, and sighed. _Yue,_ he asked, _you don’t wear glasses._

_No. I do not need them. My vision is above average._

_Then why,_ asked Yukito wryly, _do I?_

 

They both contemplated the question. Yukito’s characteristic eyewear was part of a disguise that was no longer necessary.

 

 _Perhaps,_ suggested Yue uncertainly, _you do not, after all._

_I don’t think that I do,_ said the young man with certainty. He paused the movie and closed his eyes for several minutes. When he blinked them open, the view was as clear as if he had his glasses on. Better: he didn’t have the curving effect of lenses affecting his peripheral vision.

 

They were watching the climactic scene of _High Noon_ when Touya arrived home. Touya flopped down next to Yukito and watched the TV screen quietly until the movie finished. He turned to his boyfriend and rumpled Yukito’s hair. “Feeling sentimental?”

 

“Yue,” said Yukito pointedly, “and I were watching movies together. I thought he would like this one.”

 

Touya stopped mussing Yukito’s hair in acknowledgement of Yue but dropped his hand to cradle Yukito’s neck. “I’m going to kiss you,” he warned with all seriousness. He looked deeply into his boyfriend’s eyes.

 

Yue did the mental equivalent of moving away to the other side of the room. Yukito felt the change in attention. He leaned into Touya enough for the dark haired young man to know that they had some privacy. Touya made good on his warning.

 

For a while after that, they simply talked. Yukito steered the topics toward dullness, keeping the conversation to work and school. Touya ate the remaining popped corn, took the popcorn bowl into the kitchen, and made a sandwich for a quick dinner, which he ate while leaning on against the doorway as he talked to his boyfriend.

 

Eventually, the peculiar silence that indicated that his other self had gone to sleep rewarded Yukito’s patience. He gave Touya a long, lustful look over the back of the couch. “We’re alone now, To-ya.”

 

“Alone, huh?”

 

Yukito nodded silently.

 

“Come here. Is that why you are giving me that sex kitten look?”

 

Yukito nodded, again.

 

“Then,” growled Touya ,“come _here_ , Yuki.”

 

Yukito, obediently and willingly, did as he was told. 

 

Touya asked him, later, after they had returned to the couch to enjoy lounging in a tangle, “What gives? You don’t usually wait until he goes to sleep.”

 

“It’s a secret.” Yukito smiled coyly.

 

“A secret, hm?”

 

“To-ya,” said Yukito with a sly smile, “I want you to seduce Yue.”

 

Touya looked at his boyfriend. “Why, Yuki?”

 

“Because I think he wants it. But won’t admit it.” Yukito snuggled. “Because you’re hot, and he doesn’t want to admit it to himself.”

 

“He’s there sometimes, when it’s you and me. Like the first time. Right?”

 

“But that’s not the same thing,” stated Yukito. “I want you to… charm him.” He smiled. “The way you do. I want you to get him in bed with you because that’s what he wants.”

 

“‘The way I do’?” echoed Touya wryly.

 

“You know.” He was the object of his boyfriend’s smoldering gaze. Touya’s facial expression was as inscrutable as a cat’s. The fair-haired young man ran the tip of his finger thoughtfully around the circle of one of Touya’s nipples. “I want him to know what it’s like to make love to you.” Yukito watched the path of his finger tip. He could feel Touya’s eyes studying him.

 

“Yuki,” Touya said finally, after a long silence. “I’m not going to give you an answer now. I’ll think about it.” He stretched as much as he could. “Are we going to bed now? I’m beat.”

 

. . .

 

Nadeshiko stayed downstairs a while longer, after her family had retired to bed, before preparing to leave. Because it seemed right, somehow, she changed clothes. She left the house wearing the pink dress in which she had been reborn as the Star Guardian; her necklace, with its pink jewel, glittered at her breast. And instead of walking, she flew the short distance to Yue’s house, winging her way through shadows so no one would see her. Despite her amateur flying ability, it felt wonderful to her to stretch her wings and feel the air breezing against her face.

 

The house was dark, and she landed in the deeper shadows of the back yard wondering if she should knock at a door. Since she could see nearly as well as in daylight, she simply sat down on the grass and waited for a decision to come to her. She concentrated on a small feeling she had, a tickling sense of magic or presence nearby that she thought might be Yue’s aura.

 

She must have been right, for not long after, she saw a storm of pale feathers moving on the other side of the sliding glass doors. “Hello, my friend,” she said as Yue came out into the yard.

 

…

 


	26. Another Life

 

Yue closed the door quietly. He stepped out into the night. “What are you doing here?” he asked Nadeshiko softly, warily. He walked quickly toward her, still bemused that he had known she was outside the house merely by a feeling. “I awoke with the thought that you were outside in the night.”

 

“The house was dark,” answered the Star Guardian cheerfully, “and I didn’t know how let you know I was here.”

 

“What did you do?”  Reaching out to touch fingertips to her elbow, he assured himself that she was not a figment of dreams.

 

A giggle, which she tried to keep low because of the late hour, bubbled up with her answer. “I could sense something of you, both you and Touya, a little. I know it sounds silly, but I _thought_ at you. Just you. I don’t want to wake my Touya up. It worked!” Yue continued to look at her without answering. Nadeshiko took his silence for disbelief. “It’s not that strange. I used to know when Sakura was awake in her crib even if she didn’t cry, and if Touya got hurt at school, sometimes I felt it happen.”

 

“As I am here, now,” replied Yue, “I believe you. Though it is strange.” Yue would not allow himself to think about the confusing feeling of connection that he had with Nadeshiko. He knew that an awareness of presence happened with his sibling Keroberos, as it had happened with their maker Clow. Later, Yue had sensed Clow Reed’s magic from Eriol Hiiragizawa. Yet, it was not a thing universal to magical beings, since he had never felt the same from Eriol’s Guardians. No, when he thought of Nadeshiko Kinomoto, it was not as Sakura’s Star Guardian. He felt the sense of her like a warm touch, like an embrace he wanted to surround him more tightly. Like being with Clow. If he let himself think of it, it moved in front of the grief of his loss. He would not let himself feel as he had with Clow, and not with someone so completely inappropriate. Yukito, at least, could have some happiness.

 

“I haven’t seen you in some time,” the woman said sweetly.

 

Yue answered without inflection, “No.”

 

Nadeshiko lost her smile. “I’m sorry that I’ve been so busy, lately. You understand, don’t you?” She put her hand over his fingers, which were still hovering at her elbow. “Would you like to make up for lost time tonight? What would you like to do?”

 

“You have no obligation to visit me,” Yue murmured. He almost wished that she would leave.

 

“I like to spend time with you!”  She fluttered her wings. She glanced around their surroundings. “We could go flying somewhere.”

 

Yue met her eyes with his own. “You have been neglecting your training.”

 

“See?” she offered coquettishly, “I need my teacher, and I need some exercise. You are right. I haven’t been flying, and I’m already rusty.”

 

On safer ground now, Yue nodded.

 

“But maybe we can stay nearby,” Nadeshiko interrupted. “Just in case I am needed at home.”

 

“There is a wooded area with a ravine, at the edge of a park near here.” There were no residences on that side of those woods until well beyond the small, rarely used road. “We can take your practice there.”

 

“Do you mean PenguinPark, at night? In the woods? But there are ghosts there!” Nadeshiko gasped. Her eyes were large with trepidation.

 

Yue raised his eyebrows. He crossed his arms across his chest. Disbelief was evident across his face.

 

“What?” squeaked the Star Guardian.

 

“Do you not see the…” he searched for a word other than “absurdity,” or “nonsense” to put to her – of all people – apprehension of spirits. “Nadeshiko, that is… .” Again, he sputtered silent. He sighed.

 

“It’s okay near the playground,” she offered in a small voice.

 

The Moon Guardian sighed again. “Perhaps lessons can wait,” he soothed, “and a short flight will be all for tonight. It has been some time since I have visited Tsukimine Shrine. Would you care to join me?”

 

“Oh! The shrine is lovely,” exclaimed the woman. “I haven’t seen it since Sakura was a baby!”

 

They walked almost as much as they flew, across Tomoeda and up the hill to the Shinto shrine. Yue was unused to keeping his feet on the ground. His mostly-bare feet prickled – not entirely unpleasantly – against pavement. Even flying they kept close to the surface, gliding like spirits of the air until they came to the torii that marked the entrance. Nadeshiko cooed her delight at the sight of the traditional gate. Because Tomoeda -- to the best knowledge of her ordinary citizens -- was a quiet suburb, the shrine grounds were not closed up at night. Only the buildings would be locked.

 

This was the sight of Sakura’s confrontation with Eriol, Clow Reed’s primary reincarnation. It was also where Yue and his leonine sibling fought, hindered, against Eriol’s creations, Ruby Moon and Spinel Sun. Now that the danger was long past, Yue found the memory of it irritating. Twice, he had been trounced at Tsukimine Shrine. The first time had been during the Judgment, betrayed by Clow’s planned use by Mizuki-sensei of the Bell of the Moon. The second time, it had been necessary to protect Sakura against Eriol. That second time… in a way, had that not been Clow’s doing, as well?

 

On that night when the last of the Clow Cards became Sakura Cards, Yue – and Keroberos, too – had been functioning on a mere fraction of normal power. Boosted by Eriol, Ruby Moon and Spinel Sun pushed their advantage. Still, Yue and Keroberos had blasted through the other Guardians’ blockade when Sakura had been threatened. With Sakura’s magical strength growing, Yue contemplated, a rematch against his lunar counterpart would be in order. Yue made a handful of his sapphire flechettes. The small, sharp daggers glittered, resting on his open hand.

 

“Yue?” Nadeshiko asked hesitantly. Her eyes were so wide that he could see his menacing reflection in them. He was slightly glowing.

 

He dissolved the blades apologetically, dispersing both the glow and the unintentional appearance of malice, yet did not explain himself. “Would you like to see the reflecting pool?” he offered instead.

 

His companion mustered a mystified smile and went ahead through the gate on buoyant wings. Yue followed, caught up quickly and drifted alongside her. They glided, unhurried toward their goal, through the courtyard.

 

“I would like to see a festival here,” sighed Nadeshiko. Wistfully, she took in the shadowy shapes around her, imagining them strung with lanterns. “To see everyone dressed up. Would you come to a festival, Yue?”

 

. “Yukito would,” he answered. “He enjoys attending festivals.” His resistance to saying more failed. “Festival yukata would suit Nadeshiko well.”

 

Like Clow, she would look comfortable in long sleeves and flowing cloth. Clow was a little vain about his wardrobe, enjoying embroidery and layers of heavy silks. He loved finery. Yet he never did anything with his hair, shunning ornaments and choosing the simplicity of tying his hair back with a string or ribbon. He was haphazard about tending his hair, just as likely to crudely cut it back with a knife at hand as to allow a proper haircut. On Yue’s tresses, however, he lavished his attention.

 

“And Yue, too,” insisted Nadeshiko.

 

On the grounds, a large cherry tree stood in a place alone. It had a thick foliage of new leaves, a thin scattering of pink petals still littering the dirt at its base. It was a beautiful old tree, potent with natural magic. The tree had grown up on a nexus point of natural magical streams, drinking the spring of power with its deep, thick roots. It was not the kind of power that Clow’s creation could have absorbed to sustain himself. It was Yue’s nature to take reflected power, power from a human being. Unlike his Mistress, he could no more use the power of the tree than he could use the Return card. The past was closed to him.

 

Nadeshiko put her hand against the cherry’s knobby trunk. “It feels peaceful here. A good place,” she said.

 

Yue moved on wordlessly. She followed, and they came to the shallow reflection pool, moon and bright stars mingling light in its waters. A gust of wind that rippled the water blew Nadeshiko’s black hair forward. Yue saw her distorted reflection as a black haired shadow with a featureless pale face, and despaired. _I am telling myself lies,_ he thought. _She is no more like Clow than that reflection is he._ She looked at him, pushing her hair back from her face and smiling beatifically. _Yet, she soothes me. As no other._

 

Looking at him, her smile dimmed, though it did not disappear. “I enjoy my time with you, Yue,” she said sweetly.

 

Yue nodded. He gazed only at the dark bottom of the pool. “I, too.”

 

She put her delicate hand onto his arm. “What can I do,” she asked in a soft voice, “to bring you happiness?”

 

“Happiness is not for me,” said Yue. “Mine is past.”

 

“That’s not true.” Worry colored her voice. “There is so much happiness for you, still!” Yue did not turn to look, but he could hear the emotion of tears in her words.  

 

. . .

 

Touya was sitting at the table drinking tea when Yue returned to the house. His eyes showed that he could have used more sleep. The sun was just coming up, spilling creamy light through the house, and the dark eyed man  looked, despite already being dressed, like he had recently woken up and stumbled down the stairs. “Everything okay?” he asked Yue.

 

“Yes. I am sorry if I woke you.” Yue hesitated. Within him, Yukito continued to enjoy peaceful sleep, and Yue was not sure where to go.

 

“Tea?”

 

As awkward as it was, good manners prevailed over indecision. Touya poured. Yue joined Touya at the table and accepted the cup that Touya slid over to him.

 

Touya yawned. “I was worried that it was something with Sakura.” His statement didn’t hold any accusation.

 

Yue shook his head. Looking at the tea softly steaming in its mug gave him an excuse not to meet the other man’s intensely dark eyes. “No. All is well.”

 

“Were you out with my mom?”

 

The question felt carefully worded. Yue felt himself react with a matching caution; he answered only with a short nod, glancing up to look at Touya. This should not be dangerous territory for comment. If not for his troublesome feelings, if not for the precarious footing of emotions at all, it would not be.

 

“It’s weird,” commented Touya, causing Yue to look up again. “It was tough growing up without her,” Touya continued. “I needed my mother. I had… something, knowing that she was watching over Sakura. Over us. That’s not having a mom. She was still,” he shrugged, “gone.”

 

Yue could not help thinking about Clow.  “You do not expect…” he murmured. “Someone who was there before you, who was always there… you do not expect to be suddenly without him. Without,” he corrected, “that important person.”

 

Touya was looking at him, for once without the piercing quest for unspoken thoughts, but with a milder look of understanding. “Even though she came back, I still feel that loss. My mom died.” He didn’t look away. Yue could not avert his eyes, either, so their gazes stayed locked together. “I did a bad job of grieving. ’Tousan never got angry about it, so I was angry for both of us. Later I met someone who helped me be less angry. And then Yuki.” He smiled. “He was the first person who didn’t say ‘I’m sorry’ when I told him about Okasan.” Still smiling, he picked up his mug and gulped tea. “It’s weird,” he said again. “I am happy she’s back. I get to have a mother again. But—,” he stopped. “You won’t say anything to her, right?”

 

“Of course not,” answered Yue softly. This was a bewildering amount of conversation to be having with Touya.

 

“I had to learn to live without her there. I really am happy that she is back, but I don’t need her.” He frowned pensively. “Sakura does,” he said definitively. “I think ‘Tousan does.”

 

Yue wondered if he could ever say he would not need Clow. The thought engendered almost a feeling of relief. Flustered, he shut it down, filling the space in with horror and guilt.

 

“Yuki still sleeping?” asked Touya, rescuing Yue from his emotional discord.

 

“Yes. Do you want me to go?”

 

“Yue. Don’t run away,” Touya responded, a rueful smile and a look cast at the silver-haired man of teasing challenge. “Let Yuki sleep. I don’t have to leave for class for another hour.”

 

“Ah.” Yue’s tea, which he had not tasted, had stopped steaming. It seemed wrong to him that he had not consumed the drink. He had not eaten anything since his release from the Clow Book, so why did it, this time, feel wrong? “I apologize that my absence caused you to wake early, and worry.”

 

Touya shrugged and stood up. “I can’t tell anymore if something strange is happening, so I couldn’t tell if you were out working.” He smirked and joked, “You could leave me a note, next time.” He picked up Yue’s full mug to carry to the kitchen with the empty one, casually draining to contents as he walked. He had noticed, of course, that Yue had not touched it.

 

Yue would have taken the opportunity, when Touya briefly left the room, to trade with Yukito. It would have been running away. Had Touya not said anything, he would have escaped into solitude. He owed Touya. Touya had sacrificed his magic to save his beloved, not Yue, but Yue nevertheless owed the man far more than the courtesy requested.

 

“Do you cook?” Touya called out from the kitchen.

 

Yue would not raise his voice to shout back an answer. He had no choice but to rise and follow the other man into the well-used cooking area. Touya had more water boiling for tea. From the oven, he pulled out a metal bowl full of a slumping, shiny dough.

 

“Cinnamon rolls sounded like a good idea at four in the morning,” explained the man while opening a container of flour. He took a glass bowl filled with cold, cubed butter from the refrigerator. “Put some flour out onto the board so we can roll out the dough,” he directed.

 

“I don’t think…” Yue started to protest, but Touya turn on the food processor to blend butter and brown sugar for the filling, and the noise drowned out Yue’s response. He looked at the flour, then looked at his clothes. He thought about the incident that left Keroberos covered in a heavy, white dusting of flour.

 

Touya heard Yue leave the room. He didn’t turn to look. It was disappointing, but not unexpected, he thought. What was unexpected was when Yue returned a few minutes later, his loose formal clothing exchanged for slacks and a t-shirt, and began to do as asked. Casually paying attention, Touya watched Yue’s fair, long fingers sift the flour out in an even dusting across the wooden board. Yue rubbed floury hands over the French pin, too, to prepare it for rolling out the dough. Without comment, Touya pushed the dough out onto the prepared surface. Then he went back to mixing the filling, which needed walnuts and cinnamon.

 

Yue rolled out the dough. Touya measured and even layer of filling, and the two young men rolled up the sweet dough standing close together. They were both more comfortable with the silence than with talking. Occasionally, Yue tossed his hair out of the way with a short shake of his head, and Touya did not push the offending locks back as he would have with Yukito’s wispy bangs.

 

When the cinnamon rolls went into the oven, it had been at least ten minutes since either of the men had spoken a word. Yue, thinking about sweet rolls made in another kitchen long ago, and his sibling’s taste for bountiful sweetness, found himself with droll uncertainty. Yet the wordless quiet was too pleasant to give up for it. He gave Touya a tacit query with a flick of his eyes, wondering if Touya would guess his question. For some reason, doing so quickened Yue’s heartbeat with a thrill like nervousness.

 

A few moments of assessment and then Touya’s relaxed expression turned into a smile of understanding. He turned, reached into the refrigerator, and brought out milk. Vanilla and powdered sugar followed from a shelf. His expression turned speculative. “Yuki likes icing,” he yielded. The unspoken question was now Touya’s.

 

Of course, Yue considered, he would know whether his other self preferred icing or frosting or nothing at all, and even which Touya preferred, if he had given it thought. Shouldn’t he know everything about his other self?

 

Did he not know everything about his other self?

 

Yue nodded, to cover his confusion.  

 

Touya served himself and Yue another pour of freshly made tea. He served Yue’s in a clean mug, not the one that Touya had drained for him. “Tell me something,” he asked, causing another trill of nervousness sing through Yue. “Everything that Yuki could do when I met him – you can do, right?”

 

“Yes.”

 

A familiar smirk popped onto Touya’s face. “He couldn’t ride a bike,” he said.

 

“I never have.”

 

“They didn’t have them Edo,” joked the dark haired man. “Or in Camelot.”

 

Yue effected a stern countenance. “I am not so old,” he countered.

 

“Yeah?” Touya didn’t say anything more for a long pause. He drank his tea. This time, the silence was less easy.

 

“How old are you?” Touya finally asked.

 

Yue considered his answer. “Does it matter?”

 

Touya did not reply.

 

Yue sighed. Intentionally cryptic, he supplied, “I have not known the reign of Arthur, but I have lived in the time of Elizabeth.” A tiny crack in his expression yielded the edge of a smirk of his own.

 

“British monarchs reuse names. There is a Queen Elizabeth in England, now.”

 

“Yes,” Yue agreed.

 

“Ha ha,” said Touya, and Yue smiled without realizing it. Touya pretended not to notice, but he did.

 

. . .

 


	27. Unwritten Letter #1

 

 

Touya didn’t wait for the icing on the cinnamon rolls to set. He sampled the breakfast treat with sounds of approval while licking his fingers. Before excusing himself to get dressed for the day, he grabbed one more, and went upstairs making it disappear.

 

The sugar iced ziggurat of cinnamon rolls sat on the counter top, inviting indulgence.

 

 _Have one,_ said Yukito, awake.

 

Yue communicated his confusion wordlessly.

 

 _You could have one,_ Yukito urged again. _It's good, and I don't mind sharing. I like sharing with you, Yue._

 

Yue said, _Touya is not a platter of breakfast pastry._

 

 _You act like he is. You won't eat good things, but Yue, when we eat_ you taste everything that I taste. _I know, because that is how it is for me, when you’re on the outside. I can smell the cinnamon now the same as if with my nose. I see through your eyes. I can feel how my clothes are almost right on you, tighter in some places where your body is a different shape from me._

 

Yue tried to push the thought away, to push Yukito's words away from him. _No!_ Yue protested. _We are not the same person. Do not mistake the “open window” for a lack of boundary._

 

 _It's OK, Yue,_ the voice of Yukito soothed. _If you didn't fight it so much, you’d see that it's good. Being awake is being alive._

 

“Yue.” Touya was again at the doorway. “Is Yuki still sleeping?” Touya stepped close to Yue, casually placed his hand on Yue’s shoulder, and leaned in. “Yo, Yuki,” he said into the silver hair. “Wake up, sleepyhead.” He leaned away and smirked at Yue, but his smile dissipated when he registered Yue’s rigid expression.

 

Yukito, trading places with his other self, opened his eyes to a blur that made his head ache. It took a moment of disorientation to realize that his glasses were the problem. He saw confusion after sliding them off, so he kissed a smile back on to his boyfriend’s face. “Are you all right, To-ya?”

 

“Are _you_ all right?” Touya asked back. “Both of you?”

 

“Sure,” Yukito answered with typical cheer. He intentionally misunderstood Touya’s questioning concern. “I don’t need my glasses anymore,” he supplied for an answer.

 

Just leaning onto him could not have been enough to cause Yue’s mood change, Touya rationalized. Yue had looked like someone about to be sick who was realizing that he would not make it out of the room. Yue and Yukito never knew illness, and Yuki looked fine. If Yue felt sickened, it was for reasons other than physical. Touya could have pursued an explanation, but he chose to give Yue some space. Whatever was wrong, he thought, Yukito would know.

 

“When did you stop needing your glasses?”

 

“Yue has never needed them,” said Yukito. “When I realized that, then I didn't need them, either.” He rubbed at the bridge of his nose. “They were kind of heavy.”

 

“Maybe you can still wear them sometimes,” Touya teased, moving in for a kiss.

 

Yukito turned the kiss into a soft bite on Touya's lips.

 

Though hidden, Yue felt no better. From his distance he observed the scene, not turning away even when Touya and Yukito embraced.

 

As anticipated, the young man delighted in the warm cinnamon rolls. He licked sugar and butter from his lips. Never satisfied with a little of a tasty thing when a lot was available, Yukito ate most of the cinnamon rolls remaining before he and Touya left the house.

 

Yukito had been correct. Yue tasted all of it. With the connection they shared, it was nearly the same as if he tasted the food himself. Because most of the time one of them was often asleep when the other was awake, Yue had simply not noticed. He had taken individuality for granted.  On that first night that Yukito and Touya had made love, Yue had been so involved and overwhelmed that the sharing of senses had been lost in the crashing wave. He thought that had been the exception, one time from the newness of the change. Months of touch and taste and Yue had _not noticed_. He could not believe his own weak excuse. Perhaps the truth was that he had _not wanted to notice._

 

 _You are a fake._ Yue chastised himself coldly. _Eat nothing, desire nothing: a show of abstinence, remaining true to Clow. Lies. You are a lie._

 

. . .

 

_Earlier…_

 

Nadeshiko waved goodnight. Yue, she saw, watched her until she passed through her doorway before he turned to leave. She watched him turn to wing home before she closed the door. Sadness and worry over the note on which they had ended their excursion to Tsukimine Shrine troubled her. It wasn’t enough to watch over him, she worried. She needed to find a way to do more.

 

As she started toward the stairs, her dismay took a more practical bent when she noticed the state of her feet. They had touched the ground often enough, and being bare, had accumulated a coating of grime. This problem, at least, she could easily fix. Grateful for the ability to avoid touching a floor so recently cleaned, she fluttered upstairs to the hallway bathroom. She scrubbed up to prepare for a bath.

 

The water of the bath was warm and clean. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the satisfaction of every other sense. In the warm, misty air, scents of lemon blossom swirled with the currents. Bathing was a visceral pleasure. It sparked nerves in a way that made the moment expand until the moment and sensation were central to everything. Lulled into a dreamy doze, she was startled by a tapping at the door.

 

“You can come in,” she said. “Are you up early or am I in,” she yawned at her husband as he closed the door behind himself, “late?”

 

Fujitaka sat on the edge of the bath. “A little of both.” He took in the pleasing sight of her flushed bare skin. “Can I give you some… help?” he asked.

 

“You could join me,” Nadeshiko tempted. Some sensations improved with sharing.

 

He glanced at the door, rose, and closed it.

 

. . .

 

Wearing only towels, clothes in hand, they managed to sneak back to their bedroom without being caught. They both burst into guilty snickering as soon as they were safely through and the bedroom door was closed. The lovers lounged on their bed, touching each other everywhere, a sensual escalation after their prolonged restraint in the bathtub. The conclusion to their lovemaking was not delayed.

 

“I feel much better now,” said Nadeshiko.

 

Fujitaka chuckled.

 

Nadeshiko turned on her side to face him. She couldn’t help smiling. After her husband’s mischievous attentions, she felt fantastic. “I _was_ upset,” she laughed.

 

“Why were you upset?” Fujitaka managed seriousness better than Nadeshiko could.

 

“I don’t know what to do about Yue.”

 

Fujitaka’s slow exhalation sighed out, deflating his mirth. He reached for Nadeshiko and pulled her close. “All right. Tell me.” He embraced her as if she would fly away.

 

Her arms wrapped around his back. She spoke with her cheek against his chest. “He and I have always spoken differently with each other. It used to be that only you could see me, but I couldn’t be with you always. I couldn’t.” She grasped in her mind for ways to explain, and failed. “Before Sakura did what she did, I was between here and somewhere else. I couldn’t be selfish about being with you. I was never meant to stay.”

 

“I understand,” Fujitaka said. “It would have been losing you all over again, when your spirit went on to heaven.”

 

Nadeshiko nodded, listening to his heart beating. She did not know if it would have been heaven, or reincarnation, or nothingness. There were things from being "between" that she could not access now. “It was different with Yue. So we talked and talked. We talked about so many things. We became friends. I didn’t know I was lonely until having a friend made the loneliness go away.”

 

Fujitaka kissed her forehead and stroked her hair. “Of course. I understand,” he repeated.

 

“Now he doesn’t seem to be able to talk to me. And he is so sad, angry too. I try to get him to talk about his troubles, but he doesn’t talk to me like before.” She thought about the frightening, cruel look on his face, earlier. “I’m worried for him. He doesn't have anyone the way that I have you. I can't help thinking of him as a baby bird that has fallen from the nest, hurt and needing help.”

 

Silent for longer than Nadeshiko expected, Fujitaka suddenly relaxed. The contrast made her realize that his firm grim had also been a tense one. “Nadeshiko. That is not what I expected you to needed to say to me.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

His tone was cautious. “Nadeshiko, when you return from spending time with your friend, you are flushed. Your eyes shine. You had a secret friendship with him, before, that I knew nothing about.”

 

“I didn’t mean it as a secret from you!” Nadeshiko interrupted.

 

“I believe you,” continue Fujitaka in his same soft tone. “I think I’ve misunderstood something.”

 

Nadeshiko voiced her confusion. “What?”

 

“Have I really been concerned for no reason?” he asked her.

 

“About what? Fujitaka?” Nadeshiko pushed away so that she could search her husband’s face. His expression did not clarify his meaning. She sat up.

 

Sitting up with her, he remained as close as he could. “I have been afraid that you were developing closeness. That you and he shared certain feelings.”

 

Shocked, Nadeshiko could only blink at her husband. She repeated his words silently, feeling her face coloring in a hot blush. Suddenly afraid that her flush would be mistaken as confirmation of Fujitaka’s suspicion, she covered her cheeks with her hands. A vigorous shaking of her head was her emphatic denial.

 

His gentle touch pulled her hands from her face. “I could never force you to stay with me, if your heart had gone to someone else.”

 

“Oh!” she squeaked from behind her hands. “Oh!”

 

Fujitaka’s quiet laugh expressed his relief. “Are you sure I was wrong?”

 

Nadeshiko moved her hands away from her eyes and looked at him. “How could you not be angry?” she asked. “Even though it isn’t true… I don’t… Yue…” she flailed for words.

 

“I couldn’t be angry at you,” Fujitaka said. “I have you back. If your happiness was with someone else, I would,” his voice shook, “want… you to be happy.”

 

. . .

 

Later as Fujitaka lay awake, he watched his wife enjoying the remaining morning hours in sleep. Looking at her peaceful face, he thought, here was the woman he would love in his next lifetime and every other after. She would steal his sleep, and he would not begrudge her theft. Much.

 

Across the room, flowing off the chair where it had been thoughtlessly dropped, her pink dress relaxed its way to the floor. Fujitaka forgave Nadeshiko her messes. She had maids to pick up messes once, but then she chose him over her family’s wishes, trading her easy life for a life with him. He looked at the puddle of pink cloth and realized that it was _that_ dress, the one she had appeared in reborn. The necklace lay in the folds, almost glowing with the way it picked up and refracted the light of morning. He bent his head to her bare shoulder, and with closed eyes he kissed her youthful skin. For a few minutes he simply breathed in her flowery scent.

 

A decade ago, after the conclusion of his wife's illness, Fujita went to a grief counselor who told him about the importance of acceptance. The counselor presented grief as a marathon, the stages of anger and denial and bargaining as other runners in competition with you. Acceptance was the finish line ribbon. You burst through the ribbon and you still continued running.

 

Fujitaka knew that it wasn’t a race, and there was no finish line; acceptance was continuing to slowly put one foot in front of the other without stopping so long that you forgot your direction. Of course he would look back at times. Looking back didn't stop him from moving forward.

 

If there were five stages for grief, he wondered, what were the five stages for joy? Surprise would be one. Denial, too, just as with grief: fear that it wasn’t real or wasn’t deserved.  Then a euphoria where everything made you want to burst into laughter. Gratitude. Comfort.

 

He trusted that he would get to comfort eventually. The feeling of his wife’s hair tickling his face was real. He accepted that magic was real. She was still his Nadeshiko, he reassured himself. He tightened his arm around her waist and softly laughed.

 

In her sleep, she smiled in answer.

 

. . .

 

 

“I may be a little late today,” said Fujitaka after he cleared the breakfast dishes. “I’ll be home as soon as I can be.” He saw the way Nadeshiko tried to hide her disappointment. First taking off the rubber dish gloves, he reached out and took her hand. “I have something to show you, Nadeshiko,” he said to her.

 

The anticipation of a surprise vanquished her frown, Fujitaka noticed. He pulled her along down the hall to his home office. Once within its book-crowded space, he let her hand go and indicated that she should sit at his desk. He woke up his computer, which showed a login screen.

 

“I don’t know why I didn’t show this to you sooner,” he mused aloud. “I was online the other day and realized something. We didn’t have a personal computer before…”

 

“Before I died,” said Nadeshiko.

 

“Do you remember an archeological discussion forum that I showed you on the computer at the university?”

 

“Yes. You said that soon everyone would be using computers to connect to each other.”

 

“Here, log in – that is, type your name in right here – and I’ll show you something new. Now type the password. It’s ‘eternal’.”

 

“Ah,” said Nadeshiko as the screen loaded. Then, once the web browser opened, she exclaimed, “Oh!”

 

“I made you a home page,” said Fujitaka, abashed. “See at the top? This is our domain name. Only you and I can see our website, but we can invite others if we give them an account.”

 

“Does Sakura have one? Does Touya?”

 

“Not yet,” Fujitaka answered. “I’ve always used it privately.” He indicated a blank field on the screen. “This is the search engine. I have it set to the World Wide Web.” He showed her the drop-down list, then how inputting a search query brought up a list of websites. His search example was “Easter Island.”

 

“That looks interesting,” said Nadeshiko, not sounding interested.

 

“Maybe you should try one,” he suggested with good humor.

 

Nadeshiko typed carefully on the keyboard and moved the mouse to click and start the search. The list of search result filled the screen: botanical sites about cherry blossoms, tourist information sites about the spring festivals, historical sites about the significance of the cherry blossom, and even a recipe for pickled cherry blossoms.

 

“Better?” asked Fujitaka.

 

Nadeshiko clicked on one of the links. Images of pink blossoms slowly filled the screen. “This is wonderful,” she said. “Is it really the whole world?”

 

In answer, Fujitaka typed in a web address. “It is. Here is the website for a university in London, England,” he said. “I regularly email with other professors in many places.” He returned the screen to the webpage Nadeshiko had chosen. He straightened up. “Will this be fun for you today?”

 

“Oh, yes, I think it will,” replied Nadeshiko. She reached up as Fujitaka leaned down to steal a kiss from her lips.

 

Nadeshiko followed Fujitaka to the door to see him off to work.

 

It had seemed so nice, Nadeshiko thought, an hour later, when Fujitaka had been showing her the internet. With all the things to look at on the computer, she should have been able to while away the day happily. She accidently found herself in a chat room for half a minute. She even typed “hello” before the idea of “chatting” with faceless strangers made her escape in anxiety. That was the whole problem of the thing, she considered. The computer was faceless. It only had blips and bleeps for a voice. It wasn’t even as engaging as a fashion magazine.

 

She got up from Fujitaka’s desk and went upstairs. She flipped through the small stack of magazines on an end table. Finding them all read, she carried them over to the kitchen. She found a piece of string and bundled them up for disposal. She leaned on the counter, looked out the window, and sighed.

 

Kero-chan, upstairs as usual fighting blips and bleeps in a video game, would probably be thrilled to be given a homepage, Nadeshiko mused. Maybe he would know what to do with it.

 

 _I need people,_ Nadeshiko thought.

 

A few minutes later, she was quietly putting on her shoes. She listened one more time for Keroberos before sneaking out onto the porch. The door did not even click as she closed it softly behind her. She walked down the block thinking that the Sun Guardian would come up behind her at any moment, catching her in the act and scolding her for going out in the open again.

 

She returned home without misadventure before Sakura returned from school. Kero-chan had not remarked on Nadeshiko’s absence, so he must not have been aware that she had been out of the house.

 

The afternoon of window shopping, Nadeshiko concluded, had been just what she needed, just this one time. Or, well, just this one time again. She had been cautious, this time, and even though she had very much wanted to go into Twin Bells again, she had crossed to the other side of the street before the lady shop owner turned toward the window, in case that she would remember “Natasha.” There were so many shops, anyway, that she had not been able to do more than look through the windows of most of them. Still, the fresh air, sunshine, and feeling of normalcy gave her a glow. That glow made an effective balm on the stinging thought that however harmless the elicit outing may have been, it was not a wise thing to have done.

 

. . .

 

Tomoyo waived away the limousine and her body guards so that she could walk in the company of her dearest friend. The sunlight of an afternoon graced the two middle school girls walking home from school. There was no hurry home to dinner and homework, and Sakura was happy that Tomoyo would rather walk than be driven.

 

For months, giving her mother an “other self” appearance nagged Sakura. She had been using her magic cards often, on small things, for practice and familiarity. The ones she used most had distinct personalities to her, and she felt that they truly were friends, not in the way that she used to make believe that her dolls were friends, but almost like Kero-chan was to her. When she was home, she regularly had multiple sprites out of card form. It hardly tired her at all. Now that she helped with Touya’s chores, she had work for even little Rainy, who was happy to discretely water the garden. She felt strong.

 

The season was ending in all the ways that mattered. They picked the sunny sidewalk instead of the side under tree shade and were warm in their school uniform jackets. “I hope Yamazaki-kun does get the lead role in this year’s play,” said Sakura, continuing the conversation from their club meeting. “Since he wasn’t able to be the prince last time.”

 

A knowing glimmer in Tomoyo’s eyes teased Sakura. “But you were happy that Li-kun could step in.” Her smile grew broader as she watched her best friend blush pink.

 

“He really is the prince for princess Sakura,” Tomoyo added softly. More brightly, she added, “I’m glad that everyone agreed to finish the play.” She patted the small shoulder bag where she carried the newest in compact video cameras, a digital recorder that made editing simplicity.

 

“Isn’t it funny,” Sakura commented, “how everyone in town just agreed to keep going after everything went back to normal?” She walked along, musing aloud, and her dark-haired companion listened quietly. “Oniichan told me that people ignore a lot of what they see, even if they can’t see… um,” she rushed to finish, “ghosts and things like that.”

 

“Maybe people have to put aside things that they see but don’t understand,” Tomoyo said. “Many odd things have happened in Tomoeda. People need to be able to see things in a way that makes sense to them. It’s good that we live in such a polite town.”

 

Sakura looked at her curiously. “Polite?”

 

“No one wanted to ruin the occasion for anyone else, and each person made the best of it. There is only one Nadeshiko Festival per year, after all,” Tomoyo offered.

 

Sakura nodded agreement, thinking. “Hmm.”

 

“You too, Sakura-chan. You have always done your best. It’s one of your many good qualities.”

 

Sakura was still thinking about the Nadeshiko Festival. “Tomoyo-chan, I feel like I should be doing better.” She worked to frame what she wanted to say. “I haven’t been able to think of how to make my mother change form the way she wants.”  Sakura looked up at the sky, swinging her arms as she walked. “Okasan looks like Okasan,” she said, “to me. And… I’m afraid… no, nevermind.” She dismissed her last thought before vocalizing it.

 

“Afraid of what, Sakura-chan?” Tomoyo asked to gently draw her friend’s thoughts out.

 

“It’s just that… well… Kero-chan is Kero-chan, no matter what size he is. But Yukito-san and Yue-san are so different.” She turned a worried expression to the other girl. “What if Okasan’s other form is a different person?”

 

Tomoyo took her friend’s hand in her own. “Who else would she be?” she comforted.

 

“It’s just that… Oniichan doesn’t think Okasan looks right. But to me -- I can’t imagine my mother any other way.”

 

The girls walked in quiet camaraderie until they came to Sakura’s house, Tomoyo mulling over all that Sakura had said.

 

“Sakura-chan? I know that you will succeed. You always find the way through.” She squeezed Sakura’s hand before saying good bye to her friend. “Will you call me when you find your answer?”

 

“Of course I will!” laughed Sakura.

 

The expected limousine pulled up at the curb. While one of the women in sunglasses held a door open for their charge, Tomoyo looked back to watch Sakura bound up the stairs of the house. They waived to each other shared a smile across the distance.

 

. . .

 

Nadeshiko found that the urge to sneak out again during the day was worst after about a week and as bad as a craving for sweets when there were no active distractions. The days were too much the same. Nadeshiko had been very good as a girl, with cousin Sonomi always at her side.

 

Left with Kero-chan for company, she spent far too much time snacking, watching him play the same racing games over and over, and losing against him in those same video games. She tidied the already spotless house day after day.

 

Using her husband’s home computer made her melancholy. Was there really any danger, she wondered as she scrolled through the Daidouji Toys website, that anyone she knew would ever see her? Did it matter at all if she introduced “Natasha” Kinomoto to strangers?

 

She turned off the screen, and the blank glass reflected her image back to her. _I’m one of Sakura’s magic beings now,_ she thought. _I’m always going to look this way, and…I’m going to live forever._ She stopped to wonder if it were true. _Forever?_

 

She was still frowning as she went upstairs to tuck her hair into a chignon. She was already dressed for a walk, as if she had put on the comfortable walking skirt and sleeveless summer blouse that morning with intent to go out. She slid into flat soled shoes, set a wide-brimmed hat on her head, and picked up her purse. She was half a block away from the house before she gave thought to what she was doing.

 

In Sakura’s upstairs room, the synthesized squeal of tires silenced as Keroberos clicked the pause button. He listed to the front door shut and the sounds of soft footsteps proceeding down the paved stairs. A sigh poured out of him as he wondered what he should do.

 

He knew that Nadeshiko was restlessly bored. He had seen in often enough in his brother, Yue. Kero welcomed boredom, these days. The last few years had been exciting enough for several lifetimes over. No, boredom was great. Boring meant that Sakura was safe and happy.

 

He remembered what it was like when Clow became bored, and fidgeted just thinking about it. The sorcerer might pull a prank – funny if it was directed at someone other than the sun lion – or he might do something that annoyed someone with power. Kero remembered how often a whim of Clow’s had been funny, at first, but brought a magic battle in its aftermath. Being a companion to Clow was different than it was with Sakura, though. Clow had been a grown man, even if he acted as though he had never grown up.

 

There weren’t any more magicians, like there were in the old days, Eriol said. People with power were more subtle, because magic battles in the modern world had to be covered up, and that took more ability than the average witch or sorcerer had. You couldn’t cause trouble just for something to do.

 

That brought Kero’s thoughts back to Nadeshiko, who was sneaking out for the third time. The second time, he had been right in the middle of beating a boss for an ultimate high score. There had been no question of going after the Star Guardian or even of pausing the game. “Hmmm…” he growled.

 

His decision didn’t take long. He had never fussed over how Yue spent his time, and he had hardly ever gotten in trouble for staying uninvolved. Nadeshiko was on her own recognizance. He restarted the game, not giving her another thought.

 

. . .

 

Yukito didn’t feel good about pushing Yue. The Moon Guardian was in that unresponsive, depressed state where he slept more often than not. If only Yue wouldn’t make everything harder than it needed to be, Yukito thought. It would all work out in the end. Yukito always trusted that things would work out.

 

He paid for the books, and with a thank you to the bookstore clerk, headed out to the next errand on his to-do list. He considered the time. A favorite sandwich shop nearby wouldn’t be too crowded now that the busy lunch hour had passed. He had not yet had lunch. A fat, double-decker deli sandwich with lots of lettuce sounded like a siren’s call worth following. It was such a pleasant day out, one of the cooler days of late summer, so if the deli was still full, he could take his order to go and enjoy a solo picnic.

 

His mouth watered in cheerful anticipation, but in his head, Yue’s gloom fell like a cold fog. Yukito didn’t let the gloom get to him. He patiently wanted Yue to let the contagion go the other way. It was a beautiful day, and there was a whole afternoon to enjoy it. His homework was done. Touya would be home in time for the elegant dinner that Yukito had planned for their evening together.

 

He was not paying complete attention to his surroundings, his thoughts running through the food shopping list. It was Yue who jerked his attention to the figure on the other side of a store window. Yue stopped Yukito mid-step.

 

Nadeshiko jumped a little when she looked up from the shoes for sale and saw Yukito’s friendly smile. She put down the shoe that she had been examining as if it had suddenly become hot. After a long, earnest look at him through the window glass, she came out of the shop and out to the sidewalk.

 

“Hello,” she said with mustered cheer.

 

It was not Yukito that moved his hand to grip Nadeshiko by her arm. Yue pushed forward, so much that Yukito felt crowded inside of himself, without changing their form. Yukito shared the question, though not the accusatory tone, that Yue asked with Yukito’s voice. “What are you doing here?”

 

Yukito made his hand let go. “Can we speak in private?” he asked all parties.

 

Nadeshiko led Yukito and Yue away from the street. When she looked around, unsure of herself, Yukito indicated the direction of a courtyard between buildings that was usually unpopulated.

 

If Yue had paid much attention to their surroundings, he might have recognized it as the same court where he had once spoken with a young Syaoran Li. As he had done that time, he transformed out of Yukito’s guise, revealing himself as Yue, the Moon Guardian. Only this time, Yukito remained conscious. He watched as his other self angrily questioned Nadeshiko.

 

“An answer,” Yue pressed. “How can you be out in public as you are?”

 

“Yue,” Nadeshiko responded, hurt by the rough tone. “I wasn’t doing any harm. I’m just getting out a little.”

 

Yue shook his head, his eyes closing for a moment. “This is madness,” he said.

 

“No,” said Nadeshiko. “There is nothing wrong with the way I look. No one notices anything odd. I’m one more shopper in the crowd, that’s all.”

 

“And if someone who knows you should see you?”

 

“No one knows me,” answered Nadeshiko. “No one recognizes me. I was dead for ten years.” She blinked wet eyes. “It doesn’t matter,” she said.

 

“How can you say that,” asked Yue, under his breath. In a quiet, tense voice he continued, “You do matter. To me.” He quickly added, “To Sakura-san. To your husband. To Touya.”

 

“I know that I matter to my family,” Nadeshiko answered. “What I mean is that I don’t matter to anyone out there,” she motioned toward the street of shops. “They’re all strangers. No one would be shocked to run into Nadeshiko Kinomoto here because no one knew me back then. How can it hurt anyone if I pretend to have an ordinary life?”

 

“Because we are not ordinary,” Yue insisted. He flexed the broad, white expanse of his feathered wings. “We are beings of magic. We are eternal. We will outlive our loved ones, and we have no place in the ordinary world.”

 

Her head drooped; the wide brim of her hat obscured her face. “I don’t care about living forever, Yue,” she said. “What I want is to live today. This moment that I have now.”

 

“Nadeshiko…” sighed Yue in pain. “You must understand –” He stopped. He stepped away. He crossed his arms. Sharply, to himself, he muttered, “ _Absurd_.”

 

Nadeshiko continued, “I want to be ordinary. I want to be a mother, a wife, and… a friend… and,” she reached out to him as she spoke, “I don’t need to be magic to be those things.” She released a deep sigh. “You’re right, and I know that I should not be out in public like this.”

 

 _Neither should we… you,_ Yukito nudged. _Yue. At least Nadeshiko-san looks human._

 

Startled, Yue tossed his hair. Yukito thought that they were switching places, but when they came out of the transformation cocoon, their form was still Yue. However, his wings disappeared completely when the cocoon faded, and his clothes had changed from the azure and white costume to an analog of Yukito’s slacks and short sleeved shirt ensemble.

 

 _Huh,_ Yukito commented. _Does that mean that I can wear_ your _clothes?_

 

Yue’s acknowledgement was wordless. He wanted to be with Nadeshiko for a few moments more. “Forgive me for speaking to you so harshly,” he said to her.

 

“It’s all right,” she replied. “Maybe I had started to think that it really was okay to be doing this.”

 

“Are you lonely?” he asked in a soft voice.

 

Nadeshiko answered with a light laugh. “I shouldn’t be. After all, Keroberos is there, too.”

 

“Ah, yes.”

 

Nadeshiko looked up with a sheepish expression. She looked into Yue’s face and didn’t say anything.

 

Her expression had become teasing. When he looked into her eyes, he felt as if nothing mattered more than their green hue. “You always heal me,” he said in a quiet voice. He uncrossed his arms, reaching out to rest his hands on her arms in a light embrace. “You, like no other… since…”

 

The teasing look disappeared. “Yue…”

 

“Nadeshiko, I don’t know how to say that I—”

 

“Wait,” Nadeshiko interrupted. “Wait,” she repeated with gentle insistence. “Fujitaka said,” she started. She restarted, “You are my friend, my very dear friend, and I think of you like my own son.”

 

Yue felt the words like ice growing over his skin, in spite of the sun’s warm light. He shivered.

 

Nadeshiko must have seen him flinch. “I’m sorry,” she said in a whisper. “I care for you very much. You could think of me as your mother,” she offered.

 

A small sound, a stung laugh, escaped Yue. _Clow was my father._ He did not say it aloud. “Of course,” Yue said instead.

 

“I should go home,” said Nadeshiko.

 

 _I can walk Nadeshiko-san home,_ said Yukito.

 

Yue nodded. He switched places with his other self.

 

Nadeshiko looked at the young man with a look of helplessness. There was nothing that she could say except, “Hello, Yukito-kun.”

 

“Hello, Kinomoto-san. I can walk home with you.” Yukito smiled even though he felt a little sick out of sympathy for Yue.

 

“That’s all right. I will be fine on my own,” she said. “I don’t need to keep you from your afternoon.” She smiled with a hint of sadness showing. “I am sorry,” she repeated.

 

Yukito nodded, thinking that it was better to part ways with Nadeshiko for the while. He didn’t need to watch her go, and resisted Yue’s desire to do so.

 

Yue brooded at the back of Yukito’s mind while Yukito ran the rest of his errands. Yukito ate his lunch with stubborn enjoyment. He was still determined not to let Yue draw him into Yue’s dark cloud. He didn’t what to think of Yue’s exchange with Nadeshiko, except for relief that Nadeshiko had rejected Yue’s inappropriate feelings before Yue had explicitly confessed them to her.

 

 _Absurd feelings,_ Yue commented.

 

 _You can’t help who you fall in love with,_ said Yukito.

 

_Is it fate? Have you ever thought to choose differently?_

_Me?_ Yukito asked. _No. Why would I ever want anyone other than Touya?_

 

 _We were intended to love our Mistress,_ said Yue. _I was made to love my Master. That was my fate._

 

 _How strange,_ Yukito contemplated. _I mean, Sakura-chan._ He thought about the girl’s confession of her crush on him. _It’s hard to let down someone that confesses to you, but it would be worse to let their feelings continue. I wasn’t the one for Sakura-chan. She understood once we talked about it._ Once she had confessed, and Yukito had pointed out that her feeling for him wasn’t the kind of love that she thought, she had been free to find a real love. Now Yue would be able to find a real love, too, Yukito thought.

 

 _And what if Touya had rebuffed you?_ asked Yukito.

 

 _Why would he have done that?_ Yukito laughed aloud. He waited for Yue to answer. However, Yue didn’t say anything more until sometime later. When he did speak to Yukito again, he surprised him by making small comments and suggestions about the foods that Yukito was buying for dinner. On his other self’s suggestions, Yukito purchased some things he would not have otherwise: imported beer and wine, and chocolate for dipping the strawberries instead of making them into the planned fruit tart. It was an expensive shopping trip that Yukito didn’t dare complain about. Having Yue helping with planning a dinner could only be progress.

 

Once they were home and it was time to start the dinner preparation, Yue surprised Yukito further by being interested in the process. His other self seemed closer than he ever had been, and in a way that felt good – not like earlier in the afternoon when he had momentarily taken control of Yukito’s actions.

 

 _I want you to have dinner with me and Touya,_ Yukito suggested. He could feel Yue’s resistance to the suggestion. _You don’t have to do anything. If you stay with me as you are now, it will be nice. I think you will enjoy it._ Yue’s answer, when it came after a long deliberation, was a victory.

 

 _Yes,_ Yue said. _I will, tonight._

 

. . .

 

Touya arrived when Yukito was nearly ready to start the actual cooking. The menu was thin slices of tender steak and a sauce made with Madeira wine that Yukito was excited about making for the first time. Touya came into the kitchen, looked at his boyfriend, and asked, “Should I change? I didn’t realize that we were doing something special tonight.” He was still dressed from work, in faded jeans and a dark blue sweatshirt.

 

“You’re fine,” Yukito answered brightly. “Dinner will be ready in a few minutes. There is beer in the refrigerator.”

 

Touya took a look. He turned to Yukito and raised his eyebrows.

 

Yukito laughed affirmation. “It goes with the meal. Would you take the salad to the table?” He would explain about the German beer later. If he said anything at the moment, Yue might become self-conscious about his participation.

 

With a waiter’s skill of using only one arm, Touya balanced the salad bowl and carried the beer bottles. He tousled Yukito’s hair with the hand left free as he left the kitchen. “Don’t let me get lonely,” he said.

 

Yukito enjoyed the way Touya’s voice gave him a shiver. He stirred the sauce, reminding himself to pay attention and not let it burn. When everything was ready, he plated the meat and garnishes onto warm plates and carried them out to the table.

 

Yue watched Touya eat. The young man praised the unusual meal. Clow and Keroberos had been great eaters, Yue’s love of cooking was a trait that carried over to Yukito. Touya appeared to truly enjoy the cosmopolitan flavors.

 

Then, a wicked gleam in his dark gaze, Touya picked up a sprig of salad and offered it to Yukito. Yue watched himself… watched Yukito lean in and take the green tendril into his mouth. Yukito returned the service by feeding a bite of meat to his lover.

 

The cross-feeding continued, escalating in erotic intensity, and Yue watched. He felt every bite chewed, every explosion of flavors that filled Yukito’s mouth. When Touya’s mouth became the flavor against Yukito’s lips, Yue didn’t turn away completely. He shivered with the tingling touch of Touya’s fingertips against the back of his neck. He was warmed by the heat of Touya’s body as the young man and Yukito twined, dinner ignored.

 

Kissing – it was only kissing, but as it filled Yukito’s senses, Yue felt the explosion of desire filling his being like the death of a star. He let the heat burn him.

 

Touya looked up into Yukito’s eyes, and Yue thought that Touya saw him there, close. Touya pulled away long enough to murmur, “Upstairs,” in a breathy voice.

 

Yukito nodded. But as Touya bounded ahead, Yukito said, “Give me a moment, To-ya. I’ll be up in a minute.”

 

 _Switch places with me, Yue,_ Yukito said.

 

 _He won’t want me,_ Yue said.

 

 _You’re wrong. He wants_ us. _Touya knows you were here with us. I could tell from the way he was touching me._

_Do this,_ Yukito insisted, as his form changed. Yue unfolded his wings and drifted downward until his bare feet touched the tatami covered floor. He was still wearing the clothes in which Yukito had been dressed. The pale shirt of soft linen draped open and loose, collar pushed down below the base of Yue’s wings.

 

Yue crossed the floor. He felt a constriction in his chest that made his breath short and fast. He made himself walk up the stairs, the feathered tips of his wings making a whisking sound as they passed over each riser.

 

Touya lay stretched out across the bedding.  His head turned in Yue’s direction when Yue’s shadow filled the doorway.  The lights were dimmed, but Yue could see Touya’s eyes on him. What little light there was, they reflected in depths as lively as sapphires.

 

Yue didn’t want Touya to look so deeply. He wanted to turn away, to go. Yue was afraid to be alone, listening to his own thoughts, but didn’t want this scrutiny. He wanted to go to Touya. He was conflicted, as he always seemed to be conflicted lately. No peace existed for him, except when he was with Nadeshiko. He shrank from that line of thought and pressed his forehead against the cool door frame.

 

Touya sat up; he brushed his hand through his hair and cleared his throat. “You okay?” he asked, his voice slightly gravely.

 

Yue stepped into the room and crossed softly toward Touya. He dropped down onto knees beside him. “I am sorry, if you were expecting Yukito,” Yue said in a quiet voice.

 

Touya shook his head and then lay back down against the pillows. The sheet that he was under had fallen away past his waist. It left him bare on one side to the dip below his pelvic bone. He looked at Yue and didn’t pull the covers over his nakedness.

 

“Satisfied with the view?” Touya asked, after several silent minutes had passed. His tone was sardonic, taunting. Challenging, but far from antagonistic.

 

Yue had been letting his eyes wander over that expanse of uncovered skin. He knew from his own touch that it was as warm as it was tan, as if Touya soaked up the sun’s heat as well as its light. Looking away would have confirmed that Yue had been staring, so he only looked up. But up was where Touya’s eyes were. The young man’s gaze caught Yue’s and held it snared.

 

Touya was real. Touya was within a distance to touch. When Yue reached his hand out, wandering his fingers over the bare contour, Touya chuckled, low and deep.

 

In spite of the soft laugh, his tone was serious when he spoke. “I thought this wasn’t going to happen, again,” he said.

 

Yue moved his hand under the sheet and his body down until his chest rested lightly against Touya’s. “Can’t I change my mind?” he asked, hearing the words as if someone else had spoken them.

 

Touya reached up with one arm and pulled Yue down the rest of the way down. He lifted himself enough to press their mouths together. His fingers wove under Yue’s gathered hair, releasing it from its bindings. Nails trailed over Yue’s scalp, creating a surge of sensation that traveled down Yue’s spine like a spike of lighting. Touya’s other hand trailed between the shafts of Yue’s wings, tickling. Touya pulled the open shirt off completely. He did not stop with the shirt.

 

Yue wanted the feel of more familiar but almost forgotten lips and a different pair of hands wandering over his skin. Everything was wrong, like constellations in an unexpected place of the sky. Touya was too immediate, too real and too close. Yue turned away, escaping a breath-stealing kiss, turning his chest to the mattress. He pulled Touya against his back. His wings spread wide as he gave himself over to Touya. He felt Yukito stir in his mind but remain a degree out of involvement.

 

He felt Touya’s heat fill him like a liquid fire. The energy of physical union was a molten pleasure filling his form, but it cracked when it reached the curves of his heart. Yue’s center remained cold. It made their union brittle. It was pleasure without joy. Yue tried to make it right, but as he and Touya tangled the bedding, that achievement continued to escape him, as slippery as a smooth, heavy stone falling through turbid water. He lost it to a murky darkness that called him to follow.

 

Afterward, Touya slept, holding Yue and breathing warmly against silvery hair. He felt Yukito fall asleep, and wondered if Yukito took comfort in an embrace that the young man did not feel directly. Yue remained awake. His head was against Touya’s chest. He smelled of sweat, sex, and masculinity.

 

Yue heard Touya’s breathing change; Touya had awakened. He knew that Touya could feel him shaking, because Yue’s trembling had become a series of shuddering breaths that he could not hold back. Touya pulled Yue closer to him, but Yue pushed away to hide his face.

 

He pressed his face into the covers to muffle words that crawled out of him like serpents. _“Clow..._ ” Yue strangled the words into whispers. “ _Why... why can’t you be Clow?_ ”   His word were almost without breath, but Touya heard them and lifted himself to look at Yue directly. Before Touya could say a word, Yue twisted violently away. He rose from the futon, and he fled the room without daring to look back.

 

He covered his nakedness with moonlight, essentially reforming his usual clothing, though these lacked luminous blue cabochons of chalcedony that adorned his chest and feet, and his ear remained bare of the jeweled silver cuff. Those were Clow’s gifts. He didn’t bother to tie his hair. He took the stairs in two steps and flight.

 

He left the house quickly, before Touya could catch him with words or touch. Touya would demand an answer, something to make sense of Yue’s actions. Yue had no answer to offer him.

 

. . .

 

 

 


	28. Hope

 

Sakura awoke as if from an anxious dream. Though she hadn't been dreaming of anything unpleasant, she was jolted awake. Her eyes sought out the comfort of light. The low glow of a trail of moonlight shone through the curtains of her bedroom window.  She sat up and watched the light change as the setting moon continued its passage out of the night’s sky.

Her room felt eerily still. She slipped out of bed, walked to her window, and looked out at the calm landscape. With the moon hidden below the horizon, the stars above Tomoeda had all the duty of lighting the darkness. “Yue-san?” she whispered aloud, reaching out with power for his familiar presence. She waited by the window for several minutes, expecting the Moon Guardian to appear. She wondered how she would explain why she had called him, when she wasn’t sure herself.

When Yue had still not appeared after more time passed, Sakura stepped out of her room and went down the hall. Her parents' door was ajar. She pushed it open further and whispered, “’Kasan?”

Her father woke at Sakura’s voice, and a moment later, so did her mother – her Star Guardian. Nadeshiko sat up. “What is it, Sakura?” she asked.

The girl went to her mother’s side. “I have a strange feeling. Could you go to Yue-san for me? It’s too late in the night to call Yukito-san’s house.”

Nadeshiko shared a look with Fujitaka before she answered. “Of course, Sakura.” She stood up and reached for something to wear in exchange for her nightgown. After a minute of sleepy befuddlement, she brought out her wings, wrapped herself in their cocoon, and reappeared in the fluttering pink dress. She bent over Fujitaka. “You should go back to sleep,” she murmured. “I have my work clothes on; you’ll have to do the same soon enough.” She walked out of the bedroom, following her daughter, and closed the bedroom door behind her.

To Sakura, she asked, “Is anything wrong?”

Sakura shook her head. “I don’t know. I’ll wake up Kero-chan when Yue-san is here. Something just feels... um, different,” she said. She touched fingertips to her chest, over her heart. “Here, a little.”

“Okay. I’ll be back fast,” Nadeshiko assured. “Go to your father if it gets stronger.” She kissed her daughter’s forehead.

Nadeshiko went out onto the upstairs deck. With the laundry poles put away, it was a good open space from which to begin flight. As she moved her wings, beginning to hover, she felt the awkwardness of lack of practice. Yet as she flew up into the sky, she felt the caress of air brush over her face, and wondered why she had not spent more time enjoying the ability.

She found the familiar outline of Yukito Tsukishiro’s house. She was sweeping around to land in the yard when she heard the sliding door open and saw Yue shoot out like a speeding arrow. Taken by surprise, she wavered over whether to follow. She had just floated down to the ground when her son appeared in the same doorway, searching the sky for the distant sight of Yue. He was in disarray, his shirt still unbuttoned, his hair tousled, and his expression anguished.

He looked at his mother with a kind of pleading frustration. “ _Go_ ,” he said, gesturing to her after a struggle for words.

Heeding his worry, Nadeshiko didn’t wait. She resumed flight and flew as quickly as she was able in the direction that Yue had gone. He was not going toward the Kinomoto house. She started to lose sight of the pale figure. Still, she had seen the direction he had gone. The wooded area where Yue and Keroberos had once taken her for training lay that way. Yue might be seeking that secluded place.

 

. . .

 

He flew beyond the house, beyond the boundaries of Tomoeda, out and as far away as he could. He flew until the gale of his emotions overtook him again.

 _Yue_ , Yukito entreated with confusion, _if I'd had a problem with it, I would have stopped you. Please stop running away. Give Touya a chance to understand. Talk to him._

Yue withheld answer. He landed in the high slim branches of an old camphor tree, perching without putting his weight on the tree limbs. The tree continued above him as a spiral of wind-whipped branches. It would be impossible for Yukito to safely exchange forms. Yue felt trapped enough without being changed into his other form, a false form, he used to say...

 _Yet I am the one that is false_ , Yue thought to himself, walling out the presence of Yukito. _Not in my heart true, nor in any other way…_   He balanced against the windy night as the branch swayed and dipped. His arm, pressed against his eyes, couldn’t stop the onslaught of memory. The wind picked his tresses up and whipped them around him in an obscuring storm. He buried his fingers in his hair, letting the silken, heavy strands slip through. He hated it suddenly, his hair that Clow had loved so much. It weighed as heavy as his history. It weighed as heavy as the frozen rock that was where his heart used to be. He wished he could cut the ache out of his chest to get away from the painful cold of it.

Yue formed the crystal daggers that were his close range weapon. Their blue light glowed over his shaky hand. Dropping all but one to fall through the rustling leaves to the far ground below, he held the remaining sapphire blade in his fingers and studied its brilliant edge. He knew how well it could cut through material natural or magic: flesh, fibers, even stone. A few determined cuts, and the act he contemplated would be done.

Whispering wings broke through the thickness of his thoughts. Nadeshiko touched onto the branch before he realized her approach. He turned away from her and launched into flight again. He let the crystal fall. It tumbled away from his hands to join the others.

As she landed on the quavering branch, Nadeshiko reached for Yue. Her fingertips only brushed his clothing before he was away. She saw a reflected flash: the dagger picking up a shimmer from her star necklace as the blade rolled out of his hand. “Wait, Yue,” she pleaded.

He stopped in the air, hovering, poised to flee again. “Why did you follow me?” he demanded.

“I thought I knew where I might find you …” She held out her hand.

Yue looked at her, reaching out to him. He turned, and he sped away.

Nadeshiko followed, pushing her flying ability to her limits, but the distance between them was increasing. With an extra effort, she reached out, able to just reach the ends Yue's loose hair. She tangled a handful in her fingers. The platinum strands, stronger than wetted silk, pulled her forward; her hold pulled Yue to a sudden stop. The jolt tossed both of them from the sky and sent them tumbling earthward in a flurry of feathered wings.

Nadeshiko failed to right herself. Falling, with the tree branches catching at her, she thought suddenly of the looming ground. She remembered her mortal life, how easily her body and spirit had parted. She remembered her mortal death, the helplessness of that long illness, and her wings disappeared. And she continued to fall.

Yue was only knocked from the air for a moment. He saw Nadeshiko falling. When her wings vanished, he dropped into a fast dive. He caught her just as she passed the lowest ring of branches, when she was within moments from the ground. Gripping her lithe body against himself, he floated down the rest of the way, slowing until his feet rested on the wet grass. Her feet came to rest on top of his. The touching of feet was unexpectedly intimate. It gave him a frisson of heat that flashed through the tumult of his emotions.

Nadeshiko pressed her face against him and clung to Yue as if she was still falling. She tried to stop shivering. She could not catch her breath. “Thank you,” she gasped.

“I would not have let you fall.” Yue spoke with intense relief.

Nadeshiko stepped away so that her feet were on the ground, between Yue’s feet instead of on them. Their arms remained loosely around each other. Too late, her wings returned. She felt them at her back like a shield against the cold shadows beneath the trees.

She looked up into Yue’s face. He seemed frightened, his pupils so widely dilated that he almost looked human. He met her look with an expression of mingled pleading and hopelessness. Then he leaned down toward her and pulled her in.

“Yue…” Nadeshiko said in astonishment. While she was saying his name, his lips touched against hers.

Yue closed his eyes, pressing his lips to Nadeshiko’s in a restrained kiss. His aim was slightly askew, and he tasted the wetness of her mouth before he shifted position. Her lips were warm and full, like ripe fruit.

Nadeshiko had never kissed anyone except her husband. She had never been kissed -- even on closed lips -- by anyone other than Fujitaka. Too shocked to respond in any way at all, she did not close her eyes; instead, she stared at Yue's clumped eyelashes, wet against his pale cheek. Stunned, she let herself be kissed, unable to produce a single thought or action while it was happening.

In the moment of the kiss, the two pairs of magic wings created a cocoon-like space with a faint glow illuminating the enclosure. The glow had substance. To Yue, it felt like the unabashed caress of cherry blossom petals as they littered April, the touch of flowers carried along air currents warmed by the sunlight of spring. Nadeshiko felt as if something as light as breath traveled from her to Yue, like a secret whispered by a child. It was without flare or fireworks. Yet it was tangible: magic that pulsed and then faded.

Yue pulled away from her lips, letting his face linger near hers a moment longer, his slowly opening eyes revealing their violet luminescence. His look was unreadable to Nadeshiko. “ _Forgive me_ ,” he said in a whisper.

“I should not have let it happen,” Nadeshiko answered, no louder than he had spoken.

He removed his hands from her shoulders. She stepped back, eyes still locked on his. “Yue… let's go home,” she said softly.

“Not yet,” he said, a hushed request. He began walking, taking her hand in his so that she would follow.

Nadeshiko let herself be led. “Yue…” she said. “You are confused.” She spoke the words with a gentle wish for him to understand.

“I know,” he answered, surprising her. He led her along the narrow trail between the trees. He seemed to be walking without a destination in mind, following the winding game trail without purpose. He looked back over his shoulder with his next words. “Will you stop caring for me, because of that kiss?”

“No,” she said. “You weren't thinking clearly.”

“I wasn't thinking,” Yue agreed quietly.

“I didn't know…” Nadeshiko started. The double shock dissipated, she recalled what she had seen the moment before the fall, and her eyes filled with tears. She wiped at her eyes with her free hand. “I didn't know you were so unhappy,” she managed. She sniffled through soft hiccoughs. “Have I been so selfish? I've been caught up in other things, and I haven't been there for you.” Yue was listening without seeming to, walking ahead without looking back. Nadeshiko let her remorseful words flow uncensored. “I should have been,” she said. “But it was so wonderful to be alive! Having everything again, and there was so much that I wanted to do! I didn't forget about you, but… I didn't think of you. You seemed fine. I didn't know,” she confessed. “Yue,” Nadeshiko pulled on his hand to make him stop. “Don't ever hurt yourself for someone else,” she begged. She pulled him around so that they faced each other without letting go of his hand. “I couldn’t bear it if you harmed yourself because of me,” she said, her voice a resonant whisper.

Dismay crossed Yue's face. “I wasn't going to–” he began.

Nadeshiko continued over his interjection. “Yue, I know.” She paused while they shared a wordless exchange, then continued, “I saw that blade in your hand. I don't want to think that you would take your own-- .” She had to stop and start over. “I never want to lose you that way.”

“I am sorry,” said Yue, his words sincere. He closed his hand more tightly on hers. “I am sorry to have worried you. I was…” he hesitated out of embarrassment before continuing to explain, “going to cut away my hair.”

“Your hair!” exclaimed Nadeshiko in horror.

“You seem to find that more shocking than… the other possibility,” observed Yue uncertainly.

“No! I… _no_ , just–” Nadeshiko shook her head. “ _Why_?”

Yue closed his eyes as if pained, anticipating the sting of remembrance. “I can't be true to him, in my heart,” he said. “I want to be free.”  He shook his head. “Clow loved my hair,” he said. “It's a burden.” For a moment, he remembered not his loss but the affectionate touch of his creator's fingers brushing over the strands.

Nadeshiko reached out and caressed the long river of moonlight that was Yue's hair. “Do it when you can think clearly,” she advised with a regretful sigh. Yue wrapped his fingers around her wrist, and pulled Nadeshiko into him again. Gently, Nadeshiko extricated herself. “I have a husband," she said quietly. "It would be better,” she cautioned, “if you thought of me as your mother. I do care for you,” she said, “in my own way.”

Yukito spoke up, suggesting a resolution. _Maybe you love Nadeshiko-san in that same way, but you don’t realize it yet. You loved Clow as a father, first._

 _As my creator, my master, my father, friend, my first lover, and most beloved of my heart,_ Yue answered.“What I know of… love… is limited,” he said. “I had no mother, and do not know what that love is.” He exhaled. “You bring back to me so much that I have lost.”

This time, it was Nadeshiko who drew Yue close. “But what about everything that you _have_ ,” she asked, murmuring into his shoulder. She held him tightly, taking and giving comfort. “I'm not the only one who loves you.”

Yue savored the tight embrace. Being close to Nadeshiko was, as always, like standing the golden sunlight of a spring day. Her flower scent brought peace to the tempest of his soul.

“Sakura asked for you, and Touya is worried,” Nadeshiko said. “Are you ready to go back with me?”

 _Ah. Touya,_ thought Yue.

 _You have to talk to him, Yue,_ said Yukito. _We can do it together. I promise it won’t be bad. I’ll be with you._

“Please, don’t... about this...” Yue slowly started to say.

“I won’t say anything about tonight,” Nadeshiko promised. “It would upset Sakura, and it’s yours to tell, not mine.” She looked away as she said, “I will have to tell Fujitaka about...” she touched her lips, finishing the statement with the gesture.

“Ah,” Yue replied. “I will do as he requires for the misdeed.”

Nadeshiko risked a glance up at Yue’s bravery. “Silly,” she admonished kindly. “We have to go,” she said.

“Will you be able to fly?”

“As long as you don’t make chase you, I’ll be fine,” she assured. When they were up in the air, however, she touched fingertips to his sleeve. “Stay close, just in case, okay?”

They flew towards Yukito's house. Nadeshiko asked a question. Yue let her think that the wind blew it away. He didn't want to acknowledge hearing it. "Did something happen earlier?" she wanted to know. "What set this off?" She appeared sympathetic in her concern, but Yue couldn't think of how he could answer her. His mind spun, wondering what he was going to say to Touya.

The aloof exterior, a cold manner -- he could not armor himself with them now. It would not be believed. He felt raw. He felt open, but somehow, not unprotected. He felt relief. Touya had witnessed Yue's worst. Nadeshiko had seen him as he was. No one that mattered would believe the mask anymore.

 Lights were on at the house, but when they arrived, they found that Touya was not home. Yukito noticed that Touya's motorcycle was absent, too. They continued on to the Kinomoto home with the intention of asking Sakura to locate her brother.

However, when they arrived at the house they saw Touya's bike parked in the driveway, beside Fujitaka's car. Inside, Touya sat in the living room, hunched over and looking ready to explode. He sprang up as soon as Yue and Nadeshiko alighted in the back yard.

Nadeshiko passed through the doorway first. The cheerful greeting she began stalled when she took in her son's rigid stance. Her daughter was also in the room, sitting quietly. She had changed from her pajamas to regular clothes.

Sakura looked away from the Card that was rotating slowly in her lap. “’Tousan is making hot chocolate and cookies,” she said. “Kero-chan is helping.” Sakura was calm, exhibiting none of the agitation of her brother.

Touya focused on Yue with a look like forged steel. “You’re okay,” he asked Yue.

“Yes,” said Yue. “I am sorry to have given you concern.”

“And Yuki?”

“Yukito is well. Do you wish to speak with him?”

“You, first,” Touya growled, biting down on saying more.

Nadeshiko clued in to their need for privacy. “Sakura, let’s see if we can help in the kitchen,” she suggested.

Sakura made a small sound of agreement. Before going with her mother, she said to Yue, “Everything will be all right.” She held up the Card that had been spinning. It was The Hope. “I’ll bring you a hot chocolate.”

Yue heard them speaking with each other as they went down the hall. Nadeshiko said, “We’ll give them a few minutes.” Sakura answered something in a cheerful voice, the words muffled as they walked away. When they were out of earshot, he made eye contact with Touya. "I'm sorry," Yue said.

Touya released the torrent he had been holding back. He slammed his fist into the wall, controlling the force sufficiently for it to pass into the frame beneath instead of leaving a hole in the painted drywall. He swore with less control. Shaking the impact out of his hand, he growled, “What happened?  You flew out of there like your damn world was ending! I didn’t know what you were going to do! I was FUCKING WORRIED!”

Yue sucked in breath. “To-ya,” Yukito tried to calm his boyfriend. _I have never seen him so mad,_ he said to Yue.

“Yue, goddammit!” Touya seethed. “What’s happening? Are you... becoming the same person?” Touya was furious for an answer.

“No,” said Yue, finding his voice. “No, we are both here, but we are both separate.”

“Then what happened?” demanded Touya. “Just explain it to me. Can you do that?” He swore again, his frustration pouring out in verbal obscenities.

“I... cannot. I’m sorry,” Yue repeated. “I cannot explain myself. I cannot explain what happened.”

“We had sex and then you ran away.” Touya choked. He looked at Yue, who stood in silence with head bowed. “What the hell, Yue,” he complained. “We can’t keep doing this. The three of us. Or is it the four of us?” he goaded.

The question made Yue look up sharply. “What do you mean?”

“Clow,” said Touya. Quieter, he added, “I heard what you said. Before you ran off.”

Even Yukito was relieved that Nadeshiko would not be brought into the discussion. Yukito felt that what had gone on between Yue and Nadeshiko, as complicated and confusing as it was to him, had been resolved. He watched Touya and Yue and stayed silent. His urge was to get between Yue and Touya and calm Touya down. It pained him to see Touya so angry. Yukito could see that he needed to let Touya work that anger out, and that was something that had to happen between Touya and Yue.

Yue started to walk past Touya and across the room, to create some distance while he was thinking of how to reply. Touya grabbed Yue by the upper arm, stopping him, his palm pressing cloth against Yue’s bicep. The men stood shoulder to shoulder, Touya's grip firm on Yue's tense arm.

“I don’t sleep around,” Touya stated. “If I’m with somebody, it means something. I wasn’t with you because Yuki wanted it. I was with you because that is what you wanted.” He swallowed. “I need you to know what you want.”

“What do you want to hear me say?” asked Yue, feeling helpless.

“Don’t put this on me.” Touya’s calm was like the low rumble of distant thunder.

Yue thought of Clow, the way the magician had treated everything with sleight of hand. Clow had never given a direct answer, or asked a question that was not a test in some hidden way. Knowing that Yukito was a witness, Yue faced Touya’s direct demand for honesty. “I wanted pleasure,” he murmured. “I wanted to make believe.”

“Were you thinking about him when I was inside you?” Touya asked, only loud enough for the space between them.

“Yes,” said Yue, at the same volume.

Touya continued in a hard voice, “Don’t use me because you can’t have him.” He released his hold.

“I was also thinking of you.” Yue found that he had the courage to say the words that tried to slip out of reach. “When I,” he said, “don’t think of Clow, and then afterward remember... I wonder what kind of love I hold, that I can forget him so easily.” Yue expected the familiar acidity of grief. The memory of Clow's love flowed, instead, carrying the sting away from the thought of him. Yue puzzled over it, knowing where he had felt such comfort before: in his embrace with Nadeshiko. He would have lost himself to the contemplation of what it meant, if Touya had not demanded of greater attention.

“I am grieving for Clow, and I am grieving for the life with him that I have lost.” Yue decided to be brave. He owed Touya much more than Touya had asked of him. A bold answer could be a start. “Touya,” he began softly, “when Yukito and I are both awake, we share senses. I have denied my acceptance of this. I cannot continue in this denial. Nor can I deny that Clow bade me to live, when I wanted to sleep in death with him.”

“Why do you have to be so dramatic, Yue?” Touya asked with real regret. “You put such a cold surface up front, but behind it you torture yourself. And if you get a little happiness, you run away from it. You can have happiness, Yue. No one is judging you.”

“I judge myself,” Yue countered. He immediately regretted his tone. “Sorry, Touya.”

“I forgive you. This once,” he grumbled. “I get that you’re going through some things. You scared the crap out of me tonight. The way you left, I thought you might not come back.” He shared a long, assessing look with Yue. "Seriously, Yue," Touya continued. "I'm here for you. Whatever else we are to each other, I am here for you. If you need something, you can reach for me. Just remember that it's me."

Yue nodded once, affected too much to say anything even if he had been inclined to speak.

An indiscrete whisper hissed from around the wall, within the hallway. “Sakura! They’re done! The coast is clear!” Kero -- his small wings fluttered rapidly under the weight of the large cookie that he was eating -- buzzed into the room the rest of the way.

"Keroberos, our conversation was private," admonished Yue.

Kero dipped the angle of his bitten cookie into a mug of hot chocolate as a tray floated down to settle on a side table. "I don't know what you are talking about," was the little lion's casual reply.

            The look that Touya shot at Keroberos pierced like arrows. Instead of responding with a stare of his own as he usually did when challenged, Kero paid attention to his cookie. Touya was disgruntled and embarrassed. "I need to get some sleep," he grumbled.

 _Change places with me. I want to hug my boyfriend,_ Yukito said Yue.

"I would only have spied if you were having another fight that would make Sakura cry," Kero postulated _sotto voce_ , as if to no one in particular.

Yue put an arm around Touya. He registered Touya's surprise. He felt Touya’s arms wrap around him, and he felt the trading of places with Yukito. With his eyes closed, could not discern which happened first.

“My Yuki,” whispered Touya. “I didn’t think that Yue had that many words in him.”

“To-ya...” Yukito laughed.

"I want to talk to you later, when it's you and me," said Touya.

 _Is that OK? We will probably talk about you,_ Yukito asked his other self. Yue replied with an uncomfortable affirmative.

Sakura followed a minute after Kero with two more mugs of hot chocolate. She gathered up The Move and The Float. Fujitaka and Nadeshiko entered the room with their daughter, and Fujitaka -- clearly tired -- slid into an armchair. Nadeshiko stopped and stood at a spot beside him.

"Hello, Tsukishiro-kun. It's late, Touya." Fujitaka suggested, "Why don't you sleep in your old room for the rest of tonight? We can all have breakfast together," he sighed with good humor, "in a few hours." Fujitaka rose from his seat. "I'm going back to bed, as well. Sakura-san, it's a school night. Nadeshiko-san, don't keep our daughter up too much longer." He wished everyone a good night and headed off.

"I'd better go home to sleep," Touya said. "Or else I'll feel off my game all day."

"Oniichan, I want to speak with Yue for just a few minutes. You and Yukito-san can go home soon."

Yukito offered, "You can go ahead, To-ya. I don't mind."

Touya looked at Yukito but directed a question at Yue. "Do you mind if I stay?" he asked. "I never know what's going on anymore." His eyes shifted over to his sister, including her in the question.

Sakura squirmed. "Um, sure."

Touya sank into the chair vacated by his father. Yukito changed places with Yue, and Kero switched to his big lion form. Sakura felt suddenly shy at being the center of attention. Even Nadeshiko looked on expectantly.

"Um," she said, again.

Yue strode a few steps to place himself in front of Sakura, and then he sank down to one knee. The position made his head level with Sakura's. Doing something to put his Mistress at greater ease settled him as well. He still felt shaken from the emotional upheaval of recent hours. "Is all well, Sakura-san?" he asked, making a point of using her given name, which he knew that she preferred.

Sakura brightened. "Mm," she confirmed. "It's all right now, isn't it Yue-san?" she asked with a mixture of confidence and shyness.

Nadeshiko turned to Touya. She sat on the arm of his chair. "Are you all right?" she asked softly.

"Tired," said Touya as he sank deeper into the chair. "Tonight... what a crazy night. Another one." He answered in the same low volume as her question. His attention never left Yue.

Keroberos strolled over to the tableau and casually settled down next to his sibling. In making himself comfortable, he leaned over so that he relaxed against Yue. He yawned and grumped, "Late nights really take it out of me." With his head on his paws, he made a pretense of napping.

Yue reached out and scratched a spot behind the lion's ear. The affectionate gesture surprised them both, but Keroberos didn't react overtly. They had been this way with each other long ago: leaning on each other, looking out for each other. Family.

"Sakura-san," Yue asked his Mistress, "why do I feel quieted, suddenly this way?" He trusted that she would understand what he meant, without him having to explain how his grief had changed, how a shelter of better memories now protected him from the stormy night of overwhelming sadness.

"You do feel better now?" the girl asked with a glowing smile. "I'm so glad."

Sakura could feel that Yue had gotten her wish, at last. The making of her wish was opposite of what she had done with The Shield, the time that Keroberos and Yue had been stuck in their big forms and she had needed to reincarnate the Card to block Eriol's interference. Then, she had expected what The Shield would do. But The Hope was a Card that she had created without trying, from a feeling in her heart that defied any words that she knew, and it didn't behave like the Cards that she had reincarnated.

Touya sat up and leaned forward. "Sakura. Did you do something to him?" He did not look happy.

Sakura fixed her confidence on the knowledge that she had done right. "You promised to let me help you," she said to Yue. She had made her wish that day, still upset over having to command Yue to change form. Although she wasn't exactly sure how her wish had been delivered to him, or why it had happened this night, she could sense, magically, a difference in her Moon Guardian.

"It is all right, Touya," Yue responded, looking over his shoulder at Touya. He turned back to his Mistress. "Did you make this change in me?" he asked her without challenge.

Sakura shook her head. "Mm," she denied. "I didn't make a wish to change you. I wished for you to..." she averted her eyes with bashfulness, "to remember the good things. I know that Clow-san loved you, all of you," she said, reaching a hand to stroke Keroberos' shining coat. She felt very embarrassed, saying more where her brother could hear, and her voice dropped to nearly a whisper. She was thinking about Syaoran, far away in Hong Kong. "It can be sad not to be with the person you love. So it's important to remember being loved." She looked up into Yue's eyes. "Because that feeling is the strongest."

The sprite of the Sealed Card, the Clow Card that had reincarnated as The Hope, had done awful things from the fear of being alone. Sakura had given the Card her greatest feeling, love, without losing any of that love. Love seemed to be that way: enough to give away without ever diminishing how much there still was to give.

The Hope made her think, of course, of Syaoran. She would see Syaoran again. She could write letters to him, and she could talk to him over the telephone. When she thought about Yue, missing his most important person, she didn't want to understand that feeling. She didn't want to imagine what that it would be like to lose Syaoran Li forever. But she knew what it was to miss him, even with the hope of being together with him again. Remembering their time spent together chased sadness away.

While she had sent her mother out to find Yue, she had been thinking about many things, and The Hope had floated up in her room, glowing. It was a quiet card; it had only done that a few times on its own before. First had been its creation, then when she declared her love to Syaoran after the battle with the Sealed Card, and then with the other Cards when she unexpectedly made her mother the Star Guardian. She gave her wish for Yue to The Hope before her power blossomed, and as with any hope, she believed in it even if it took time to come true. It had taken time, and it _had_ come true.

"You are still you," Sakura said with a smile.

Yue dipped his head, like a nod acknowledging Sakura's words, before rising back to his feet. He regretted having to push Keroberos away, however gently. Keroberos sat up and yawned again.

"Goodnight, Yue-san," Sakura said, a quiet confidence radiating from her stance.

"Goodnight. Sakura-san." Yue took a step back, turning his body toward Touya without turning completely away from the little sorceress. "Shall we go, To-ya?"

Touya stood up slowly. "Yeah. Let's go," he said.

Sakura and Keroberos followed Touya and Yue out to the driveway, wished them a good night, and went back inside. Sakura considered that brother must have been tired, because he didn't tease her at all. She had been braced for it and had planned not to react, to show him how grown up she was now. Touya had been upset when he came to the house, but he seemed back to his usual self, so whatever had happened earlier, they must have talked out.

The place in her chest that had hurt before with that ache that wasn't her own wasn't clenched like a fist anymore. It was Yue's heart, and it had opened, just a little. She imagined it like the closed bud of a white flower, sealed in a green case until the calyx yielded and the petals inside pushed out.

She was very glad that Yue and her mother were friends. Her mother was an adult, so she could talk to Yue about grown-up things that Sakura could not. Yue had her brother, too, and Yukito and Kero. Sakura had to admit that it felt good to share some of the responsibility with people that she could trust. After all, she was still teenager.

. . .

"You seem too tired to drive. Allow me to carry you home," Yue said.

"It's five minutes. Get on the damn bike." Touya stared at Yue. Yue stared back. "We can walk," Touya grumped.

Yue put away his wings. When Touya began pushing the motorbike along the driveway, Yue followed at a sedate pace.

They were a block away from the Kinomoto house when Touya finally asked what was on his mind. "What did Sakura do?"

Yue weighed his words. "Clow clouded my memories, mine and those of Keroberos, when he sealed us in the Clow Book that also held the Clow Cards. Sakura-san has the Cards now, of course. The Cards are more elemental than Keroberos and I are, even Dark and Light..."

"Get to the point, Yue." Touya joked, but a note of frustration rang true.

"I am still uncertain of what my Mistress," he stopped, acknowledging the oddness of using the title with her elder brother, "altered. She claims no alteration. Therefore, I think... perhaps..." he sighed. "To-ya, I do not know."

Touya stopped walking. "That's the second time you've done that," he said.

"What have I done?"

"The way you said my name," answered Touya. "You said it the way Yuki does. What did Sakura _do_ , Yue?"

Yue shook his head. Distress at being without an answer to give made him look away. "Nothing to do with that," he said in a low voice.

"You said that you weren't becoming the same person. How would you know? It's been one thing after another for months," Touya ranted. "How do I know this isn't the next crisis?" He intended to continue the diatribe, but Yue transformed and Yukito took his place, which angered Touya so thoroughly that he couldn't form another word.

"To-ya, don't be mad," Yukito calmed. "Let's just go home. We can talk about it later."

"No," Touya denied. "Don't let him keep running away from me--"

"He didn't," said Yukito. "I stepped in because I wanted to. You don't need to worry about us like that, Touya. We really still are our own selves, Yue and me." He moved closer. "The way I say your name is an endearment. You'll let Yue use it, too, won't you?"

"You're intervening for him," Touya stated.

"Yeah. A little," Yukito laughed. In his mind, Yue thanked him for the interference. He privately confirmed Yukito's conclusion, too; the clipped "o" was for the same reason that Touya nicked Yukito's name to two syllables.

 _You should tell him,_ said Yukito to Yue, _what you're thinking. Don't wait too long._

Touya's head drooped, though his arms remained steady on the handlebars of the motorcycle. "I'm way too tired," he said, "for this."

Yukito reached out and rubbed his boyfriend's back. "I know it's not far, but I'll ride with you if you still want."

 "When Yue took off earlier, I jumped on the bike. I didn't know where to go. I rode all over town and then went to my family's house." He picked his head up and looked up at the starry sky. "'Kasan used to show up when Sakura was little and something was wrong. I used to think she was looking out for Sakura. Now I'm wondering how much of it was to help me out, too." He emitted a sudden yawn.

"Get on the damn bike, To-ya," teased Yukito.

Touya nodded. He climbed on, and Yukito slipped in behind him, arm around Touya's stomach and cheek pressed to his back. The motor sounded out loudly in the still night, but not for long; they were soon home.

While he followed Touya, who was putting the motorcycle away, Yukito shared a thought. "I think it was Nadeshiko-san," he said both to Touya and to Yue. "I think that whatever Sakura-chan did was through Nadeshiko-san." Yukito had looked away when the kiss happened, and he had been freaked out in the moment, but he did notice that after the incident, the pressure of Yue's gloom had eased.

“Huh.”

When they entered the house, Yue changed places without fanfare. He drew up to Touya, and they walked together through the house that they shared. Touya stopped when Yue started to speak.

“You are a good man. Touya, you are patient beyond understanding, and display a kindness that can only be admired. I have seen how you treated Yukito, even knowing that he was not as he seemed. If you accepted me as your lover, I would count it an honor. I would like to be with Yukito when you are together.”

“I can’t do a three way every night,” Touya joked.

Yukito started laughing inside Yue’s mind.

Yue stepped toward Touya and pulled him into an embrace as he had only done once before, and then for an act of receiving a gift of magic. Touya stilled. Yue pulled their bodies together; his cheek brushed against Touya's chin. He turned his head and kissed the side of Touya's neck. When Touya's arms tightened around him, Yue lifted his head and looked up into the other man's eyes.

“Why don’t we see what happens when it happens.” Touya lifted a hand to stroke Yue's hair. It was still loose. Touya combed his fingers through.

"If I cut it off, what would you think?" Yue asked.

Touya shrugged. “I could cut if for you, if you wanted.” He smirked. “Yuki is better at haircuts, but that wouldn't work for you.” His hand wandered to the back of Yue's neck. “Is this about your ex?” His fingertips tingled downy hairs.

“He was more to me than that,” Yue countered, “while he lived.” He wanted to arch his neck and sink his face into Touya's chest, and he did not want to look away from Touya's eyes. It was the only conflict that he felt.

Touya nodded. “What do you want him to be to you, now? I think you have to know.”

The answer came to Yue more easily than he thought it would. “The memory of someone who loved me,” he said, thinking of Clow without pain. “The memory of someone who I love.” He checked to be sure that Yukito listened. “I may say the same of you, one day,” Yue predicted.

“You might.”

“And what of you, To-ya? Can your heart love more than one other?”

The hour was late, and Touya was tired, so perhaps that was why Yue's question hit him with such emotional force. “Yeah,” he said. “It can.”

 

. . .

Nadeshiko closed the bedroom door with care not to wake her husband. She sat down at the vanity that Fujitaka had purchased for her. Now that the shock of the night's excitement had passed, she felt a chagrin of regret. It wasn't her nature to dwell on such a feeling, but for the moment, she rued the careless way that she had acted. She had told herself that she treated her friend as a son, but when she thought over the way that she had comported herself around him, she admitted a difference. She berated herself for not having seen the difference sooner. Maybe, if she had, she thought...

Fujitaka disproved her assumption that he slept. "Nadeshiko-san?"

She startled at his voice.

"I can tell that something is wrong. You have been acting a little strange since you returned home."

"I was?" She immediately felt guilty for the feigned innocence. She got up and crossed over to Fujitaka, who sat up on the bed and made room for her to sit beside him. She took the space, thankful for the cover of dark, even though her supernatural night vision meant that she could see well.

“Fujitaka, I have some things I have to tell you,” rushed Nadeshiko. She made herself take a long breath. “I have some things that I have to tell you about,” she repeated more slowly.

Fujitaka gave her his attention. “This is something serious,” he guessed.

“A little serious,” hemmed Nadeshiko. She mustered courage, scolding herself. “The first thing. I don’t want to hurt you, but I have to tell you. It was... there was misunderstanding. And it won’t happen again. It was just something that happened one time,” she said. Her heart was beating fast when she made the words come out. “There was a kiss.”

“Whose kiss?” Fujitaka prompted, in a still, quiet voice.

Nadeshiko raised her face reluctantly. “Yue,” she answered.

“It was a mistake,” she offered while she suffered in Fujitaka's silence. “A misunderstanding.”

“Nadeshiko-san, how am I to believe that it won't happen again?” Fujitaka's question was mild, but his disappointment stung.

 “I didn't mean for it to happen.”

“I believe that you didn't. It still happened. I don't like the idea of other men kissing my wife,” he started.

Nadeshiko interrupted with a noise of dismay and protest.

Fujitaka soldiered on. “You and I continued as we were, as husband and wife, without question. Should we have asked those questions?”

“What do you mean, Fujitaka? I love you. I am your wife.”

He repressed a sigh. “I was without you for ten years,” he said. “Now that the children are older, I had started to wonder if I might start dating.”

The idea shocked Nadeshiko so much that she squeaked a small laugh of amazement. “I never thought about that,” she gasped. “When I said that I would wait for you, I didn't mean that I wanted you to be alone. I believed that we would be together again in another life, but you still had this one. Oh, my love!”

“It's not important, Nadeshiko-san. Just a thought.” He took her hands into his. “I want you to be my wife, for the rest of our years together. Will you have me as your husband?”

“Yes!” Nadeshiko exclaimed.

“You will outlive me,” Fujitaka reminded her. “I will get older, and you... I think you will stay the same as you are, now.”

His words gave her a momentary chill. “Oh.” She turned his hands over so that she could grasp his fingers. “I will always be your wife,” she said.

“I don't want you to be alone, when I'm gone,” he said.

“That won't be for a long time,” said Nadeshiko with confident cheer. “I don't care that you will get old. I always wanted to get old together, you know." She ran a hand up and down his arm. In more serious tones, she said, “As for Yue... it's hard to explain. It wasn't deliberate. I'm not worried that his feelings for me will continue in that direction. I was wrong, not to see what was happening with him, even after you pointed it out to me. I'm sorry about that,” she admitted.

“I'll do better,” she promised. She knew that she wasn't finished with her confessions, so she took a breath and went on to the next thing. “There’s something else.” She then told him about her daytime shopping trips, mentioning Keroberos’ misconduct only in passing. When she finished, Fujitaka didn’t say anything. She could see that he was thinking about what she had said and had thoughts of his own that she couldn’t fathom.

After what felt like a long while, he gave her reprieve. “Okay. Thank you for telling me,” he said.

“Are you angry?" Nadeshiko worried.

Fujitaka took time to think. “There is something reckless about you,” he answered, “that I don't remember from before.”

Nadeshiko tried to joke. “I married my high school teacher,” she said. “I met my husband by falling out of a tree.” It worked to make Fujitaka laugh. It was a small laugh, but one that gave her relief.

“Let's get married again,” said Fujitaka. “I can give you the big wedding now that we couldn't afford back then. I want people to know that I have a wife.”

“Oh!” Nadeshiko pressed her hands to her lips.

“It's a little reckless...” Fujitaka mused.

“No -- it's wonderful," Nadeshiko proclaimed. “It's wonderful.”

. . .


	29. End of a Season

 

That December, snow fell on Christmas. Rain began in the night between Christmas Eve and Christmas day, drumming against the roof tiles. Yukito woke up once. He found that Yue lay awake, still reclined next to Touya, listening to the weather change.

 

 _Happy Birthday,_ Yue said, when he recognized that his other self had woken up.

 

 _Is it past midnight? Merry Christmas!_ Yukito answered with sleepy delight.

 

_Yes. Christmas morning, but still early. Go back to sleep._

 

When Yukito woke again, daylight filled the room, and Touya was kissing him on the forehead. "C'mon, sleepyhead," the dark eyed man cajoled. "My dad wants us over there for brunch."

 

"OK, I'm up." _Yue, get up for me,_ Yukito joked. To his amusement, Yue complied. First thing in the morning was enough like an out-of-body experience already. Having Yue shuffle him over to the bathroom was truly weird. He felt Yue move to the background of their shared awareness as his foggy mind cleared, and he woke up the rest of the way while brushing his teeth himself.

 

He and Touya went out in the morning rain under the protection of one large umbrella. The rain was a slushy, wet ice that splattered on impact. Yukito was careful to keep the bag of presents close to body to keep it sheltered from the wet. As the men walked through the neighborhood to the Kinomoto residence, the rain stuttered into snow.

 

The snowflakes were enormous, falling like cold confetti. The snow started to stick only where air currents dropped the snowflakes onto dry areas that had been sheltered from the rain. Flakes that careened to the streets and lawns joined the earlier rain in liquid state.

 

Touya tipped the umbrella so that a few flakes gathered onto Yukito's head.

 

"To-ya!" Yukito mock-complained.

 

"It suits you," teased Touya.

 

. . .

 

The window behind Sakura's Christmas tree had ice crystals, and the glass fogged from the contrast of indoor warmth and the outside cold. Sakura reached behind the tree to plug in the string of lights. The branches of the Douglas fir prickled, but the scent of the disturbed pine needles evoked years of happy memories.

 

Not everyone's memories of snowfall days were happy ones. Yukito stood by the window, looking out at the snowfall. The snowflakes floated down as lightly as feathers. His face displayed the uncharacteristically melancholy nature of his other side's thoughts. Through his eyes, Yue watched the snow and thought of a day that seemed mercifully left in the past.

 

Yue recited, to himself and to Yukito, a few lines of poetry. “ _Ah, when to the heart of man/Was it ever less than a treason/ To go with the drift of things/ To yield with a grace to reason/ And bow and accept the end/ Of a love or a season?”_

 

"Robert Frost," murmured Yukito aloud as, to his surprise, the poet's name came to mind. "'Reluctance.'"

 

 _It is fitting, would you not agree?_ asked Yue. _I am yielding now. To the end of a blackthorn winter._

_I'm glad that you can,_ said Yukito.  He mustered a smile and saw his reflection on the window return it. Yukito plucked a different memory from Yue. _"Dust of Snow,"_ he said, seeing the image of a crow shaking snow onto the poet's head. _Robert Frost wrote that one, too. Here comes_ your _'change of mood' now._

 

Keroberos, splendid in his large, winged form and bejeweled armor, bumped his head against the young man. The bump was for Yue, who Keroberos could guess was looking out at the winter playground but thinking about Clow.

 

For a moment, it was Yue who looked out through Yukito's eyes, when he took notice of Keroberos. Then the man smiled, and body and personality matched again. "Good morning," he greeted before parting.

 

 _To 'the end of a love,' there is no requirement to yield,_ Yue continued. _Love is not by necessity singular in aspect._ _Or so I have been reminded,_ he mused.

 

Yukito switched places with Yue, and the long-haired man knelt to lightly embrace his brother. It came easier for him to do so, now, since Sakura had empowered the best of his memories. In the months since that night, the link of Sun and Moon returned to something like it had been before.  "Keroberos," he asked, "do you remember the best thing about snowy days?"

 

"Snowball fights?" Keroberos suggested.

 

"Being inside, where it was warm..." Yue mused.

 

"Toasting marshmallows."

 

"Telling stories."

 

"Figgy pudding."

 

"Watching Clow open his presents at Christmas."

 

"Christmas crackers!"

 

Yue gave Keroberos one more squeeze before he let go. "This snow fall is going to blow away, soon," he predicted.

 

"I have a great idea. Sakura can make some more for a snow battle!" Keroberos delighted in his inspiration.

 

Sakura finished positioning the presents under the tree. "Sure," she agreed. The smile she wore, seeing Kero and Yue together, glowed at least as brightly as the Christmas lights.

 

Touya appeared in the doorway of the living room. "Do we want to do breakfast or open presents first?" he asked. He held a spatula in the hand wearing an oven mitt. "Waffle batter is ready when everyone wants to eat."

 

Sakura said, "We have to wait for 'Tousan and 'Kasan." She looked at Keroberos, Yue, and Touya. "I want to give 'Kasan her special present."

 

“I get a special present?” asked Nadeshiko. She walked up arm-in-arm with her husband and stood beside her son. “Having everyone together is the best present already.” She turned to Touya, her eyes twinkling. "Did you say waffles?"

 

"Coming right up." Touya led a parade back to the kitchen.

 

“Yue-san, could you bring that box under the tree with the candy cane pattern paper?" Sakura requested. "Thank you.” She followed her mother, brother, and Kero.

 

Fujitaka lingered behind. "Could I have a moment, Yue-san?"

 

Yue stood still, holding the small box he had retrieved. His mouth went dry, so he only nodded in answer. While it was possible that Fujitaka would have something entirely unrelated on his mind, something about his discreet tone implied that this would be the conversation that Yue had hoped to escape.

 

"Have a seat, please." Fujitaka gestured toward the couch. Yue complied, and Fujitaka sat down on the same piece of furniture. He broached the topic with a deep intake of breath. "I, more than anyone," he began, addressing the space in front of him instead of looking at Yue, "understand that Nadeshiko-san is a compelling person. She is unreserved, and that creates a sense of intimacy with her that causes many of those who meet her, however briefly, to feel a connection."

 

Yue found his voice. "She is not to blame. The responsibility for the incident is mine."

 

Fujitaka could not help that his response came out with a small, pleasant laugh. "The 'incident,' as you say, was no one's fault. I'm not assigning blame. We're all adults." He half-turned toward Yue. "Forgive me for letting it go this long without saying something."

 

Yue blinked at the carpet. He tried to sort his confusion. "I should be asking you for forgiveness," he murmured.

 

"It's given." Fujitaka looked straight ahead again. "However... I have one request of you," he started.

 

Yue bowed his head in acceptance of whatever was to come. What did come caused him such great surprise that he felt very glad to be sitting down.

 

"You and Nadeshiko-san share a lifespan that I won't. I don't want her to be alone after I am gone. There were aspects of the kind of grief that I had when I lost her that were unique to a married relationship." Fujitaka's hands alone indicated the depth of emotion behind his words. "Please take care of my wife." They closed into fists, gripping the knees of his slacks. They relaxed again, and he lifted his chin. "I hope that it won't be necessary for a long time yet."

 

"Yes," responded Yue to both points. After another second, he remembered to breathe again.

 

"Also. Yue-san," Fujitaka added, "Tsukishiro-kun has been welcome in our family for a long time. I want you to know that the same welcome extends to you." His open smile eased some of the tension. "Now, we should go to breakfast before Nadeshiko-san comes to drag us in," he suggested and lifted himself to his feet.

 

Yue sent a plea to Yukito. _I could use some time to assimilate this,_ he sent.

 

 _Trade places?_ Yukito offered.

 

 _Yes._ To Fujitaka, Yue gave a thank you. He placed Sakura's box onto the couch cushions while the transformation happened. Yukito picked it up and proceeded to the kitchen with Fujitaka.

 

Touya had to shoo everyone out of the kitchen so that he could start the production of waffles. The warm oven filled the room and the connecting dining area with cozy heat. Fujitaka put on an apron to assist as needed with the cooking. Yukito did the same, but first he delivered the requested box to Sakura. He put his elbows on the pass-through counter between kitchen and dining room to watch the gift giving.

 

"Thank you, Yukito-san," she said when he brought the wrapped present to her. She offered it to her mother with both hands. “For you.”

 

Nadeshiko leaned against the dining table. She didn't wait to pull the tails of the red and white striped ribbon that made the bow. The top and bottom of the box had been wrapped individually, making the ribbon the only part to undo. When she opened the box, she questioned her daughter with a look. Nestled inside the box was a familiar pink gemstone pendant on a rose gold chain. “My star necklace?” she asked.

 

Sakura nodded. “Put it on, 'Kasan.”

 

Nadeshiko ushered Fujitaka out of the kitchen to give her assistance. He put the gift box down on nearby furniture so that he could pick up the necklace. Nadeshiko lifted up her hair, and Fujitaka brought the chain around her neck to do the clasp. The pendant briefly sparkled with kaleidoscopic effect.

 

 Touya moved to the doorway for a better view. He blinked as if the clear his eyes. “Hmh,” he grunted.

 

Keroberos harrumphed in almost the same way, at the same time, as Touya. “That worked,” he commented with pleased approval. “You look old now, Nadeshiko.”

 

"Not old," Touya contradicted. "The right age."

 

“’Kasan,” said Sakura, “when you wear your necklace, people will see the ordinary person that they expect you to be. I bonded The Illusion to it.” Her excitement shined in her eyes. “When it was a Clow Card, Illusion pretended to be your spirit. So... now you can have another form, but you don’t have to be another person. You are still you.”

 

Yukito's face took on a quizzical look. Fujitaka turned his wife's face toward him with a light touch on her chin. He looked at his daughter, then looked back at Nadeshiko.

 

Nadeshiko took in the surprised faces. “What is it?” she asked.

 

"You look," said Fujitaka with uncertainty, "the same to me."

 

"And to me," said Yukito, speaking for himself and for Yue.

 

Touya chimed in. "Not to me. You changed when 'Tousan clasped the necklace on."

 

Keroberos clarified the connection before Sakura could explain. "She didn't change for you two," he addressed Fujitaka and then Yukito, "because you didn't expect anything different. Illusion is a Card that makes you see what you expect to see." Keroberos viewed Nadeshiko like an art critic viewing an oil painting. "You look completely different to me, but I knew that the necklace was going to change your appearance to match those sketches."

 

Sakura asked her brother, "Is that how 'Kasan looks to you?" She worried that the spell was not functioning as she had intended. Touya confirmed with a nod.

 

Nadeshiko touched the cool, star shaped gem. “Can I see?” she asked. She looked around for a reflecting surface. The polished metal of Kero’s armor was the closest thing at hand, and she crouched down to use him as a mirror, much to the Sun Guardian’s disgruntlement. “I don’t think I look any different to myself, either,” Nadeshiko finished. 

 

Yukito asked, "Is there someone else you could test it with?"

 

"The shopkeeper of Twin Bells?" Nadeshiko considered. "Mm, although, since we have already met, how would that work?" She responded to her daughter's increased worry. "I'm sorry, my Sakura."

 

Sakura became bashful with all the eyes watching her. “Let’s see...” Sakura considered. With another shy look at her audience, she stepped back and took out her key. With less volume and less force than she used in a situation of crisis, she cast out Mirror and brought her double into form. “Mirror-chan, could you show my mother the way she looks to...” Sakura surveyed the others, “to Oniichan?” Sakura’s image twin nodded. With a flare of pink light, she became a slight woman resembling the Star Guardian, except that this one had fine laugh lines around her eyes, streaks of silver in her hair, and an overall maternal softness to her appearance.

 

“Oh... my,” murmured Nadeshiko. She touched her fingertips to her lips. Mirror, with a mischievous gleam in her temporarily green eyes, reflected Nadeshiko’s action.

 

“This is a bit spooky,” Fujitaka commented, entertained by the novelty of the two versions of his wife.

 

Keroberos’ patience ran out. “Good job, Sakura,” he concluded. “Now what about breakfast?” He looked to his fellow gastronomes – Yukito and Nadeshiko – for support. “Waffles are calling, right?”

 

“Mirror-chan, would you like to have breakfast with us?” Sakura asked. Mirror whispered her answer into her Mistress’s ear. Sakura obliged her Card’s request and returned Mirror back to dormant form. She put the Card away.

 

Even with a second waffle iron brought over from Yukito and Touya's kitchen and the head start of a stack keeping warm in the oven, the production of waffles could not keep up with Kero-chan's appetite. Sakura distracted him by handing out more gifts. "Eriol sent us all presents," she said to everyone. "Even for Oniichan and for you, 'Tousan." She passed a package to her father, who set it down after a moment's study. "Kero-chan, this one is for you." She looked for a place to put the large box and decided on the floor. "This is for Yue-san," she said to Yukito. Yue's present had a distinctly "book" shape and weight. "And one for you."

 

"'Kasan," Sakura said as she handed a soft package to her mother. She left her own and her brother's in the shipping box, since Touya was too busy handing out breakfast.

 

 _I think that you should open your present now,_ Yukito suggested to his other self. _I can do it for you if you don't want to change places yet._ Yukito opened his own present and held the rabbit plush up with a cheerful grin. "It's from Mizuki-san, too," he laughed.

 

 _Yes, go ahead,_ said Yue.

 

Yukito tore the silver paper wrapper off the book. It was an antique hard cover novel with gilding on the page edges.

 

"What kind of book is it?" Nadeshiko asked.

 

"A King Arthur story, Yue says," Yukito conveyed, "the English king who sleeps in Avalon."

 

"What a pretty word. 'Avalon,'" Nadeshiko said. "What does it mean?"

 

Yukito paused while Yue explained, which he passed along. "It's the name of an island where the wounded king was taken to be healed. Some legends say that he died of his wounds and was buried on Avalon, but that he will return to the world in a time of need." Yukito turned the book in his hands.

 

. . .

 

 

After breakfast, Nadeshiko took her husband aside. "I have been thinking about this," she said while touching her star pendant. "I want to see Sonomi again. Let's invite her to our new wedding," she cajoled.

 

"I haven't told her," Fujitaka said. "I didn't think it would be enough to send Sonomi-kun a wedding announcement, but I wasn't sure how well she would take the news."

 

"It will be better if we invite her," said Nadeshiko with excitement. "I really want to see her, even if I have to pretend to be someone else."

 

"Are you sure about this?" Fujitaka asked. Nadeshiko nodded a vigorous confirmation. Fujitaka looked at the telephone. "Why don't I call her now?"

 

Fujitaka spoke briefly with the house servant who picked up the line, wishing the maid a merry Christmas and giving his name. He looked out the window while he waiting. Nadeshiko came close and leaned against the wall. It was not long until he spoke again. "Sonomi-kun, Merry Christmas," he said. He exchanged pleasantries for a few minutes, then brought the conversation around to the subject at hand before he lost his nerve.

 

"I have, ah, some big news," he said, his voice shaped by a sincere wonder. "I'm... I'd like you to come to a wedding. My wedding," he finished.

 

"What?" Sonomi's voice had gone strange. "When?"

 

"I'm getting married again," Fujitaka supplied. "The ceremony is set for spring." He didn't want to say that it had been planned for his anniversary. They would have to shift the date, he realized, a date that Nadeshiko's cousin would recognize, or Sonomi would never forgive him.

 

Sonomi's strained timbre was almost lost across the phone line. "So soon," she murmured. Iron crept in. "I didn't know you were seeing anyone."

 

"I've been... seeing her for a while," Fujitaka evaded with the truth, "but I wasn't ready to introduce her to... you, until now." He looked up and met Nadeshiko's gaze.

 

"I see."

 

"Sonomi-kun, you are the first person to hear the announcement, after my household," Fujitaka mollified.

 

"Well. So when do I get to meet this new bride-to-be? Why don't you bring her over for dinner this week?"

 

"Dinner this week?" repeated Fujitaka for Nadeshiko's benefit. "Yes, I think we would love to --" he paused, covering the handset, because of Nadeshiko's interrupting gesture. He could not interpret what Nadeshiko wanted him to say.

 

Sonomi asked, "Is she there now?" Her voice could be clearly heard coming from the handset.

 

Nadeshiko's gesturing became an excited nod. "Tell her yes, Fujitaka," she urged.

 

"She's here, Sonomi-kun." He contemplated, and inhaled deeply. "Would you like to come by this afternoon, if you aren't too busy?"

 

"It _is_ Christmas -- but I was planning to already, in fact. I have a gifts for Sakura-chan. Ojii-sama has some gifts as well that he wants me to deliver." Fujitaka could hear her paging through what might have been a day planner, then closing the book. "I'll be by before three-thirty. Will that be a good time?"

 

"That will be fine. We will see you then."

 

"Kinomoto-sensei," Sonomi asked in that same preoccupied voice, "what is her name?"

 

Fujitaka didn't have an answer. Again, he gestured his concern at Nadeshiko. _What do I do?_ he pantomimed.

 

Nadeshiko reached for the phone. She took the receiver from Fujitaka and carefully brought it up to her ear. "Ah-- Hello," Nadeshiko wasn't going to make the same mistake that she had with the owner of Twin Bells. "Avalon," she offered as a surname, "...Natasha. Please call me Natasha." She listened to silence in suspense.

 

"Daidouji Sonomi. Pleased to make your acquaintance," came Sonomi's voice. Ultra-polite and slightly more musical than her regular speaking tones, her voice indicated to Nadeshiko -- who had once known her cousin well -- that her cousin was covering emotion with civility.

 

"I look forward to meeting properly this afternoon," replied Nadeshiko.

 

Fujitaka took the phone back. "Sonomi-kun. It will be good to see you again," he said. They exchanged good-byes.

 

Fujitaka hung up the phone and exhaled a large breath. He shared a long look with Nadeshiko.

 

. . .

 

Sonomi clicked the "off" button of the cordless phone but sat thinking, making no other movement. At last she put the phone down.

 

Kinomoto-sensei was remarrying... and his intended was a foreigner? But her Japanese had been perfect. More than perfect. Her voice had sounded familiar, almost like the voice that Sonomi would never forget. At first -- just for a second -- Sonomi thought she was hearing her long lost Nadeshiko.

 

The interaction knocked Sonomi off balance.  She closed the email window requesting the background check that she had been about to order. Maybe she would meet the woman first. Sonomi had good instincts, she knew, and if this woman didn't pass inspection, Sonomi would make sure to find out everything about her. Until then, she would give her a chance. Not that this bride-to-be could take Nadeshiko's place -- no one every would -- but as someone that Kinomoto-sensei cared for so well, she might be someone deserving of him.

 

. . .

 

 "Oh, Tomoyo is here, Sakura," Keroberos announced. He changed to his smaller size and zipped away toward the living room.

 

"Oh, Fujitaka..." Nadeshiko fretted. "What if... ?"

 

Touya moved to his mother and put his arm around her. "It's going to work out, 'Kasan," he said. "I'll make coffee."

 

The doorbell rang, and Fujitaka went with Sakura to answer it with Nadeshiko trailing nervously behind. "Please, come in," Fujitaka welcomed. Tomoyo gave Sakura a conspiring smile, and the girls went together upstairs. Sonomi was enough distracted by the woman standing with Fujitaka not to fuss over Sakura.

 

"Sonomi-kun," Fujitaka greeted, "this is Natasha, my wife." As the word was leaving his mouth, he realized his mistake. "To be," he added, awkwardly. "My fiancé," he corrected. He completed introductions without bumbling any further.

 

Nadeshiko spoke around the tightness in her throat. "Can we offer you coffee?"

 

"Coffee would be fine," Sonomi managed.

 

Fujitaka ushered the group back to the dining room. Touya brought a French press of fresh, hot coffee to the table. He made a return trip with coffee cups, sugar, and cream. The divine scent of dark roast perfumed the room.

 

"I still wish it tasted as good as it smelled," said Sonomi unintentionally.

 

Nadeshiko almost asked, _You still don't like coffee?_ but caught herself and substituted, "Would you like some black tea? It's no trouble."

 

"No, no," protested Sonomi with embarrassment at her vocal _faux pas_. "Coffee is fine." She took a seat at the table just as Touya placed a coffee cup in front of her. "Thank you, Touya-san," Sonomi said to the young man.

 

Nadeshiko, surprised and pleased that her cousin had acknowledged her son, slid into a seat. Fujitaka remained standing for a moment longer, wondering if he should help Touya with serving.

 

Touya finished placing spoons. He removed his apron, worn while cleaning up the breakfast dishes, left it in the kitchen, and gave the other adults privacy by slipping away to join Yukito and Keroberos in the next room.

 

"So," Sonomi suggested, "tell me about yourself, Avalon-san."

 

Nadeshiko looked at Fujitaka for help. "I wouldn't know what to say..."

 

Fujitaka straightened his posture. He put his shoulders back. "Natasha-san is a very interesting person," he stated. "For example," he said, "what would your first impression of her be?"

Nadeshiko caught on. "Yes! Please don't hold anything back. How do I appear... that is, what kind of person would you say I seemed to be?" She smiled encouragement and leaned in with eagerness to hear what Sonomi would say.

 

A wrinkle of bewilderment creased Sonomi's brow. "Well..." she hesitated, looking at Nadeshiko, then at Fujitaka, then back at Nadeshiko. "You seem very nice," she supplied diplomatically.

 

With a smile full of mischief, Fujitaka asked, "Would you guess that Nad-- Natasha-san can fly?"

 

Nadeshiko's face froze.

 

"Oh!" responded Sonomi with interest. "Is that how you met, flying planes for one of Kinomoto-sensei's archeological trips? That _is_ interesting!"

 

Under the table, Nadeshiko kicked her husband. "Well, I... " she started. "I find Fujitaka's work fascinating," she said. Afraid of what Fujitaka would come up with next, she said, "Fujitaka has told me all about you."

 

"Has he?" Sonomi showed surprise.

 

"Tomoyo-chan is a good friend to Sakura... -chan," she corrected herself. It would be too strange for a future stepmother to already be so close to her future stepdaughter that she would leave off any honorific.

 

"Sakura-chan is as darling as her mother. She is a wonderful girl. You know about Nadeshiko, I'm sure?"

 

Nadeshiko smiled. "I do. I know many things about who she was." She chanced going a little closer to truth. "I understand that you have been important to this family, and I am glad to be meeting with you today."

 

Sonomi gave another surprised look to Fujitaka. "I'm glad to meet you as well," she said to the other woman. She took a sip of her coffee, but it had cooled.

 

She didn't think that her distaste showed so well in her expression, but Nadeshiko rose and danced over to the kitchen. "I'll make some tea," she said, already clicking on the electric kettle. Fujitaka got up as well. He filled the water kettle and put it back on to heat. Nadeshiko came back with a tin of black tea bags and a fresh cup.

 

Sonomi added up the personalized house shoes that Natasha wore, the domestic mood, the usage of first names, and the slip in introductions. She fixed Fujitaka with a direct look. "Kinomoto-sensei. Are you _already married_?"

 

Taken aback, Fujitaka failed to muster a reply. Nadeshiko made little stuttering noises. Finally, they looked at each other and helplessly answered with the truth. "Yes," they said in unison.

 

"I thought so." Sonomi's peeved expression gave way to one of grudging acceptance. "No wonder you sounded dodgy on the phone."

 

Both Nadeshiko and Fujitaka laughed their relief. Fujitaka said, "I apologize, Sonomi-kun."

 

Sonomi made a face. "Why do you feel the need to dissemble? Why go through the circus of a ceremony?"

 

"We _want_ to have a wedding," Fujitaka explained.

 

"It's a second wedding for both of us," said Nadeshiko, bordering truth. "We want the party. So that others can celebrate with us."

 

"Well," said Sonomi. "Just remember that it is the marriage, not the wedding, that is important." She kept her further thoughts to herself.

 

Over the tea that was more to her liking, Sonomi talked a while longer with Fujitaka and Nadeshiko. She found herself relaxing and enjoying the company. They even discussed a few aspects of the wedding being planned, and Sonomi jotted down the names of event planners that she could recommend.

 

It wasn't until Sonomi left with Tomoyo that Nadeshiko began to shake and cry, overcome with profound emotion. She had never wanted to leave; she had never been fully able. After her death she came back over and over again, waiting between the living world and the next life she could have, letting her son believe that she visited from heaven. And now she had it all back again, all of it and more.

 

. . .

 

 

 

_epilogue_

 

Invitations to the wedding ceremony went out to Fujitaka's network at the university, including his teaching assistants and past students with whom he still had connections. He sent invitation cards to colleagues that he had met on his travels to various archeological sites. Not many of them would be able to attend, but over the years, he had developed friendships with peers across the world.

 

Nadeshiko would have been the one with a sparse bride's side this time. Sonomi sat on the groom's side. However, Maki from Twin Bells had become a good friend, and she stood as Maid of Honor, party to the secret that the wedding was for show. Sakura encouraged her mother to include her extended family as Star Guardian, which gave the girl a clear opportunity to invite Syaoran Li and Meilin Li. Eriol Hiiragizawa could not have been kept away. Even if he had not been, himself, eager to see the Star Guardian, Ruby Moon would not have missed the combination of an introduction, a visit, and a wedding.

 

Since Touya was a member of the wedding party, standing up front as best man to his father, Ruby Moon -- in her Nakuru Akizuki form -- had to satisfy herself by tormenting him indirectly. To her irritation, even though she gleaned early on that Yue was present and aware at the same time, Yukito was still annoyingly unflappable. He just smiled and laughed when Ruby Moon hung around his neck and tried to get her opposite number to "come back out and play." During the ceremony itself, in the presence of non-magical attendees, Nakuru had to limit herself to the smaller annoyances, such as flipping the ends of Yukito’s hair. She sang louder than he during the wedding hymn, but they were both surprised when their pure voices harmonized “O Perfect Love” as if they had rehearsed to sing together.

 

Spinel Sun and Keroberos witnessed the service from the chapel balcony in the company of The Dark. The Light made sure that Tomoyo Daidouji had perfect lighting at any angle for all the mother-daughter photos she took. Tomoyo looked at Nadeshiko in her cream lace and apple green wedding gown and had a vision of how Sakura would look, grown up, on her wedding day. How divine Sakura would look in petal white and blush pink!

 

Sonomi was astonished at the turn out. For her own reasons, she tended to think of Kinomoto-sensei as isolated and alone. Yet here he was, surrounded by a crowd that wished him well. Here he was, moving on from the loss of her dear cousin Nadeshiko. It should have angered her, but somehow, Fujitaka hit the right note to honor her memory... or maybe it was that Sonomi liked Fujitaka's new bride. She had a welcoming manner that made Sonomi feel as if the woman already knew Sonomi well. Sakura-chan had not stopped smiling once during the whole event, Sonomi noticed.

 

The celebrant presiding over the service was one of a select few that knew that the ceremony was not a true wedding -- since Nadeshiko and Fujitaka were already married -- but a renewal of vows. However, like Sonomi, he thought the marriage was a recent event. Legal complications might arise as time went on because Nadeshiko's death certificate nulled her marriage certificate, the Kinomotos knew. However, as Sakura said, "Zettou Daijoubu." They would work around any obstacles as they came up. Keroberos suggested that they could use The Create if necessary, as Clow had done at times, to forge the appropriate paperwork.

 

. . .

 

Shortly before the ceremony began, Yue found his way to the open door of the bridal dressing rooms. The room exuded the powdery and floral scents of femininity. A careful glance into the interior showed that the ladies were dressed. Tomoyo, leaning in close to Sakura’s face, applied subtle make up to Sakura. Sakura had the important role of returning her parents original wedding rings back to them during the vows. Touya, as best man, could have held the rings, but the family wanted to include both children in the actual ceremony.

 

Nadeshiko beckoned him. “Come in; we’re all decent,” she laughed. “How do I look?”

 

“You are beautiful,” Yue praised her, radiating a calm cheer.

 

Nadeshiko took Yue’s hands in her own. “I’m so happy today,” she said. “Thank you for coming to see me before things get started. I was hoping that you would, while Maki-san is busy with last minute guests arriving.” She gave him a wistful smile. “You don’t mind being hidden while the regular guests are present, I hope? I still know that you are here with me today.”

 

Yue squeezed her hands and answered, “I will be watching you along with Yukito during the ceremony.”

 

“You look dashing in that suit. Promise me that you will take photos with the rest of us, after,” Nadeshiko urged. “I want lots of photos of everyone.” She giggled at his discomfiture. “Oh, don’t be bashful. Only our family will ever see the pictures.”

 

 _Our family._ Yue glanced over at Sakura, then back to her mother. “Of course,” he acquiesced. “I will be honored.”

 

A squeal of a voice suddenly broke their communion. “There you are!” The athletic figure of Nakuru Akizuki – Ruby Moon, Eriol’s Moon Guardian, in her human-appearance form – bounded into the room. Seeing Sakura, she veered away from her original target and homed in on the cute girl instead. “Look at you...!” she squeaked.

 

“Be careful of her makeup, please,” Tomoyo requested in a sweet, soft voice that nevertheless stopped Nakuru mid-glomp.

 

Instead, the young woman hovered, torn between fluttering over Sakura and tormenting Yue, her nemesis. “We’re supposed to be taking our seats,” she announced.

 

Nadeshiko had met Nakuru briefly, albeit as Ruby Moon, just the day before when Eriol Hiiragizawa’s group arrived in Tomoeda. “I’m sure you are right,” Nadeshiko agreed. She looked at Yue and stifled a laugh. He looked like he wanted to flee. “Yue, you should probably go.”

 

“Yes, I should,” he agreed. Without compunction, he switched places with Yukito. Yukito had the better nature for interacting with Nakuru’s gleeful malice.

 

Nakuru pouted when she saw the glowing wings form. “No fair,” she muttered.

 

. . .

 

 

"You may kiss the bride."

 

The kissing was joyful but contained. The happy couple ended their kiss but remained holding hands. Nadeshiko turned her gaze outward, her smile brilliant as she took in all the faces of the audience to her happiness.

 

Yukito eyes met Touya's eyes across the room. They shared a look and a meaningful smile.

 

Yue was witness to their moment and felt the warmth pour over to him. He considered the gathering of loved ones in the room. He saw the connections to himself, stars of varying brightness in a new sky. The universe, once contained all in the presence of one beloved person, had become greater. Deep within himself, Yue felt the warming light of peace.

 

_Owari._

.

.

.

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this story in spite of the way it wandered without an outline over ten years. Would you believe that it started out as something that I thought would be a one-shot? All I had intended, in the beginning, was to write a meeting between Yue and someone that he doesn't meet in canon. {laughs}
> 
> The ebook may have an omake (extra) or two. Let me know if there is a loose thread that you would like to see knitted up.  
> <3


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